It’s like you were high-kicked directly in the heart: When you meet someone you click with, you start exchanging constant text messages, and then all sorts of weird stuff starts going down. You think it’s just him acting out in an odd way – but your gut tells you something else: He’s leading you on. You don’t want to believe that it could happen to you, but chances are, it could be happening right now and you’re not even aware of the signs, even though the signs are glaring you right in the face. We tend to avoid anything that we believe would hurt us, but if he’s doing these 15 things, you have to face facts and realize that he’s most likely leading you on and you should break away from him as fast as possible.
Usually, when you two go out, it’s out to dinner, drinks or the movies which is pretty basic when you first start seeing someone. However, if you’ve been seeing each other for a while and he simply flat out refuses to do everyday “mundane” things with you. For example he won’t go out grocery shopping with you even if you need the help. Or he won’t attend family functions with you because he doesn’t feel you two are “quite there yet”. This means he’s just trying to string you along, especially if he throws those dates back in your face (“how can I be leading you on when we go out all the time?!”). More often than not, if he does those little mundane daily errands with you, it speaks volumes about your type of relationship.
Sure, it was wonderful when you first started hanging out with each other: him complimenting you over and over again made you feel, well, special. He’d compliment your looks, brain, personality, taste in movies and books, pretty much anything. But the longer you two are in the relationship, the more you find his over-complimenting off-putting. You’re not sure why at first because you used to like it so much, but now it’s starting to feel rather “technical” or a little like protocol whenever he opens his mouth to compliment you. If it almost feels like he’s on auto-pilot, it’s because he is. He’s schmoozing you in order to keep you as an open option in his future endeavors. If it feels too cheesy to be true, it’s because it is, and if this is going on more so than actual conversation, you need to break away from him.
You just assumed he was the flirtatious type – it’s what reeled you in in the first place. But you start to notice that he really does this with all women he comes in contact with – from the hostess at the restaurant to the ticket handler at the movies. If he does this with EVERY woman, it’s probably just in his nature, but if he’s doing it with only attractive women, he’s trying to keep his options open and you probably aren’t the only one he’s schmoozing currently. For some bizarre reason, he feels like he’s God’s gift to women and has to prove it by attempting to reel in as many women as possible just so he has a “selection” of sorts. However, when it’s discovered that he’s a serial flirt, it’s best to walk away because you know the other women are smart enough to do the same thing, leaving him out there all alone.
Ah yes, this one. If he’s being repetitive a lot, it’s a massive red flag just waving in your face. You’ve noticed that he asks you a lot of the same questions and tells you all the same stories, which you find odd, but you never really said anything about it or thought too deeply when it came to this trait of his. Thing is, if you find that he’s doing this all the time and you’re saying “I’ve heard this before” every six seconds, it just means he’s telling these things to different women, not just you. He’s just using a common flirting technique he literally uses on everyone else, so, truth be told, it’s just a technique he’s using on you. You’re pretty much just one in an assembly line of women.
“I’m sorry, I had to work late” or “I’m just really tired, can we do it another night?” or “Something really important popped up” – you’ve heard all the excuses before and could quote them all off by heart. You’ve started to notice a pattern when it comes to him – he likes to take you out maybe once or twice, but instead of saying that he’s leading you on or is seeing other women, he simply just starts making up excuses to cancel dates. He wants to keep you on the wire in case another woman slips through the cracks and gets away. He always feels he has to keep his options open and that maybe someone better will come along, and if they don’t, you’re there as a safety net. It’s pretty dang insulting.
He’s actually said these words before and says them often – almost like he’s trying to convince himself as well as you that you’re the only woman he’s currently seeing. It’s like he’s projecting the image he thinks YOU desire. When you question why he says this so very often in conversation, he attempts to act hurt or throw it back at you via “Well, you never actually say if YOU’RE not seeing anyone else so how am I supposed to feel?” in an attempt to flip the conversation and take the spotlight off himself. If you both are comfortable in an actual relationship, you won’t have to keep assuring one another that they’re “the only one” – it should be an automatic thing they already know.
So you find that he’s repeating the same stories over and over again, but you start to notice something else too – he’s actually mixing up information you’re feeding him as well. When he sites stories he believes YOU told him or if he says “didn’t we see that movie together already?” you have to know that he’s most likely leading you on. Chances are, he’s getting the women that he’s also seeing confused with one another, so he just lumps you all together in a rather demeaning way. And if it gets to the point where he doesn’t even CARE that he’s mixing everyone up, you know as a sure-fire fact that he just doesn’t even care enough to cover it up. Time to walk away and never look back.
And here you thought you were the one suffering from PMS. Nope, if he’s stringing you along, he can make you fall victim to his many mood swings. When a guy is actively attempting to get your attention by showering YOU with attention, he wants to be the only one on your radar. But you notice that he doesn’t keep that up very much anymore and he’s either running scorching hot with you or ice cold. There’s really no in between when it comes to him. When he runs cold and starts to act indifferent, chances are he’s showering someone else with the attention you assumed was only meant for you. And after a little bit, if he begins to run hot with you again, it means the other girl didn’t work out so he’s going go back to you until the next one comes along.
“There’s always more fish in the sea,” the guy who strings women along usually always says, even when he’s still in a relationship. If a dude avoids making future plans with you, he’s assuming something – or rather, someone- better is going to come along, so he doesn’t want to get too bogged down with just you. He won’t commit to an event more than a couple days in the future because he knows as a fact you won’t be around that long, but he still wants to make you think that he is so he throws out the coy word “maybe”. If you’ve heard one too many maybes from him, you know he’s just using you and that the two of you have a close expiration date that’s quickly approaching.
You convinced yourself that your only nighttime visits and rendezvous were just something romantic that the two of you shared. You usually enjoy staying in and binge-watching your favorite shows with him on Netflix or Hulu (at his request, of course) and while he appears to be fine with this, you want something more. But when you bring up going out into public ANYWHERE he either flips his lid or tries to convince you that he’d rather stay in for a low key night. This often means he doesn’t want to take the chance of running into anyone he knows who might start asking questions about you in a personal manner. “Oh, is this your new girlfriend?” a friend will ask, only driving him to verbally point out that you’re “just a friend”. Ouch.
So you’ve been seeing someone for a while now and you happen to run into one of his friends who literally look at you in a weird fashion. You take it by their facial expression that they have absolutely no clue who the heck you even are. HELLO, GIGANTIC RED FLAG FLYING RIGHT IN YOUR FACE THERE. All he’s doing right now is just keeping you around in case anything falls through and he has no interest in talking you up to his friends because he knows you won’t be around for very much longer. If he’s looking to be in a long-term relationship with you, he’ll want to talk you up to his friends and family – he’ll want to brag about you every chance he gets and even post some things on social media. Sure, just because he doesn’t do these things right off the bat doesn’t mean he’s stringing you off – you have to give him a little bit of time. But after awhile, if his friends still don’t know who you are, you have to question his intentions.
In the first few days of this brand new “whatever the heck type of relationship this is”, he would constantly text you for hours and days on end. He’d text you “good morning” and “good night” before hitting the hay. But the constant texting is more often than not sporadic. One day he’s texting non-stop, the next he’s taking five hours or even five days, to respond back to you. Of course, he’ll apologize profusely when he claims to have “just now saw this” when referring to a text you sent him yesterday. Sure, if he does this once or twice, it’s forgivable, but if he’s doing it all the time, it means he’s talking to other women and showering them with attention just like he did to you. Yep, the bro is busy leading on other women as well.
Just like friendship, dating is a two-way street. All relationships really are, and you have to give just as well as you take. So if you feel that he’s running to you all the times HE has a problem that he needs to figure out but doesn’t do the same for you, you have two possible scenarios: A) He’s a raging narcissist and you shouldn’t be wasting your time on him in the first place or B) He’s just leading you on and really has no genuine interest in your life because he knows you won’t be around for very much longer. Either way, you don’t need that sort of toxic energy in your life and you should just drop him before he attempts to dump you.
At the beginning of the relationship, you always felt loved because he was constantly showering you with attention – phone calls, text messages, Facetime chats. He was always the first one to schedule a weekend date. But, after a little while, you find that YOU’RE the one who is constantly reaching out to him first. He’s since stopped making plans and starting conversations and you suddenly feel like you’re the only one making an effort in the relationship. Chances are, he’s not reaching out anymore because he’s busy reaching out to other women and he’s grown bored with giving you so much attention. If this happens on more than one occasion, it should be a warning sign. However, if he doesn’t do this often, he might just be in a depressive slump of some sort.
If you learned anything as a woman, it’s that you should always go with your gut feeling. A woman’s intuition is a powerful tool we ladies have at our disposal, and it’s quite discouraging how little we use it. It’s not just you being paranoid – if you sense these things and they’re happening more than once, your intuition is kicking in and you should listen to it. If someone is actually in love with you and wants you around for the long-term, you can feel it with every fiber of your being. But if not, your intuition will slap you across the face in order to wake you up. You might really be in love with him yourself, but if your gut is telling you that he doesn’t feel the same way, you should just move on.