We all have that one friend who we’re super close to and would do absolutely anything for, and we can only hope for the same in return. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case because crummy friends can be a real thing. You might do pretty well picking and choosing who you let sit in your inner circle, but every now and then you have a lapse in judgment and let a bad seed slip through the cracks. When it comes to friendship, we definitely don’t expect our BFFs to be sneaky and go against us when we least expect it. These faux-friends have a name, and they’re commonly referred to as backstabbers. These two-timing besties will lie, manipulate, and try to sabotage the very person who they are supposed to be loyal to. Having a backstabber for a best friend is less than ideal, and it’s important to recognize the major red flags. Here are fifteen signs your BFF is actually a backstabber.
15 She Spreads Rumors About You
You always have your bestie’s back... and you definitely expect the same from her in return. Hearing false accusations and untrue rumors about yourself second hand can be hurtful, but it cuts extra deep when you discover that the source of the lies turns out to be none other than your own best friend. Of course, you consider yourself to be close with your BFF and she knows all of your secrets. You certainly don’t want aspects of your personal life made public, but she seems to have her own agenda when it comes to oversharing information. When things like this happen, you start to realize that your BFF isn’t really much of a friend at all. If she’s going behind your back and speaking poorly of you to anyone who will listen, she’s actually more of an enemy than an ally. It totally sucks to find out that your bestie can’t be trusted, but it’s better to find out early on rather than letting her wreak more havoc in your life. This kind of “friend” is totally toxic, and it’s more than likely that you should reconsider your relationship all together.
14 She Hits On Your Boyfriend
We all have heard of a little thing called “girl code” and if your best friend is making passes at your man, she’s definitely in major violation of your trust. There’s not much room for forgiveness when your BFF decides that she wants a piece of your boyfriend and she’ll stop at nothing to get his attention. Honestly, with friends like that who really needs enemies? Not only does she overstep her boundaries when it comes to your romantic relationship, but she’s also crossing a serious line when it comes to your sisterhood. A true friend would absolutely never even fathom making advances toward your guy, and if your friend does that then she is so in the wrong. This type of move is completely malicious and definitely not the mark of a real BFF at all. An actual friend would be respectful and supportive of your relationship with your boyfriend. Trying to steal your man from you is a definite sign that she’s a backstabber, and you don’t need people like that in your inner circle.
13 She’s Absent From Important Life Moments
She forgets your birthday, she cancels plans last minute, and she really drops the ball when she fails to see the errors of her ways. This definitely isn’t the kind of person you should choose to be your Maid of Honor in your future wedding. Of course, you want your bestie to be by your side at your best times (and even at your worst times). Your BFF is one of the people who should always be your rock. You should be able to count on her when you need her, and she should always make her best effort to be present for all of your life’s most important moments. If she doesn’t seem to care at all about being there for you, you might want to think twice about what kind of friend she really is. A real friend would go out of her way to be available, and she would be happy to stand with you during your life’s biggest events. If you can’t count on her whatsoever, she’s really not all that good of a friend after all.
12 She Starts Petty Arguments
Like with any relationship, communication is definitely a key component. If you find that you are constantly at war with someone who is supposed to be your best friend, you might want to consider the root of the problem. If it’s always her who blows up at you for every little thing, she might be more trouble than she’s worth as a close friend. Someone who is deserving of your friendship will treat you with respect and not yell or nitpick at you. You shouldn’t be faced with daily disagreements with someone who is supposed to be your bestie. We know that all relationships have their highs and lows, but if you realize that this person brings along more thunder than sunshine in your life, she’s probably not really on your team. It’s super important to have a close circle of friends who are valuable assets to your life. If she’s always against you, she might just be a backstabber.
11 She Gives You Really Bad Advice
Your BFF should be your go-to girl when you’re in search of guidance, advice, and direction. Your close friends are the ones who are responsible for giving you really good advice and telling you the honest truth, even if it’s not exactly what you want to hear. When you go to your bestie with a problem and you notice that she has a habit of steering you completely off-course with her words of wisdom, she’s totally in backstabber territory. What kind of friend would want to see you go down the wrong path and make poor decisions due to the advice they gave you? The answer is - not a very good friend at all. You should be able to trust your friend’s better judgment and be able to count on her to help you out, not get you into trouble. This kind of gal pal proves herself to be much more of a foe than a true friend, and that can’t be somebody you want to keep around for too long.
10 She Sabotages Your Relationships
A good friend will understand the importance of maintaining other personal, professional, and romantic relationships. If you’ve come to realize that it may be your bestie who is intentionally interfering with life with the intention of causing damage, there’s no denying that she’s a backstabbing buddy. Let’s face it, meddling with relationships that you’ve taken the time to build is an inexcusable offense. Maybe she doesn’t want you to have any other close friends, maybe she’s envious of the time you dedicate to your boyfriend instead of her, or maybe she’s even insecure about your professional success and wants to throw a wrench in your advancement. Whatever the case may be, it’s quite possible that she could be acting out of spite of just plain jealousy…but there really is no excuse for this kind of behavior in your life. If you have a best friend who is totally toxic, recognize the signs and be ready to make some pretty big decisions regarding the status of your friendship.
9 She Puts You In Uncomfortable Situations
You should definitely be able to feel safe and secure around your good friends, and if you find yourself always smack dab in the middle of super uncomfortable or undesirable situations because of your bestie, she’s probably up to no good. A good pal will always consider your feelings and never go out of her way to make you feel uneasy. If she’s putting you in harm’s way or taking you way beyond your comfort zone, it’s best to notice the signs before you get in over your head. We’ve all had a crazy, wild, uncontrollable friend at one point or another, but there comes a time when things can cross over into a danger zone and that’s just not okay. Your BFF shouldn’t be super careless when it comes to your well-being, and if she shows a pattern of making you feel this way then there’s a good chance she’s doing it intentionally. It seems like she’s not really on your side and only caters to her best interest above all else.
8 She’s Downright Insulting
If we’re being completely honest, people who are insulting are exactly the ones we try to avoid, not the ones we want to become friends with. Why would anyone want to be around somebody who always insults them and makes them feel small? If your friend seems to constantly put you down it might be time to start putting your foot down. Catty comments and backhanded remarks definitely aren’t in the recipe for a solid friendship. Knocking you down a few pegs might be what makes her feel better about herself, but that’s no excuse for this kind of treatment. A positive person in your life will encourage you and compliment you when you need it, not be derogatory and make you feel stupid. If this becomes a regular occurrence, you might have to ask yourself why you’re even still friends with this person in the first place. She might be up to some underhanded, backstabbing behavior, and that’s not the kind of person you want in your inner circle.
7 She Makes Everything A Competition
Friendship definitely isn’t a competitive sport, so if you find yourself always at odds with your bestie because she’s constantly competing with your every move, she might be feigning your entire friendship. We get it, it’s not uncommon for girls to have a healthy level of competition between each other, but when it reaches new heights is when it’s time to be cautious. You don’t need someone who is always trying to one-up you on a regular basis. A true friend to the end will be super happy with your successes and accomplishments and doesn’t resort to playing games. Everyone is different, and you might be good at something while your friend has other strengths. If she refuses to accept defeat in any aspect of life and wants to “win” against you at all costs, just know that she’s probably a fake friend. Real friends embrace each other’s strong suits, not plot against them to come out on top.
6 She’s Selfish
Does your supposed bestie only seem to care about herself? Friendships are a definitely a two-way street and your best friend should be able to give as much love and support as she receives. If she can’t do that, she might not be the best choice in a close companion at the end of the day. If she only talks about herself, doesn’t seem interested in you or your life, and can’t be bothered by you when you need her, how does she even qualify as a friend at all? Selfish friendships are only beneficial to one person, and there might actually be more trouble in paradise than meets the eyes. It’s a possibility that she’s so ego-centric because she doesn’t value your friendship the same way you do. Real friends last a lifetime, so if she sees you as disposable it’s probably time to demote her to an acquaintance.
5 She Wants To See You Fail
This one is just plain wrong on so many levels. First of all, you should never take pleasure in someone else’s defeat... especially if that person is supposed to be your really close friend. Good friends never want to see you down in the dumps and they do what they can to lift your spirits up. If your BFF revels in your failures, she’s a definite backstabber and a pretty crummy friend if you ask. There’s no way that a good gal pal would find joy or amusement when you are at a low point. If she secretly wants to see you fail, she’s really riding enemy lines as opposed to being a supportive friend. You know that you only want the best for your friends, and you should only expect the same from them. If you can relate to these points and you find yourself in a super toxic friendship, it might be time to start making some new friends with better people once and for all.
4 She Turns Others Against You
When she’s mad at you or doesn’t see things your way, there’s definitely no need to try and turn others against you but you’ve noticed that that’s exactly what she does. Your real friends will know the truth and see far beyond her vengeful attempts, but her actions are still pretty hurtful. A backstabber will do whatever it takes to drag your name through the mud and make everyone else think poorly of you. You know that this kind of friend (if you can even call it that) only had bad intentions and shouldn’t be someone you allow in your life. If she’s always stirring the pot and getting you into trouble she’s definitely not someone worth your time. Be smart and be aware of her actions - real friends definitely don’t act this way! Whether she’s acting in secret or chooses to do her dirty work out in the open, it’s pretty likely that you will find out what she has been doing.
3 She’s A Liar
Nobody wants to deal with a person who is dishonest. If you have caught your friend in one lie after another, it’s super likely that she lies about everything – including you. Liars are difficult to deal with and can’t really be trusted, which are totally two qualities that you don’t need in a BFF. If she lies about pretty much anything, what’s stopping her from telling lies about you, or even lying right to your face? You’ve got to have honesty when it comes to all kinds of relationships, and that includes important friendships. Trust is vital here, people. If you can’t handle the non-stop deception you might need to face the facts: there’s a good chance she’s taking advantage of your friendship. Definitely, don’t let her mistake your kindness for weakness. You can only catch your BFF in so many lies before it’s too late and the damage has already been done.
2 She Can’t Keep Friends
If you’ve noticed that your bestie is always the central source of drama and can’t seem to hold on to any other friends other than you, it might be a huge red flag that she’s guilty of some shady behavior that everyone else has had enough of. In addition to being jealous and a liar, you’ve taken inventory of her personal relationships and realized that there aren’t many people in her corner. There must be some sort of reason why nobody else is willing to keep your friend close, and she seems to be the only common denominator. Does she seem to have a bone to pick with just about everyone? Is she super quick to place the blame on everyone else while refusing to take responsibility for her actions? Not only is she immature, but there’s a strong chance she is a backstabbing friend, too. Open your eyes and notice the signs – you don’t need a negative influence in your group of friends.
1 Your Gut Is Screaming At You
All of the signs of a backstabbing bestie are right there in front of you, but even that might not be enough to convince you that your assumed ally is actually your biggest adversary. You try to brush off all of the warning signs and make excuses for her faulty behavior, but your good conscience is telling you otherwise. If your gut instinct is screaming that your bestie is bad news, chances are it’s probably not wrong. Your instinct tends to never let you down in these types of situations, so you should have a heart-to-heart with yourself and trust in your own good judgment. You know that you would never be a backstabber to any of your friends, so you definitely don’t deserve that kind of treatment from someone close. Having an honest, trustworthy, supportive, and caring friend is exactly what you need, so don’t settle for anything less.