The day one learns that their priority views them only as an option is more often than not indelibly marked in the memory as one of the blackest ones, as the day when everything you ever believed about love and relationships have been shattered and left you feeling totally baffled, disillusioned and unsure if you can fall in love again.
No wonder they say that emotional pain hurts more than physical pain, when you’ve been reduced to an option, it’s a form of “love betrayal” which is, unfortunately, impossible to avoid or prevent as people can rank you low on their priority list for the most incomprehensible reasons. Sometimes it’s simply because they’re not mature or ready enough to handle your love.
There have been a number of articles written about the red flags to watch out for when you’re bearing a rather unflattering title of being your lover’s “just one of many options”, but why be so negative?
Let’s take a look at the bright side of the coin – below are the tell-tale signs that show you might have found that special someone who finally sees you not as “just another girl I stumbled upon”, but rather as a woman positioned seriously high on his priority list. Let’s just hope you can reciprocate his feelings because if you do, fireworks will fly!
15 You Don’t Have To Be Fighting For His Attention
This is the top sign that everything’s alright – not having to desperately fight for his attention. It’s incredibly empowering for a woman to know that she’s needed, respected and listened to.
In an unhealthy relationship though, where a woman is only an option for the man, the feeling of beating a dead horse is all too common.
As if all your efforts to keep connected with him boomerang back, and you begin to think wrongly that you’re the one to blame.
Or you might think that he’s probably just very bad at reconnecting with friends and other people close to him… And then you realize that it’s a pattern and there’s no way fix it. No, neither of the partners should feel like they’re begging for attention.
However, if you never get this feeling, then you can congratulate yourself because it means that both of you are equally invested in your relationship.
14 Your Relationship Flows Smoothly And Effortlessly
In an ideal relationship where he deems you a priority, you feel as if you’re drifted through the natural course of events: you make one step, he makes another, and with joint efforts, you slowly but steadily build something that resembles a healthy and successful relationship.
On the contrary, in a relationship where you’re just an option, it’s you who makes all the plans and puts in all the effort so that the relationship could function at all and you could keep your “in a relationship” status on Facebook. Despite your best efforts, however, feel free to admit to yourself that your relationship is one-sided, and having a one-sided relationship is almost like having no relationship. It makes you feel very, very alone. Be sure to talk this over with him, if you haven’t already.
13 The Feeling Of Being Used Seems Foreign To You
If you’re his priority, you’ll be fortunately spared this in-your-face evidence that you're only a convenient option in his life. Being used for one reason or another is never a pleasant revelation.
Indeed, some men choose to spend time with a certain woman if she’s able to cater to one of his needs; be it fun and temporary amusement, security of having a backup plan, a placeholder for “the one” or literally anything else. But that’s about where it ends.
Once you begin to demand more from your half-hearted relationship, you’ll be confronted with inexplicable resistance and a million excuses.
Needless to say, this is how people get to “play the role” of an option in a relationship; they are needed but only to fulfill someone’s selfish desires. They’re not 'someone’s everything', and their love isn’t duly reciprocated.
12 Replying To Messages Doesn’t Take Forever
Yes, there’s a great degree of variability when it comes to message response times, but in general, quicker response times equates to treating you with the respect and care you deserve.
If your loved one can’t be bothered to get back to you at his earliest convenience, then the odds are that his mind is preoccupied with more important matters, none of which is you. You also don’t break your back to respond to someone’s texts immediately if you don’t care much about that person, right?
To up the ante a little bit, if it happens often that he’s online while commenting on others’ status updates but you can see clearly that he doesn’t make an effort to read your personal message, then you need to start asking yourself if he’s worth the wait.
11 He Changes His Plans To Fit Yours Because He Really Wants To, Not Because He Feels Forced To Do So
If your man adapts his plans so they could be more in line with yours, then there’s no need for further evidence that you are, indeed, his priority. Yes, successful relationships are primarily about a hefty chunk of compromises and sacrifices.
After all, if relationships were so easy to maneuver through, everybody would be enjoying a super successful relationship and there’d be no need for relationship advice articles.
On the other side, a man to whom you’re just an option wouldn’t do this for the world. Instead of making an effort to adapt a little bit and try to make your relationship work, he’ll be gone before you can blink, most likely accompanied by another option of his life. A man who truly cares about you won’t give up on you so easily.
10 He Treats You Like A Princess, Not Like Ms. Last Resort
Does he usually text you at unexpected times of day (in the wee hours of the night, for example), especially when you’re already busy doing something else because you hadn’t planned any meet-up beforehand? If so, then it’s highly likely he does it because you cross his mind like a bolt of lightning, rather than a carefully premeditated and cherished thought. Chances are he hadn’t thought of you for more than 72 hours before he deigned to give you a call. As if he suddenly remembered there’s this one girl in his life who is kind of convenient sometimes.
However, this situation turns 180 degrees when you rank high on his priority list. Then you’ll witness the exact opposite – his care, love, and attention will leave you breathless. You’ll finally get to experience what it feels like to be treated like a princess.
9 He Would Never Lie To You
Men who see their woman as a priority and not just one of many options would never lie to her because that would go totally against the grain. It would feel off, unnatural and it wouldn’t let them sleep at night with a clear conscience. Plus they’re hoping that their honesty would work both ways and they could trust their lady 100 percent in turn.
Mutual trust and respect are above all else.
Men have an easier time lying to their lady when they don’t respect her as much as they should or they think they can simply get away with it without being caught red-handed. But even so, caught or not caught, there’s just something that feels damn good about treating your loved one like a king or queen.
8 And He's Hardly Ever Late For Dates
Were you ever stood up and then you called him only to find out that he’d fallen asleep or, worse still, that he’d completely forgotten about your arranged meet-up? If no, then you’re one lucky girl because such dating mishaps reveal a great deal about how your mate respects you and where he puts you on his priority list.
And relationship counselors couldn’t agree more; according to an expert April Masini who has her own relationship advice forum, "When someone is always late to meet you — or worse, stands you up — you’re not a priority. Being timely is a sign of respect and being late means you’re not important enough for your partner to prioritize your agreed on meeting time."
That’s right, disrespecting someone’s time means you’re not prioritizing that person.
7 Forgetting Your Birthday Would Be The Biggest Faux Pas He Could Possible Make
If he ever perpetrates this “relationship crime” you know it’s time to break up. Because, seriously, who does this to their loved one? If he repeatedly forgets your birthdays and other anniversaries or special events, it’s clear as day that he simply doesn’t care enough about you.
Another important factor to consider is how much effort he’s willing to invest into these special occasions.
Again, this is not so much the price of the gifts as the invested effort. For instance, if he invites you (and 4 other people) to Comic-Con (and you don’t even like comics) on your birthday just because he had a spare ticket he booked 3 months ago and he doesn’t even bother asking what you would like to do for your birthday, then he probably doesn’t see you as a priority.
6 Not Incorporating You Into His Future Plans Is Unthinkable
This is quite an important one. If he makes it blatantly obvious that he doesn't have a reserved spot for you in his future, then you can say bye-bye to the idea of occupying the coveted spot of being his first and foremost priority.
On the other hand, if he shares his future plans with and you’re their active participant, it’s very good news for your relationship. It goes without saying that those plans don’t necessarily have to involve you two settling down and raising children together, each of us can be at a different stage in life and prioritizing that special someone can manifest itself in many different ways. For example, your partner views you as his top priority and therefore he wants you to enroll in dance classes with him.
5 He's Eager To Get To Know Your Friends And Family
A guy who sees you as a priority not only wants to know everything about you but he also wants to get to know your closest friends and family. That’s a serious step forward in your relationship as the thought of meeting your mum no longer feels awkward to him. The same applies to friends and other close relatives.
He’s interested in getting to know everyone because he genuinely wishes to become a fully integrated part of your life.
A guy who isn’t interested in doing this may not be taking you and your relationship seriously enough and even the slightest mention of your family may make him cringe. He might be scared of commitment and this is his natural reaction. Once he lets go of his commitment phobia and puts you higher on his priority list, his attitude will change, too.
4 He’s There Whenever You Need Him, Not Just When He’s Bored
Yes, as simple as that. A partner who sees you as a priority is someone who is going to be there through the highs and lows of your life because anything less than that is not someone you should waste your precious time on. Even gorgeous Marilyn Monroe had her say on this issue and she had a fairly rich experience with men during her lifetime: “If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best,”
A douchebag boyfriend will hit you up when his favorite Netflix series has ended, his friends have canceled weekend friends, and, to top it all off, a prospective love interest has moved to a new city, so, yeah, he’s ready to send you a sweet message.
3 Your Opinion Matters To Him
If he asks you for advice on how to move into a new career it’s not because he thinks you’re a career expert, but because he really values your opinion on how he should handle certain life situations.
When a man prioritizes his woman, his love sees beyond the superficial, and everything you say carries greater weight.
In fact, it’s fair enough to go as far as to say that your opinion matters more than the opinions of others.
That’s how you know you’re a priority and not just an option.
On the contrary, a guy who disrespects your thoughts and ideas is someone who ranks you low on his priority list and, quite frankly, he isn’t worth a second of your time and attention.
2 And He Remembers Everything You've Said
If your boyfriend remembers everything you say, even the stuff you don’t remember yourself, then you can rest assured that he’s rolling in the deep with you. Or at the very least, he’s not indifferent to what you say.
These might seem like negligible gestures of attention, but they reveal a great deal about how attentively the other human being perceives you. Because, if you’re lucky enough to be his priority, he will want to go through everything you experience, albeit vicariously. Hence it won’t be a big deal for him to remember every tiny detail of what you’ve said.
But mind you, here and there you can find incredibly loving and caring people who just happen to have a terrible memory and forgetting about your histamine intolerance shouldn’t be a relationship deal breaker.
1 He's Proud To Be Seen With You In Public
Does your sweetheart think it’s too awkward to be holding hands with you in public in broad daylight and he’s your number one priority in life? Well, then you two might not see eye to eye on the matters of love and priorities.
A man to whom you mean the world won’t ever feel awkward about being spotted with you in public, let alone be embarrassed by it.
Holding hands shouldn’t be a big deal for him either.
Quite the contrary, a man who ranks you as his top priority will feel immensely proud to be seen with you strolling side by side or enjoying an afternoon chill in a local cafe. And he’ll have an unquenchable urge to scream at the top of his lungs that you’re his favorite.