No, one – and I repeat, NO ONE – wants to think that they’re being used in a relationship. It’s a sinking feeling that will chip away at your self-esteem and leave it for dead in the long run. If a woman finds out she’s just being used, it can be worse than being rejected since she put a considerable effort into what she thought was an actual relationship. There are loads of reasons that men use women, but it usually only falls down to just one: He’s only interested in her body rather than her mind. While other issues may come into play (he’s emotionally unavailable, he’s dealing “with some heavy crap” in his life, other generic excuses), it usually only boils down to what’s going on in the bedroom. Here are 15 pretty obvious signs that he’s just using you.
15 “U up?”
Ah yes, the infamous two-word text message you receive at around two in the morning on some random weeknight. If you were in an ACTUAL relationship, the text message you’d be receiving would be at around eight in the morning and it would read like “good morning, beautiful” (or something equally as mushy). If he’s only texting you AFTER the sun has disappeared from the sky, you're basically only a booty call to him. It just shows that when it comes to you, he only listens to ONE of his brains, and it’s not the right one. Usually, when a man constantly does this, he only sees you as an object and nothing else. Given, you’re one of the first people he thinks of when he’s silly drunk, but you want to be the only one he thinks of when he’s completely sober.
14 Ignores Your Texts
Oh sure, when YOU’RE drunk at two in the morning, he’ll answer your text messages then, but when it’s mid-day and you shoot him a “How are you doing?” and he doesn’t bother to answer (even though it clearly says “Read, 1:29 pm” in the read receipt), you should probably cut your losses. And fast. If he’s commonly ignoring your text messages for days on end (and I mean days, not hours. Hey, some people have lives) he’s avoiding you for a reason. And that reason is? HE’S USING YOU, DUMMY. If a man is genuinely interested in you outside of the physical, he’ll go out of his way to answer you back AND be the first to text you during the daytime hours. Sure, he may make excuses the first couple of times he does it, but those excuses will just escalate as time inches by.
13 Disappears For Days On End
A couple weeks into the “relationship”, you discover that you’re actually dating David Copperfield – and not in a good way. Maybe he only really sees you during the week (mainly Monday through Thursday) but pulls a disappearing act on the weekends, which are supposedly the prime date nights? Based on his so-called convenience, he’s only seeing you when it’s good for him. He doesn’t want you to think you’re in an actual relationship, so he refuses to take you out on Friday or Saturday night, you’re coming in a hard second in whatever game he appears to be playing. You’re obviously not a viable option for him in terms of a relationship, so perhaps you should take the weekend to go out yourself and snag a man who actually wants to spend time with you during prime dating hours.
12 Literally Says “He’s Not Seeing Anyone Else” Yet Breaks Dates A Lot
Oh, THIS guy. Man, I hate this type of guy. He’s the one who appears to be sensitive and worthy because he actually takes the time out to make a date with you, but then is constantly shifting plans or canceling the date itself. Just when you think you’ve had enough, he’ll attempt to sweet talk you and make you feel that you’re the only girl in his world… at this point in time. There’s a reason he keeps making and breaking dates with you – it’s because he’s clearly not interested in you and using you as either a safety net or Plan B when it comes to dating. When he breaks a date with you, it means someone he considers “better” has come along. Of course, the decent thing to do would be to let you loose, but if he’s constantly stringing you along, you need to be the one to cut the string and break away for good.
11 Refers To Your Supposed Dates As Only “Hanging Out”
Officially, he’s never even used the word “date,” and you’re really not sure if it even has a place in his vocabulary. He’s careful with his sentences and skillfully avoids dropping the “d” word whenever he asks you to do something with him. “Oh, we should hang out tomorrow” is a common line of his which sounds like he’s tiptoeing through a minefield, trying desperately to avoid stepping into a long-term whatever. He just wants to keep it casual with you, so he only uses casual terminology when asking you out. A man who is dead set on dating you and only you, he will refer to it as a “date” and nothing else. Sure, sometimes they’re just feeling out the water with you when he says this since a lot of men are afraid of being placed in the friend zone, but more often than not, it’s because they only want a casual relationship.
10 Won’t Introduce You To His Friends
This is a HUGE one. In girl world, our friends’ opinions mean the world to us, so naturally, if we’re dating someone new, we like to introduce him to them in order to find out what they think. Usually, at least these days, men are the same way. They want to show you off to their friends and family and talk about you constantly with them. It’s a big warning sign that when you ask to meet his friends, he attempts to change the subject or right out says no. It just means he doesn’t plan on keeping you around for much longer, so there is no point in introducing you to his close-knit circle. All you are for him is a simple bedroom toy that will only be around until he gets bored. And you’re nothing more.
9 Always On His Phone
If a man is genuinely interested in you, you’ll have his complete attention when you’re fully dressed. And this means he sets his phone aside whenever he’s spending time with you. Maybe he finally asked you to “hang out”, but spends the entire time checking his Twitter feed or texting other people until it’s time to go to bed. It means he’s not interested in investing in your mind or even your presence. He’s only interested in talking to someone in order to line up his next victim.. errr, lady of the moment. When you’re actually on a date with someone, the phone disappears and disappears until the date is over. It’s called having decent manners. If a dude ignores this, it just means he’s not interested in actually dating you.
8 Flirts Heavily With Other Girls On Social Media
Personally, I think there’s absolutely nothing wrong with lightly flirting with other people when you’re in a relationship. Sometimes, we don’t even know we’re doing it until it’s pointed out to us. But thanks to social media being a cornerstone in our lives these days, if we’re heavy flirters, it goes on display for the entire world to see. This actually makes it easier to distinguish the playboys from the actual men. A man who is seriously interested in you won’t be constantly on his phone, commenting on women’s bikini photos and sending wink emojis in a girl’s direct messages. When it comes to Instagram and Twitter, we can actually see what the man in our lives is “liking” and gawking at in his spare time. Usually, if it’s once or twice, there isn’t reason to worry. But if it’s ALL THE TIME and his “likes” are JUST on women’s half-naked photos, he’s only keeping you around for convenience.
7 Money Comes Into Play
We’re living in 2017 and plenty of women are making more money than men (in SOME professions), so we’re able to take care of ourselves financially. And when we go out on dates, we don’t want the man to feel like he has to pay for everything even if he wants to. And if you’re actually with a man in a relationship, he’ll WANT to pay (even if you put up a fight). However, if he doesn’t and you seem to be picking up the bill every single time (and HE doesn’t put up a fight or suddenly his wallet mysteriously disappears), he’s not worried about impressing you and doesn’t care if you think he’s cheap. Normally, if a man is in it for the long haul, he’ll worry about how you see him and the LAST thing he wants you to think is that he “can’t provide”.
6 Avoids Physical Contact In Public
If a guy is looking to date you beyond a few good nights, he can’t get enough of you – in public or in private. Yes, we’re talking about public displays of affection. Sure, there are a lot of people who aren’t really fond of heavy PDA, but even those particular people have no issues showing small gestures of affection when they’re out with someone they’re genuinely interested in – like holding hands or even casually brushing their arms against yours. However, if he’s not interested in you in the long term, he’ll avoid PDA at all costs – if you try to hold his hand and he recoils like you’re some sort of zombie from The Walking Dead, you need to take that as a hint and walk away from the dude.
5 Runs For The Hills When You Say “Where Is This Going?”
When a man wants you for the long haul, he won’t move in serpentine motion when it comes to the whole “where is this going?” or “what are we?” conversation. A guy who actually likes you will sit down and have the talk with you and not avoid it like the plague. If a man wants to actually date you, he’ll find a way to date you. But if he’s only in it for one thing, he’ll head for the hills if you decide to ask him the inevitable question. And if he has the guts to say “well, I’m not really sure what I want right now” AFTER you two had been intimate more than a couple times, you have your answer right there. He’s just plain using you.
4 He’s Inconsistent
So it’s like you’re dating a bottle filled with Adderall, huh? Or, rather, a dude who pops that stuff like candy and you have no idea if he simply has ADHD or just isn’t that into you? If a guy is constantly inconsistent with his moods around you and when and where he makes “dates”, then chances are he’s stringing you along. A man who is inconsistent with his moods – meaning he’s hot for you one minute and then goes ice cold less than a minute later – he already made up his mind about you and is either looking for a way out and/or is thinking about spending one more night with you before cutting you loose. Either way, he PMSes worse than your whiniest girlfriend during that time of the month and you can’t make heads or tails of his emotional capacity.
3 Your Friends Hate Him
Hear me out on this one: your friends are, and always will be, the best judge of character when it comes to men in your life. While your head might be clouded with affections that disrupt your judgment, your friends will always have a clear-cut view of the person you bring around. Most people (*cough, men, cough, cough*) believe that your women friends can be catty (thanks a lot, Hollywood), but they’re often that way for a reason. These women have known you longer and supported you throughout major life events, which is why they’re in your life. They can usually see through the bull that a man presents even if you’re clouded. They can tell right off if he’s just using you or not, and if they all can’t stand him, chances are you need to get rid of the dude.
2 Rarely Opens Up To You
If a guy is in it for the long haul, he’ll open up to you about anything and everything that’s personal to him: his feelings, his emotions, his dreams, anything and everything. You’re the first person he runs to when he receives good news or even bad news. However, if he’s closed lipped about his personal life, it means he doesn’t consider you essential to that very personal life and is only using you like an inanimate object. Heck, he wouldn’t tell a simple lamp post his deepest fears, right? Sometimes, men won’t be able to open up emotionally because they’ve been hurt before in the past when they do, but at least they express THAT to you. If he’s mum about his personal life, chances are, the dude is just out to use you up then toss you to the side.
1 You Just Flipping Feel He Is
We are always taught never to ignore our gut when it comes to anything in life. Women’s intuition is the most powerful weapon we have at our disposal and it needs to be used if you think that you’re being used yourself. You’ve seen the warning signs and even though you can feel it in your bones, you ignore that little voice in the back of your head that’s telling you back away. And we shouldn’t. It’s extremely difficult to handle when you like someone only to discover that they don’t recuperate your feelings, but walking away from someone who will just hurt you in the long run is essential to your self-esteem and your pride. You want to be with someone who actually values you and would give their right arm to have a girl like you permanently in his life.