Rebounds are awesome. Not only do they help us forget about all the crazy things our ex tried to convince us of, but they also act as a catalyst for us to "get back in the game." They're fun to hang out with, great partners for experimenting in the bedroom, and even teach us things about what we want or don't want in future relationships. Long story short: They're worth taking advantage of if you're in the market for a short-lived affair. That being said, it's important to follow a few rules when finding a rebound. After all, you're in a delicate place in your life. If you get too close to someone too soon, you might end up worse off than you were after your breakup with your ex and that's something we want to help you avoid at all costs. Read below to find out fifteen rules for finding the right rebound.
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You're heartbroken. The last thing you want is to pull yourself out of bed, put on a nice outfit and make your way to a bar. However, you're going to have to if you want to meet the perfect rebound. Of course, you'd love to just text that guy you've always had a secret crush on but you're just friends with to come over, but that's a bad idea. Why? Because if you've always had a secret crush on him, there's a high possibility you might actually start having real feelings for him and end up in another relationship way too soon. Or, you might ruin your chances for a healthy relationship with him in the future. Remember, rebounds aren't anything to be taken seriously. They're all fun and games. Wait to text that guy you've had a secret crush on until you're truly over your ex and ready for a new relationship.
14 You Have To Be Attracted To Him
Don't simply find a rebound because you're bored and sick of missing your ex. Find one because you want to find one and let the excitement of it help you get over your ex. Be picky with who you choose. Sure, your self-confidence might be a bit damaged thanks to your terrible breakup and you might not feel like you're still the "hottest girl in the world."However, it's important that you remind yourself you're still the top of the litter and you can be with any guy you want to be with, no matter what your ex tried to make you believe. After all, wouldn't you rather be with a drop dead gorgeous man who you have great intimacy with than someone you just randomly met and aren't really attracted to? Yes. Even if it takes a little bit of time to find someone you like, be patient. You'll be happy you waited in the long run.
13 He Has To Be Different
You and your ex ended for a reason. Maybe he was a player and cheated on you or maybe he was in a rush to settle down and you weren't ready. Maybe he was too clingy or maybe he didn't call you enough. Whatever the case, make sure the guy you find for your rebound is nothing like the guy you just spent the last couple years of your life with. Why? Well, first of all, the relationship most likely ended because something wasn't working. Second of all, being with someone who reminds you of your ex is only going to make you miss your ex even more than you already do. Look at this breakup as an opportunity to get out of your comfort zone and experience something (or someone) new. Chances are, you might learn a little bit about what you like, what you don't like, and even yourself in the process.
12 It Can't Be Vengeful
We get it: Your ex really screwed you over. He cheated on you and then one week after the two of you broke up, he was running around town with a rebound of his own. So, you want to get even. In order to do this, you must find a rebound yourself. You are on a mission and you are vengeful. Newsflash: It is time to intervene. Even though it might be hard, remind yourself that rebounds are for your sake, not your ex's. They're meant to distract you, not make your ex jealous. On top of that, using someone just to hurt someone else isn't going to make you feel any better in the long run. In fact, it'll probably do quite the opposite. Before you jump in with someone else to get your ex's attention, think twice. Only get a rebound for positive reasons, not to get even.
11 You Can't Work With Him
Just as we said you should not make someone you know well or have a history with your new rebound, you also should not make one of your co-workers your new rebound. For starters, your co-workers probably know a little bit more about you than you think. Even if they never met your boyfriend, they are not naive. Every office has its line of gossip. Therefore, from the start, they are going to know they are a rebound and that may end up causing problems in the future. Second of all, if things do end badly with the two of you, you will still have to awkwardly see your co-worker everyday. That is unless one of you quits your job. Just as a safety precaution, it's a good idea to keep your rebound out of the office. No matter how tempting the guy sitting across from you in your cubicle is, he's off limits.
10 He Can't Be Looking For A Relationship
Now, we're not saying that you have to tell your new rebound that you're only using him to get over your ex. After all, that wouldn't even be fully true and would just end up hurting his feelings. However, it is a good idea to be honest with him. For example, you could say something along the lines of, "I'm really into you and like spending time with you but I should let you know I just got out of a relationship and I'm not ready for anything serious." Why? It opens up an important discussion for the two of you. If you let him know what you're looking for, he'll then feel more comfortable letting you know what he's looking for. If he's looking for a relationship, find a different rebound. It's not fair to either of you to get close if you're not in it for the same reasons. Avoid drama and heartbreak down the line by being honest from the start.
9 You Can't Make It About Your Ex
We know what you're thinking: We just said you should tell your new rebound about your ex. And, you should. However, a brief one sentence summary is pretty much the extent of all the details you should give. He doesn't need to know any other personal information. In fact, he doesn't even need to know your ex's name. Remember, you're doing this to help you get over your ex, not so you can find another person to talk to your ex about. Your rebound isn't supposed to remind you of how much you miss your ex or hold your head while you cry over your heartbreak. Your rebound is supposed to distract you and make you feel a little less lonely. He's someone you have a fun time with, not one of your girlfriends who's obligated to listen to you carry on. After all, if you're too open with him about your ex, he's only going to get freaked out and start thinking you're only using him.
8 It Has To Be Light
There are certain guidelines to follow when it comes to doing what you do/talking about what you talk about with your new rebound. For example, you can get close to him but keep it simple. Don't spend all night talking about how hard your childhood was or sharing vulnerable parts of yourself with him. Don't go to his family's house for dinner or get super close with all of his friends. Don't invite him to your parent's house or even bring him to work parties. Why? Because if there's one sure thing about rebounds, it's that they're temporary. Therefore, it's important that you don't complicate things too quickly. After all, you don't want to have to call your mother and explain to her that the nice boy you brought over for dinner isn't in your life anymore and that you only used him to get over your ex. The airier you keep things when you're together, the easier it'll be to break things off.
7 You Have To Experience Different Things Together
If you and your ex used to go to the movies every Friday, go bowling with your rebound every Friday. If you and your ex used to listen to The Cure on long car rides, find another band to listen to with your rebound. If drinking whiskey was you and your ex's "thing," discover a new beverage of choice. Enjoy expanding your horizons with your rebound. Do not try to replicate something that you had with someone else- it would never work anyway and would only make you miss your ex more than you do. We have said it a million times but we'll say it again for you- your rebound is not meant to take your ex's place, he's meant to help you move forward from your ex. If you're not ready to try new things with someone else, take some time for yourself and then find a rebound of choice.
6 He Can't Know Your Ex
We know. You want revenge, especially if your ex blatantly screwed you over or if he has moved on way too soon. It is your deepest desire to get back at him in the worst possible way. And what is that? Hooking up with one of his friends. Of course, it sounds great in theory. After all, it is one of the best possible forms of revenge. However, acting vindictive and malicious is not going to make you feel any better. In fact, it will probably make you feel way worse than you already did. When you are choosing the perfect rebound, choose someone that your ex does not know. Stay far away from his circle of friends, acquaintances included. Not only will it make things less complicated but it will also keep your ex out of your life. Remember, you would rather have your ex missing you, not hating you.
5 You Have To Have Fun With Him
He is not someone you stay at home and simply cuddle the night away with, he is someone who takes you out to the wildest clubs and dances with you until the sun comes up the next morning. He is not someone who you grab coffee with on Sunday's, he is someone who explores new areas with you and goes on spontaneous road trips with you. He is not someone you take home to meet your parents, he is someone you have the craziest intimacy of your life with. He is not someone you share your deepest darkest secrets with, he is someone who makes you laugh harder than you've laughed in a long time. He is not someone who runs errands for you when you're in a crunch, he is someone you call to escape responsibility. He is the person you look forward to spending time with, not the person you feel obligated to spend time with.
4 He Has To Respect You
As we've said before, there's a high likelihood you're not feeling too great about yourself. After all, you just went through a massive breakup and that's enough to shatter anyone's self-esteem. This is why it's important that you're careful when you choose your rebound. First of all, choose a man that has respect for women in general, not you alone. If he doesn't treat you right the first time you hang out with him, forget about him. If you see him mistreating other women, say goodbye. Second of all, he has to appreciate you for who you are. If you feel at any time he's putting pressure on you to be someone you're not or do something you don't want to do, move forward. Just because you're in a delicate place or just because the relationship isn't going to last forever is no reason to allow yourself to be treated less than you deserve.
3 You Have To Push Your Comfort Zone
You are used to being with someone in a certain way. If you were with your ex for a long time, you might've forgotten what it's like to be with someone you hardly know or even what it's like to flirt with anyone other than your ex. With your rebound, make a point to get out of your comfort zone. You could buy some sexy lingerie, experiment with bedroom stuff, or maybe even role play. When you go out, try new foods and enjoy new restaurants he takes you to. Say "yes" before you say "no." Don't live in fear or judge yourself for discovering a new side of your personality that's been locked away for the past couple of years. Being single is the best time to figure out what you like and what you don't like. Use your rebound to do exactly that and don't apologize for anything.
2 You Have To Be Rational
We know, it's annoying to talk about being rational and also being romantically involved with someone. Unfortunately, though, we're going to go right on ahead and do it. Let's face it: You want love. You want a relationship. You want to feel what you felt with your ex, especially if you're just out of a relationship. Why? Because it's what you know. However, you need to realize that in order to be in a successful relationship in the future, you have to get over your ex completely. This is why it's extremely important that you stay rational when it comes to your rebound. Even if you think you might have real feelings for him, remind yourself that you're in no place to start a new relationship. Right now, staying single is the best thing that you can do for yourself. Don't confuse your feelings of loneliness for attraction to your rebound. If you feel like you're getting too close, take a few steps back. Keep your head on your shoulders, no matter how hard it is.
1 Have Fun
He's a rebound. He's not going to be in your life forever. Therefore, you shouldn't waste your time worrying about what he might think about you, how much he cares about you, or even what he's doing when he's not with you. Make fun the number one goal in your relationship with him. If he starts to stress you out or if being with him becomes more work than it's worth, break it off. If you find you don't feel better when you hang out with him, don't hang out with him anymore. We've said it a million times but just in case it hasn't registered yet, we'll say it again: This is about you. Put your wants and needs first. Of course, you should respect him just as you'd respect anyone else but at the end of the day, your name must be in the number one spot on your list of priorities.