Guilt trippers are more common than you might think and unfortunately, they tend to sneak up on you when you least expect it. What's worse? It's hard to realize it's happening when it is. They're the kind of people who make you feel badly about doing things for yourself, turn themselves into martyrs, and never do anything unconditionally. They're manipulative, smart, and at times, highly narcissistic. If you're in a relationship with one, there's a high probability you constantly feel like you're walking on eggshells or perhaps you feel as though you've "lost yourself" in an attempt to make them happy. Either way, they're bad news and it's a good idea to steer clear of them for your own sake. If you're not sure if you're in a relationship with someone who's guilt tripping you, don't worry. We're here to help. Read below to find out fifteen signs you're being guilt tripped.
15 He Makes You Feel Like You're Constantly Disappointing Him
He makes you feel like you can't do anything right all the time. If you go to the grocery store, you always buy the "wrong brand," of bread. If you say something that he does not like, he gets irritated or shuts down. If you are in a bad mood, it is a problem for him. It seems like no matter how hard you try, you are always coming up short. Why? He is guilt tripping you in an attempt to make you be someone you are not. By making you feel like you are not enough as you are, he hopes he can transform you into someone more up to his "standards." Of course, he might not even realize he is doing it but it is important that you do. After all, he is certainly not worth changing for if he would go so far to tear you apart for his own benefit.
14 He Compares You To Other People
Whenever you do something he doesn't like or whenever you want to do something that isn't what he wants to do, he compares you to other people. For example, if you tell him that you don't want to stay in and watch movies on a Friday night, he might say things like, "well, my ex and I used to stay in and watch movies and we always had a blast," or "my ex used to make compromises when she knew I was tired from a long week of work even if she didn't want to." He endlessly tries to make you feel guilty for not doing what he wants to do by comparing you to people that "always" did what he wanted to do. In order to get what he wants, he attempts to convince you that what you want to do is wrong or not up to par with his unreasonable standards.
13 He Puts Himself On A Pedestal
At least once a week, he makes you feel as though you're not as good of a partner as he is and spends way too much time trying to persuade both you and himself that he's "above" you. He acts like everything he does is for you and pretends to be more involved or committed to the relationship. If you're unable to go to a work event with him because you already have plans of his own, he'll make you feel guilty by saying that he'd cancel his work event to go to yours... even though he wouldn't. He says things like, "I'd do that for you and you'd never do that for me," to make you feel bad about putting yourself before him. Whenever you get in fights, he always acts as though he'd never hurt you the way that you hurt him and makes you into some sort of monster that you're clearly not.
12 He Has Conditions
He never does anything unconditionally and expects you to do everything unconditionally. If you live together, it's almost unbearable. He's the kind of person who'll do housework just so he can rub in your face that he "puts in more work than you do" when it comes to tending to your home. If he takes out the trash, he'll remember it and then brings it up the next time you ask him to take out the trash. For example, when you ask him, he'll say, "I took out the trash two days ago. I always take it out and you never do." Then, he'll go onto add that he does all the housework and doesn't ever ask you to do anything. He always expects things in return when he does favors for you and you can't remember the last time he did something simply out of the goodness or his own heart or to help you out.
11 He Brings Up Past Issues
You suspect your boyfriend has been texting his ex-girlfriend behind your back. So, you check his phone and go through his messages. And guess what? You were absolutely correct. Therefore, you confront him about him and let him know how much he hurt you. Of course, he overreacts and refuses to take responsibility for anything or acknowledge your pain. Instead, he brings up all the times in the past that you have wronged him even if you thought you had resolved those issues. On top of that, he will guilt trip you for invading his privacy and completely avoid the fact that your suspicions were on point. He validates everything he does to upset you by convincing himself that you have done worse to him. He would never allow you to make him feel guilty for hurting you by projecting all of his guilt onto you. He basically flips it on you and somehow you are feeling bad for what you do or have done to him.
10 He Makes Everything Your Fault
When you get into arguments, he makes his behavior your fault. If he insults you, he will say he only insulted you because you insulted him first. If he breaks up with you in the heat of the moment, he will not apologize. Instead, he will blame you for pushing him to such an extreme point. If he cheats on you, he will excuse his infidelity because "you made him insecure in the relationship" by innocently talking to someone else. You can't remember a time when he was the one who apologized. Instead, all you can remember is how many times you have apologized because you were made to feel beyond guilty for both your actions and his actions. In a way, he uses his guilt trips to absolve himself of all responsibility and then feels better when you claim everything is your fault. He is beyond twisted and plays mind games with you.
9 You Feel Uncomfortable Saying "No"
With him, you're always on eggshells. You're terrified that you're going to either say the wrong thing or upset him in some way. So much so that you often make your entire life revolve around him. Newsflash: It's okay to disappoint your partner and/or upset him if it's not malicious and it's okay to put yourself first. If you feel like it's not okay to do either of these things, there's a high chance it's because whenever you do, he makes you feel guilty. If you're uncomfortable whenever you're around him or feel the deepest need to please him, it's most likely because he's been putting that pressure on you to do so. Do your best to start picking up on reasons why you might feel the way you do. You'll probably be surprised at what you find. After all, it takes two people to tango in relationships and what he does greatly affect you, especially if you care deeply about him.
8 He Makes You Feel "Obligated" To Sleep With Him
When you hang out with him, he always expects that you sleep with him. Whenever you are laying in bed or having a sleepover, you instinctively know that it is only a matter of time before he makes a move on you. If you don't want to sleep with him because you are exhausted, he says things like, "but I am really in the mood" or "but I am not going to be able to see you for a couple of days," so that you feel obligated to get your groove on before it is "too late." If that does not work, he might pull the drama card. He will act as if he is deeply offended and may even accuse you of not caring about him or not being attracted to him. He does everything he can to guilt you into sleeping with him and if you do not, he mopes.
7 He Uses The Phrase "I Wish You..."
It seems as if all of his favorite phrases start with "I wish you..." and end in either a comparison or an insult. If you upset him, he says things like, "I wish you were not so mean all the time," when in reality, you were not being mean, you just had an issue you were trying to resolve. If you want to talk about something, he might say, "I wish you would leave me alone and give me space" so that you feel bad about yourself for apparently bothering him. If he is extreme, he may say things like, "I wish you were more like (insert girl's name)" so that you feel in competition with another woman in his life and in turn, insecure in your relationship. He makes you feel guilty for doing things as simple as communicating and makes every part of the relationship on his terms.
6 He Plays The Part Of A Martyr
This is beyond typical of men who guilt trip women. After being with him for sometime, they take on the role of the "martyr," meaning that they act as though everything they do is for the sake of the relationship and your happiness. If he's one of these people, he probably constantly makes promises that are "self-sacrificing." He says things like, "I'd do anything for you" and then follows them up with "even if you wouldn't do anything for me." If you try to break up with him, he manipulates you by saying things like, "I understand, but just know that no matter what, I'll love you to the end and always fight for you." You pick up on the fact that he's not always genuine (no matter how much he may pretend to be) and realize that most of what he's saying is only meant to trap you in the relationship or make you feel guilty.
5 He Brings Other People Into Your Problems
Just as we said he guilts you for choosing yourself and makes you feel guilty for who you are, he also tries to convince you that other people feel the same way about you that he does. Yes, he used outsiders opinions to further the guilt trip. For example, if he says things like, "I wish you weren't so selfish," and you respond with, "I'm not," he'll follow up by bringing someone else's opinion into the argument. He'll say things like, "my mother thinks you're selfish too," or "(insert his friend's name) thinks you are." Of course, he's probably lying just to get his point across or solidify his case but that doesn't even matter. The fact that he'll go so far to make you feel guilty for being yourself is absurd. If he's like this, it's a red flag and definitely time to re-evaluate the dynamic in your relationship.
4 He Gets Overly Emotional
With him, everything's a big deal, no matter what it is. If he's sad, he cries. If he's mad, he storms off. If he's happy, he's ecstatic. Even if he's not intentionally doing it, he makes all of his emotions over the top so that they ultimately effect you and everyone else around him. He's one of those people who mopes for days after the two of you get in a fight so that you're constantly reminded of how much you hurt him. Or, he's one of those people who stays angry and holds grudges so that the two of you can't enjoy the time you spend together. He's childlike in the way that he throws tantrums and can't simply move forward. With him, everything's a big deal. So much so that you have a hard time even bringing certain topics up because you don't want to deal with the aftermath.
3 He's Manipulative
If he knows that you have plans on Friday night to go out with your girlfriends and he doesn't want you to, he'll pretend as though he had a big date night planned even if he didn't. If he doesn't want you to take a new job that'll monopolize your time but be very good for your career, he'll suddenly get needy or upset and act like he "needs" you around all the time just so he doesn't have to lose time with you. If you're happy and he's upset about something, he'll make you feel guilty for being in a good mood and convince you that you're "never there for him." If he doesn't want you to do something, he makes you feel as though you shouldn't for his own sake. He plays on your emotions because he knows how much you care about him and don't want to lose him.
2 When You're Away From Him, You Feel Uneasy
When you go off with your friends or away for the night, you feel guilty for not hanging out with him. Why? Because he sends you text messages complaining about how bored he is or how much he misses you. If you make plans for the day that aren't in tune with his plans, he'll come along with you but act unhappy the whole time. Why? Because he'd rather be doing what he wants to do so he'll make you feel guilty for doing what you want to do. If you don't answer his calls right away because you're busy, you feel anxious until you get the chance to call him back. Why? Because you know he's going to make it a big deal and try and convince you that you don't care about him as much as he cares about you since you didn't answer. Instead of easing your anxieties, he heightens them.
1 You Have To Overly Appreciate Him
Whenever he does anything for you, you have to praise him as if he just saved the world. If he buys you flowers, you have to cherish those flowers as if they're the most beautiful flowers you've ever seen. If he gets you a new shirt, you have to wear the shirt whenever you see him even if you don't like it. If he goes down on you, you have to tell him a million times how great it felt every time he does it. He needs to feel as though you worship him. If you don't, he'll make you feel guilty and unappreciative. He may even go so far as to say things like, "well, I guess I just won't do nice things for you anymore," if you fall short. He doesn't ever do anything out of the kindness of his own heart, it's always for a reaction and to feel good about himself.