For some reason, there's always a competition between the ex girlfriend and the new girlfriend. Unfortunately, both have various reasons to be jealous. For example, the ex is jealous because her ex boyfriend has "moved on" from her and started dating someone new. And, the new girlfriend is jealous that there was someone else in his life before her. In turn, it's normal for the new girlfriend to be a bit insecure in the relationship at first, especially if she started dating him not too long after he and his ex split. While it's all petty and eventually goes away in time, it can be extremely difficult if the new boyfriend doesn't handle things the right way. And by that, we mean he keeps comparing the new to the old. Of course, he may not be doing it on purpose or to hurt the new girl's feelings, but he still does it. Don't worry, it's happened to all of us. Read below to find out fifteen signs he's comparing you to his ex girlfriend.
15 He Brings Her Up In Conversation
Every opportunity he gets, he brings up his ex in conversation. Even if it seems like it's out of the blue, her name still comes up. For example, if you're talking about Portland, Oregon, he'll say things like, "Oh yeah, my ex used to go there for work a lot." Or, if you're talking about how big your family is, he'll reply with, "my ex had a big family too." If he's beyond obsessed, he'll even bring her up if you're talking about a certain experience you had. If yore in a fight with a friend, he may talk about a fight his ex had with one of her friends. Because she's always on his mind and because he's been comparing the two of you for months, he never fails to mention her. Of course, you're offended seeing as the last thing you want is your existence to be compared to her existence, but at this point, it's simply become second nature to him.
14 He Talks To His Friends About Her
You weren't trying to be nosy (okay, maybe you were) but somehow, you came across conversations between your boyfriend and one of his friends. In these conversations, he blatantly compared you and his ex. He said things like, "It drives me crazy when (insert your name) does this. It's like I'm having a flashback to my relationship with (insert his ex's name)." Or, maybe he just talks about his ex more than he talks about you. He might ask his friends for updates on her life or maybe he'll talk about how hard it is not knowing what's going on with her. Depending on if his friends are still a part of his ex's life. In short, he's basically saying he's missing his connection with her and admitting that he isn't as involved or doesn't care as much about his relationship with you in comparison to his relationship with her.
13 He Says You Remind Him Of Her
If you buy a new dress and try it on for him, he responds with, "my ex used to have a dress like that." If you get a new haircut, he says, "my ex used to wear her hair in a similar way when I first started dating her." If you get in a fight with him and leave to get some space, he says, "my ex used to do that all the time and it drove me crazy." If you make up a pet name for him, he'll respond with, "my ex used to have a pet name for me too." In various situations, he, unfortunately, compares you to her. Whether if be about the way you look, the way you act, or the things you say, he directly connects your actions with hers. Long story short, he's looking for her in you instead of simply taking you as you come.
12 Whenever Her Name Gets Brought Up, He Acts Strangely
One of the main reasons a man might compare his new girlfriend with his ex-girlfriend is because he's not over her. Of course, he'd never come out and admit that because he still wants to keep you as his new girlfriend. However, that doesn't mean you can't pick up on his little secret. For example, if her name gets brought up in conversation, he might all of a sudden get really awkward Or, if you ask a question about her, he might pretend like he doesn't know the answer despite having been with her for years. If he runs into one of her friends while the two of you are out, he might act like he doesn't know her even though he obviously does. He overcompensates in an attempt to make you think he doesn't care about her anymore. Which is a major sign that you should watch out for!
11 He Looks At Her Facebook or Instagram Way Too Much
If you go on his Facebook search history, her profile always comes up. If you open his Instagram account, her page is always open as if he was scrolling through it. He looks at old photos of him and her together in addition to new photos of her. He's always up to date on what she's been doing and overanalyzes all of her posts. Why? Well, maybe he's not over her and feels closer to her when he looks at her or perhaps he likes to remember the good times he had with her. Or, maybe he's comparing her to you. For example, he may be trying to decipher if you're as "attractive" as she was, or if you and him "have as much fun" as him and her used to. Not only can he not let go of her and the times he had with her, but he also can't be content with what's right in front of him.
10 He "Competes" With Her
If he sees that his ex-girlfriend moves in with someone else, he suggests the two of you move in together. If he finds out that his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend are engaged, he starts talking about marriage with you. If his ex-girlfriend gets promoted at her job, he puts pressure on you to take your career to the next level. If his ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend gets a new car, he wants to get a new car. He is not only comparing you and her but he is also comparing himself and his ex's new boyfriend. It is as if he is in a race to be just "as happy" or just as "successful" as his ex and his ex's boyfriend. His life revolves around being "better" than the and he will do everything he can to get ahead, even it that means trying to change both you and himself.
9 He Can't Accept Certain Parts Of You
If his ex-girlfriend was extremely sensitive and you are not, he can't accept that part of you. If you are moody and have a hard time sharing your feelings, he is impatient with you because his ex-girlfriend was extremely level headed. If you like to go out all the time and his ex was more of a homebody, he tries to change you. He is unable to appreciate various parts of your personality that are unlike those of his ex. Why? Because he is comparing you to her and wishing you were more like her. In turn, he is constantly asking you to change and then getting mad at you for being yourself even though there is absolutely nothing wrong with who you are. And you should net let your new guy make it seem that the person you are before the two of you got together is not good enough.
8 He Becomes "Closed Off" At Strange Times
The two of you are driving on a highway and a song comes on. He has told you before that it was a band him and his ex-girlfriend used to listen to all the time. You do not like the band and for some reason, that annoys him and he gets closed off. Why? Because he misses the fact that him and his ex could bond over this band and wishes you could give him the same sort of satisfaction. Or, maybe for no reason at all, when the two of you are out at a restaurant of just hanging out at your house, his mood instantly changes. Of course, he does not explain to you what he is feeling, but you sense he is wishing he was with his ex and not you- that they had some sort of different connection he can't seem to recreate with you.
7 He Still Talks To Her
If he had a cordial break-up with her and decided that he's able to have her in his life as a friend, that's great. Good for him. However, if he didn't have a cordial break-up with her and still communicates with her, that's another story. You try your best to be supportive, but after a while, you realize the only reason he's talking to her is because he's missing something from you that he got from her- even if it's drama and/or heartache. On top of that, you realize that whenever he talks to her, he acts strangely towards you after the fact. Perhaps he wants to talk about subjects that come out of the blue or maybe he tries to invoke emotions in you that he was able to invoke in her. In short, he's still emotionally affected by her and he lets that translate into your guy's relationship.
6 She's A "Sensitive Subject"
Whenever the topic of his ex comes up, he might become defensive or closed off. A sign that the wounds are still fresh. If you are curious and ask him innocent questions about her, he shuts down and tries to change the subject. If you ask him if he's still in love with her, he lashes out and accuses you of being paranoid instead of simply trying to help calm your insecurities. If you tell him it upsets you when he compares you to her, he denies that that ever happened even if it did on multiple occasions. He's terrified that he's going to be "found out" or that you're going to realize he's been spending way too much time thinking of her and/or thinking of her in relation to you. He's unable to talk about her because he's doing everything he can to get her out of his mind.
5 He's Still Mourning Their Relationship
Even though he might pretend like he's worked through his break-up, he hasn't. If you two get into an argument, he talks about how hard it is to fight because he had such bad fights with his ex. If you and him share a heart to heart about your fears or insecurities, he talks about how most of his insecurities come from problems him and his ex had. If you talk about past relationships you both have had, he spends the majority of the time talking about her. He talks about her personal problems, what it was like to be with her, and ways that she made him happy. She becomes almost an obsession that he's still deeply emotionally involved with. It's obvious he's far from over her and still trying to recover from the break-up, no matter how hard he might try to convince both you and himself he's over it.
4 He Takes Out His Old Insecurities On You
If his ex cheated on him, he will constantly be paranoid that you are doing the same. If his ex used to get angry at him for being standoffish at times, he will overreact if you confront him about what is going on in his head. If his ex used to accuse him of only being with him for the physical part of the relationship, he will become overly sensitive if you bring up the subject of your intimate life. In short, he assumes that you are exactly the same type of person as his ex with the same motives, even though you are nothing like her. Instead of seeing you as someone different who is going to treat him completely differently than his ex, he sees history repeating itself. He is unable to comprehend that just because things with her were hard at times, does not mean things with you are going to be the same.
3 He Wants To Do Things With You He Did With Her
If he's comparing your relationship with him to his relationship with her, he's probably trying to re-create certain aspects of his past relationship in his new relationship with you. For example, if he and his ex used to go camping once a month, he might insist you and him go camping once a month. If him and his ex used to go on "midnight drives" when they couldn't sleep, he'll want you guys to do the same. If him and his ex used to spend all Sunday watching movies at home, he might insist you two do the same. If you don't want to do these things or suggest doing something else, he might bring up how much he used to enjoy doing these things with her. If he's stubborn and highly irrational, he may even be disappointed that you don't want to go along with his plans and say that he misses his ex.
2 He Becomes Frustrated With You At Random Times
Sometimes, men go from dating one woman to dating another woman who is completely opposite from their ex, especially if their relationship with their ex did not end on a good note. However, that does not mean he hated everything about the old relationship. In turn, he may become frustrated with you at certain times because you do not "react" the same way his ex girlfriend did or "want to do" all the things his ex girlfriend did. He may be yearning for you to understand him the way that his ex did, even though he has not explained to you how or why he is feeling a certain way and then get angry when you do not. Because he is been comparing you to her, he is disappointed when you "fall short" in ways that she did not. And you should not feel like you are a disappointment because this is his problem not yours!
1 He Wants The Relationship To Move Way Too Quickly
If he's just out of a relationship with his ex- girlfriend, he's probably a bit confused and can't remember what it's like to "take things slowly." Most likely, because he's missing the closeness they had, he's trying his best to jump into another relationship so that he can feel the closeness he once had not too long ago. For example, he might push you to meet your family after just knowing him for a few weeks. Or, maybe he'll invite you to meet his when you're not sure you're ready to. Or, perhaps he might say, "I love you," way too soon. Chances are, he does care about you, but what he really wants is the same comfortability and security he had with his ex. Basically, he wants the relationship he had with her, with you. Therefore, he's doing whatever it is he feels he needs to do to recreate it.