Break ups suck. Everyone knows it. And the hardest part is rarely the moment in which it is happening, but is, instead, all of the moments that follow (for a short period of time). You long for him, you ache, and everything in your world reminds you of him. But how long should it last? Well, some say that you can expect to have feelings for 1/4 of the time you were dating up to 1 year, and then 1 year should be the max for the longer relationships. A silly equation, but if you need a number, go with that. Ex: Dated for 6 months, you'll feel sad for 1.5 months. But it really is more about how you feel then the length of time it takes, and how you are helping yourself to move on. Below are some signs that you really need to get over him because it is now effecting your life and the lives of those that love you.
15 You Drop Everything For Him Even Though He Is With Someone Else
He has moved on but he has still managed to keep you on the hook. How did this happen? He gives you a call and the moment you see his name on the display you drop whatever important thing you are doing and run to take it. Or worse, he breaks up with his new girlfriend and gives you a call because he can’t seem to be alone. Don’t be fooled. He is not coming back for you – he is simply using you in the interim until he finds a new conquest. Don’t be his go to girl just to be left behind. Let him fall and you will be able to move on.
14 His Birthday Is Still Your Password
How many times do you type in your password a day? Think about it: email, social media, bank, work computer, etc. Each time you log in, you are forced to think about him and forced to, at least for a minute, think of the two of you. How could you possibly get over him with these constant reminders? It is time to change your password to Password1 and move on with your life (ok… try to be a little more creative. Maybe make it something empowering or goal-setting).
13 You Cry When 'Your' Song Comes On
You’re cruising to a movie singing the latest independent woman song and belting it out off tune with your best friends in the back seat… and then it happens. ‘Your’ song comes on. Here come the waterworks. No matter how much you try to hold them back, your friends hear the crack in your voice. It has been months and you still can’t seem to hear this song without crying, no matter your mood. Go home and listen to it on repeat until it loses all emotion and all meaning – and for goodness sake change your ringtone.
12 You Compare Yourself To The New Girls He Dates
His new girlfriend is your clone but with a better complexion. That said, she is not you and you both have your own assets and downfalls and for one reason or another you and your ex were not compatible and this girl seems to be, for now. Comparing yourself to her will have nothing but a negative impact on your life. You don’t want to be more like her because then the person that is right for you will no longer get to have the amazing person you actually are. Just because "who you are" didn’t work for your past relationships doesn’t mean it wont work for someone else. Stay true to you. Be you.
11 You Still Wear The Hoodie He Left At Your House
While he originally left it behind on purpose at the beginning of your relationship, it probably wasn’t on purpose after the break up. Give it back. No – don’t meet him and hash out the past. Put it in a plastic bag and hang it on his mailbox, or give it to a mutual friend. You need to get it out of your sight because the comfort that it provides you is a false sense of security and you need to find something else to give you the warmth you so desire, something with less attachment. And for goodness sake… do NOT wear it outside the house. While you gain the strength to give it away, keep it inside the house… anything crossing the border of your walls is just too sad.
10 You 'Joke' About What You'd Say If He Asked You Out Again
What is the quote? 20% of a joke is the truth? Your "OMG, what if he asked me out again? Haha. I’d totally say no" is just an excuse to keep talking about it, about him. Good on you for saying you wouldn’t (even though we all know that’s probably not true), but leave it behind. It’s over, he probably won’t ask, and if he does ask you have your answer. Now go find someone you can say yes to. Guaranteed your friends will thank you for it – their supportive smiles are wearing thin.
9 You Ask His Friends/Family How He's Doing
One of the toughest parts of a breakup is losing friends and an extended family. It is true that over your time together you created new bonds, but those people are his (given the situation and length of the relationship) and you need to let them go and find your own people – even if that leaves you with practically nobody. What are they going to say anyway? “He is good.” That is really all you can expect… and then you have just opened yourself up to pity faces. Be strong, assume he is good, and try to be great yourself.
8 You Find Yourself Defending Him
Your friends and family may try to make the break up easier for you by giving reasons why you were not right for each other. Listen and smile. The more you defend him the more obvious it is that you are not over him. Being polite and saying “but he was a good guy. I wish him all the best” is respectable, the problem arises when you start fights with your loved ones on his account.
7 You Drive By His House
This is pretty obvious. And everyone is going to do it for a week or two after a devastating break up. It is familiar, you want to be reminded of the good times, and you want to make sure there is not a silhouette of a girl inside. After a week or two though, it is no longer appropriate. In fact… it is then defined as "stalking." Don’t be that girl. And don’t even think about parking across the street and spying out to get a glance of him. Just don’t do it. Go home.
6 Every Time You See A Vehicle Like His You Try To See Who Is Driving (And Hope It Is Him)
This seems to be the longest lasting hardship after a break up. If he has a super unique car, you are faced with the trouble of getting extremely anxious every time you see it, because the odds are good that it is him. If it is a super generic silver Honda Civic you are going to struggle with little bursts of anxiety at just about every single light (really… how many silver Honda’s are there on the streets… probably 1 in 5 (a guess… not a real stat)). It may never end, but at least don’t try to scout them out. Instead try to focus on a friend’s car.
5 You Compare Your Dates To Him And Never Get Past The First One
The comparing thing again. Just like you are your own unique person and anyone he dates will be special in other ways, so are these guys. They may not be great in all the ways your ex was, but they are probably wonderful in their own right and may not have all the negative characteristics you couldn’t stand either. So give people a chance to be their own person and impress you that way. If your ex were perfect he wouldn’t be your ex.
4 You Re-Read Old Messages Over And Over
It can be really really hard to delete old messages, especially the ones where you express feelings for each other, as well as your break up texts. Re-reading them will not bring him back. So, read them over once, take them all in, realize that a few word changes would not have been the difference between a break up and a lifetime of happiness, and ceremoniously trash each message in bulk. And then breathe, cry, and walk away from the computer. Consider it a cleanse.
3 You Lose Your Appetite When You Think Of Him
This is just an obvious sign that things are still too raw and that your emotional state is tied up in a negative way. Look for ways to cleanse yourself of him, to make his name just a word, to make your memories simply accounts of your history and not impactful events on your current mood. Cut a picture, delete emails, give his hoodie back, go see a psychologist, have a good long cry while looking at a gift he gave you, and then put it in a box (preferably a donation box). Break it down so you can build it up.
2 He Thinks Yellowtail Is A Good Bottle Of Wine
Class it up! While yellowtail is cheap and easy to grab, it is not a "good" wine. This really is just a euphemism for a guy that has not quite grown up and maybe doesn’t put much effort into things. A crappy wine not only tastes bad, it is also worse for you, so when he brings home a "good bottle of wine" he may as well do a quick google search in the store – what else are smartphones for? Find someone who will step up when you need him to.
1 He Tells You... "Get Over Me"
The ultimate sign you need to get over him… He tells you to! Even he has noticed that your obsession with him is interfering with your life, and probably his! After this, there is no going back, so take this as an official cut and start making moves to a happier you. Put effort into someone who loves you just as much as you love them and who appreciates all of the wonderful that you are. Be mad. Be sad. Be whatever you have to do to give you the strength to walk away, delete his number, unfriend him on facebook, and walk out your front door with a new sense of independence, confidence, and adventure.