The holidays are right around the corner and are you happy, excited or totally pissed off? Most of us would answer yes to the first and no to the latter. Not you. You're someone who gets annoyed every single December as the countdown to the holiday begins. Why do people make such a fuss every year, spending tons of money and overdoing it when it comes to eggnog and sugar cookies? Then they're tired, broke and overwhelmed by January 1st. Nope, you're not into it. You think they're super silly. You're not having any of this so-called holiday spirit stuff. No holiday nonsense for you. It's a total waste of time.
You think to yourself that the whole lead up to the holidays causes a lot of stress, pressure and it even makes depressed people more depressed. Of course, your solution is not to help these people (except by pointing out that they are right to be depressed). It’s best to be cynical, work your butt off, and save all your money so that you will be the winner in the New Year. If this sounds like you, many co-workers, friends and family would have a name for you: a grinch. Really? Are you a grinch?
Here are 15 signs you are a Grinch at heart:
15 You Hate Christmas Carols
Enough already! Turn that holiday music off the day after Halloween. Okay, so maybe most stores and people don’t start listening to holiday music quite that early, but sometimes it definitely feels like they do. You are stuck hearing those boring old carols year after year and you can't stand to walk by people humming or singing along. You just want to go and tell them to be quiet. It’s enough. Why are they celebrating winter anyway? It’s cold and dark and miserable. There's really nothing good or happy about this time of year. It's much better to just hunker down and work more so you can have money to pay your bills and not go into debt again. Silly people make the same mistakes every year at this time. Instead of minding their own business, they get all full of holiday spirit and drive people crazy in the office who are trying to actually get work done. Super uncool.
14 You're Not Into The Whole Secret Santa Thing
Do not even get you started on the stupid office Secret Santa gift exchange. Well, at least you do not have to buy gifts for all these idiots you work with and waste your money and time looking for gifts. But still, whose idea was it to ever start up a Secret Santa? Come on people, we are all adults here. There are no children in this office, so repeat after us: Santa Claus does not exist! Why are you pretending to be him? We don't need all this pretend! It is absolutely ridiculous and makes you want to yell and scream every year how we are being taken in by some silly story your parents told you years ago. And they lied to you! It is a travesty you say. You also promise if you have children to never lie about Santa Claus’ existence. You just won't. You can't even with this.
13 You Skip Your Work Christmas Party
Another ridiculous thing that you hate every year but you can’t stop from happening is the company holiday party. What? You don’t see enough of the boring, annoying people you work with forty hours plus a week? Now you have to sit through an entire evening with them making small talk, watching them getting uproariously drunk, hit on their superiors, and just, in general, make total fools out of themselves? You could be home watching your favorite show on Netflix in your pajamas. That sounds like a much better use of your time, that's for sure. This is so annoying and if you don’t go, you never hear the end of it from managers and co-workers. You dread the invitation and each year comes up with a creative excuse not to come. Can’t use surgery again or your Aunt Mildred visiting from Kentucky. So you say to yourself you may have to grin and bear it and go. Argh!
12 You Ignore The World On Christmas Day
Christmas Day, or whatever people celebrate or call it, comes and goes... and every year, you are not having any of it. You purposely stay home. You order in pizza, watch non-Christmas movies or TV shows, put on music and stay away from social and news media. All the talk will be about the stupid holidays and people gathering together to show love and peace and all that garbage which does not happen. It is about a bunch of dysfunctional people who feel forced to get together on a schedule that is dictated by the calendar at this time of year. People’s bratty kids eat too much sugar, act up and drive the adults crazy, and then when everyone goes to bed that night, most of the same insanity is perpetuated over the course of the next week. Ridiculous. People have to learn to say not to everything holiday related.
11 You Don't Buy Gifts
Nope, you are not into the whole gift giving thing. You do not buy them for your friends and family and you do not let them give you presents, either. You don't want to be part of this culture of overspending beyond your means and you don’t want to waste time looking for gifts for people who either won’t appreciate them, hate them or who are impossible to shop for. They say they have everything they need, you are the present, yadda yadda, and then the long face appears that they quickly try to hide when they see what you got them. No more. Enough. You opt out. It’s the best way to go. You save aggravation, time, money and people won’t get you stupid useless things you’ll never use, wear etc. You can’t even re-gift as someone will inevitably recognize their gift and it will be whole other complication.
10 You Don't Go To Any Work Holiday Events
Company holiday potluck lunch? No way. The last time you participated you burned the meal you were planning to bring and it ended up costing you more money to replace the dish and time to go pick it up. No one liked it. People are so ungrateful. Then you got food poisoning as you work with idiots that do not understand basic hygiene. No way. Let them eat their own infected food and let them go ahead and burn their own dishes. This way yu can spend the day holed up in your cubicle with your heavy metal or hip hop music or whatever loud music you can listen to, drown out the co-workers and work over lunch with your sandwich and veggies. After all, you are super busy and have a lot of work to get done. You’ll stay on track and healthy and not get behind on your work like those jokers are.
9 You Only Shop Online
Thank goodness for online shopping and even online groceries with home delivery. You will definitely grudgingly overpay for the grocery service not to go into grocery stores with their darn holiday music and decorations. If you could avoid it, you will and hats off to you. You don’t tip the grocery delivery boy. Heck, in your day you didn’t expect tips. Everybody wants a handout now. When did people become this way?Everybody looks for excuses to celebrate the holidays and neglect the company and their work. Then they all wonder why the economy is going downhill. It's because of people like them! (Okay maybe that's a little harsh). You will not join the masses in supporting these ridiculous customs. It is so nice to receive your food order, clothing and other stuff and only have to deal with one human being at a time. People are so annoying, after all.
8 You Ban NYE
And the whole New Year’s Eve thing? Come on people. So it is the last day of the year. It happens every year, and why all the expense and big fuss? You could celebrate the New year anytime during that first week, but really, what is there to celebrate? Another year. Whoopee! It's not like you need a party to remind you the year is over. Again it's just another thing that allows people to think they deserve to be celebrating their year as if they change they world or something. You are another year older, more wrinkled, more in debt, more stressed, and hey, it’s another year that brings you closer to your last day on earth, death! That’s right people. You are celebrating being closer to death each year. Hey, that’s probably why everyone over eats and over drinks at this time of year. It doesn’t matter anyway. But you won’t join them. You’ll live your life and die in death like the calm, collected, organized individual you are. And you’ll have lots of money too.
7 You Believe Christmas Is All About Money
Okay, everyone, here's the thing. The holidays are just an excuse to boost the poor sagging retail economy that gets worse and worse every year. You’ve got to get a grip. Overspending just messes up the economy more as each year more people get into debt buying gifts no one really wants or needs. What a bunch of baloney. And every year people are fed the same song and dance and lap it up like dogs. You are so relieved that you see through all this deception and stay home watching movies you are already paid for with money you have and laugh at those poor saps that take in all this misinformation each year. Everyone should do what you do. Stay home, no visits, no debt, no problems. And by the way, you won't have to stress over getting the perfect present for the people in your lives. Yup, you have the right idea.
6 You Work Overtime
Ha! You could actually go into work with your pass and catch up on all those projects, log in overtime, while the others are in recovery mode from over partying. What a joke! Your boss will see you as industrious, caring, and a go-getter and the best part is you get to avoid your annoying colleagues asking you questions, inviting you out to places too, you got it, spend money you do not want to spend, and just interrupting your flow. Now, you do not have to put on headphones to avoid them. You can blast your non-holiday music while you make money without annoying people around! It feels great to think about this until you find out you can’t get into the building during that week. You are so upset, but oh well, it is their problem if the company suffers this year in the economy. You were down to work.
5 You Won't Give Money To Charity
How can we say this diplomatically? You are frugal? No, that would describe most people who are trying to balance their budget. Actually, you are stingy. That more or less describes you as you always have plenty of money for your own things but do not want to contribute anything or buy anything for others. You see this as “overspending” and “a waste of money.” You actually have a lot of emotional issues around money, sharing and trusting, but that is a whole other ballgame altogether. You find that charities are just money making organizations that do not even give money to the few who need it. Yes, you think most people do not need charity. They need a swift kick in the butt to go to work. It is hard for you to see the world with grey areas. For you, it is black and white. Charitable giving then is not your thing.
4 You Avoid Sugar And Treats
You are convinced that there is nothing redeemable about Christmas. It is a marketing holiday and that's it. People use it as an excuse to eat and drink whatever they want... but not you. You don't fall for that. You avoid sugar and treats and alcohol because you hate how people complain in the new year about all the weight they’ve gained. You think cynically about the weight loss industry and its part in helping push this trend towards overeating so they can make more money. This is why pretending Christmas is a regular day of the year is the best way to go. No overeating, over drinking, no budget issues, and no unfair corporations taking advantage. You laugh to yourself how silly people are to fall for this every year. Oh well. You'll sit in your well cleaned house, watch your videos alone in the clothes that will still fit you in the new year because you don’t follow the sheep and then stifle your smile when they all complain.
3 You Won't Let Your Kids Celebrate
If you ever have kids, you will forbid them to participate in any holiday celebrations. It is ridiculous how much time schools spend on plays, parties, and other such holiday nonsense when they could be teaching kids budgeting and how to save and make more money. And there are a lot more important ways to be spending your free time any way. You might even home school your children so they do not pick up on other kids' bad habits and love of material objects and consumerism. You will teach them the right way to celebrate and live in the world. All this holiday nonsense will not be done in your house. Your kids will be rich, fit, and happy thanks to not being overstimulated with food, lights, and parties. They will be the ones laughing all the way to the bank one day as their peers waste silly time eating, partying and getting sucked in by the culture.
2 You Tell People They Should Hate The Holidays
You are more than happy to set anyone who crosses your path straight on what the holidays are really about. You don’t like to waste time talking about it for too long, as there is money to be made and better things to do, but you will take some extra time to open their eyes to the delusion of everything that is even remotely related to the holiday season. That look of hopelessness and sadness? It’s just them waking up to how they’ve been fooled by all the others. Thank God they came across you and now can start celebrating the holidays in the right way: by not celebrating. They will think of you throughout the season when they see how their weight stays down and their money goes up. Life will be so much less stressful. You swear these people will really and truly thank you later, even if they don't realize it right now.
1 You Love Your Full Bank Account
Ah, yes, the bank account. You will be so happy to look at your bank account statement at the end of the year and see how big it is. All your family and friends complain about this time of year, about the bills, and everything that costs money. You will have the last laugh knowing that you did not fall for buying anyone anything or giving to charities that only help themselves and anyway, most poor people just take advantage of the system. They need to work and stop sitting on their butts! Ha! You would do things so much differently if you were in charge on the world scene. It would be nice if more people saw it your way. How you hope you could convert a few smart minded ones out there to your line of thinking, but it is not meant to be. If you can relate to this or anything else on this list, then you probably need to lighten up a bit. It’s the holidays after all! If you want friends and people to care about you, loosen up. No more bah humbug! Wishing you, Grinches and all, happy holidays!