When you’re first getting to know someone, it can be hard to determine what it is they’re looking for. Are they looking for a one-time thing, or something more serious? Do they have both your best interests at heart, or is he just looking out for himself? How are you supposed to figure all that out from a few hours of conversation when you’re both putting your best face forward? And, what if those few hours go well, but you still have no idea what’s up days, weeks, or even months later?
Well, that’s why we’re here to help you out!
Ultimately, even if we can’t determine all the good intentions of a dude, we at least want to know the bad ones so we can avoid them like the landmines they are. And sometimes, no matter how good a guy seems on the surface, lurking beneath are some bad intentions. Like, really bad ones. These 15 signs will help you weed out the jerks and d-bags from a first date and onwards, because no matter how good they think they’ve got the game figured out, now you’ll be two steps ahead of them at every turn.
15 He insists he’s a nice guy
It’s a good rule of thumb to go by, but any guy who tells you right off the bat that he’s a nice guy is probably the exact opposite. If your guy feels the need to tell you over and over again that he’s a good person, he’s likely trying to cover up the kind of character he really has, because he knows that he’s the furthest thing from a “nice guy”.
A dude who goes out of his way to convince you that he isn’t a threat and is the ideal person to bring home to meet the fam by using his words and shallow gestures probably isn’t the kind of guy you can trust. He tries to gain your confidence by getting you to believe that he is a nice guy in order to get into your pants, your wallet, or your home, because real nice guys don’t have to remind you every moment of how nice they are.
14 He’s a superficial charmer
When a guy is looking to get only one thing out of a relationship or a conversation, he’s likely to pull out all the stops in a very superficial way in order for you to pay more attention to those rather than the snake in the grass. He loves to charm women just like you into bed by wining and dining you for a short period of time (or maybe just paying your bar tab for a night out, so that your sloppy self thinks that this jerk is a real winner).
A guy who has bad intentions is all about the surface appeal to himself, too, since that’s all he wants from anyone else. He’ll dress well and look like a dream, but he’s hiding a rotten core. Telling you everything you want to hear without putting in any actual effort to get to know who you are leaves you more open and vulnerable to his wily efforts, which never have good results.
13 He has no friends
So far, it sounds like this is the kind of dude who is best avoided, right? Well, as it turns out, a lot of people have already taken that hint and ditched his lame butt! While it’s normal to have one or two close friends, or a small circle of people that are your go-to buddies, this guy has no one – and there’s a reason for that!
Evil people and those with toxic intentions don’t see the need to keep people around who don’t benefit them, which means lasting relationships aren’t this guy’s cup of tea. Personal gain is what it’s all about for him, and that includes you! Having friends requires a give-and-take, and this dude has no intention of giving anything away. He’s a total skeeze, and enough people have seen that to avoid being around him, so hopefully you’ll be just as wise after reading all of these!
12 He keeps things vague
A sure sign of a guy having really bad intentions when it comes to you is when he keeps things vague. He stresses that he doesn’t like labels and insists that things are great as they are, so why do you need to call each other “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”? When this guy speaks, it makes sense, except for that annoying voice in the back of your head that reminds you that you’re allowed to question and know what your relationship status actually is.
Keeping things vague are this guy’s way of keeping you on the line, to have fun with whenever he wants. As long as he gives you just enough to keep coming back, he can have his cake and eat all of yours, too! He wants to keep getting it in, and it doesn’t matter to him if that hurts you, because hey, having fun without your consent was his purpose all along!
11 He’s super needy
It’s never a good sign when a guy becomes super needy and demanding of you, especially if you’ve only just gotten to know them. Immediately making demands of your time and your commitment to him should throw up red flags all around, because it could indicate something much darker down the road. If a dude constantly wants to know where you are, who you’re with, and when you’ll be back – and he texts you the entire time to make sure you’re in reach – you are getting into some emotionally manipulative territory, girl! Plus, if he’s only talking about himself and never about you, you know that this relationship is one-sided and not likely to change.
Neediness isn’t a cute look on anyone, but it should set off alarm bells when a guy is talking about being together forever in a way that doesn’t have you conjuring up wedding dresses and champagne toasts – it has you worrying if he’s picked out a box to bury you in. Run – fast!
10 Animals hate him
Hey, animals can sense things! If your cat or dog is normally pretty relaxed around people, or creeps out after they’ve determined the coast is clear – and now they’re not doing that for your new dude – you should definitely take that as a sign! We’re not saying let your pets make your relationship decisions, but animals are know to pick up on things us humans can’t.
If a guy isn’t interested in getting to know any furry friends or, worse, is downright cruel to them, then you’ll know right then and there how much he cares for others, especially those smaller and weaker than him. Another scary thing to note: since the 1970s, it’s been widely considered that cruelty towards animals in childhood can lead to later psychopathy and delinquency, so if Fido is running in fear of this new dude when normally he cuddles up to strangers, take your pup’s advice and ditch this dude.
9 He won’t let things go
It’s one thing to hold a grudge, but it’s quite another to be involved with the kind of toxic person who simply won’t let things go and always, always sweats the small stuff – and he takes it out on you. Using trivial moments as a point of contention over and over again is a sure sign this guy is bad news, because if he gets this hung up on the little things, what would he be like when something major happens?
A guy who won’t let things go is proof of his bad intentions because you and whatever you’ve done to upset him aren’t sticking to the narrative he wanted to create and be in control of. Not being able to let some stuff roll off his back is not only a pain to be around (who wants all that negativity?), but it shows that he has one story that he’s sticking to, and you had better fit into it or else. We’ll pass, thanks!
8 He’s got one thing on his mind
Guys may think they’re good at hiding it when they’ve got getting busy on the brain, but more often than not, we know exactly what they’re thinking. If a dude can’t stop complimenting your body or grabbing you at any given opportunity, then you know right away he’s only after one thing.
To get what he’s looking for, this type of dude will try to subtly get you into the same frame of mind as him, so he can pass it off as something you both decided on – even if that’s the furthest thing from the truth. Sending you flirty texts or commenting on your Snap story about how good you look may feel nice in the short-term, but they hide a deceitful action he’s trying to accomplish. Sinking an idea into your head is how this dude gets what he’s after and if his intentions are only physical from the get-go, you can probably guess that he’ll try just about anything to make it happen.
7 He puts on the pressure
Like trying to get you in the sack, a guy with really bad intentions is also likely to pull out all the stops when it comes to manipulating you into doing his bidding elsewhere. Master manipulators are the type of people who rarely have good intentions ever, because they’re just using the people around them to achieve their own ends!
And they’re good at it, too.
Piling on the pressure to slowly nudge you in the direction they need is like a game to these guys, and even if you’ve refused countless times, they’ll still keep poking and prodding until you ultimately give in. Gaslighting you and belittling your concerns and worries are some of the number-one ways this jerk pushes you to where he needs you to be, and a few sob stories probably pad things out so that you’ll feel like you have to help him out from the goodness of your heart. You may have empathy but he definitely does not!
6 His body language is off
One of the best ways to realize that a guy has bad intentions is to look at his body language. If it seems off to you, there’s probably a good reason for that, and this is a guy you should get far, far away from. Irregular, jerking movements to the limbs, an inability to get comfortable, sweating, covering his mouth and nose when he talks, or averting his eyes from your steely gaze are all indicators that something isn’t right with this dude, and that whatever he’s saying probably isn’t the truth.
Dudes with bad intentions know exactly what they’re doing, and how you’d react if you realized what was going on. Often, they try and appear normal and like they’re not pulling you along to get whatever it is they’re looking for, but paying attention to how they behave and speak to you in a normal conversation is a good way to determine if he’s chill, toxic, or just awkward AF.
5 He negs you
Not only is negging a sign of a guy with bad intentions, but it’s a sign of a total d-bag! Negging is when a guy slyly insults you, and is a pick-up artist tactic that has been discussed across the Internet by men who clearly don’t know a thing about women. If a dude insults you and tries to play it off as a joke – even though you’re obviously not laughing – then you can bet that he has nasty intentions.
A man with good intentions would never insult a woman, out of misplaced humour or otherwise, because he cares about the words coming out of his mouth and the effect they have on her. If, however, he’s just looking to get a lady into bed, regardless of how that’s done, he might rely on this crappy little tactic that is proof enough of how he thinks about you and all women, for that matter. Playing the “just kidding” card doesn’t fly, and you should know now that this dude shouldn’t be getting any airtime.
4 He lies
Telling a few white lies here and there is normal, especially if they’re done to protect another person from something trivial. For example, telling your BFF that you were late because traffic was bad versus actually being late because you simply couldn’t be bothered to get up on time is a white lie that is totally okay.
With that being said, dudes who have bad intentions will lie regularly – even when they don’t have to! Liars and those with toxic ideas are often synonymous, because they’re always looking out for their own interests, regardless of anyone else’s. Lying to get their way or lying to make themselves look better or lying by omission to obtain someone’s trust are all tactics used by nasty people who have nothing but the worst intentions. If he’s been caught in a lie on a few too many occasions and the habit doesn’t seem to be slowing down any time soon, he might be building up to something bigger, and you should get out now before things get too heated.
3 He hides you
When a guy gets with a woman he respects and likes, he has no issues about showing her off. In fact, he’s probably proud to have her on his arm! So, if the dude you’re with refuses to ever take you out, only hits you up at 2am for a booty call, and only has you come to his place so he can be the one to kick you out, your alarm bells should be ringing like crazy!
A dude who has zero intention of getting serious with a woman – or even acknowledging her as the person with whom he’s sharing his bed – then you know that he has crappy intentions when it comes to your heart and your feelings. Choosing not to waste time or money on you means that he doesn’t think all that highly of you, and that you’re likely one of many – and thus not likely to stick around. You feel like crap after every encounter, and maybe that should be enough to tell you how bad his intentions really are.
2 You don’t know who he is
When a dude has nothing but the worst intentions – to hurt you, to use you for his own enjoyment, whatever – then you probably don’t even know who he really is. As a master manipulator, he gives you enough that you think everything’s okay, when really he’s keeping the lion’s share all to himself. He’s playing you like a puppet and he’s the puppeteer.
Not knowing who a guy really is can be scary stuff, but if he changes from one minute to the next, that kind of volatility isn’t safe or good to be around! Liars and manipulators are experts at changing who they are and how they appear to suit their own needs, and you’re no exception. He may be a sweetheart until you give it up for him, and then it’s icicle city as he kicks you to the curb, because he never cared much about you anyway.
1 You feel it in your gut
You mom, your sister, your friends – they all probably told you that your gut is your best instinct and you should listen to it. Feel uncomfortable walking home at night? Listen to your gut and call a cab. Don’t want to have that drink because you didn’t see it poured? Listen to your gut and go get another one.
Your gut can be your saving grace, and if something just feels off about a dude, you’re better to listen to it than ignore it and play it risky. Intuition is hella powerful and should never be ignored. You can feel those bad vibes coming off in waves, and if your instinct is telling you to GTFO, then you’d better do exactly that! Feeling in your gut that someone is bad news is the surest sign there is that this person is not to be trusted, because their intentions are probably really, really bad. Do yourself a favour and listen to that, because it could make all the difference.