When most women talk about having kids, it's more a question of when the right time will be, not if it's ever going to happen. They may not be totally ready for motherhood but they know they want children at some point in the future. But while there are definitely women who have always known they want to be moms, there are also some that are just not sure. When they think about having babies, they don't get those warm, fuzzy feelings that others do. It's not that they hate babies, but their uterus doesn't do flips when they see an adorable baby at the grocery store. Since society thinks that most of us want kids, we can feel a ton of pressure and like we're wrong for not wanting kids. After all, the female body was totally designed to have children. But we shouldn't feel like there's something wrong with us just because we don't want our own family. The truth is that children just don't fit into some women's version of an ideal life. Some women prioritize things like traveling and following their career dreams over settling down. Some want to be able to stay super spontaneous since having kids would definitely cramp their style. The spontaneity that having kids will get in the way of. If you're on the fence, read on for the 15 signs that you definitely don't want kids.
15 You're Grossed Out By Bodily Fluids
Let's face it, babies are messy little creatures, which would be fine if they kept their mess to themselves. But their bodily fluids always seem to get all over your clothes, house, and car. Babies don't mean for this to happen, but they just can't help it and it's just the way that it goes. Whether you are wiping up their puke or an endless stream of saliva, a large portion of your day will be spent hosing you and the baby off and trying to prevent the next accident. And that is just normal everyday stuff. Occasionally, you will be treated to the sight of your little one lying in a pool of his/her own projectile diarrhea. It's not exactly the prettiest sight to see. Sadly, there is no getting around this. If you ever have kids, you are going to have to get your hands dirty. Literally.
14 You're Impatient
No one will ever test your patience like a two-year-old who has learned the word no. "Pick up your clothes." “No!” "Put down that cookie." “No!” "Stop drawing on the walls." Children love to test you and see how much they can get away with. And the last thing that you want when you're crazy sleep deprived and cranky is a little person challenging your authority. But no matter how angry you get, you can't exactly freak out the way you would if your boyfriend or friend want you angry. A "speak first, think later" attitude is not the best way to raise a kid. Children may produce adult-sized stress, but they're still developing mentally and emotionally so you have to be delicate with them. You will have to learn to speak to them on their level to try to diffuse the situation, instead of allowing it to escalate. If you don't, you will find yourself in screaming matches every day and that will not be good for your or the child. If you know that you have a short fuse, then you will need to work keeping your cool before you have kids.
13 You Can't Afford It
Aside from emotional maturity, your finances should be the most important factor when you're contemplating whether or not to have a child. Your lifestyle will take a hit the moment that your little bundle is born. And if you are living paycheck to paycheck, it will be nearly impossible to provide for a child unless you can find a way to increase your income. Even though it is nice to think that love will be enough, it will not keep you or your child warm or fed. According to the Department of Agriculture, one child will cost an average couple 250,000 dollars. That sounds like a ridiculous amount of money, but it makes sense. Just think about everything that a child requires like clothes, healthcare, childcare, food, toys, and school supplies. And that is before you factor in the cost of college tuition, a place to live, and extracurricular activities. Whoa.
12 You Value Your Free Time
As far as society has come, women still (and probably always will) take on most of the responsibility when it comes to raising kids. So, on top of being pregnant for nine months, a woman also has to devote more of her time to the child, while the father is off working and having hobbies. Not to say that there aren’t single fathers or stay-at-home dads, but most of the child-rearing falls at the hand of the mother. There are biological factors involved, of course, like breastfeeding and bonding, but even after that stage is over, it is the mom who will spend a substantial amount of time actually raising the child. Free time does not really exist once you become a parent. At least, it's not called free time, but a chance occurrence that your child does not need you in this exact moment. That means that you will have a lot less time to pursue your hobbies and passions. You may end up having to give them up altogether. At least, until your kids get older. If you aren't not prepared to give up your life for you baby, then motherhood probably won't suit your needs.
11 Pregnancy Terrifies You
Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, but it is also completely terrifying. There is a laundry list of possible unpleasant things that come along with carrying a child like hemorrhoids, morning sickness, and sore chest. The worst part is that you will never know which symptoms will affect you. Some women will get through it with little to no stretch marks and no morning sickness, while others will feel that their body is turning against them. Of course, the end goal of pregnancy is birth, which can only occur in two different ways. Each come with their own set of pain, as you know. Then there are the weeks of bleeding that will occur as your body expels your uterine lining and other body tissue. Did you know that a woman's organs take up to a year to return to their pre-pregnancy position? That's scary stuff.
10 You Enjoy Your Privacy
Kids are curious beings who don't exactly understand personal boundaries or personal space. Your privacy will become a figment of your imagination from the moment that your baby learns to walk and shower time will become a luxury. Whereas you could sneak a quick shower or bathroom break in when they were newborns, toddlers will insist on coming into the bathroom with you. Every single time. If you resist, they will have a tantrum until you let them in. There will also be times when you're sound asleep and you're awakened by your toddler sitting on your head. Gone are the days when you had any time at all for yourself. Sure motherhood is a beautiful thing, but learning how to care for someone else's needs over your own is a very difficult task. Some people are introverts and learning how to let loose and give up that privacy is hard to do, and with a child, you really don't have any control over it.
9 You're Not Nurturing
Babies require a ton of love and attention. When they are infants, they find comfort in the warmth of their mother's bodies and the familiarity of her heartbeat. When they get older, they still want to be cuddled and loved... well, until they become a teen, that is, and then they pretty much ignore you, yell at you and/or slam doors all the time. The way that you treat you baby during its early years will play a huge part in his/her development. If you don't know how to pick op on social cues to tell when they are sad or afraid, then you will not be able to provide them with the reassurance that they need.
8 You Avoid Them
Another sign that kids may not be in your future is definitely how you act around them. Do you avoid dinner dates with your siblings and their kids? Does the thought of sitting next to a child on a plane give you nightmares? Does the thought of having to be left alone with a child even for a mere second give you anxiety? If you can’t tolerate kids, their noise, and their millions of questions even in small doses, how will you ever raise one full time? Unlike nieces and nephews, you can never escape your children. No matter how stressed they make you or how many times they say they hate you, you have to deal with them. No ifs, ands or buts about it. So you definitely want to make sure that you're ready, because it's a pretty massive decision and it's not exactly something that you can take back.
7 You Hate Babysitting
Nothing can compare to having your own baby to raise for 18 years, of course. But babysitting is a good way to test the waters and see if kids are for you, especially if you get a chance to babysit overnight. It gives you a chance to see how the kid acts at different stages of the day, instead of when they are on their best behavior. You will quickly find out that a well rested, fed child will behave differently than a child who is sleepy and hungry. If you cannot even make it through one full day with a baby, that is not a sign that you'll be a great mother. Sure, having your own child is different. They say that when you have your own children you mother instinct kicks in full gear, but for some of us that is just not true...but it's ok. Better to test the water first right? Before it's too late.
6 You Hate Sharing Food
Have you ever pulled out food around a little kid and they didn't ask for any of your snack or meal? Probably not.? Kids love to snack on goodies and if you ever pull up on anything, you can pretty much expect a little grubby hand to come out of nowhere. Kids do not care what you are eating as long as they can get in on the action in some form or fashion. And you can not deny them because they are super cute.As annoying as that is, what is worse is when they end up spitting it out on the floor. Even though you told them that they were not going to like that acai berry nut bar, they just had to have some. There is also the fact the kids never wash their hands and they will want to stick their snot covered fingers onto your plate and grab whatever they can.
5 You Love Your Sleep
One of the pains of getting older is realizing that your parents had a reason to nag about every little thing. Sleeping is one of those things that you take for granted until you have kids. We always wanted to stay awake and skip naptime as children, but as you get older, sleep becomes something you cherish. If you have a baby, you can pretty much kiss sleeping in goodbye. New mothers have to operate around their newborn's schedule and that means waking every two or three hours to feed a crying baby. Your schedule and your sleep come last, and if you think you can ignore the sounds of a crying, hungry baby, think again. If you thought that regular crying was unbearable, you will never be able to handle it when you're sleep deprived and haven't showered in two days.
4 You're Selfish
If you're the center of your own universe and honestly think about yourself 100 percent of the time, sorry but you're not going to be a good mother, no doubt about it. Selfish people just don't make good parents. When you're selfish, you're the star of your life and everyone else is merely a supporting character. When you have a baby, you are essentially demoting yourself from the lead role to a supporting role in a book where your baby will become the star. Your needs, wants, and desires are trumped by theirs and you have to adapt your routine to their feedings and diaper changes. And when they are older, you can look forward to driving them to school and entertaining their friends on the weekends. Are you willing to completely re-organize your life for a baby? Be prepared to give up your "me time."
3 You're Super Angry And Negative
Everyone has bad days now and again. But if you find that your bad days outweigh your good, or you are angry all of the time, you should probably not bring a child into this world. At least, not until you work on the root causes of your unhappiness. Even if you reserve your anger for the deserving parties, babies will be able to pick up on your energy and they will suffer. That is definitely not an environment that you want to raise another life in. Angry people produce angry children. One day your baby will be an adult with their own personality and they'll remember the example that you set for them. Worse than that? They'll project that anger onto their own kids and keep the cycle going.
2 Your Boyfriend/Husband Wants A Kid
The decision to have or not have kids is a deal breaker for most couples. You can compromise on your career or even what state you live in, but kids can’t really be crossed off (or put on) a list for most people. If you are thinking about having kids to please to your partner, take a minute to think about the consequences. For starters, you will probably regret taking on such a huge responsibly. Having a baby requires a lifelong commitment that should not be taken lightly. You will have to put in a lot of your time, love, and energy into raising the child and you’ll end up resenting your spouse in the long run. But the person who will suffer most is that child. Kids are more perceptive than you think and they will be able to pick up on your unhappiness. Every child deserves to be brought into the world by parents who want them. Besides, there is honestly no guarantee that you and your spouse will stay together. If you ever split, you will be left with a child that you didn't truly want.
1 You Honestly Don't Want Kids
You may find that you identified with some or all of the points from above, but honestly, you really don't need a reason. If you don't wish to procreate, you just don't want to and that's totally fine. You may just know that being a parent is not for you and that is okay. The path that you choose to take does not have to look like your mother's or sister's or best friend's. You do not have to commit your body, your time and your future to a child that does not yet exist if you do not want to. And it does not make you a selfish person. It simply makes you someone who knows what she wants and is not afraid to live your life on your own terms.