15 Reasons Why You're On And Off With Him

The on-again, off-again relationship. It's pretty much the most annoying thing that you could ever experience. If you're super confused about why you keep going back to your ex-boyfriend... or even if you should call him your ex or your current one... then you're not the only one. You're pretty much thinking what any person would think in your awkward situation. If you honestly can't believe that you're still breaking up with the same guy and getting back together with him, you need to check yourself and figure out what exactly is going on. Everyone's different, but at the end of the day, we all share some pretty common similarities, which is pretty awesome when you think about it. Here are 15 reasons why you're on and off with him. It's definitely time to decide: are you all in or is it time to say goodbye forever (and for real this time)?

15 You're Scared

You're scared of being alone, but you're also pretty terrified of going back out there into the dating world and going on first dates again. It was hard enough meeting this guy, right? Who knows if you'll ever be able to meet any other guy ever again? Th thought of having to start over and doing the whole dating and getting comfortable thing also doesn't help your case. But you honestly shouldn't be so afraid. Finding love is tricky for anyone and everyone, and you can't stay in something that's not working because you're afraid to be on your own and you're afraid of not meeting another great guy. You just can't. If it was working, you would be together, period, and not breaking up all the time. Fear definitely stops us from doing tons of things, from quitting our jobs to moving to our dream city. But fear doesn't help us with anything.

14 You're Not Ready

You've been with this guy for so long that you can't imagine not being with him. You share inside jokes, about a million memories (good and bad, of course) and you honestly thought he was your future. You can't let go of the idea that he's always going to be there for you, even if your relationship isn't great 100 percent of the time. You're not ready to say goodbye and give him up, and you're not actually sure that you ever will be. But you shouldn't let any of that stop you from doing what you know in your heart is the right thing. The truth is that you may never actually want to leave him and you may go on like this forever, but really, what kind of life is that? Don't you want something more stable? He probably does too, so go ahead and take a leap of faith and move on.

13 You Don't Take Your Own Advice

Sometimes the reason why you're stuck in a relationship that's going nowhere fast but you can't seem to get out of is that you never take your own advice. If your best friend was in an on-again, off-again relationship, you would 100 percent tell her that she should run and do it now. You would say that he clearly doesn't love her as much as she thinks because they would never break up so many times if that was the case. But, it's so hard to practice what you preach and maybe it's because you're not as emotionally invested as if it was you. Yes, you're emotionally invested in your friend and her happiness, but not her relationship. There's pretty much no reason to keep fighting, breaking up and getting back with each other if you really have a strong bond and connection and relationship. You honestly need to treat yourself like a friend and take your own advice. Otherwise, you're just one big hypocrite. Sorry but it's the truth, and deep down you probably know it.

12 He's Not Being Honest With You

If you keep breaking up and then forgetting that the break-up ever happened, your boyfriend isn't being as honest with you as he should be. He's pretending that there are no issues in the relationship, just like you are, and he's lying to himself and you as well. That's honestly super uncool. A relationship needs to be all about honesty, not lies and pretending. It is important that the two of you communicate your issues and feelings, if not, then you'll be stuck in this vicious circle. If your BF would just tell you what was wrong, whether it was something you did or his own issues that he brings with him to the relationship, you might be able to stop the crazy cycle and figure out how to be super happy and stable, once and for all. But since that isn't happening, you need to tell yourself that he's basically a liar and you don't need that kind of person in your life.

11 You Love The Dramatic

You may think that you absolutely hate fighting with this guy and breaking up with him every other month. You tell your friends you just can't even and that you're honestly about to go nuts from all the conflict and chaos and negative emotions. But you should probably admit that you're a bit of a Drama Queen. There is something inside of you that just can't walk away from the chaos. You pretty much love being dramatic and you would never want it any other way. That's why you've survived being in such a traumatic, unstable situation for such a long time. Other people would just give up and know when to fold them as they say, but you're still here for a reason. You need to admit why. If you saw a friend in a similar situation, you would definitely say they loved the drama since they seemed happy to keep breaking up and making up.

10 You Never Had A Bond

The thing about dating is that you kiss a ton of frogs... probably a lot more than you even thought you would. You hope and hope and hope that the guy you think is super cute is going to be super nice too, and have a winning personality. Cute only lasts so long, after all. But if you're in such a turbulent relationship, it's possible that you never really had a bond with your boyfriend. You, of course, share a mutual attraction and there's definitely some reason that you two are so attached to each other and have been for so long. There were never any real sparks, but the fear of being alone, or letting go of what you two have, especially the comfort, is something you look past. But if you've both accepted that things are the way that they are when one of you should be leaving for good, it's possible you both realize there was never a real connection there, to begin with.

9 You Have High Expectations

There's nothing wrong with having high expectations... in theory, and to a certain extent. If you manage people at your job, for example, you want to have pretty high expectations because you care about your career, you care about the company, and you want the people that you work with to deliver, be productive, and feel the exact same way. That's not unreasonable at all. But in your relationship, having super high expectations can pretty much be a death sentence. You can't expect your boyfriend to be someone other than exactly who he is, and that can be a really harsh truth to deal with. But you probably want him to be different (more personable, maybe, or more outgoing, or more interested in going out with your friends), and that's just never going to be the case. Sure, every girl deserves the best of the best, but sometimes those expectations can't be met and it's either you let go of what you have or realize that what you have is worth keeping over what it is you expect.

8 You Have The Same Fight

Is it deja vu all over again every time you have a super serious conversation about where your relationship is actually headed? Do you pretty much have a carbon copy version of the same argument each time? Then you yell, say it's over (for real this time... yeah right!) and break up. You go home and cry and eat ice cream and call your best friends, who are probably pretty sick of hearing all this stuff by now. If you keep having the same fight over and over again, of course, you're going to be in such an awkward and confusing situation because you're not actually resolving any of your problems. Mentioning the things that are wrong and then magically getting back together and ignoring your problems isn't actually doing anything productive. Stop having the same fight and stop having any fights in general, and break up for good this time.

7 You're Ignoring Your Instincts

Your gut is more powerful than you realize, especially if you've been shoving it down deep this entire time. You know that your gut is telling you to dump this guy, no matter how great he is or how attracted you are to him. You have to know it, even if you're ignoring how you feel and think. When you keep ignoring your instincts, you're only doing yourself a total disservice. It's pretty much the worst thing that you could do for yourself. Do yourself a favor and stop lying about what you really think. Listen to your gut and realize that you know this relationship has been dead for a long time, and no amount of getting back together is going to save it. Nothing will save it, actually, because it's gone past the point of no return. Again, it's fear that stops us from truly being happy. Once you let go of that fear, you'll be able to let go and let that feeling in your gut lead the way. You'll see how much happier you'll be.

6 You're A Hopeless Romantic

Sometimes you're just super into the whole idea of romance, and it doesn't matter how much you understand that your fantasy doesn't match your current reality, you can't help how you feel and think. You believe in love and romance and in forever. You think this guy will be your future husband. You believe in him and in your relationship, and you can't stop thinking about that, even though you know deep down that things aren't working out (and that's a pretty big understatement). Unfortunately for you right now, you're just a hopeless romantic, and there's nothing anyone can do about that. You don't have to change for a guy or for anyone else. But you do have to realize when it's unrealistic to think certain things, and this is just one of those times. You'll never know what's truly out there or how much happier you'll be if you think this is what you deserve. Think about the love story that is out there waiting for you with someone who is more worthy of all the love you have to give.

5 You Blame Yourself

You shouldn't, and you probably know that but if you can't help but think that all this on-again, off-again business is totally your fault, no wonder it keeps happening. You put way too much pressure on yourself, both in life and in love. You want to be a perfectionist in every single aspect of your life. You think you can do it all: be an amazing daughter, friend, sister, coworker, and girlfriend. You excel at work and you view your turbulent relationship as a total and complete failure. Let's face it: No one is perfect and that's ok. But you put all of the blame on yourself and you think there must be something you can do to change this. If you act a different way, if you talk to him differently, if you don't bring up certain things, you swear you can fix things and for real this time.

4 He's Not Playing Fair

Sometimes you do have to blame the other person in your relationship, especially when you've done everything that you can to make things work properly. You know that you've done everything right. You've been a supportive girlfriend, you've tried to talk calmly about the things that are wrong, and you've tried to solve problems instead of just sweeping them under the rug. But unfortunately, all your hard work has amounted to absolutely nothing, and while that's frustrating, now it's time to take stock and look at the role that your boyfriend has played in all of this. It's 100 percent possible that he's just not playing fair. He wants you, but he doesn't want you all the way. He doesn't want to really commit to you or the relationship... but he won't let you go and let you be happy with someone else or without him, either.

3 You Think This Is Normal

It sounds strange, but it's completely possible that you think all this breaking up and making up is completely normal. Maybe you grew up around a lot of fighting, or you always had issues with your siblings, or you have friendship break-ups and reconciliation on pretty much a monthly basis. But it's not normal, no matter how much you may think it is, and you shouldn't get used to it. Any relationship you have should be seamless. Everyone's normal is different, but a relationship that is filled with more fights that good moments is not. It's easy to think that just because things are a certain way that means they need to stay that way. But that couldn't be further from the actual truth.  Believe in yourself and believe that there is something great out there waiting for you and that your next relationship doesn't need to look the same as this crazy one.

2 You Know It's Over

The thing about knowing that it's over is that it will actually make you keep crawling back to your boyfriend. That may sound crazy but you know it's true since this is what your love life looks like right now and has for a long time. You keep thinking that this time, it will work out and that it can't possibly be the end. You're pretty much addicted to him at this point, and that's why this relationship is so bad for you. You need to learn to stand on your own instead of always thinking that he's going to change, be a better boyfriend, and make sure that your relationship works out this time. He won't and it won't, so swallow your pride and admit that it's really over, and don't keep going back. You already know that it's been over for a long time, you've just been in denial.

1 You Care About Him

This may seem pretty obvious, but it needs to be said because if you hated the guy, you would have no issues walking away and never, ever looking back. Because you care about him so much and have for so long, you're able to stay in a toxic relationship. You can say, hey, who needs something stable and steady, this is more interesting and exciting anyway. But that's not the truth. The truth is that your caring nature and how you feel about him is totally blinding you to what you need to do, which is focus on yourself and not even worry about dating at all right now. You're not in the right position to be in a relationship, even if it's a really good and positive one. Take a step back and deal with yourself first, and then you can try again -- and hopefully it'll be a much better experience.

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