It doesn’t happen too often in a lifetime, that whole falling madly in love thing. These days, the term “I love you” is dropped as commonly as “I have to go to the bathroom”, so it’s almost a moot sentence, sadly enough. But once in a blue moon, when we find we’re falling into true love, the feeling hits like a bolt of lightning. And if it’s genuine, that love will never leave and only grows over time. After you break up with someone you genuinely were in love with, that love simply changes as years go by and if you’re still friends with that person, chances are one or both of you will attempt to revive what was once considered dead. You may feel that love on a friendship level while they’re still dwelling in the “in love” aspect of it. Here are 15 signs that your ex is probably still in love with you.
So when you and your significant other broke things off, you remained friends on Instagram and would sometimes talk on and off in real life. But after they went radio silent for a couple years, all of a sudden your ex starts “liking” more of your Instagram posts – even the cruddy ones where all you took was a picture of a random shoe on a street corner. The likes are soon followed by them sending you memes or videos they think you’d like in your direct messages. And then, somewhere down the line, you’re noticing that they’re liking photos of yours from 85 weeks ago (this is not as uncommon as you’d assume). What the heck is going on? Chances are they still harbor feelings for you and are attempting to get your attention by actually showering you with attention themselves.
You happened to date your significant other back in the Myspace days, so when you two went your own separate ways, it wasn’t unusual for them to be on any up-to-date social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, or even LinkedIn and Tumblr. But all of a sudden, you get a friend request from them, followed by them joining Twitter. Suddenly, you find yourself having late night conversations with them via Snapchat. It’s very clear your ex is trying to send you a message by taking daily peeks into your current life via the internet. They’re interested in who you're now hanging out with and genuinely want to know how you’re doing in your life. They won’t go as far as contacting you directly via phone, but this is one of the first steps in their method to win you back.
Ah yes, the age-old “Hey, you remember when…” start of a sentence. This is the awkward line exes cast out there when they’re feeling nostalgic of the good ol’ days. Those are the only days they appear to remember whenever you happen to cross their minds again. They suddenly forget the reasons why you broke up in the first place and start dwelling on the movies you saw together (“Hey, do you remember when we walked out of whatever that movie was? I saw it on TV the other day and thought of you”) or whenever a certain song comes on the radio (“Remember when we danced in that parking lot one night to that song?”). It can be pretty much anything that reminds them of their past with you. Beware of this little pitfall.
I for one share a great deal of inside and old jokes with basically all my friends. It’s like a rite of passage between all of us since we all pretty much share the same sarcastic sense of humor. I tend to have these with my ex-boyfriends as well. Like my friends, I tend to be drawn more toward men who share my dark sarcasm and off-the-wall quirky attitude, so it makes perfect sense that I have a ton of inside jokes with those boys when they become exes. And yes, I’m one of those girls who happens to be friends with all my exes (I maintain that I fell for them for a reason and those reasons just don’t disappear when you break up), but sometimes, one or two will send me non-stop jokes we used to have in our relationship. Now, they know perfectly well that laughter is the way to my heart so this is an “I sorta want you back” tactic. Probably best to just let the laughter hang in the air.
You may think differently about this one, especially if you’re still close to their mom or something, but hear me out. Sometimes couples date for a long period of time and when they do, they’re more than likely to become close to each other’s families (if their family isn’t composed of a bunch of jerk-hats) – it’s only natural. But what happens after you break up? Sometimes, you don’t break up with their family and still keep in contact with them, which is fine. But all of a sudden, his sister, who you’re still Facebook friends with sends a message saying that “so, my brother mentioned that you got a new dog yesterday”. They drop hints that your ex can’t stop talking about you or even say that you’re the favorite out of everyone they’ve ever dated. It’s like they’re trying to lure you back into the family.
Again, if you’re like me and you’re still friends with some exes, you know a bit about their lives because they keep you in the loop. And, when you two are ready, you even keep each other in the loop about your dating life and they return the courtesy. But, after a bit, you noticed they simply stop talking about who they’re seeing or even drop hints that they’re back on the market. While you still keep up the talk about your personal romances, they start to get snippy and begin to be sarcastic about the people you’re seeing while remaining mum about their own ventures. This is a big sign that they’re still in love with you, ESPECIALLY if they start putting down the new beau while whining about their own single life.
Yes, yes – we’ve all been there before. After a night out bar hopping with the girls and having one too many Long Island Ice Teas, you send your favorite ex a simple text message about nothing. We all break the rules sometimes when liquid courage kicks in and as long as it only happens once in a while, it’s all good. But what if they are constantly sending you drunken text messages AND voicemails at three in the morning? It means there are deeper issues at play here if it’s happening nonstop. And what’s even worse is if they really didn’t even drink while they were in a relationship with you. Of course, the alcohol is masking their undying love for you, but it’s also masking something much bigger – ALCOHOLISM. Duh.
Now, there’s every exception to this rule. For me, personally, there were other components at play. I’ve only been in love once in my life and when this person and I broke up, it shattered something in me that I really hadn’t thought existed before that point – my soul. Now, I had dated on and off since I was 16, but love didn’t hit until my 20’s. It took a few years for me to actually attempt to try it again. Now, was this because I was still in love with my ex? While I still do love him and always will, it took me a bit to get up the courage to get back out there again. Now, this isn’t the case with all people. If an ex that you were particularly close with (and still are close with) has been single since when you two parted AND is still friends with you, there might be feelings still lingering around, which is why they haven’t gone back on the market.
It happened one time at the movies a couple months after you two broke up, and while it was a little awkward, you didn’t really think anything of it. Then, all of a sudden, they’re starting to shop at the market you go to down the street from your place. And THEN, they start to frequent the bar you always go to after work with your girlfriends. While they may see it as creating “chance” encounters with you, you see it as FREAKING STALKING AND RESTRAINING ORDER WORTHY. Okay, maybe it’s not that bad, but it can get annoying – especially when you don’t feel that way about them as they do for you. It’s probably best if you try talking to them about it and attempt to set some boundaries.
Contacting you for big things that you went through during your relationship is one thing, but when they start tracking you down for your advice on day-to-day activities – that’s a sign that they still place you on a high platform and seek you out for guidance. Yes, it could mean that they’re in love with you, or it can mean they’re seriously codependent. However, if the relationship has been over for years and they’re STILL leaning on your for support, it’s definitely the love thing. It can complicate things more if either you’re in a new relationship or THEY are. Both new partners will end up wondering why the ex keeps running to you instead of their new partner, and if you keep condoning the behavior, you might want to reexamine your relationships.
One day you could be messing around on Facebook or Instagram and see a picture pop up of your ex and their new flame. At first, you brush off the fact that she has the same hairstyle as you and a similar build – it’s just a coincidence! But then as weeks go by and more and more pictures pop up in your timeline of exy-poo and new flame girl, you notice that she has your style down, likes all the same sports teams you do (no matter how random) and even a few of your same mannerisms. This is FAR from a coincidence, especially if you’re still in contact and on friendly terms with your ex. He’s trying to clone you but, as we all know, every individual is different and if he still has feelings for you, this new relationship will implode in his face and possibly yours too.
Seeking out an ex when you can’t decide on coffee is one thing, but now they’re leaning on you when huge events take place in their life rather than the person they’re seeing. When they get a promotion and you’re the first person they call, that’s a huge sign that they’re still in love with you. If someone close to them passes in their life and it’s your name that comes to mind when they think of comfort, you may have a problem. I once had an ex who called me up when things got a little rough at work because he said that I was the only person he could trust, even though he was in a relationship at the moment. If this is a constant, it’s very clear that they’re still in love with you.
You and your ex have been apart for years now, are still friends, and even hang out together from time to time without any awkwardness. But then, out of the blue, he suddenly calls you and starts apologizing for everything that he thinks he did wrong. He’s tying up loose ends in preparation for something much bigger – like him deciding that he wants you back in his life romantically. When he starts bringing up old issues in an attempt to understand them better, he’s trying to see if these particular problems can be avoided in the future when it comes to you. Yes, he’s still in love with you and wants you back but doesn’t want to make the same mistakes over again. If you sense that this is about to happen and you don’t feel the same way, you should jump the gun and nip the problem in the bud.
One of my exes had a certain look he used to give me when he was deeply sorry for something and/or missing me: he’d lower his eyes and give me huge eyes without really saying much, and I couldn’t resist this puppy look and would just give in. If you’re in a relationship with a person for a long time, they know what works on you and what doesn’t, and if they’re still in love with you, they’ll use this to their advantage – especially when it comes to them being still in love with you. If you notice that they’re playfully posting pictures like this on their social media and aiming it directly at you, they’re up to something and it can’t be good. Don’t let those puppy eyes draw you back in!
Ah yes, when all else fails, there is one line that can capture anyone’s attention. Heck, it’s even constantly made fun of on social media these days: the inevitable “I miss u” text messages that usually appears after a couple breaks up and one regrets it. But what happens when the text message appears on your phone a long time AFTER the relationship has faltered? You can rest assured that the text is genuine and that yes, they do miss you. But do you miss them? Just one line can do a lot of damage to your psyche as well as your ex’s and if they’re taking the time out of their new life to make sure you know that, it can be life-altering. Or, you can just send back the typical “And?” if you really can’t stand them. Heck, you broke up for a reason, remember?