At least when it comes to Tinder you can tell pretty much right away if he is only ‘matching’ you for sex. His messages usually start with “Hi, what are you doing tonight?” and when you check the clock it’s 11pm. When you respond “bed” he says, “Can I join?”
However, not all guys are as forward, as obvious, or as stupid, and the ones you actually meet in person can be even more misleading.
Some men, no matter how you spin it, just want to get laid. You can be the nicest person in the world and be his perfect soul mate, but when he is thinking with his other head, all he sees is a challenge. As mentioned, some men are all too obvious, but some men have grown accustomed to ‘working for it’ and have mastered the art of persuasion and a false sense of courting. They will pull out all the stops and make you feel like their one and only… at least until you’ve hit the sack and are somehow in a cab at 1am wondering why he didn’t want to cuddle. So, here are 15 signs he just wants to sleep with you so that you can be weary and hopefully find a man whose efforts are for the long run.
15 He compliments you TOO much
Compliments are nice and all… but you can usually tell when someone is saying them just because they want something. And yet, when it comes to a cute guy, you just don’t want to believe it. He compliments you frequently right off the bat and, if you listen carefully, they all seem to be directly related to your looks. Yup, Shallow Hal over here has given you the once over, undressed you with his eyes, and is now pulling out all the niceties to make his dream become a reality, without so much as one innocent night of drinks and laughs.
14 He pushes alcohol on you
He just wants to get you drunk. Men know that girls can sometimes be more easily persuaded or open to regretful decisions with a little liquid courage (or maybe liquid stupidity) behind them. You can spot this guy when he orders another bottle of wine after you said you were done, says “Come on, we are having a great time, just one more” or, if at a party, continually pours more rum into your drink without asking.
13 He is not willing to commit
As you slowly start to hint that your ‘seeing each other’ should turn into more than that, he quickly starts to back away or change the conversation. He is completely unwilling to commit because he is only in it for the sex, and you are likely not the only one he is indulging in. Why commit to you when he has all he wants and you’re not pushing for more. While some men may be slow on the trigger, the genuine ones will eventually decide that having you in their life, and not just for sex, is what they are really looking for. The others? They seem to have lost their phones.
12 He only texts you when he is bored
You get the occasional text and it makes you smile, but it only seems to be when he has nothing better to do or is about to head home from a night with his friends. He isn’t the type to send ‘thinking of you’ texts while he is at work or to ask you what you are doing today so he can work his schedule around yours. His texts come few and far between and usually end with “Want to come over?”
11 He only calls at night
Adding to that last point, his texts don’t only come when he is bored, they also come when he is bored at night. For some reason your number only gets dialed into his phone between the hours of 11pm and 3am, usually peaking at the 1am mark. He has been laying in bed ‘thinking about you’ and now probably wants to know what you’re doing right now. This is not some grand gesture of evening chit chat because his night has been filled with romantic thoughts, he just wants you to pop on over (he will likely ask you to do the traveling), pop him on off, and then pop right back on out of there.
10 He won't meet your family
Your family could be right next door or on another continent, the odds of him meeting them are still the same. He isn’t here to impress your mom or show your dad that there are great guys worthy of you; he is simply there to get in your pants and disappear. Now, it's not like you are asking him to meet them after your first date. Some guys can stick around for months and still just want to sleep with you with no intention of taking it any further. After the 4th month of him being ‘busy’ the night of your family dinner, it may be time to make him show up or shove off.
9 He never wants to hang out with your friends
Friends are the same story as family. He can make it seem like he doesn’t want friends to get involved because you are all he needs, but in reality, he just doesn't want any extra strings. He doesn’t want you to meet his friends because he doesn’t intend to have you around long enough for it to matter, and he doesn’t want to meet yours because he knows they would see right through him. Get your friends involved as early as possible because they will be the ones to tell you when he is in it for the right reasons.
8 He sends dirty pics
Playful or not, dirty pics are the lowest form of sexting and are often a lazy way to say ‘I want to sleep with you and after you see what I’m packing I hope you’ll want to sleep with me too'. A man who is truly looking to date you, spend time with you, and take you home to mom and dad doesn’t want pictures of his pee-wee Herman floating around on girls phones, and would hopefully respect you enough to not shove it in your face without so much as a “here comes my member” text.
7 He is annoyed when you ask him to hang out and you don’t have sex
“Netflix and chill” means he is getting lucky. If you invite him over to watch a movie and ‘hang out’ he is coming with a pocket full of condoms and no intention of enjoying any entertainment but the one he is hoping you will privately provide. If he does come over to “Netflix and chill” and you do just that, watch Netflix and sit on the couch chatting, without so much as a happy ending, he will be right pissed off and may not come back for the next flick. Good riddance.
6 Dates are never in a public place
His idea of a date is on a couch in front of the TV. He will come up with all of the excuses in the world not to take you to a nice dinner, usually along the lines of “I just want it to be us”, and he is usually lying… that is… unless he actually says “I have no intention of spending quality time or money on you, I just want you to come over so we can have sex and then I can carry on with my bachelor lifestyle without having skipped a beat.”
5 His house has more rules than a high-security prison
The moment you step into his house you get the sneaking suspicion that you are not intended to make yourself comfortable, at all. He has some pretty strict rules that may go unsaid but that are clear from the get go. There will be no sleeping over, no leaving anything there, and making yourself at home probably just means you have overstayed your welcome. Even so much as a nuzzle after sex results in a prompt “Hey, I'd like you to stay but I actually have this… thing.”
4 Your house is just a big bedroom to him
On the flip side, when he comes to your house it seems to be a welcome opportunity for him to strip down immediately, and, even though you had intended to actually make tea and put on a show, he makes himself comfortable on any surface that he finds sufficient to get right down to it. Your house is simply a giant sex dungeon to him because he is not interested in anything else in your life, no matter how nicely you have it laid out or how much you cleaned before hand.
3 ‘Talking’ isn’t really his thing
When it comes to the very important communication portion of a relationship he is quick to remind you that talking really isn’t his thing. He is also very quick to offer to take your mind off it with an extremely selfless quickie. If you stand up for yourself and your dream for love by refusing the quickie and continuing to talk? Well, you will likely be rewarded with a very pouty boy who is frustrated, or a man-child who all of a sudden has plans and has to leave immediately.
2 His ‘gifts’ are always sexual
When he says “I got you something,” don’t expect flowers or a bracelet. If this man just wants to sleep with you it is likely that his ‘gift’ is more of a gift for himself than one for you. It will be in the form of a new flavored lube, a cock ring (a vibrating one if you are lucky), or some other hint that he wants to sleep with you now and be rewarded for his thoughtful gesture.
1 He can turn any conversation into a sexual innuendo
And finally, no matter how many times you try to have a deep conversation or get to the bottom of “what we are”, he will find some way to spin it into a self-serving, only-he-is-laughing, this-man-needs-to-grow-up, joke. For example… ‘deep conversation’ will likely open up the doors to a comeback along the lines of ‘why don’t you show me just how deep’, and ‘get to the bottom of what we are' will receive a “oh, all get to the bottom of you alright”.