Everything in life needs work. Even the most natural act in human nature can use some help now and then. No one likes to admit when their sex life starts to diminish, but admitting there’s a problem is the first step. After that, you’ll be able to move forward with a deviously sexy plan of attack to help get things back in check. Wouldn’t you rather have hot, passionate nooky, rather than dull, lukewarm sex that is done out of routine? Of course you would. And the good news is it can happen easily. Whether you’ve been in a relationship for years or just started seeing someone with a dim flame, knowing the signs you need to step it up in the bedroom is important. How else are you ever going to fix it? Get your pen and paper out girls, because here are 15 indications you need to bump up the heat tonight.
15 He’s Too Tired
If a guy turns down sex because he’s “too tired” you know you have a serious problem. There’s not much a man puts above sex, especially sleep, so if you find him rolling on his side without trying to crawl on top of you when the two of you are in bed, sound the alarms and act fast. Sure, he might have had a busy day that left him tired, but too tried to get freaky under the sheets? Nope. There’s something else going on here. Maybe he’s bored, maybe you’re bored. But whatever it is, don’t let a drowsy snooze fest come between a sexy love fest.
14 There’s No Spontaneity
Things can old pretty fast, especially if you haven’t tried anything new since you began dating back in 1992. Only doing it missionary style in bed at 9pm every night is not going to cut it. Clearly, the two of you are in a major lovemaking rut and it needs to be revamped quick. Forget about the bed, get naughty in the kitchen while making dinner together, or let him ride you like a miniature pony on the living room floor - with the lights on! And don’t even think about not switching up positions. Having him stay on top the entire time is so bland. Try it from the side, from behind, you on top - just keep moving! If you don’t know some new moves to show him (or are nervous to experiment), ask him what he wants. He’ll be more than willing to show you.
13 He Watches TV While You Do It
Nothing says romance like your man watching The Big Bang Theory on TBS while you try to hump to climax. If his eyes are glued to the TV, that means he’s not paying much attention to you or the act you're involved in. Lame. Where’s the fun in that? Grab the remote from his hand, press the “off” button and tackle him like his favorite team does to their opponents. Let him know you need all of his attention. Just don't do this when he’s watching the latest Games of Thrones episode or a play off game. This should be saved for when he's watching those old Seinfeld reruns in bed.
12 Neither Of You Are In The Mood
It’s bad enough when one of you aren’t in the mood to get frisky, but when the both of you don’t have the energy to get down and dirty together, that’s even worse. This means intimacy is lacking in the relationship and won't get any better if left as is. Maybe you both have major issues weighing over you preventing you from having fun, but force yourself to do it anyway. Sex is a great stress release and awesome way to get closer to your partner. However, not being in the mood could just mean you guys are bored with the routine so in that case, try something new like rereading #2!
11 Foreplay Is Non-Existent
While the deed itself is fun, the acts leading up to it are just as exciting. If you can’t remember the last time the two of you primed your bodies up for some sexual healing, it’s been way too long. We all love having sex so why power through it like a hurried business luncheon? Take your time and explore during lusty minutes of foreplay. You may find your partner likes something you didn’t know (or he didn’t know!) or even find something new that turns you on, making you climax like never before. Sounds good right? Duh, so get to it - without skimping over any details.
10 You’ve Never Had The Big O While Doing It
Fingers, tongues, toys they all work their magic on your vajayjay, but for whatever reason an actual penis doesn’t do the trick. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Many women don’t get off during sex but that doesn’t mean they can’t. The thing with women is they are so eager to please others and can sometimes feel uncomfortable when the attention is all on them. They also don’t like to keep their partner waiting when their g-spot can’t be found. If you are one of these women, are you doing yourself a disservice. You deserve to get off like the rest of them and if you aren’t doing so during sex something isn’t working. The penis isn’t hitting the sweet spot and don’t feel bad about trying different things so that it does! Think back to how you’re able to get off with your vibrator and use those techniques. Sure, his penis won’t vibrate but it can have the same benefits to that wobbling Rabbit you love so much. A hint? Stay on top and grind him like you just don’t care.
9 After The Deed Is Done, It's Awkward
So you had sex and are now sweaty, tired and awkward. Even if you have been with your partner for years, this uncomfortable feeling can still arise after sex. Maybe the two of you are having problems outside of the bedroom or maybe one of you is stressing about an upcoming work project, but either way silence after sex is an consistent issue for you guys and not a good one. Now, if you were having some crazy, kinky sex and trying new things with your partner, you’d have lots to talk about - like where did you learn that?! Spicing things up doesn’t just help during sex but it can help after, too.
8 It’s Too Quiet In The Bedroom
If you can hear birds chirping or your neighbors fighting while having sex, this means you and your partner are far too quiet. Many of us are worried about being too loud or saying the wrong things, but look at the alternative: insert cricket sound here. No one wants quiet sex. It’s boring and weird so instead of keeping a tight lip, let lose without caring what you sound like. Burst out a few moans, tell your partner to speed up or slow down, cry out his name and for the sake of sex, tell your partner how you want it. If there’s ever a time to speak up, it’s now.
7 You Never Talk About It
Yes, it’s essential to utter your likes and needs during the act, but talking about sex when you’re not doing it is important, too. You and your partner need to feel comfortable enough with each other to talk about what’s working, what’s not and how to change or fix things. If you don’t, you’ll end up resenting the other person because they are not meeting your needs. Who cares if it feels uncomfortable to talk about your vagina over dinner? Once you get the lines of communication open, it will be much easier and the two of you will both benefit from it. Like O-O-O so much.
6 He’d Rather Watch Adult Movies
Sometimes when you have been in a relationship for a while, having sex can feel like a chore. So when you’re horny what do you do? Set up shop in front of the computer and rub one out before your partner comes home to see. Now, this isn’t because you or your partner aren’t in love with each other anymore, it’s just that masturbating is so much easier (and quicker!). It also provides some fantasy to the mix which might be lacking in the actual bedroom. If you’re partner is too busy watching porn to get with you, it’s time to take action. Instead of getting offended or disgusted, ask to watch with them. Make it a team thing. Once you put yourself back in the picture, you’ll get the loving you’ve been craving. And on the plus side, you might get more turned on watching strangers have sex than you expected.
5 Your Bedroom Isn’t Attractive
Sure, you do a lot of things in your bedroom like yoga, read, work, but the main thing that it’s equipped for is sex (and maybe sleep). So this means you want it to be inviting. No bright fluorescents lights in this room or books piled on the bed. That can be saved when you’re in there alone. When you’re trying to get the mood set, you need the right ambiance so dim the lights, remove the bed of anything but covers and roll up that yoga mat - unless you want to incorporate that. A room where you and your partner can feel comfortable will help ease the tension and amp up the sexy.
4 You Go To Bed In Flannel Pajamas
Yes, we know how cozy they are and sure, they are solid nighttime attire for those chilly winter months, but flannel pajamas are as sexy your grandmother’s false teeth. See? Not cute. So, if you’re wondering why there’s no heat in the bedroom, glance down at your wardrobe. Those red and white flannel PJs staring up at you? Remove them now. Throw on a lace nighty or really rev it up with some playful lingerie. But you don’t have to pull out all the stops every night to stay sexy. Just sport a v-neck tee and boy shorts to bed or skip clothes altogether and sleep in the nude. Whatever you do, leave those flannel pajamas in the closet for you and only you - alone.
3 You Have A Set Routine
You know how boring a routine can be. Take your average day for example. You wake up, shower, go to work, come home, eat, sleep and do it all over again the next day. Yawn. So if having routine for your work day is boring, why on earth would you do it for your sex life? If your sexy time revolves around a set schedule like kissing for 5 minutes, foreplay for 15 minutes, sex that’s finished with a cup of chamomile tea, that flame is going to die out incredibly fast - if it hasn't already. Be spontaneous (again, reread #2) and have sex in the afternoon or make out in the car on your way back home from your parents. Do anything you need to do to get out of that routine so you’re not aching for it to be over like your unpleasant workday.
2 You Only Do It Because You Feel Obligated
When the passion dies down over time with a partner it can be hard to get it back and therefore the sex can really suffer. You end up having it only because you feel obligated to the other person. You’re tired and have no urge to have sex but give in because you feel bad if you don’t. After all, you love the person. What’s a few minutes of showing it, even if you are mentally preparing your grocery list in the process? Don’t have sex because you feel obligated. Have it because you want it. Get in the mood by getting ready with your own touch before asking your parter to join, or watch a steamy movie together. Put something sexy on and try a new move you’ve been thinking about but too shy to express. Make it worth the while because enjoying sex is far better than just going through the motions.
1 You’re Self-Conscious Of Your Body
As women, we are pretty hard on ourselves especially with our bodies. We’re always complaining about our thighs and belly fat which ends up making us feel worse about ourselves. We want to look like what society tells us and that pressure is exhausting. Not feeling good about your body can instantly make you feel unsexy. And it doesn’t do much for your partner either. If you hide your body before, during and after sex because you don’t want your partner to see your cellulite, this is a problem. You’re actually causing more attention to yourself acting so self conscious. Your partner wants to be with someone who is confident about her looks because confidence is sexy. Get out of the dark and see how sexy you are with all of your imperfections. Your partner already knows. Now it's time for you to realize it.