There are a million reasons why you wouldn't want to date a guy who isn’t totally over his ex. To start with, you just don’t want to worry about whether or not she’s still in the picture. If your guy and his ex share a long history, you might start to question whether or not she left his life for good once their relationship came to an end. Of course, it’s super important to know that he’s being honest and faithful when it comes to you and your relationship, and if he can’t uphold those values, then he’s totally not worth your time. You have much better things to focus on than your BF’s old flame, but if you suspect that she’s still coming around, it’s best to be prepared and to recognize the red flags. If his ex is still involved, it’s pretty safe to say that you don’t want to be the last one to know about it. Don’t worry, we’ll help you figure it out once and for all. Here are 15 signs that his ex is still in his life.
15 He Talks About Her Often
Everyone knows that the golden rule of dating is to never put too much emphasis on discussing the ups and downs of your previous relationship. Of course, we’ve all been guilty of mentioning our exes every now and then in casual conversation, but if he refers back to his old flame more often than he should, there’s a good chance she might still be in the picture. Frequently talking about his ex-girlfriend shows that she is still on his mind and that should be seen as a huge red flag. Past relationships take time to get over, but if he can’t seem to shake the thought of her, he might not quite be over her just yet. If he starts bringing up his ex more than usual, it could be because he is still in contact with her, or even worse – they still see each other. Nobody wants to come in second place to someone’s ex-lover, so be sure to take notice of just how much he talks about her. If his ex-girlfriend is all he wants to talk about, he’s definitely not ready to be with you and he’s only wasting your time.
14 You Catch Him In Lies
He tells you he’s going out with a few of his guy friends, but you have reason to believe otherwise. Your boyfriend has given himself a bit of a reputation when it comes to being untrustworthy, and his ex is a huge part of the problem. Let’s face it, when it comes to the topic of his ex, you have definitely caught him in a series of poorly-executed lies. It’s no surprise that he tries to lie to cover up his tracks, but it’s totally exhausting trying to keep up with a man who has no problem with being dishonest. You have done your fair share of detective work and you always know when he’s being deceitful. You hate to admit it, but you have been known to obsessively look through his cell phone and his laptop trying to find clues about where he’s really been when he says he’s “with his buddies”. Be smart and don’t fall for his lies, omissions, and half-truths. You don’t want to be with anyone who isn’t honest and who still has super close ties to his ex-girlfriend.
13 Your Romance Started Before Theirs Actually Ended
If you have a sneaking suspicion that his ex is still in his life, there’s a pretty good chance you might have a good reason to believe so. You might not have known it at the time, but your man actually had the nerve to pursue you long before his other relationship had even ended. To make matters worse, there is even a possibility that his prior relationship had never even ended at all. There’s nothing quite like discovering that you’re in a relationship with a two-timer, and if he did it once he’s definitely capable of doing it again. We’ve all heard the saying “if he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you”, and that couldn’t be more true. While your guy is busy ping-ponging himself back and forth between you and his ex because he can’t make up his mind, he’s hurting both you and her in the process. Having a history of cheating is a super clear sign that his ex could still be in his life, and you definitely don’t have time to play any of his juvenile love games any longer.
12 He Says They’re “Just Friends”
Picture it: you meet an amazing guy who sweeps you off your feet. He has all of the qualities you look for in a potential partner and you think there’s a chance he could be the one… but there’s just one (big) problem. Yup, he’s still in touch with his ex. Sure, there are some exes who can remain platonic friends after their relationship ends, but it’s a super slippery slope. In most cases, there is just way too much emotional baggage left over to maintain any kind of relationship with an ex, even if he insists that she’s strictly in the friend zone. If he justifies carrying on any form of relationship with his ex by telling you that they are “just friends,” you might want to think twice about where his allegiance really lies. Of course, his reasoning for keeping her around is that they have a long history together, but that’s exactly the reason why she has no business interfering with his new relationship. If we’re being totally honest, she’s his past and you are his future, and the odds are pretty high that those two are a lot more than just friends. If he had his priorities straight you wouldn’t have to feel like you’re sharing your man with anyone else…especially his ex-girlfriend.
11 His Family Is Still Close With Her
As his girlfriend, you want to make your guy happy and exceed all of his expectations. When things start to get serious and he finally introduces you to his family, you want nothing more than to impress them and to make them see that you are the right girl for him. Of course, winning them over can definitely be seen as a small victory, but it can also be a crushing blow to find out that his fam is still super close with his ex. If your man shared a long relationship with his old flame, there’s bound to be a whole lot of history between them. They were super close and unfortunately for you, the bond between her and his relatives seems virtually impenetrable. It can be incredibly intimidating to notice that his fam hasn’t exactly come to terms with the fact that his previous relationship has come to an end, and it could also mean that his ex is still in his life. If his parents are still inviting her over for family dinners with the hopes of them rekindling their romance, it’s a pretty clear indicator that she is still a part of his life.
10 He Compares You To Her
Dating is hard enough as it is, and it’s certainly not any easier when you notice that your guy constantly compares you to his ex-girlfriend. No guy should ever be that inconsiderate, but he just can’t seem to take a hint. If he can’t seem to grasp that you and his ex-GF are totally different people, it might be a big sign that she’s still in his life. Let’s face it: you don’t need to be told about past experiences with her, or how he liked the way she did certain things better than you do. If he’s comparing and contrasting you to his ex, he definitely hasn’t gotten over her and she’s likely still present in his life. It’s totally not his job to point out your flaws in comparison to her strengths, and having to deal with the pressure of measuring up to his ex can be incredibly draining. If we’re being honest, he should focus more of his attention toward you, and not on his past relationship.
9 They Have A Breakup/Makeup Pattern
He has a long history with his ex, and over the years they have been known to breakup and makeup more times than you even can fathom. Their relationship was a rollercoaster of emotions filled with crazy highs and lows, but for some reason, they keep going back to each other. It totally sucks to fall for a guy who has a solid on-again/off-again history with an old flame because you know it’s only a matter of time before she comes back into the picture. He might be with you right now, but you don’t trust him enough not to go crawling back to his ex. If you are with a guy who’s known to get tangled up in unhealthy patterns when it comes to relationships, the odds are super high that his ex has never stopped being in his life at all. Leave him and his ex to deal with their excessive amounts of emotional baggage on their own time - you deserve someone who is willing to give you one hundred percent, and you should never settle for anything less.
8 They Share An Inner Circle
If your guy and his old flame share a bunch of mutual friends and run in the same crowd, the odds of them coming in contact are virtually inevitable. In a perfect world, exes would just go their separate ways and never be seen and heard from again, but sometimes it’s just not that easy. Of course, it’s not the most ideal situation by any means, and it definitely increases the chances of his ex still being in his life. Whether you like it or not, his ex knows all of his friends and goes to the same hangout spots that he does. While it may just be purely coincidental, there’s also a strong chance that she is more involved with his life than you think. Seeing and hearing from his ex might bring back memories that are too difficult for him to brush off. In this case, there is always a possibility that he will run into his ex and sparks will fly… and that’s definitely not something you want to deal with in a relationship.
7 He’s Disconnected From You
He’s usually so attentive, but lately, it’s as if you and your man are living on two entirely different planets. He has been super distant, and it could be because he and his ex are still involved. Maybe he’s having second thoughts about your relationship, or maybe he’s even feeling guilty about engaging with his ex behind your back. Whatever the reason may be, his disconnected demeanor is a super clear indicator that he’s not as emotionally available as you need him to be. Relationships require time and effort, but if he’s applying all of his time and effort elsewhere, there’s no way to make things work. Carrying on two relationships sounds exhausting, and we’re not sure why someone would ever want to live life that way but it happens more often than you might think. If you notice that he’s pulled away from you and your relationship, he might still be hooked on his ex.
6 He Acts Shady
While there might be many super obvious signs that his ex is still in his life, one of the most common and undeniable clues is that he just starts acting shady overall. You know your guy well and it’s easy to see when something isn’t right, so when you notice him acting strangely toward you, it’s a total red flag. Whether he’s been acting paranoid, defensive, or super secretive, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that his behavior is anything but ordinary. If he starts sneaking out, lying about where he’s been, or suddenly becomes entirely too interested in his phone, you might start wondering if there’s another woman in his life – and if that woman just so happens to be his ex-girlfriend. If he’s being totally sneaky, you have every right to get to want answers for his strange behavior. The odds are high that his ex is still in his life, and the pressure of keeping it from you has become far too much for him to handle.
5 He Gets Jealous Of Her Moving On
Your man found somehow out that his ex has moved on, and instead of being chill about it, he comes off as totally jealous. Umm... hello?! Did he forget that he's supposedly already moved on with you?! Your guy definitely shouldn’t be so invested in what his ex does, and if he gets that bent out of shape about her finding someone new, then it’s probably because she was still a considerable factor in his life. Seeing him express these kind of emotions over the thought of his old flame moving on should serve as a major red flag. He shouldn’t care about what she does or who she’s with, and his inability to hide his true feelings should be a huge wake-up call for you. He obviously still has feelings for her, and if he’s not over her then it’s super possible that they were still involved in one way or another. You shouldn’t allow yourself to be second fiddle to anyone, especially his ex-girlfriend who he’s clearly not over yet.
4 They Follow Each Other On Social Media
Your boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend are friends on Facebook and follow each other on Twitter, and it’s super obvious that they are both super in-the-loop about the other person’s life. While some people might see no problem with exes staying linked up on social media, others would argue that it’s a major red flag. Social media platforms are a way for people to connect, and since they are broken up and he’s moved on, why would he really need to know what she’s been up to since their relationship ended? He definitely doesn’t need to “like” any of her photos unless he’s up to no good, and his behavior on social media can easily get him in a world of trouble. Honestly, him and his ex-GF shouldn’t be buddies either on or offline because nothing good can come of it. If you want to know whether or not his ex is still in his life, his social media profiles will surely provide you with all the information you’ll ever need.
3 You Don’t Know Anything About Her
While it’s never good to hear your guy talk about his ex nonstop, it’s just as questionable when you don’t know a single thing about her. Pretty much everyone has had a love life prior to meeting their current mate, and it’s totally normal to know certain things about your partner’s past. If he’s keeping you totally in the dark about his recent ex, it may be because he has a whole lot more to hide than you bargained for. When it comes to his last romance, his lips are sealed, and it leaves you feeling super confused… and super suspicious. He might fear that giving you any information about her will make it abundantly clear that she’s still in his life, and that’s definitely not a road he’s willing to go down. Being overly hush-hush about an ex is usually a clear sign that he’s hiding something. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and may attention to his subtle cues.
2 He Won’t Fully Commit
Things between you and your guy seem to be going smoothly, but when it comes down to getting serious he just won’t settle down. While there could be many reasons for his fear of commitment, there’s a strong chance that he won’t make things official with you because his ex is still very much a part of his life. If he’s not fully committed to you, then he is free to do what he wants with who he wants... and that includes his ex-girlfriend. Being with a guy who won’t commit is a waste of time in itself, but if he’s avoiding entering a real relationship with you because his ex is still in the picture, it’s better to find out early on before you waste any more of your time on him. Maybe he’s just not over her, or maybe he has hopes that they will reunite. Whatever the case may be, you know you deserve better than someone who doesn’t want to commit to you and only you.
1 Your Intuition
You might not have enough evidence to prove your case, but when it comes to whether or not his ex is still in his life, your gut instinct tells you that she is. It’s important to trust your intuition when it comes to relationships…after all, men may come and go but how many times has your instinct steered you wrong? If you really think that your man is up to no good and has been sneaking around with his ex, there’s always a chance that your mind isn’t playing tricks on you. You should be with someone who you are able to have complete confidence in, and if you have to second guess yourself when it comes to his behavior, then you already know that he’s not the one for you. Whether you have a feeling that he’s still texting her, talking to her on the phone, meeting up with her in secret, or even engaging in a full-blown affair, don’t push your better judgment aside.