There comes a point in every relationship when you have to decide if things are worth saving. Sure, you don't expect perfection and you know that living happily ever after and walking off into the sunset together is a movie scene, not real life. But that doesn't mean that dealing with conflict and chaos in your relationship is much fun. In fact, it's pretty much the worst and most confusing thing ever. The truth is that while problems will come up every once in a while, you should never be unhappy 100 percent to the time. If you are, then something is seriously wrong and you have to think about whether this person is the right one for you after all. You know that you should always be yourself and that you should never change for your boyfriend or pretend to be someone that you're not. But what if he's the one trying to make you change? Here are 15 signs that he's trying to change you.
15 He Comments On Your Appearance
Sure, you always want your boyfriend to say you look gorgeous or that he likes your style. You don't want to think that he hates all your clothes or that he thinks you're the worst when it comes to putting yourself together. But you also don't want to date someone who seems kind of overly obsessed with how you look. Your physical appearance is 100 percent up to you. You're in charge of your body and your figure is totally your decision (for the most part, of course -- there are some curves that are always going to stick around, no matter how healthy you eat or how much you work out). If your boyfriend keeps commenting on the way that you look and it's not positive at all, then you can be sure that he wants to change you. He hopes that you're going to lose weight or start dressing a different way or dye your hair or something equally ridiculous.
14 He Hates Your Friends
In a perfect universe, you would love all your boyfriend's best friends and he would feel the exact same about your own. You would all hang out in one great big happy group and do things together all the time. There would be magic and adventures and lots of good food and drinks and laughter. You would take vacations as a crew and it would be heaven on earth. But, of course, that's pretty rare... and pretty much only happens on TV shows. In reality, your boyfriend might not exactly adore most of your besties, and that's usually fine as long as he supports your friendships and doesn't say anything negative or rude or mean. But if your boyfriend really seems to hate your friends and he says horrible things that prove that he really wants you to know how he feels, then that's a whole different story. He wants to change you because he wants to change who you choose to hang out with. Super lame and you don't need that in your life.
13 He Won't Be Your Plus One
If your boyfriend absolutely refuses to be your plus one to anything that you get invited to, from the wedding of an old family friend to a coworker's holiday party to your best friend's birthday bash, then you definitely have a bit of a problem. That's pretty weird and proves that he doesn't want to be a big part of your life... and that he doesn't really care if you know exactly how he thinks and feels. He's making the super obvious and glaring statement that he doesn't agree with how you spend your time and the kinds of events and people that you feel are important. He wants to change you because he doesn't think that these events and parties are worth going to. And that's pretty strange because if he loved you -- like truly and really loved you -- then he would definitely want to go to anything that you were going to.
12 He Makes Decisions For You
Your boyfriend should never, ever make decisions for you... or even make choices that affect the both of you without consulting you first. If you come home from a long day at work and notice that he made dinner or ordered take-out, you might think that's super sweet and romantic... but that's only a good thing if he knows that's food that you like. If you hate the kind of stuff that he ordered or the dinner that he made because those are foods that you just don't eat or are allergic to or anything like that, it's a pretty weird thing for him to do. He should never order for you (unless he asked you to). He should never sign you up for courses or memberships when you have no idea that he was going to do that. How would you feel if your boyfriend signed you up for a gym membership or something super insulting like that? Yeah, exactly.
11 He's Selfish
If your boyfriend is super selfish, that means he doesn't really care how you think or feel about anything at all. And that's bad news for you because that definitely means that he wants to change tons of things about you. He wants you to be like him and have all the same interests and hobbies and all that. If he's going for a run on Sunday morning, and he's going to do that every single week like clockwork, he basically expects you to join him. He's not taking any other suggestions for that time and he's not going to go to brunch with you or do anything else that you would rather do. If you're going on a couples vacation, he's booking tickets to a place that he's really wanting to go to, and he doesn't care if you have zero interest in visiting that area. This is a really awful scene and you should never date someone who won't accept you for who you are.
10 He Never Supports You
If your boyfriend never gives you a single ounce of support, why are you even still staying with him? There really seems to be no reason to continue the relationship because you should never feel like the person that is supposed to care about you most in the world doesn't agree with your choices or doesn't love the way that you're spending your time. Your dreams and goals are basically exactly who you are. They're super important to you and they mean the world to you. If you can't be with someone who supports those things, you should be alone. But don't worry, you're totally going to find someone who thinks that you are exactly as amazing as you are. That person is definitely worth waiting for. If your boyfriend doesn't support your career or anything related to that, or if he acts like a complete jerk when you tell him you're quitting your bad junk food habit and eating healthy, you don't need him in your world anymore. He wants you to change and not make the decisions that you are, and that's stupid of him.
9 He Insults You
Who wants to date someone who insults them? That sounds like pretty much the worst idea in the entire world. Think back to your single girl and dating days. When you went on a first date with a guy who sat there and insulted you, would you really be so interested in dating him long term, let alone seeing him a second time? Probably not. You definitely need to channel your strong single woman ways and get rid of this guy once and for all if he's doing the exact same thing. It's hard for sure because maybe your boyfriend never pulled this crap before and now suddenly he's changed and he's trying to change you, too. But if he's always insulting you, that means he's unhappy with the way that you are and he's not going to support you at all. He wants you to be a different person, but you shouldn't do that. And you can't. You can only be yourself and that's exactly what you need to do.
8 He's A Big Baby
When a guy acts like a big baby, he's proving that he's a.) not mature enough to handle the relationship that you're both in and b.) he wants you to change. But he's not going to come right out and be super honest and obvious about what he wants you to change... or even why. He's going to whine and complain all the time instead. Great, right? This is exactly the kind of person that you always hoped and dreamed of dating (not). He could complain about everything from the dinner you're cooking to the plans you made for the two of you to visit your parents this weekend to the movie you want to stream tonight. This guy is not going to be much fun to date if he's going to behave this way. You need to think long and hard about whether things are really working out the way that you wanted them to and whether he needs to be in your world anymore.
7 He Mentions His Ex
It's hard not to mention your ex-boyfriend at all... even when you're talking to your current one. Hey, things happen and you bring him up totally accidentally sometimes. It's just human nature that sometimes things are going to remind you of the person that you loved before. Same goes for if you have a whole bunch of exes. But if you're bringing up someone, in particular, all the time, that's a huge problem and not fair to the person that you're currently dating. Same goes if your boyfriend keeps bringing up that one ex that he has. But it's even weirder if he keeps bringing her up because that really just proves that he wants you to change... and, more specifically, he wants you to be more like her. This is super insulting and annoying because why would you ever change to be like your partner's ex-girlfriend?! That's actually pretty creepy.
6 He's Passive Aggressive
When someone behaves in a passive aggressive way, they are proving that they want something to change, but they are too chicken to come right out and say it. So if your boyfriend is suddenly acting this way -- responding to your questions with nods and grunts, answering your texts with one-word messages, etc. -- then he is definitely unhappy with the way that things are going. But even more than that, he could be trying to tell you that he wants you to change in particular. Think about it: if he really and truly cared about you, he would be super accepting of who you are because, of course, you loves you for that very reason. He would never need to be passive aggressive because he would not be trying to silently and magically communicate anything. This is just more total and complete immaturity and you do not need it.
5 He Lectures You
Ah, the lectures. Sometimes guys get it in their head that they know how you should be living your life... and they really need to tell you. This is really sexist and frustrating and you should never continue seeing someone who treats you this way. If your boyfriend is suddenly a great big lecturer who never shuts up about what he thinks you're doing wrong and how he thinks that you're messing up, you need to send him packing... and you should realize that he's trying his very best to change you. He really has zero right to think that you're making mistakes in terms of how you're living your life because honestly, who is he to judge?! You're doing what you want and you're doing an amazing job, and you don't need that from the person that's supposed to love you and support you. Plus, getting a lecture from your boyfriend is not hot or attractive at all.
4 Every Talk Is A Fight
Every couple fights sometimes, and there's such a thing as fighting smart that means that when you have a disagreement, you and your boyfriend talk calmly and patiently. You get to the root of the problem and try your best to hear each other's side of the story and work things out. You care about each other so you're totally committed to making sure that fights don't escalate (and you definitely don't want them to turn into a break-up). If you've noticed that every single talk that you have with your boyfriend turns into a great big fight, that's a pretty obvious sign that he wants to change you. He's not happy with you and he's not even trying to hide it since he keeps acting super mad and starting arguments. This is not only upsetting and painful but it's also got to be pretty exhausting. No one needs or wants that kind of chaos on a regular basis.
3 You Feel Insecure
If you feel super insecure in your relationship, then you know that you're not able to be yourself... and that your boyfriend probably doesn't want you to be. You're probably super confused and wondering why you're even together in the first place. After all, if he wants to change who you are and doesn't love your personality the way that he should, what did he even see in you? It's possible that he's just turned into a completely different person and he's changed in a way that you don't like or shouldn't even have to agree with. Tons of couples end up breaking up because one (or both) of them changes in a way that the other way can't get on board with, and that could definitely be what's going on here. You should never feel insecure and you should definitely never feel that way because the person you're dating is slowly chipping away at your confidence and self-esteem.
2 He Makes Everything A Joke
There's a huge difference between humor... and making every single thing a total joke because you're not interested in being serious and facing what's truly going on. Guys are definitely pretty good at doing this and many of them use humor as a strategy to get out of being serious. If your boyfriend is doing that, it probably is going to get old pretty soon... and you're going to get really mad at him. He'll act like, hey, he's not doing anything wrong because this is who he is and you knew that going into this thing called love. But while you may have initially been attracted to his sense of humor because everyone loves a funny guy, that doesn't mean that you're okay with someone using humor in this weird and rude way. If your boyfriend keeps making everything a joke, then he's definitely trying to change you and he doesn't like the way that you talk to him or the things that you're even discussing.
1 He Keeps Debating You
When someone turns a simple conversation that should be super chill and relaxing into a spirited debate, you know something is seriously wrong. If your boyfriend keeps debating you, then he's really trying to get a rise out of you, which is not only cruel and unfair but is further proof that he's trying his best to change you. He disagrees with you and more than that, he doesn't like your opinions. He doesn't want to hear about your feelings and he's not interested in getting the play-by-play of your daily life (which is basically a boyfriend's job... and you do the same for him, so this is lame). He doesn't want to see anything from your side and he's not going to support you. He doesn't think you're doing the right thing or even thinking the right thing... and that's ridiculous. You have every right to think and feel the way that you do. You don't have to change for anyone, and definitely not for him.