So you met your dream guy and life is pretty good right now. You two have tons of stuff in common, can talk until 2 a.m. and he always puts a smile on your face. You can’t imagine how you ever lived without this person and he’s the only thing you think about when you wake up in the morning and when your head hits the pillow at night. Except there’s just one little thing: the two of you aren’t officially together yet. Sure, you’ve been dating for a few months and you’re pretty convinced that any day now he’s going to ask you to be his girlfriend. But the days pass and that day never comes. You’re more confused than ever since you don’t get why it hasn’t happened yet. Here are 15 signs he’s avoiding defining the relationship (DTR) and basically never will.
15 He Changes The Subject
This is basically a huge red flag. If you keep trying to have "The Talk" with the guy that you’re head-over-heels for and he keeps trying to talk about the hockey game that you’re both watching (okay, he’s watching it and you’re just pretending since you hate sports), that’s a really bad sign. You’re only going to get more and more frustrated if you keep trying to bring the subject up so you might want to cut your losses now before you fall for him even more. A guy who wants a girlfriend should be able to see how lucky he is and make you his before another guy can.
14 You’ve Never Met His Friends
If he’s keeping you separate from his friends, at first it’s kind of romantic. You can pretend to yourself that it’s okay because the two of you are in your own little world and you don’t really want to meet his friends just yet, anyway. But now, enough time has passed that it’s pretty strange that you haven’t met the people he hangs out with all the time. The fact is he doesn’t want you to be his girlfriend so he’s not all that interested in introducing you to his group. It hurts but it’s the honest truth.
13 You’ve Never Met His Parents
A guy who wants a relationship will have no problem introducing you to his parents. He’ll be super proud of you (as he should be, of course, because you’re awesome) and will want to show you off. If months have passed and he makes zero mention of you meeting the people who raised him, you should start getting nervous. After all, meeting the fam for an awkward yet charming dinner is a pretty big step in a new relationship, and if he’s not willing then this just means there are lots of other milestones that the two of you will never reach.
12 You Never Stay Over
You want to, of course – and you want him to sleep over at your apartment too. But for some reason when you’re over at his place, you have to go home super early because he’s got some work thing in the morning, and he always has some clever excuse ready for why he has to leave your place before midnight. This is super sketchy behaviour and it’s obvious that he’s not into defining the relationship at all. He wants to stop you from thinking things are too serious so he’ll never sleep over or let you sleep at his place.
11 You See Him Once A Week
If you only see someone on the weekends, or one weeknight, how can you be approaching a serious relationship? It takes two to be a super cheesy and romantic couple, after all. If your guy is trying to keep his life separate from you and doesn’t want to see you all the time, he’s never going to DTR because he’s not interested in one. It sucks to put tons of time, effort and energy into a guy like this because you’re basically wasting your own time. You’ll just never get what you want out of this situation.
10 He Starts Cancelling On You
Ugh. When a guy cancels your plans and continues to do so, it’s basically the kiss of death for any hopes of him defining things. This means that he thinks you care about him too much and are going to pressure him into being your boyfriend and he’s starting to totally freak out. You might grin and bear it at first, but after a few weeks of him cancelling and then rescheduling plans yet again, you’re going to get sick and tired of this. You’re so much better off without a super immature person like this, so although it hurts, you should call things off and find someone who’s not ashamed of you.
9 He Rants About Marriage And Kids
He doesn’t want to get married or have children and he’s made that perfectly clear way too many times to count. When a guy is telling you this stuff, you 100 percent should believe him because he’s not going to change his mind. Usually when a guy is anti-marriage and anti-kids he’s anti-relationship too, because he’s just a commitment-phobe in general. It doesn’t matter if he tells you this on the first date or after three months. You need to think that he’s telling the truth and get out now, or else things will stay exactly the same and you’ll keep seeing him without knowing where things are going.
8 He Complains About Women
Ugh. Double ugh. There’s literally nothing worse than being super into a guy and then realizing he’s pretty sexist. Maybe he complains about his brother’s wife or his best friend’s girlfriend, or even just a waitress at the pub you frequent on Friday evenings. It doesn’t really matter who he complains about. If he’s sexist, he’ll never make you his girlfriend. Ever. It’s just not his style. He may not seem like a player (which is such a cheesy old-school term anyway) but he is one if he makes these negative, awful comments.
7 His Job Is His Priority
It’s pretty attractive when a guy is super into his career. You don’t want to date a total deadbeat who did nothing with his college degree and sits around playing video games in his mother’s basement. But sometimes career guys are the worst because they just won’t DTR. If your guy talks about work non-stop and always tells you that it’s really busy and just isn’t the right time to talk about commitment, he’s pretty much telling you that you two will never be official. You have your own career to worry about, right? Maybe it’s time to focus on your own job, dreams, and goals.
6 He Has Tons Of Travel Plans
Travel makes life fun and interesting, and everyone wants to escape their regular work routine every once in a while – especially in the winter when everyone’s exhausted and freezing and has zero motivation. It’s a sure sign that your guy isn’t going to DTR if he keeps telling you about his upcoming travel plans. It’s an even worse sign if he wants to travel with his buddies and doesn’t invite you anywhere. That means he doesn’t see you as part of his life and he's planning his future without you. Ouch.
5 You Don’t Know Much About Him
You follow him on Instagram, hang on his every tweet, and have stalked his Facebook photos way too many times to count. But when it comes to your new guy’s past, things are more than a little bit fuzzy. It’s not a great sign when a guy doesn’t want to spill his secrets, feelings, or experiences. He probably doesn’t think of you as girlfriend material if he keeps conversations about surface-level stuff like movies and what happened at work that day. You feel like you know him because you’ve been intimate and you text all the time but that’s unfortunately just not enough for him to DTR.
4 You Never Do Anything Fun
If your “dates” are all Netflix and chill – emphasis on the chill – then it’s no wonder he hasn’t defined the relationship yet. He’s definitely not into the idea of a real relationship. You’re kind of an extended booty call to him. Being part of a relationship means actually leaving the house sometimes and going to dinner, to movies, to parties, and events around the city you live in. It’s about having fun and enjoying each other’s company. If you never leave his apartment or your own, things probably are going nowhere fast.
3 He’s Never Had A Girlfriend
This is a super bad sign. At a certain age, it’s just plain weird if a guy has never called anyone his girlfriend. He’s either completely afraid of commitment or kind of a jerk (which sucks since you’ve invested all this time in him so far). It can be hard for guys who have never been in relationships to see the value in one. They’re so used to going at it alone and never having someone who relies on them. You wouldn’t want this kind of person to be yours, anyway, since he would never be able to show the emotional maturity that you definitely need and deserve.
2 You Have A Bad Feeling
Your gut instinct is basically everything when it comes to love and dating and everything in-between. If you get a bad vibe and feel that this guy just isn’t going to make things official anytime soon, then you’re probably going to be right. It should never be this tricky or confusing. If a guy wants to be with you, he will. It’s never a great sign if you have tons of doubts about whether you’re ever going to officially be his girlfriend. That just means he doesn’t deserve you but there will be another guy in the future who is a much better match for you. And he won’t waste so much time.
1 It’s Been Six Months
You can only pretend for so long. If you and your guy have been dating for six months at this point and he has never brought up what you two mean to each other, sorry to break it to you but he is never going to define the relationship. He’s just not interested in anything serious – not now, not ever. It’s so tempting to wait around and hope that he’ll change his mind but he won’t. So much better to move on now and find someone who appreciates how truly amazing you are. Don’t worry, he’s out there.