Here’s the scenario: You are totally into a guy. He’s totally into you. OMG, he’s also absolutely perfect for you. Dream situation, right? Well, what if you found out this same guy, who is totally into you and perfect, had cheated on his significant other in the past? Would it totally change everything? Well, it shouldn’t.
Many women are hesitant to date someone who has cheated on his partner in the past, thinking this is a predictor for their own relationship with the individual. And yes, there are some people who are just flat-out cheaters. For the most part though, that one affair may not be a great indication as to who this guy is. In fact, it may just be a blimp on an otherwise impeccable track record. What we’re saying is you should totally date a guy who cheated in the past.
There are several reasons to give a guy who cheated a chance. For starters, he knows how much cheating sucks. Sure, it’s hot on TV and all. In real life, it’s much more complicated because you’re trying not to get caught every single moment of your life. Beyond that, cheating usually happens when a relationship isn’t fulfilling someone’s needs, be them emotional or physical. That said, this guy may have a better understand about what he needs in a relationship and about who he is as a person.
Still not convinced? Below are 15 REAL reasons you should give that cutie with a spotted past a chance.
15. He Knows The Reality Of Cheating Isn’t As Hot As It Seems
No one can deny the fact that television shows and films make cheating look like the hottest thing in the world. I mean, most of the time we’re actually rooting for the affair. Don’t believe me? Let us not forget when Derek and Meredith hooked up during the season two finale of Grey’s Anatomy. That was cheating! There’s also Scandal, The Good Wife, and The Office. These are all shows in which you’re literally rooting for the affair to happen. We can blame the genius writers, who craft situations in which the cheating seems defensible and seductive. In real life though, cheating is not this hot. It’s not some sexy, consequence-free moment in an elevator or backseat of a limo or corner office.
If he has actually cheated, he’ll know that it’s actually not as magical as television shows and films make it seem. It’s a fleeting physical moment, after which you have to deal with serious consequences.
14. He’s Seen The Damage Cheating Does To A Significant Other
Speaking of consequences, the absolute worst part about cheating is seeing what it does to your significant other emotionally. You’d think just the idea of inflicting that level of emotional damage would be enough to keep all people faithful forever, but apparently not. People still cheat, y’all.
If a guy has actually cheated on his previous partner, he’s seen firsthand how hurtful cheating is to the significant other. He’s watched his girlfriend cry. He’s watched her wonder if she’s not good enough. He’s had her ask what she did wrong. It’s true devastation. This guy took someone’s trust and made them question everything.
13. His Infidelity May Have Been Part Of A Larger Issue In The Relationship
Not to defend his cheating butt, but we’re going to defend his cheating his butt.
The thing about infidelity is that it’s very often a symptom of larger issues in the relationship. I say often, because there are a few cases in which the relationship is absolutely fine and the guy cheated just because he wanted to cheat.
More often, the situation is that relationship is failing for some specific reason. Someone is working too much. Someone isn’t affectionate. Someone isn’t working at all. Someone is too controlling and jealous. Whatever the case may be, the relationship could have been failing long before he cheated on his significant other.
We’re definitely not saying that infidelity is the prime choice hen a relationship is struggling, but there may simply be more to the story rather than just he’s a cheater. Ask him what was going on inside the relationship that pushed him to look for love outside of the relationship.
12. You Can Literally Ask Him Why He Cheated
Like we said, infidelity often happens as a response to something going on in the relationship. Again, we’re not pro-cheaters, but we’re just being realistic.
If you are dating someone who has previously cheated on someone, you’ll be able to ask him why, which is a gift from the heavens. He’ll be able to explain that his former relationship was suffocating, incidentally pushing him away. Maybe it was that his former girlfriend was not physical enough for him. Maybe she wasn’t emotionally there for him. Perhaps, it was just that he lost his job, felt emasculated, and went out there to feel like a man again. Whatever the case, knowing why he previously strayed will be the first step to being in a relationship in which he doesn’t stray. You’ll also know what kind of relationship he’s really look for.
11. The Allure Of Cheating May Actually Appeal More To A Non-Cheater
Someone who has cheated knows cheating is not, in fact, as hot as it seems. It ain’t going to be like that Titanic scene, y’all. However, someone who has never cheated may be under the impression that an affair is all hot, steamy, sexy lovemaking.
Someone who has never cheated on someone will be seduced by the idea that television and movies put in your head. He won’t think about the fact that he has to be sneaky. He won’t think about having to hide texts from his side chick. He won’t consider how difficult it actually is to arrange a meet-up with his side chick. He won’t know the anxiety of having to create lie after lie. Hey buddy, it’s not just having a bang sesh in a car on a ship in the Atlantic Ocean. Okay, that was only in Titanic, but you get it.
10. You Won’t Be Naive In This Relationship
It’s so much fun to be as wide-eyed and naïve as a Disney princess. You just dance down the streets, sing whenever you want, and let birds land on your finger. You have the notion that everything is always going to go right and nothing is ever going to suck. Lovely, right? Well, it’s not realistic, baby. The world is a mean place and bad stuff will happen to you. Bird will not land on your finger and your boyfriend may cheat on you.
Thankfully, dating a cheater doesn’t really allow for space to act like a Disney princess. No way, girlfriend. Dating a cheater means you’re facing the fact that people cheat. It’s not that Disney princess way of life. Sure, being with a cheater may make you a bit suspicious and a bit cynical, but it’s better than being naïve and wholesome. That doesn’t cut it in this world, Cinderella.
9. The Relationship Will Challenge Your Trust
If you’ve been a trusting girlfriend in past relationships, dating a cheater will challenge that.
Trust is easy when you’re with someone who has a history of being faithful, sweet, and loving. It’s like you’re dating Cory Matthews from Boy Meets World. It’s just so easy to trust a guy like that. I mean, Cory Matthews simply has the face of someone who wouldn’t cheat.
However, if you’re dating a ~ bad boy ~ it’s harder to fully trust him. He’s charming, sleek, and… Well, hold on. Girl, you might be dating a f-boy or a former f-boy.
Trust is an important part of a relationship, regardless of dating history. Yes, even if you’re dating a former f-boy, you need to be able to trust him. You’ll need to trust him, even though he may not have been the most trustworthy guy in past relationships.
8. The Relationship Will Also Challenge Your Self-Confidence
Relationships are odd in that the best relationships can only be between two people who are absolutely okay not being in a relationship. You need to have self-confidence to be a good partner.
That said, dating someone who previously cheated on someone may make you question your self confidence. Of course, this is natural. When you’re with someone you feel may stray, you self-confidence will be tested. Like, imagine dating Zac Efron. How that would make you feel? UM, IT WOULD TEST YOUR CONFIDENCE, that’s how it would make you feel. Well, dating a cheater is a little like that… except he’s not Zac Efron.
7. He’s Had To Deal With Being Labeled A Cheater
Here’s the thing, the world isn’t too kind to cheaters. In fact, the world can be really, really mean to cheaters. Though, they also kind of deserve it.
From Bill Clinton to Brad Pitt, cheating men have faced the wrath of all women ever. We’ll make low-key remarks. Hey, some of us may straight-up yell at a dude who cheated, even if we didn’t know his girlfriend. We gotta stick up for our sisters, am I right?
Well, if he has been labeled a cheater in a previous relationship, he may not want to endure that torture again. He doesn’t want his guy friends to ask what the hell he was thinking. He doesn’t want his female friends to tell him he’s a jerk. He doesn’t want that Trader Joe’s cashier to sneer at him. You think I’m kidding? Trader Joe’s cashiers know everything.
6. You Can’t Judge A Book By Its Cover (Or Its Past)
We’ve all done questionable things in our pasts. I mean, just look at Britney Spears in 2007. Britney Spears had shaved her own head and beat up paparazzi with an umbrella. It was a thing. Though, the paparazzi probably deserved it just a little bit. Now it’s 2017 and Britney Spears in thriving. Seriously, have you seen her body? Britney Spears’s abs have abs. So, one person can radically change from who they once were.
Just like you cannot judge 2017 Britney Spears against 2007 Britney Spears, you cannot judge him by his old relationships. He’s matured and changed. Keep that in mind when decided to date him. I mean, you wouldn’t want to be judged against the things you did in your past either, am I right?
5. Just Think Of The Mistakes You’ve Made In Past Relationships
Speaking of the past, we’ve all made mistakes in past relationships. Sure, you may not have cheated on someone, but you probably weren’t an angel either.
You may have gone through his phone during the 20-seconds he was in the bathroom. Hey, you may have gone through his phone during every single time he took bathroom break. Maybe you were possessive and needy, which pushed him away. Maybe you didn’t physically cheat, but you had an emotional affair. Whatever it may be, there are a ton of mistakes one can make in a relationship. It’s not just cheating, though cheating is a horrible mistake.
4. He’s More Likely To End An Unhealthy Relationship
As was mentioned earlier, cheating is usually the result of a very broken relationship. Sure, he should have ended it before he went and cheated on his girlfriend. Ending it would have totally would have been the decent thing to do. However, it’s now more likely he will end an unhealthy relationship in the future, rather than cheat.
This guy understands that cheating doesn’t fix a damaged relationship. In fact, it really just breaks it further or ends it on seriously bad terms. So, if you get in a relationship with this guy, he’ll probably be more upfront about how the relationship feels to you. He’ll see the cracks and want to talk about them, y’know before he goes and cheats on you.
3. He’s Not Perfect, But No One Is
Girl, no is perfect. No one. Channing Tatum is very close, but I’m sure there’s something wrong with him.
While we’re all waiting for the perfect Prince Charming, he doesn’t exist. Us human being are flawed. If you’re considering dating someone who had previously cheated on someone and that’s his only flaw, take him. Take him now!
Honestly, having cheated in a previously relationship is a minor flaw. Sure, you hope that he doesn’t repeat it again. But if this guy has everything else going to him, that flaw is nothing. If this is the type of guy who pays his electric bill on time and flosses, a little bit of cheating in the past in nothing.
2. There’s No Guarantee Anyone Will Be Faithful
Here’s the sad and scary truth: There is no guarantee someone won’t cheat on you.
Did you let that sink in? Well, it is the truth. He could be your husband of 50 wonderful years and BOOM, he cheats on you. He could be someone with a pattern of cheating or he could be someone who had never cheated before. The thing is, it doesn’t matter who you date because no one can guarantee you they won’t cheat. Sure, he can tell you to your face that he’ll be faithful, but he also can’t predict the future.
If you’re more inclined to date a guy who has never cheated just because you think it means he won’t cheat on you, you’re dead wrong. There’s never a guarantee. So, just follow your heart. If your heart is leading you to someone who had previously cheated in relationships, trust that he’ll hopefully be faithful this time around.
1. Honestly, Everyone Cheats In Someway
Here is the saddest, saddest thing you will hear today: Everyone cheats. You may not believe me, but it’s true.
We all cheat, especially in today’s day and age. And yes, there are levels to it. But every single person has done something they don’t want their significant other to know about. Maybe you Facebook stalked an ex for five hours. Bet your boyfriend wouldn’t like that, right? Maybe you planned a big office party for you oh-so-innocent work crush. Maybe drinks with a contact got a little too flirty. Maybe you had an emotional affair with someone. Whatever it may be, it’s still a betrayal of trust and intimacy. In fact, some people would even consider an emotional affair worse than a physical affair.
At the end of the day, we have to accept that we’re all human and we all make mistakes.
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