Just because somebody loves you, it doesn’t mean that they’re a good person. Relationships in which one person is toxic happen all the time, and though there are strong feelings there, these kinds of relationships rarely last. When they do, they aren’t usually happy; normally, good-hearted people and toxic people are too different to make it work.
If you are dating someone who’s not a good person, you’ll want to know about it as soon as possible so you can decide whether you want to remove them from your life or try to get them to change. Sometimes, the answer is really obvious. Other times, it’s tricky — your partner treating you nicely doesn’t necessarily prove that he’s a good person. There are a whole bunch of signs to look out for!
A lack of basic compassion and empathy usually causes a whole bunch of other problems in a person, all of them being easily identifiable if you know what to look for. Some signs of a bad seed, like harming innocent animals and enjoying the suffering of others, are hard to ignore, even if in all other areas, the person you’re with seems perfect.
Does your significant other display any of these traits, which may mean he’s got a black heart? Read on to find out!
15 He Doesn’t Feel Guilty Or Much Remorse For Any Bad Decisions He's Made
A lack of guilt or remorse is a huge warning sign that someone is toxic, bad or even evil. As humans, we all make mistakes, and you’re never going to find the perfect person who never gives in to the dark side and does something they shouldn’t. But people who are more genuine or decent than not tend to regret the bad things they do, and feel bad for any pain they cause anybody else. If your partner never feels guilty for the mistakes he makes, it isn’t a good sign.
After he’s done something wrong, if he doesn’t show any remorse, it could mean that he doesn’t care that he’s hurt other people. Not only is that selfish, but signifies a serious lack of compassion which could manifest in other areas of your relationship. It could also mean that he is in denial or a bit delusional, and unable to recognize when he’s done the wrong thing.
14 He Doesn’t Believe In Equality And Feels Entitled
Speaking of believing that others are beneath him! It’s almost a definite sign that you’re with someone whose heart is a few sizes too small if he believes that he is superior to other groups, for whatever reason his mind can come up with. A good person believes in equality. End of story.
Look out for this one, because you might not notice it at first if it doesn’t affect you directly. For example, a partner who’s racist can still take you out on romantic dates and shower you with affection if you’re of a race he approves of. Watch for comments he makes and reactions he has to minority groups especially, to get a sense of whether he really believes that all humans are equal or not. He might look good on paper and say all the right things, but if he has certain beliefs about people of color, women, gay people or any other group, the chances are he isn’t as nice as he thinks he is.
13 You Catch Him Often Talking About People Behind Their Backs
We’ve all said something about somebody else before. Whether you’ve lost your temper or have just failed to keep your thoughts to yourself, at one stage or another, everybody has spoken about people behind their backs. Talking once about someone else doesn’t necessarily mean your partner is a bad person, but just keep an eye (or an ear) out when he goes to badmouth somebody.
Does he do it often? There’s a difference between somebody who says the odd thing to vent, and somebody who gets their happiness from speaking badly about other people. Kind-hearted people might say something mean, but they’ll regret it and try not to do it again. If your fella is not a good person, he probably won’t feel bad about putting down others behind their backs, whether they’re his friends or even perfect strangers. He probably won’t see anything wrong with some nasty gossip, and definitely won’t feel guilt or remorse for it.
12 He Enjoys Witnessing Or Hearing About The Suffering Of Others
One of the classic signs of a bad or toxic person is deriving pleasure out of the suffering of others. It could be a sign that your partner isn’t as pure as you think if he seems to enjoy seeing other people in pain, discomfort or going through any kind of hard time.
Although this is a strong sign, it doesn’t necessarily guarantee that somebody is bad. Good people might feel better about themselves when they hear about other people’s misfortunes if they’re feeling really insecure to begin with—after all, misery does love company! The difference is a non-toxic person would probably feel bad about feeling good that somebody else has been unlucky. And the extent of suffering that brings them joy would be much more limited—a good person would not be happy to hear that someone’s dealing with sickness, death, abuse or anything serious, even if they feel better when their friend has also put on three pounds.
11 When You're Out Together, He Belittles The Waiter Or Any Other Service Employee He Encounters
It’s never a good sign when somebody is rude to the waiter. Treating waiting staff or anybody else in a similar position badly says a lot about a person’s character. For starters, this behavior could mean that your partner has issues with either superiority or inferiority. He might secretly feel really insecure and like he’s a person without much status or power, so he takes whatever chance he can get to make others feel smaller than him, in order to boost himself up. A waiter or salesperson is an easy target for people with this goal, because they’re usually required to take a bunch of crap or risk their job.
It’s also possible that this behavior could mean your man feels like certain people in the world are beneath him, whether it’s because they don’t make as much money or didn’t study what he did. That’s no good either; a good person cringes when people are mean to others.
10 His Jokes Are Borderline Insulting And Sometimes Downright Offensive
Numerous studies have shown that a sense of humor is very important in a relationship. Both men and women find the quality extremely attractive, so much so that it can even override how you look, how intelligent you are or how selfless you are! A partner who makes jokes is a good thing. That said, a partner who makes jokes that are insulting is not.
This is a tricky one to decipher because what’s insulting or not is really up to each person. But it’s a common trait of people who are less than nice to use humor as a way of saying how they really feel and getting away with it without consequences. We’re not saying you should dump him if he has a black sense of humor—just be mindful of constant jokes that you can tell are vicious.
9 He’s Doesn't Treat Animals With Kindness Or Respect
This is a big one that pretty much guarantees the guy you’re with is not nice at all. Hurting animals is a serious problem, not only for the poor creatures who suffer, but for other humans as well. Animals that a lot of people hurt, like kittens, puppies, small bugs and other defenseless animals (we know, it’s gross!), are chosen because they’re easy targets. To get enjoyment out of seeing an innocent creature in pain shows a serious lack of empathy and compassion, and frankly, some psychopathic tendencies.
That’s not to say that if you don’t like animals, you’re a jerk. Not everyone has to be that way inclined! But it’s the people who don’t like them and choose to hurt them and make them suffer that you should seriously steer clear from. If they don’t feel bad when hurting an animal, they probably won’t feel bad when hurting a human.
8 He Rarely Shows Empathy Or Compassion Towards Anyone Or Anything
Empathy and compassion are human qualities that you’d hope everybody would possess in abundance, but sadly, that’s not the case. There are many more people than you’d like to think out there who don’t have a shred of either trait, and if your partner falls into that category, he’s bad news. When we say empathy, we mean the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes and understand how they feel, rather than just feel sorry for them or not relate to them at all. Compassion basically refers to being concerned with the suffering of other people.
Your partner might appear to understand and be compassionate towards you, but see how he is with other people. Does he judge random people and condemn them for mistakes anybody could make? Can he open his heart and forgive? Those who have no kindness or understanding for strangers aren’t really nice, even if they think they are.
7 He’s An Attention-Seeker Who Constantly Feels The Need To Suck Up All The Air In A Room
Look, we’ve all been guilty of a little attention-seeking at one point or another, right? Nobody’s perfect, and we all like to feel special and wanted some of the time. It becomes a problem to watch out for when your partner is such an attention-seeker that it cancels out his good qualities, and when his effort to demand recognition and praise dominates your time with him.
Chronic attention-seeking isn’t a good quality because it suggests that a person is obsessed with themselves and holds themselves in higher regard than everybody else. It’s a classic sign of a narcissist, and being with one of those is no fun! Of course, constant attention-seeking might not mean that your fella is evil—just insecure and unsure of healthy ways to deal with that. It really depends upon the person, so we can’t tell you whether this kind of behavior really means he’s an awful person. Take it with a grain of salt!
6 During Conversations, His Tone Can Become Arrogant Or Condescending
Falling right beside attention-seeking behavior is arrogance. Nice people don’t believe they’re better than everybody else, even if they’re exceptionally good at something. If he’s always going on about how fantastic he is, or if his actions imply that’s how he thinks, it might mean he’s not a great human.
Now, don’t get confused between arrogance and confidence! There’s nothing wrong with believing in yourself, standing up for yourself and being proud of your achievements. An arrogant person takes it to the next level, though, and thinks that their achievements make them superior. They think that because they’re good at something, they’re somehow of higher status, and nobody else can beat them. Toxic people lack modesty and couldn’t be humble if they were paid to. It’s okay if he tells you about his achievements when he’s asked. It’s weird if he goes on about them long after people have stopped caring.
5 He Doesn’t Really Listen To You When You're Confiding In Him
A good person is concerned with the lives of their loved ones just as much as they are with their own, so of course, they listen when they’re being spoken to. Therefore, someone who doesn’t listen to you when you vent to them might not be a good person. This applies within reason, since if you demand to talk about your problems for hours, even good people might get a little sick of it! Generally, though, if your partner never seems to listen to what you have to say, it’s not a good sign.
It’s pretty easy to tell if someone is really listening to you or not. Once you’ve finished talking, someone who wasn’t listening won’t ask you about it. They might mindlessly repeat something you’ve said with feigned interested, but they won’t add any worthwhile comment. As soon as they can, they’ll start talking about themselves, and ironically enough, expect you to listen.
4 He Doesn’t Have Many Friends, And The Ones He Has Are Flaky
Usually, it’s not a good sign if your partner doesn’t have any friends. Most people need friends in their lives, even if they only have one or two close ones, so the fact that he doesn’t could mean that other people can sense that there’s something off about him.
We don’t want to accuse all friendless people of being awful—everybody is different, and their own circumstances might have led them to not have friends for legitimate reasons. So you don’t have to give him the flick immediately if you notice that he doesn’t have a group of buddies! Just be aware if your partner seems to repel other people in general, including work colleagues and other acquaintances. It could mean that they are seeing something that you can’t because you’re blinded by love. It definitely wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened!
3 No Matter The Scenario, He’s Always The Victim
Someone who can’t recognize when they’ve done the wrong thing tends to play the role of victim over and over again. Sure, certain people are more evil than others, and some people really do find themselves suffering more than others. But still, nobody is a victim 100 percent of the time. It just doesn’t happen! Your significant other being unable to take responsibility for things and always blaming the world for his problems could mean that he’s just a crappy person.
If he truly sees himself as a perpetual victim, it might mean he has a very exaggerated sense of entitlement and believes that the world revolves around him, so when things don’t go perfectly he freaks out. He could also feel like he has no power of his own to change his circumstances, leading him to always rely on others to save him. Either way, this personality trait is hard work in any relationship!
2 He’s Always Negative
Not everyone is an eternal optimist, and that’s fine. We all need a few healthy doses of realism in our lives! However, there is realistic, and then there’s negative. And while it’s okay to be negative some of the time (we’re only human), someone who’s perpetually negative is more than likely a toxic person.
Even if they mean no harm by their negativity, it’s not good for you to be around someone who’s constantly looking at the bad side of life. A negative partner will put a bad spin on everything, turn you against your family and friends, make you suspect the worst of everyone, stop you from chasing your dreams, encourage you to make damaging decisions, and generally suck the fun out of everything. You might not want someone who’s bouncing off the walls even when they’ve lost their job or are mourning their grandmother, but a balance of positive and realistic is much better than negative.
1 Deep Down, You Have A Bad Gut Feeling About Him
At the end of the day, you have to listen to your instincts when trying to work out whether your partner is a nice person or not. Your gut knows best most of the time, and can offer more answers than all of the lists and evidence in the world! Whether or not your guy displays these signs or not, take into account what your intuition is telling you about him.
Even if he’s nice and ticks all your boxes, don’t be so sure all is as it seems if you have a bad feeling about the whole thing. Sometimes your body can send you mixed messages, so you might feel jittery around a guy who’s perfectly fine, and really, you’re just nervous. Watch out for that too! More often than not, a gut feeling that someone is toxic will persist with you until you can’t ignore it anymore. Most of the time, you’ll just know.