You know it's a bad idea, but what can you do when love hits ya? You met him at a party, at the park, or at your local video store; and all of a sudden you find out out he lives across the country from you. But you already exchanged phone numbers and you have been lost in his eyes for the past hour. It's too late to go back now.
You create a list of pros and cons in your mind. How can I make this work? "I will still have my freedom"...pro. "I still get to hang out with my friends and pretty much do as I please"...pro. "I won't know what he's doing ever"...con. "I will have to take care of my physical needs myself"..con. "Oh my gosh"...con...con...con...con!
The reality of it is, long distance relationships hardly make it. In order to make it work there must be a solid amount of trust, patience and determination in your connection. It's pivotal to have a conversation about who will move to who and approximately when that will happen. But does he know you well enough? Did he really catch the essence of you through FaceTime? Is he willing to give it all up for you?
Here's 15 signs that your long distance lover is going to break your heart.
15 You Really Don't Have Much in Common
Let's be realistic here, you fell for his dreamy eyes and his perfectly structured face. Tall and David Beckam-ish has always been your weakness. From the very first conversation you may have noticed that you weren't intellectually at the same level. But who are you to judge? You have to give these things time.
You have huge dreams and are working towards the future you've always wanted. Him on the other hand, he's just coasting through. He mentions how he doesn't really know what he wants out of life so he's just living. This might be a problem, but in good old female fashion, you think you can inspire him and together fulfill the goals he doesn't know he has yet.
14 He Sends You the Wrong Text Messages
You're far away from one another, therefore your only source of communication is a cell phone. Texting is the easiest way to keep in touch with bae, so you talk day and night. Every time his name pops up you get a rush of excitement. You can't wait to see what he's going to say next. Too bad you can immediately read that his text wasn't meant for you. No it was meant for someone else who he might think is more important at the moment.
Disappointment and suspicion begin to make you rethink your blind trust. So what do you do now? Do you confront him about it? Do you ignore the text mishap? Or do you just break up with him now? In this uncomfortable situation all you can do is keep calm. Ask him about it, decide whether or not you believe him and move forward with his lies...I mean answer.
13 Sudden Mood Swings Cause Him to Just Stop Talking To You
Not only are you not able to see him nor feel him as you would want to, he also disappears on you once in a while and you and can never predict when it will happen. Yup, there's times when you text him and call him and you don't get a response. Sometimes days go by and you have no idea what you did to cause this odd behavior. Sad part is that it happens so often that you really wonder why you have decided to stick around.
Your intuition doesn't point to infidelity, but it does scream to crazy and unpredictable mood swings. Whether or not you are being cheated on, you really find it hard to stick around with this man period. This might be a good time to really think about what kind of relationship you would have with a person like that. Imaging being able to see each other everyday, imagine coming home to a cold non responsive partner whose personality turns at the drop of a dime.
12 He's Insecure
At first you thought it was adorable how he would compliment your sexy dress but then complain about how short it was and that it showed too much skin. Those random text messages when you were out with the girls saying "baby, don't cheat on me." It may sound strange but things like that make us girls feel wanted and reassured that he cares.
Unfortunately after a while you start to realize he's just insecure and it's no longer cute. His wondering mind only leads to headaches for you. Soon enough he starts to make you feel bad for going out and starts to question you about other guys. An insecure man can be exhausting and ready for vengeance, and in a long distance relationship this can become a nightmare. This will only get worse when together, before you know it he will be controlling your whole life.
11 His Exe's Left Because They Wrongfully Accused Him of Cheating
Always pay attention to a person's stories about their exes. If nothing is their fault, their ex is insecure and he never did anything wrong...you might have a problem. Your guy might claim that his ex love was crazy or that she was obsessed with him. Sometimes you might have to listen closer to find the truth. No one (worth being with) will be raving about their ex to their new partner but projecting the blame on everyone else but himself is another issue in itself.
Yes, you want to date a single man with no strings attached. But make sure that he is a truthful man who won't make up lies about you, like he does about his ex. You deserve love and respect, so make sure he respects women in general. Pay attention to how he talks about his mom, that will let you know how he will treat you.
10 He Doesn't Know What You Do
The person you are with should know everything about you. He should care to find out who you are entirely. If your distant love doesn't quite grasp what kind of work you do, why do you think he will care to find out about the rest of you. Some of us are actually passionate about our work and if your guy doesn't understand your passion, what do you really have. He should be asking questions about your day, inquiring about your job because after all it is a big part of your life.
The point of being in a relationship is to have a partner who supports you. Even if he is far away, his words can change your mood when you're stressed. At times we just want to vent about a tough day at work or a difficult assignment. Make sure the person you choose to be with cares enough to at least ask, "how was work?" a few times a week.
9 His Replies Are All One Word Answers
Yes, text messages were created for the purpose of a quick reply to a question. But let's face it, we live in a different era where text messaging is the main source of communication between most people. Phone calls and video chatting is of course pivotal to a long distance relationship, but if he can't carry on a few conversations through text, how will it be in person? As you've heard many times before, communication is key in relationships.
Sometimes you need a quick explanation and after you finally build up the guts to ask, you get a simple yes or no. Maybe it's just us gals but we need more than that. Can you please tell us how you feel once in a while without us having to beg you for it? Even a simple rundown about his day will suffice. Thoughts arise in our emotional minds specially when you aren't close.
8 You "GM" Him Every Morning First
Why am I sending you good morning texts? Okay so maybe we are in different time zones and I get up after you. I don't mind initiating conversation. But if you find yourself constantly breaking the silence, you have a problem. He should be as interested in talking to you as you are to be talking to him. The distance should make him miss you and yearn for you even more than a regular relationship.
Sometimes when two people get together there's one person who likes the other just a bit more. That's okay, as long as the person who feels a little less wants to feel more. We want to feel your effort gentlemen. Do nice things for your girl to also keep her interested and focused on you and only you. Send her flowers to work, surprise with a sweet voicemail or just a text that says "I miss you." Trust me, it's necessary.
7 He Doesn't FaceTime You Nor Call You Enough
So you're far away, yet he doesn't take advantage of the technology available to mankind today. Why wouldn't you want to get on a video call to see each other? Why not send snaps to keep each other's faces fresh on your mind? Even people in normal relationships who might even live together FaceTime and Snap each other, so why isn't long distance bae doing it? Sounds a bit fishy to me.
This goes back to what we mentioned before. Putting your best foot forward and showing your girl, you care. Ladies, we like to be romanced and wooed right? So make sure your man is giving you what you need! Too much texting and not enough, well, face time can lead to suspicions your already hard enough relationship doesn't need. Step it up guys, a girl will only take so much before she gives up.
6 He Doesn't Talk About Moving Together to the Same State
What is the point of all of your sacrifice if not to be physically together one day? If you are months into your long distance relationship and have yet to have a serious conversation about moving together, you have a problem. I don't think it's particularly necessary to go from long distance to moving in together, but moving to the same state is important.
You want to be together right? That's the point of attempting to build a foundation even from a distance? Well, as a man, you should put your big boy pants on and decide who will move where. Of course, careers and families come into factor here but that's why a serious conversation is so important. At least having a plans for the next months or years is a way of proving to each other that you are serious about being together.
5 He's Too Good To Be True
Usually when it's too good to be true, it's because it is. Don't live by this phrase ladies, give everything you have your sights set on a chance! Now, if his words seem less and less truthful and "he's always got them f***ing excuses" (Beyonce reference hehe) then beware. Again, our female intuition is our best friend, especially in cases like this.
It's okay to ask questions and dig a little deeper into things you feel unsure about, after all that is what people do in relationships. And remember that this is your time that this person is taking, you don't want to waste it. Get to know his tendencies, his reaction to things and whether or not this is something you can deal with in person. The good part about being in a long distance relationship is how well you really get to know a person.
4 You Know More About Him Than He Knows About You
Do you find yourself asking trivia questions to get to know him? When you ask him to ask you a question for once, does he say he doesn't know what to ask you? Ew, you have a problem. You shouldn't have to ask him to get to know you, he should want to do that naturally. You should be his precious star and want to know everything about you; your stories, your fun times and even the things that not everyone knows about you.
How is it that you are able to name his mom and siblings, all 5 of them, yet he doesn't know your dog's name. No relationship should be one sided, especially one which takes hard work to build. Plus, he chose you right? That must mean you were more interesting than the girls in his town so getting to know you should be fun and exciting for him!
3 You Fly Out to See Him More
How is it that you are spending money on flights much more than he is. A schedule is absolutely necessary in a long distance thang. Yes, you both have a job or jobs but if you decided to commit to this, you must find the time for one another. Alternate months when it comes to flying out to see each other. Even get creative and meet each other in different places around the country or the world!
Being long distance doesn't have to be a drag, it's like vacationing all the time. Take advantage of the time apart you have to get things done but make sure you are equally taking advantage of the times you get to see each other. It's simple ladies, don't be the one always going to see him or the only one paying for your flights. Make sure he is man enough to start taking care of his girl from the beginning.
2 His "Heart Eyes Emoji" Replies on Instagram..to Other Girls
This is a pretty general struggle for all girls. Your guy posts a new photo on Instagram and all of a sudden his comments are full of girls, most of which you've never heard of. The problem is when he comments back. It's hard to trust a person that lives thousands of miles away, but how much harder is it when he's commenting back to girls on social media with side smirk emojis?
This may sound like a "petty" problem but is it really? Didn't you meet online? What if conversations are being furthered through dms? You my girl, may never know and that is difficult to deal with. Make sure your guy is not embarrassing you by commenting back to girls who shouldn't matter. Talk to him about it calmly and if he gets upset, you know it's for a reason and that reason isn't good.
1 You've Never Met
The ultimate red flag. The "run now and don't ever look back." Ladies, if you've never met this guy and he isn't making an effort to meet you...move on! This is the internet age and most people meet online, that's totally fine. The big BUT here is making sure this guy is first of all real, and second of all serious about you. Do not waste your free text messages, time and faithfulness on someone who just sees you as one of his long distance games.
Hold off on the nudes and on telling all of your friends about your new cyber-boyfriend, if you aren't even sure he's real. Demand constant direct Snaps, video calls, phone calls and dedicated videos. Make sure that he has an end game in mind and that he is willing to fight for you as you are for him. Love is out there girls, just make sure you are attentive and smart when it comes to a long distance roller coaster ride.