The ring that so many people wait for years to have placed on their finger is an amazing moment. Accepting a marriage proposal is a turning point for so many people, and it marks one of the happiest times in their lives. So much lies ahead and you have your best friend by your side. Then, there are people that buy into the fairy tale, and they are so blinded by the desire to get engaged that they don’t truly see the person offering that shiny diamond. They want support, love, affection, children, happiness and everything in-between. That ring does not promise those things. An engagement ring is not a good luck charm that will attract everything you want like a magnet. Life is about the choices you make, and if you aren’t mature enough to understand the underlying reasons that you make those choices, then you aren’t mature enough to be accepting a marriage proposal. Don’t let the light from that shining diamond blind you into thinking that your dreams are coming true. Only you can make your life what you want it to be. Start by making mature decisions and not jumping into lifelong commitments when you aren’t ready. If you are feeling unsure about that engagement ring on your hand, here are 15 signs you might be too immature to be engaged.
15 You Don’t Know What Else to Do After College
During senior year in college, there seems to be a flood of marriage proposals. Graduates suddenly feel as if they have passed the threshold into adulthood, and marriage seems like the next logical step. Some couples are genuinely concerned that they will be pulled apart between graduate school and potential job offers so they get engaged to hold onto their relationships. Then, there are the aimless that aren’t really sure where they are headed next, and they cling to their significant other like a life raft. If you are looking for an engagement ring in hopes of staving off the inevitability of becoming an adult or because you figure Why not? you aren’t approaching it for the right reasons. Part of making a relationship work is knowing who you are and being happy with it. When you rush into an engagement and build your life around someone when it isn’t what you really want, it hurts your personal growth and prevents you from building a strong foundation.
14 You Have Never Checked Your Credit
If you have never checked your credit score or you don’t even have a credit score, you aren’t ready to get engaged. Managing finances will be a big part of your life, and if your credit score has never crossed your mind, you don’t know anything about handling your financial life. If you haven’t even thought far enough ahead to consider monetary issues, you haven’t thought far enough ahead about how hard marriage can be. Life requires some foresight and planning. While life rarely goes according to plan, it is in all that planning that you learn how to deal with the unexpected and you consider alternative options. Planning, even if life doesn’t happen that way, helps you stay prepared especially with financial planning. If you aren’t mature enough to think about money, you aren’t mature enough to think about getting married.
13 You Have Never Lived Outside Your Parents Home
If you have not lived outside of the sheltered walls of your parents’ home, you are not ready to say, Yes to joining your life with another. Living with other people is difficult regardless of who it is even the person you love most in the world. At some point everyone gets annoying, but if you have never known anything else than your childhood bedroom, you are probably pretty naïve about life and how to navigate rough spots in a relationship. You WILL have rough spots in your relationship, and living together only exacerbates problems. Some days you will not like each other, but it is all about compromise. If you don’t believe in living together before marriage, that is your decision, but when you live with someone and share everything from finances to chores, you might see them differently. Forever means forever. How do you know you are compatible if you only see each other in favorable conditions?
12 You Don’t Know How to Pay for a Wedding
Surprise! Weddings are unbelievably expensive, and it isn’t like decades ago when it was usually expected that the bride’s family would pay. If you have no idea who would pay for a wedding or even any idea of how much it will cost, you probably don’t have a good grasp on the responsibilities of marriage and it could crumble an engagement. On the other hand, if you fully expect your parents to foot the bill, and you are going to stomp your feet until they give you every last over the top, bouquet exploding, flying dove, three figure wedding, you are missing the point of the sanctity of such a day. A wedding isn’t just a party. It is a lifelong commitment that requires two people to consciously choose each other over anything else that life might throw in their lap. Money will most likely play a huge roll in marriage. After all, it is the major reason people get divorced. It should be something you think about before you say, Yes.
11 You Are Still in High School
If you haven’t even graduated from high school and your significant other is talking about proposing, take a step back. When you are in high school, you really haven’t experienced life. There is something romantic about the idea that you love each other so much that you have to be married even if it is before you are adults. However, you are cutting yourself off from some amazing life experience. You don’t know who you are at eighteen, how can you expect to choose a person that you will want to spend your whole life with? People change constantly and by living life and allowing yourself the room and the time to discover who you, you will be happier in the long run. Getting married while you are still basically a child will hinder your personal growth and might even keep you from reaching your full potential.
10 A Disappointing Engagement Ring Makes you Say, “No.”
If you have been waiting your whole life for an amazing engagement ring, and that moment finally arrives...He gets down on one knee, your heart flutters, you can’t wait to see the glitter of that diamond. Then, he opens the box, and your heart sinks. If you consider telling him No, or if you outright refuse to say, Yes until he buys a better ring, you are not ready to be engaged. It is completely normal to want a beautiful ring, but not everyone can afford it. If that is a deal breaker, are you really getting married for love? Or do you like the feeling of flashing that ring around to others and using it as a status symbol? If you are more disappointed that it isn’t your taste, are you upset because you feel as if your partner doesn’t really know you or understand you? Either way, it is a red flag that you need to address.
9 Your Parents Still Pay Your Bills
Before you can be one half of a partnership, you have to be a whole person. This includes being able to stand on your own two feet. If you jump from your parents straight to an engagement without learning how to live on your own or support yourself, you are going to be too dependent on your spouse which can lead to resentment. Too many people enter into an engagement because they crave a sense of stability, but when you rely on someone else to solely support you, there is no sense of accomplishment or pride. You lose who you are because so much of it depends on someone else. This could also leave you in a difficult situation if the relationship sours and you want out, but have no means to leave. Think about being independent before you rush into an engagement. You accept an engagement because you are ready to have a partner not because you want to be taken care of.
8 You Have Wandering Eyes
If you have a great big shiny ring on your hand and the world seems perfect...But you can’t seem to stop thinking about other people, you have a problem. Being attracted to other people is natural even when you are in a happy marriage, but you choose to accept that you are committed and aren’t willing to destroy your relationship to be with anyone else. If you find others attractive, but consider testing the waters, you aren’t ready for that ring. Part of being a mature partner is remaining monogamous. If that seems difficult and you aren’t sure if you can keep that promise, duck out of it before you end up really hurting someone you supposedly love. It is a sign that you aren’t entirely happy or at least not completely positive that you want to commit yourself to that person. Pay attention to these feelings. It could save you a lot of heartache in the future.
7 You Don’t Have a Job
Do you know what is really expensive? Being an adult. If you can’t find a job, you shouldn’t be thinking about getting engaged. You cannot find your sense of purpose in another person. Before you even think about saying, Yes establish your own life. Find out what your definition of success is and build a career or at least know what direction you want your career to travel. Having a job and feeling as if your are accomplishing something and taking control of your finances is part of being an adult and these should be things you address before you ever think of getting engaged. Why rush to the altar? Take your time and find your sense of purpose and make sure you can take care of yourself before you attach yourself to someone else for the rest of your life. As you grow in your career you might change your mind about what you want in life and who you want to spend it with.
6 You Think About Giving an Ultimatum
No great marriage started with the words, “Propose to me or else…” If you feel the need to threaten the person you love into marrying you, you aren’t grasping what marriage is all about. When you really love someone and are ready to be engaged, you don’t need any nudging. If they are having a problem making that decision, they aren’t ready or their is trouble in your relationship. Threatening them with consequences is a very juvenile approach. Talk to them, offer to go to therapy or just break up with them. Ultimatums aren’t needed when you love someone. What is needed is compassion, understanding, communication and work. There is no room for threats in a marriage. That is how people feel undermined and like less of a partner in the relationship. It is an immature way that people try to get what they want despite that it probably isn’t what is best for them.
5 You Are Seeing Someone on the Side
If you are seeing someone else on the side, when you are offered that ring, do not say, Yes. The fact that you are cheating speaks volumes about your relationship, and how you really feel about that person. If your future spouse is unaware of what is going on behind their back, they don’t really know you, and they might not want to marry the person that you really are behind their back. Entering an engagement with lies and deceit is no way to start a lifelong promise to one another. If you really want to make it work, you have to come clean and admit to what you’ve done. Then, you can start over and see if there is anything left to salvage. If that sounds too embarrassing and like something you don’t want to do, you aren’t ready to be engaged. When you vow to be with someone forever it means standing by even when it sucks or it is humiliating. That is what they mean by unconditional love.
4 You Said Yes to Get Back at an Ex
If you are still hung up on an ex, you can’t think clearly about being engaged and what that promise means. People often get swept up in a new romance after a terrible break up, and they think they are head over heels in love. For as wonderful as that new relationship might be, if you are still thinking about your ex, you aren’t completely present in the way you think you are. You might be using it as a way to heal your broken heart and make your ex jealous. If you receive an engagement ring, and your first thought is how you can’t wait to post pictures on social media so your ex can see, you are not mature enough to be engaged. Don’t use someone else and their love for you to get back at your ex.
3 You Just Want a Baby
If you feel like the only thing you want in this world is a child, don’t go about it by attaching yourself to the first guy that proposes. Marriage with children is no walk in the park. Both are lifelong commitments and while you can get a divorce, you can’t decide to not be a mother anymore. As a parent, you need a supportive partner that you can trust, and if you are just marrying someone to have a child, you aren’t being fair to yourself or a child. Children deserve loving, stable homes. Divorce happens even in the happiest of marriages, and it puts a major strain on kids. Do yourself a favor and try your best to prevent divorce by marrying someone you really love and trust and want to be a co-parent. If you just can’t wait for that person, ask yourself why you are so desperate to have a child. Because you really want a baby or because you just aren’t happy in life. A baby might not really be the answer you are looking for.
2 Your Parents Want You to Get Married
If you are accepting a proposal to make your parents happy, you are not ready to be engaged. Part of becoming an adult means separating from your parents and making your own choices. That doesn’t mean you can’t take their advice or feelings into consideration, but why would you choose a life path only because it is what your parents want? You have to be happy, not them. If you find yourself being bullied by your parents into accepting a proposal, ask yourself if you have any control over your life. You have to be the one to live with these choices, and your parents don’t always know what is best for you, even though they think so. Stand up to them and make your own decisions. Marriage is about being with someone you love and will support you for life not who your parents will enjoy seeing at holidays.
1 Your Mantra is...We could always just get a divorce.
Yes, divorce does happen. It happens a lot, in fact. However, the whole point of marriage is to stay together forever and fight through thick and thin. When you get caught up in the excitement of an engagement and get married when you aren’t ready, you don’t truly know what you want. You don’t understand how much you will change and the effect that will have on a marriage. Newsflash, love is not the only thing that will keep you together. Love is a very complicated and finicky animal that has to be cared for constantly. When you feel you are really ready to commit, turn away all other suitors, and honestly commit your life to someone else, that is why you have a wedding. Not because you are in love, and it seems right. Going down that road without being sure can cause a lot of future heartache especially if you have children. If you aren’t worried because if it goes wrong you can get divorced, you shouldn’t be accepting that ring