On a rare occasion do you ever end a relationship without having a clue as to why you wanted to end it in the first place. In fact, it seems a bit admirable when you are putting yourself out there in the dating world, to forgive those who have wronged you, and to even be that one person that wants to try and make things work, who doesn't want to give up on that one stubborn guy you just cannot get over.
But reality can hit you hard when all is said and done, you notice that every pattern from your drapes is the same, that in all fairness, the landscape just isn't changing and the only thing left for you to do is to let it all go. Often, it is easy to be in denial, you want so badly to make things work that you lose sight of what is best for you. But if he isn't willing to make the effort, isn't willing to put you--the two of you, first, then is it really worth holding on to?
Truth is, there are always signs, there are flashing red lights that often you ignore. You know you should listen to the sirens as they are blaring yet you cannot find it in your heart to stop. Chasing someone that isn't willing to chase you will only hurt you in the end. If you can catch these signs before things go too far-- you just might be able to help the heartbreak hurt a little less. Luckily for you, I am here to help and to give you knowledge on the signs you should look for-- if you are noticing these signs then perhaps it is time to kick that guy to the curb-- here are 15 signs it is time to give up on him:
15 You’ve put way too much effort into him already
Being in a relationship takes a lot of time and effort--and if you are the only one that is bending over backward to make things work with him, the true issue is that he is not doing the same for you. There is a line, and you are the only one who can draw it. Part of the reason we form relationships is because we like the way someone makes us feel, but more importantly, we like how they take the time to get to know us and put forth the effort in order to build the relationship. It takes two in a relationship and if you are the only one fighting to make things work then what is the point of staying in the relationship? You keep telling yourself that if you just try things will fall into place, but the reality of it is-- if he isn't putting forth as much effort into you as you are into him then chances are he just isn't into it. It is better to cut ties now, instead of forcing a relationship that just isn't working anymore. You should be with someone that puts an effort into you-- much how he was in the beginning, it should always be like that. If not, it is time to let him go.
14 It’s draining your energy
You don't want to seem overly dramatic because usually, it isn't as if you two are fighting or anything like that. But for some reason, your emotions about him seem to be pouring out anyway, much like a sad magic well that constantly refills itself hourly. And let's be honest here, how will you ever have anything else left to give if you continually waste all your time on someone who clearly could not care less? He knows you care about him, therefore, why would you waste any more of your energy on someone who doesn't seem to have the same respect for you? It is difficult when you care so deeply about someone and you don't want to just walk away-- but if you find yourself crying over him more so than smiling-- then the answer is clear as day, it is time to walk away sweetie. No relationship should become that draining. Relationships aren't easy but you shouldn't find yourself so upset over some guy. He knows his worth, and so do you--don't waste your energy on a guy that clearly isn't into it anymore.
13 He doesn't want to talk about the future
In the beginning of a relationship, you both are just getting to know each other but there comes a point where talking about the future is important. If he isn't willing to talk about it, chances are he has already made up his mind and he clearly does not see a future with you. The future can often come across as really terrifying to some, but when you are in a relationship with someone and know you can't live without them, the future can seem pretty exciting. You just want to know that you two are on the same page-- you should be happy with the one you are with and if you aren't then you know that the time has come to just turn the page, without each other. If you are in a relationship with someone and he doesn't ever want to talk about the future, or he constantly changes the subject then that is definitely a bad sign. He is just proving to you that he isn't stable enough to commit to you and chances are he isn't ever going to. Never give a guy an ultimatum or try to change his mind because even if he does agree to settle down with you-- he might end up resenting you later on which is something you don't want to happen.
12 A casual relationship isn’t sustainable
We live in a world now where modern dating society means "casual" relationships-- which sounds great in the sense that you get the right needs but you don't have to necessarily put forth any time or effort and you don't have to compromise your freedom. But realistically speaking, casual relationships are never sustainable. Movies such as Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached make these casual relationships seem easy and fun and the potential for things to grow but that isn't reality as this rarely ever happens. S0 many women tell themselves that they are perfectly fine with casual dating, but be honest, are you totally and utterly okay with lying to yourself in an effort to avoid losing the guy? And let's say you are fine with it for now, but it probably won't become your long-term life goal, so don't lose sight of that. Often, we have already become attached to the guy as anything physical can make a woman become attached but now you feel that if you talk about wanting a relationship you will lose him, so you say you are okay with things casual. But that isn't doing you any good and sooner or later, someone is going to get hurt.
11 He makes you needy and/or desperate
When you aren't in an exclusive relationship, often women become more jealous and slightly clingy-- wanting to keep a man, or have him any way you can get him isn't healthy and often you look desperate which is a total turn off. Granted, you probably did not start off feeling so desperate, but something about his elusiveness has got you chasing after him like he is the last man on earth. And you know very well that he isn't, and that needy chick is not the real you. Let's be honest here, you are a really good girl the type of girl that a guy would want to date. You're a keeper, don't ever try to be something you're not. If he can't see how amazing you are then is he really worth it? You don't ever want to be so attached to a guy that you lose sight of who you really are. Know your worth and don't allow him to make you feel anything less. If you are becoming desperate, it will only drive him away but it also means that you shouldn't have to try so hard and it is time to let him go.
10 He doesn't make time for you
The oldest trick in the book-- stating that you don't have enough time. It is complete bs because if you are truly into someone you will make the time. Therefore, if he isn't capable of making time for you, it is time to give him the boot! Truth is, two people have to be invested in a relationship in order for things to work-- if he isn't willing to make time for you, then why should you make any time for him? Often, men have the ability to use the excuses of "I just don't have time" but we all know that is just an excuse. No one is that busy! And if he is, then he isn't worth it, to begin with, and you should find someone that is willing to make the time. If you have to beg for his time then is he really the type of guy you want to be with? If a guy wants to be with you, he will find the time and make the time, he would be so invested in you and your relationship that you wouldn't have to second guess anything.
9 You two are growing apart
If you two are starting to grow apart, then it may just be time to end things. No sense in holding on to something or someone that no longer serves a purpose. The feeling that you are giving up on a relationship isn't easy, but if you two are growing apart rather than growing closer it is time to take a look at the bigger picture. Often in a relationship, you either grow together or apart-- especially as you get older you grow as your own person and a lot of times he is growing in his own way too, sadly, this can make you both grow in the opposite direction. It is more common than you may ever believe, but often when a relationship ends usually it means that they have grown apart, which can be hard to accept when you once adored this person but now who you are has changed and it really isn't anything he said or did--just some things aren't meant to last forever. You have to do what is best for you. Holding on to a relationship where neither partner is willing to try will only hurt you in the end. Sometimes the best thing for you, for both of you, is to move on and not hold on to what you once had. Things change, people change and that is life sometimes.
8 He has become distant
The worst thing you could possibly do is hold on to someone that is practically pushing you away. When a guy becomes distant it generally means that he isn't interested anymore or does not feel the relationship is worth the effort-- which really sucks. In the beginning, he longed for your kisses, you two enjoyed spending almost every day together, you enjoyed the feeling of butterflies--and now that spark isn't really there and a little voice in the back of your mind is telling you to walk away. Maybe he stopped sending good morning texts, he doesn't ask you to hangout as often, when you try to be affectionate he practically pulls away-- these are signs of him being distant which really isn't a good thing at all. If a guy is into you, you are going to know it and you won't feel him pulling away because he will want to get closer to you. When a guy goes from super fun and flirtatious with you to brief messages and less time spending together-- it means he is putting a distance between you two. And the worst part is that he won't just tell you he isn't interested anymore, he will most likely just disappear slowly-- men are notorious for ghosting. And you will be left feeling as if you did something wrong, but remember, you couldn't have done anything differently.
7 You doubt how he feels about you
Here is what makes dating so complicated, with women we show our emotions when we like a guy we not only tell them but we show them-- men are completely opposite. It is like pulling teeth to get a guy to tell you how he feels. But there are signs, and usually, when a guy is interested in you, you will know it. Here is the thing: if you have a lightbulb going off, you must realize that he just is not worth your time and to decide that enough is enough, he is either going to care or he won't there really isn't any in between! And truthfully, it should not take you leaving for him to come to the conclusion of what he could have had, but sometimes guys can be a little dense or just complete jerks. You should never have to doubt how a guy feels about you if he can't see how amazing you are then is he really worth your time?
6 He never invites you anywhere
When a guy is interested in you, he is going to want to invite you places and show you off to his friends and family-- therefore, if he isn't inviting you anywhere then it is time to second guess what you really mean to him. Men are actually quite simple really when they know what they want, they will become invested and they will show they are interested. You shouldn't ever feel second best, and if he is making you feel that way-- it is time to kick him to the curb. A good guy is going to take you out, introduce you to his family and friends, he is going to want to show you off-- and if he isn't, then do you honestly believe he actually cares? It sucks and is harsh but it is also the truth. Granted, he may care about you but how much? At the end of the day you are going to know whether or not someone truly cares and if he isn't willing to show you off--then why should you put forth any more effort?
5 He flirts with other girls
Ladies, this is a no-brainer-- if a guy is flirting with other women, whether it is leaving comments on Instagram, Facebook or flirting in public in front of you-- then is he really a good guy? If a guy likes you he won't be paying attention to other women, he especially won't be flirting with them. It is totally misleading, especially if you are investing all your time into the relationship and he is out flirting with anything that walks by. And we all recognize that there is a huge difference between being friendly and being flirty with other girls. You want to make sure that your guy isn't falling into the category of being too flirtatious to other women and if he is-- you seriously need to let him go. Men generally will flirt with other women for two reasons: he is either bored with you or he has lost interest-- either way, you spin it, it doesn't sound too good.
4 He refuses to put a label on things
So you two have been casually dating for some time now, and to you, you know exactly what you want and would like for the relationship to have some label, some exclusivity-- but your man clearly has other thoughts in mind. Truth is, if a guy really liked you, he wouldn't want you with anyone else. So if he isn't jumping at the chance to make things exclusive then is he really worth sticking around for? And reality can suck sometimes but you are better off alone than in a 'sort-of' relationship. After a certain point, you have to look at it as he is just getting all of your attention and energy-- he is getting the boyfriend/girlfriend benefits without having to actually commit to you. And if you are not being fulfilled in return, you are much better off being more conservative with rationing that out and working on all that good ol' self-empowerment stuff instead. You shouldn't have to force him to put a label on things, but if he isn't willing to be exclusive on his own then it is time to let him go.
3 Your relationship is one-sided
You have hit a road block if your relationship is only one-sided, and honestly, you are better off being alone than loving someone that doesn't feel the same way or as strongly as you do. We go out of our way for the people we care about, and most likely, you will always be willing to go out of your way, sacrifice, and make the effort for things that are extremely important to you. So if you are willing to sacrifice things for him and he isn't-- let that one-sided love go! If he claims that he cares about you but his actions never seem to reflect it, then he does not care. We show how much we care about people and love them through action, not words. Actions say what words won't. Look at it this way, if he tells you that he loves to garden, but what happens if his plants are not properly tended to, then the garden will die. Compare your relationship to this: who is tending the garden? and is it mutual? Chances are you have become exhausted just giving your all to a person who only gives you half in return. Ladies, you deserve to be just as much of a priority as you are making him. Don't settle for just being an option because remember, a relationship is a two-way street-- no one lane here otherwise maybe it is best you make that u-turn fast.
2 You don't trust him
Trust is important in any aspect of your life-- whether it is a relationship or friendship. And just as easily as trust can be broken, it is just as hard to get it back. If you have this inkling that you cannot trust him, trust your instincts, they are usually always right. If you constantly find yourself extremely paranoid whenever his phone goes off. Ask him who is texting him, and if he just replies with "just a buddy." Yeah, okay. And let's be honest here, you have been more than once tempted to sneak onto his Facebook or Instagram while he is in the shower to see who exactly he might be messaging. Honey, if you have to go out of your way to find things out and if you truly cannot trust him, then why are you even with him? You shouldn't have to feel paranoid all the time, people get into relationships because they trust each other-- without the foundation of trust you pretty much have nothing. What exactly is holding your relationship together if the trust is gone?
1 You start to consider other options
Do you ever get the feeling that you might be involved with the wrong person? We all have a fear of being stuck in an unwanted relationship-- but that is just it, you don't have to be. Not all relationships are meant to last forever, and if you are having an inkling that you just aren't invested in it like you once were then it is time to walk away. People who have lost interested in someone have the power to do something about it-- don't just stay because it is convenient. Perhaps a guy in line at the grocery store asked for your number, and you actually considered giving it to him. But the only thing that stopped you was the fact that you have a boyfriend. But be honest, when was the last time he made you feel pretty the way that the grocery store guy made you feel? Perhaps you hear about your friends and their Bumble matches all the time, they let you swipe for them, and some of those men are super cute. You begin to wonder why you are still with your boyfriend. If you are having second thoughts-- don't resort to cheating and don't stay just for fear of hurting him. It is better to end things now before something does happen.
