The future can be a lot of things, but the majority of us think it's either a totally scary or a completely exciting place. There really is no in-between when it comes to what you think your life is going to look like in the next few years... and, more than that, what you actually want it to look like. The hardest kind of future to picture is, of course, your romantic one. Sure, you've got your apartment and your best friends and your job, and you know what TV shows comfort you when you're feeling down and what workout is your new fave. But you don't know who you're going to end up with... or if you're even going to stay with the person that you call your boyfriend. Sometimes you have to go by your gut and other times, even though your instincts are telling you that someone isn't right for you, you still need a few other signs and signals to figure out what's really going on. Here are 15 signs that he doesn't see you in his future.
15 He Avoids It
People can be pretty simple if you just learn to read them properly... and that definitely goes for someone that you're dating. If your boyfriend avoids the future every time you bring it up or someone else does -- whether that's the possibility of you guys taking a trip to Florida in six months time, or even just going to a new movie next week -- then you can be totally sure that he doesn't see that happening. He might not be coming right out and breaking up with you, which would be the mature, adult thing to do, but he's definitely thinking that things aren't going to work out. Yeah, it sucks to realize this and you do wish that he would just be honest with you. But people don't always think honesty is the best policy, even though of course it is. So if your boyfriend avoids the future, that's your first obvious sign that things are heading in the direction of no return.
14 He Changes The Subject
If you bring up your romantic future and your boyfriend keeps changing the subject, well, what does that tell you? It definitely doesn't prove that he thinks you're his one and only and that you're going to be walking down the aisle anytime soon... or even staying together much longer. Sure, the truth hurts, but wouldn't it hurt so much more if you kept dating this guy while knowing how he actually feels? Yeah, exactly. Don't prolong that kind of pain and get out now if you notice him changing the subject whenever your collective future comes up. You deserve so much better than that. It's actually just plain weird for him to not want to discuss the future with you because if you've both made it this far and committed to each other, it only makes sense to keep going and planning and thinking. No couple wants to stay at one stage of the relationship forever.
13 He Loves The Status Quo
If your boyfriend loves the status quo -- as in, he adores the way that things are right now and has told you that he wants absolutely nothing to change -- then you have a problem. You have a massive problem, actually. Relationships need change in order to grow and become as healthy and happy as successful as possible. That means moving forward, not staying in the exact same place. If you and your boyfriend have been together for a while but he freaks out every time you suggest moving in together or taking another big step like that, then you already know that things aren't going anywhere good. You don't have to play dumb and act like it's okay because things are really great between the two of you -- you definitely know that something is up. So if you can just work up the courage, it's time for a real conversation where you tell him exactly how you feel.
12 He Distracts You
If you bring up the future and your boyfriend distracts you, you might not even notice the first time. Or the second. Or the third. Yup, that is a pretty sneaky and clever strategy. But eventually you're going to realize that when you talk about taking a trip together or moving in together and your boyfriend starts talking about pizza or a friend his buddy is having over tomorrow night. You won't be so distracted anymore and you'll realize that this is kind of awful and embarrassing because, oops, you totally fell for this. But you won't anymore. You're a strong, smart girl and you don't need to be played by anyone... especially not your boyfriend, who's not supposed to play any games at all. That's kind of the entire point of finding someone that you connect with and starting a relationship: you can say goodbye to any lame dating games.
11 He Backtracks
Let's say you and your boyfriend have actually made some future plans. Things seemed to be going super well, you were happy and excited, and your friends were praising your relationship (while secretly being super jealous). Then something weird happened: your boyfriend totally backtracked. It was like the relationship version of pre-wedding cold feet. Suddenly he said that he didn't want to move in together after all because he thought that was too big of a step for you guys, or he canceled your first vacation because he didn't want to be away from work for that long, or whatever other lame excuse he came up with. It's super weird that he's doing this and he's really just proving to you that he's afraid of the future and that he doesn't see you in his own future. Hey, be glad you figured this out now and not a million years later.
10 He Pulls Away From You
Every guy is different, of course, and the stereotype that no guy is emotional or sensitive is just not true. Some are way more emotional and sensitive than others, and of course, it depends on the time and situation and what's going on. You can't really generalize that much. But if your boyfriend tended to always tell you what he was thinking and feeling and you guys had a really strong, stable bond that meant you had important conversations, you can definitely tell when that's not happening anymore. If he's pulling away from you, then that's a really obvious sign that he's having second thoughts about this relationship... and he doesn't think that you have such a big place in his future anymore. Again, he should just tell you this, but he's not going to, at least not for a while. He's going to want you to pick up on the signs and say something.
9 He Gets Too Casual
Sure, not everything in a relationship has to be a super romantic and formal candlelit dinner with roses and champagne and the whole deal. Sometimes you just want to chill out and be casual with each other, whether that's a Saturday night spent in sweatpants watching Netflix together or you just have a lot of fun when you're hanging out, no matter where you are. But if your boyfriend is suddenly making things way too casual -- he never, ever wants to go out, and he never talks about the two of you spending more time together -- then he's thinking about his future but you're not going to be in it. He's trying to slowly but surely get you out of his life. He figures that if he makes your relationship as loose and casual as possible, then there won't be anything to walk away from, and he won't be in so much pain when he eventually says things aren't going to work.
8 He's Vague
Being vague is pretty much the worst thing in the world. People should always just say what they mean because the alternative is just way too annoying and frustrating. But no one really cares about that. They want to behave how they want to behave, with no second thoughts, and that's how your boyfriend is acting right now. He's super vague when you ask him to hang out next week. He's even more vague when you ask about your plans for tomorrow night or even tonight. He just doesn't want to plan that far in advance (even if that means a few hours from now). If he's being vague about plans and your relationship in general, then you can be sure that he doesn't see you in his future anymore, because he's trying to separate himself as much as possible. He's also trying to act like he doesn't have any obligation to you. But the thing is that he is definitely obligated to you unless he breaks up with you, so that's where this plan doesn't work.
7 He Lives His Own Life
You don't have to be totally and completely attached to the hip of your boyfriend. Actually, it's a whole lot better (for both of you) if you aren't. But some couples are definitely closer than others. If you and your boyfriend tend to do a lot of things together, from running errands on the weekends to going to each other's work events and other parties that you get invited to, then you can feel a real void when that stuff stops happening. Maybe your boyfriend tells you that he's too busy or something like that. This happens a few times, and you don't really care much at first. You figure hey, he's human and things come up and it's really okay. But then it starts happening more and more and you realize this is a really big deal, not just a tiny blip in your relationship that doesn't mean anything. It definitely means something because if your boyfriend is trying to live a life away from you, then he's not thinking long-term here.
6 People Have Noticed
If your friends or family (or both... ugh!) have started noticing that your boyfriend doesn't seem as interested in your relationship as he used to be, then you definitely have a problem. Sometimes you're pretty blinded by love (or something that seems like love but actually isn't) and can't see what's literally right in front of you. It takes another person or a whole bunch of people to say that, hey, you may really care about this guy but that doesn't mean that he's the right one for you, and it doesn't mean that this is the right relationship for you either. It's kind of embarrassing when the people in your life start figuring out the problems in your love life even before you do (or before you've really admitted to noticing them yet). So don't be that kind of person. Don't be super naive and innocent and refuse to see the writing on the wall until it's absolutely too late.
5 He's Afraid In General
There are some people who are just totally scared of the future, and instead of doing the mature, grown-up thing and facing it head-on, they choose the opposite approach: they want to pretend as if the future doesn't exist. Well, that's an okay strategy... for about a hot second. And then it's pretty much the worst idea ever. If your boyfriend is really afraid of the future in general and the thought of whether he's going to be at his same job in five years or what city he ultimately wants to live in is really stressing him out, then you have a problem. Those things are totally connected to your relationship, even if you don't realize it. Because how he feels about his own future is directly tied to your romantic one. If he doesn't like thinking about the future in general, then he's definitely not going to think about the future of your relationship.
4 Things Feel Off
Sometimes when you're in a relationship and you just get this feeling one day that something feels off, that can mean that you're about to get dumped. Or that you're about to do the dumping yourself. Hey, it's not pretty and no one likes doing that but it happens and it's real life and you just have to deal with it. When things feel off or different somehow, you have to admit that this isn't the love story that you thought it was or that you wanted it to be. And that's not as big a deal as it might seem right in this moment. You've probably been down this road before and you may have fallen apart at first but eventually, you learned to pick yourself right back up and move on with your life. So that's what you have to do now. Talk to your boyfriend about where things are going and you might just hear that he doesn't think you're the right person for him after all.
3 He's Hiding Something
Hopefully, your boyfriend isn't hiding a great big secret, but hey, you never know. Or maybe you just read too many mystery novels. But either way, if your boyfriend is hiding something, that usually means the break-up writing is on the wall. You can't ignore it any longer and you can't keep thinking that things will change for the better soon because they just won't. If your boyfriend is making plans for his own life and not sharing them with you, then you know that things are over... and that they probably have been for a really long time. First of all, just the fact that he's making big plans without even consulting you first or asking what you want to do just proves that he doesn't factor you into his life at all. And the fact that he's not telling you proves that even more. So be the bigger person and admit that this just isn't how you thought or wanted it to be and it's time to move on.
2 Your Lives Aren't In Sync
Sometimes you can love someone while knowing deep down that things will never really and truly work out. That's just how life works. If your lives aren't in sync, then you can be sure that he doesn't see you in his future... because if you're totally honest with yourself, you don't see him in yours, either. You realize that you're comfy just hanging out at home and having low-key evenings with good friends the majority of the time while your boyfriend's passport is often burning a hole in his wallet. Or maybe it's vice versa. You're career-centric and your boyfriend has an okay job that he doesn't love or hate but feels kind of wishy-washy about... and that's starting to cause some real problems. Whatever the case might be, if you don't feel like you're living a life that seems to match up with your boyfriend's, that can be a real sign that things aren't going to end up happily ever after.
1 You're In Denial
The truth of the matter is, when it comes to love, you can be totally in denial. You can think that your boyfriend is the most amazing, wonderful person to ever walk on this earth. You can tell people that you have the best relationship ever and that you can never imagine leaving this guy behind. You can say all that stuff, sure, but saying the words definitely doesn't make that true. If you're in denial about where your relationship is going (as in, absolutely nowhere) then you can be sure that your boyfriend doesn't see a future with you. He might have even told you that he doesn't think this is going anywhere. Or he just showed you the rest of the signs on this list. But either way, you are in total denial and you just won't believe that this is not the relationship you're going to stay in. When that happens, you only have one choice: have a real talk with your boyfriend. But deep down, you have to know that you might not get the happy answers that you're looking for. And that's actually okay. Because you deserve to be with someone who's not afraid of the future, whether it's your collective one or otherwise.