His mom might like you, his sister might be your absolute BFF and he could be genuinely wondering if you’re The One. But what might seem like smooth sailing could end up leaving you shipwrecked if you fail to win over the one party you never even thought to worry about: his friends.
Whether they’re good guys just trying to look out for the best bro or certified d-bags with some serious issues, once his friends decide that you’re the enemy, they'll stop at nothing until you're just another notch on his bedpost. They might be overprotective, jealous, or they might even just want you for themselves. But if you suspect his friends are being shady about your relationship, newsflash: they probably are.
He's always going to be down with his boys—but are they down with you? Read on for warning signs that friends are trying to sabotage what you've got until you're gone.
15 You Can’t Get To Know Them Because They Won’t Talk To You
If they're keeping themselves at a distance from you, it's probably not because they're shy. Guys who approve of their friend's love life are excited to meet the new girlfriend, not be standoffish and cold. When your every attempt to make a connection is received with a low-key "talk to the hand," you'll be able to feel that something is off—because it probably is.
If they're not willing to talk to you, it's because they've already decided that they won't like you. So while you try harder and harder to make them like you, they'll be making it more and more clear that they're not having any of it. Opening up a line of communication only means that you might win them over and force them to give you a chance. And when they've already decided that your relationship needs the ax, that's the last thing they'll want.
14 They Blow Your Actions Out Of Proportion
It's totally normal to bicker with your significant other and get on each other's nerves. If he's bad at texting back or you're always a little bit late, it's inevitable that your personalities will rub each other wrong from time to time. But if his friends are trying to get rid of you, when they find out about your flaws and shortcomings they won't try to put out the fire—they'll only try to add more fuel.
If his friends have already placed a target on your head, they'll seek to exacerbate your every flaw until they've rewired his brain to see you the way that they see you. So if you freak a little bit when he's not answering his phone, his friends will already be prepped to start calling you "crazy" and "obsessive", and those fifteen minutes he spent waiting for you to get around on date night become hours when his buddies retell the tale.
13 You Find Them Constantly Criticizing You—And Not In A Funny Way
At first, you might've thought they were just serious jokers when they started ragging on the way you dress or how much makeup you wear. But as time goes by, all those "funny jokes" start to get a little weird—especially because you're hearing them constantly. If you can't walk into a room without one of his buddies making some kind of snide comment, prepare for the worst. They're not just kidding around, they're actively trying to draw his attention to any flaw they can find—and if there aren't any, they'll make some up.
You'll find yourself constantly on the defensive around his friends because you pretty much have to be. They'll say you're too quiet, or that you never shut up; you're a total priss, or you're such a tomboy that he might as well be dating a man. If they can convince him that you're a total mess, then their job is done.
12 They Resist Hanging Out With Him While You’re Around
When you were fresh into your relationship, it was kind of nice to have him all to yourself so often. But when you realize that the only time he's hanging out with his bros is when you're elsewhere, you might start to wonder: are they avoiding you on purpose? If every time you try to make plans as a group all of his best guys RSVP, "No," watch out—because they could be trying to drive a wedge in your relationship.
If his friends don't like you, they still might tolerate having you around as long as they don't have to talk to you. But if they're actively working on breaking your relationship apart, then they're going to try to keep as much distance from you as possible. Your guy will know something's up when he can't spend any time with you and his buddies together, and they're placing their bets that if it's you or them, he'll choose them—hands down.
11 They Stop Inviting Him To Things
When his friends start trying to send a message that they want you gone, your guy just might find himself left out in the cold too. No one wants to feel alienated from their friend group, but if they're serious about getting rid of you, they're not gonna care. In their eyes, a few hurt feelings are worth "saving" their friend from a girl they've decided is bad for him—even if you're the best thing for him in the whole world.
His buddies will post Facebook pics from events that they've casually forgotten to invite him to, tell inside jokes that he wasn't around for and slyly hint at how he's just not any fun anymore, now that he has you. They'll seek to remind him of how much more glamorous life was when he was single—or how much fun they could all be having together if he was only with someone else.
10 They Treat You Like You’re Invisible
His buddies might ignore your comments on Facebook, talk over you or just blatantly pretend you're not there, but if you're feeling invisible when you're around them, it's not because you've suddenly gained a sick new superpower. Ditch your dreams of being See-Through Girl, the world's least visible woman, because it's not you—it's them.
This is a hard one to pin down, especially because if you call them out on it, it'll only make you seem crazy. They can play it off as forgetfulness or a lack of self-awareness, but in reality, their rudeness is totally intentional. Pretending that you don't exist is a good way to send the message to their guy that you're just not a good fit. Ignoring their buddy's girl is their most childish way of pretending that you don't jive with their group—and they'll be hoping that your man sees that.
9 They’re Constantly Pushing Him Toward Other Girls
It's a known fact that guys can't resist chatting about attractive women, whether they're in relationships or not. But if you're noticing that his buddies seem to be doing more than just pointing out hotties, those red flags you're seeing might not be so out of place. Acknowledging that another girl is good looking is one thing (even you can do that!), but urging him to go hit on that cute brunette at the bar or scoring some other girl's number for him? Even he's got to admit, that's pretty weird.
It's not just strangers that they'll try to tempt him with, though. If you're hearing a lot from his friends about how great his ex was, or how that girl he used to be crushing on is now totally single, they're definitely trying to lure his attentions elsewhere. If they can distract him with someone else, his affections for you might fade—which is exactly what they want.
8 They Hit On You When He’s Not Around
Not every sketchy action on his friends' parts will come off as cruel. In fact, they might be totally friendly with you—maybe a little too friendly. When they friended you on Facebook or started liking your Instagram pics, you probably thought that you were in the clear. But if it seems like they're trying to angle for something closer than friendship, you shouldn't be flattered.
If they're really his friends, they're not flirting with you because they're into you—they're trying to see if you'll cheat. Even just receiving a few "flirty" texts could be all the evidence they need to place doubts in your man's mind. And if they're genuinely attracted to you, then they're not his friends—and they'd like nothing more than to see you on the market and, in their eyes, totally up for grabs. Either way, your relationship loses, so steer clear.
7 He Ignores You When He’s With Them
No man is going to be awesome at keeping in touch with you while he's having a guys' night or a hangout sesh with his friends. But if you're finding that he's not even able to answer a quick question or send you a fast message when he's out with his buds, it could be because they've shamed him into silencing his phone, or at least keeping it in his pocket.
If he has to hear his buddies complain about how you keep him on such a short leash every time he tries to text you, or if they act annoyed when the two of you get handsy around them, he'll start to feel uncomfortable with you. And the more they make him feel bad about paying attention to you, the more they're hoping he'll boot you out of the picture so they can have him to themselves.
6 They Won’t Shut Up About How Great The Single Life Is
Do his friends seem to have nothing negative to report about their bachelor lifestyles? Are they championing their 12-hour video game marathons or constantly singing the praises of how much easier being single is on their wallets? Everyone knows there are benefits to being single, but if his friends never seem to have anything the downfalls of their girlfriendless lives, they just might be trying to tempt him back over to that unattached life he was living before you came along.
The binge drinking. The lack of hygiene. The shitty TV dinners. When a man's friends are trying to get him to cut and run, they can make even the least fun aspects of being a bachelor seem magical and fantastic. There's no way that they genuinely enjoy wallowing alone in their own fart smells all day, but if they think it could make your man nostalgic for the life he left behind when he found you, you can bet they'll make it sound like the most freeing thing in the whole world.
5 Their Girlfriends Are Giving You The Cold Shoulder
Your dreams of double dates and couples' bar crawls might have felt like they were finally ready to come to life when you found out some of his friends were attached as well. The girlfriends of your man's friends should become your friends—them's the rules. But if all those dreams came crashing into the cold, harsh reality that you and gals of the group are just not going to get along, they could be bitches—or they could have been told that you're one.
You can bet that if his friends want to get rid of you, they've already complained to their girlfriends about how horrible you are. And even if his friend's girlfriends do like you when they meet you, they might not want to get too close. Knowing that if their guys have any say in it, your relationship is on its deathbed means that they'll be looking to minimize casualties when it all goes up in flames—so don't be surprised if they keep you at an arm's length.
4 They Sabotage Romantic Moments
When you're truly in love, opportunities for rom-com level romance present themselves everywhere. Kissing beneath fireworks, picking each other flowers, even just holding hands while you walk down the street—you're seeing love-hearts and stars wherever you go. But when his dudes want you gone, they're not about to let you enjoy the little things that make being in love so sweet. Expect constant barrages of "Ewwww!" and "Gross!" every time you so much as smile at each other, and don't even think about trying to steal a kiss without hearing a snide comment in response.
They'll make fun of any sappy messages you send him, pretend to vomit when he tells you that he loves you, and god forbid should he change his profile picture to a selfie of the two of you—because you'll never hear the end of it. If your man's friends seem to be lurking around the corner, just waiting to jump at the chance to be obnoxious, it's more than just plain immaturity.
3 You’re The Butt Of Every Joke
It would be nice if you could open your mouth without someone making a crack about it, but if his friends are trying to drive you off, they're not going to give you the chance. When a few playful jokes become a near-constant barrage of humor at your expense, his friends are deliberately crossing that line in the hopes that you'll get the hint and take a hike. Creating a hostile environment for you gives them the opportunity to put you into an awkward position. Do you laugh and risk encouraging more tasteless wisecracks? Or do you speak up and get branded as that girl with "like, no sense of humor"?
Either way, if they want you gone, they'll find a way to make their absolute lack of politeness your fault. And any time they can knock you down a peg or two, they'll consider it a win.
2 He Comes To You With Rumors He’s Heard From “Trusted Sources”
Nobody likes being dragged through the rumor mill, whether the stories are true or false or just plain whack. But while your man might brush off a little nasty gossip, if it's coming from his friends he's more likely to take it seriously. If the rumors are true, you might as well address them now. But if they're new ones coming up out of the woodwork that you've never heard before, and you can't imagine where they started, it's possible that they were invented just to cast a shadow of a doubt.
If your man is suddenly concerned about you cheating, even when you don't really talk to other men anymore, or if he's heard something bizarrely untrue about your past, it's time to start questioning who his sources are—and if they have something to gain from hauling your name through the mud.
1 He’s Being Forced To Choose Between Them And You
They can't say, "Break up with her or you can't hang out with us anymore." But they can schedule hangout times to conflict with promises he's already made to you. They can invite him out to do things when they know you were planning for a quiet night in together. Sometimes, when his friends are ready for your relationship to be over, they won't even bother being coy about it.
Putting your man on the spot when it comes to choosing date night or guys' night, beers with his buddies or a romantic dinner with you isn't just about jealousy when it happens all the time. If his friends are really angling for a breakup, they don't have to come right out and say it. Making every social interaction a choice—them or you—is their way of forcing his hand. Unfortunately for them, all they’re really doing is showing their true colors. If they were his real friends, they’d respect his decisions, they’d trust his judgment, and they’d never make him choose at all.