Unless you were lucky enough to meet and marry your first love, chances are you’ve gone through a breakup or two (or four.) Nothing sucks more than a promising relationship ending in heartbreak, tears, and deleted Instagram photos. No matter how long the relationship lasted, there isn’t a set amount of time that it takes to get over the past. Many people take months or even years to get over the pain their last relationship caused, while others jump into a new situation right away to help them get over their ex.
These rebound relationships are usually the precursor to disaster. They cause even more issues, and the rebound partner is the one who feels the brunt of it all. So when you meet someone new, and you’re considering taking things to the next level, it’s always wise to find out when his last relationship ended. If he broke up with his ex about a week ago, run for the hills! You’re nothing more than a rebound, and these 15 reasons will tell you why being the rebound girl is never a good look.
15 He's Still Talking to His Ex
Even though he says he is completely over his ex-girlfriend, I’ll bet you a million bucks he’s still communicating with her, am I right? Of course I am! When a relationship ends, it is never really cut and dry. It sometimes takes time for each partner to completely let go of one another, and the emotional bond they shared is something that just won’t disappear over night. Even if his ex is already dating someone new, don’t take this as a sign that you’re rebound relationship is in the clear. If the lines of communication are still open between the two of them, take this as a sign that they have some unresolved issues. Chatting on the phone and texting each other back and forth will only make it that much harder for them to move on from each other, and it’s not fair that you’ll be caught in the middle of it all. You deserve to be with a man who is ready to give you his full and undivided attention.
14 He'll Be Bitter
How many times have you met a guy who still had resentment over his ex? Even if the relationship ended years ago, he may still refer to her as “that cray cray chick” or “that psycho girl who slashed my tires.” But if a guy is still nursing wounds from a relationship that barely came to its demise, the feelings of anger he has for his ex will be unbearable. You may notice that he starts bashing her in all of your conversations. You probably feel secure because he talks so negatively about her, but the fact that she’s still on his mind is a major red flag. You’ll be the one who has to listen to him moan and complain about his ex, and his bitterness will definitely rub off on you. This isn’t the way you want to start out a new relationship, is it? Your best bet is to give him some time to get over his feelings.
13 She'll Always Be On His Mind
In the early stages of a breakup, it’s quite easy to spend hours thinking about your ex, the relationship, what went wrong, and how things can be fixed. Your guy is likely pondering these same thoughts, as well. His ex-girlfriend is still on his mind whether he wants to admit it to you or not. He’s wondering if she has already moved on with someone else, he’s contemplating whether or not they can work things out, and you know he still stalks her social media pages to see if she mentions his name, right? He simply isn’t ready to move on. But what about you? You have agreed to be in a relationship with someone who still has his ex on his mind. He can’t possibly give you his full attention, because his brain is being taken over by thoughts of her. You’re in a rebound relationship, and it totally sucks. This will not end well!
12 You're Being Used
After his relationship with his ex ended, he was suddenly catapulted back into the world as a single man. Long gone are the days of him coming home to a home cooked meal, easy access to nookie is a thing of the past, and the emotional intimacy that he and his ex developed over time has now disappeared. He feels lost and empty. He wants to recreate the feeling of being close and attached to someone…and anyone will get the job done. That’s where you come into the picture. But whatever you do, don’t allow yourself to become someone else’s emotional crutch. He’s broken at the moment, and nothing you do or say will help him move on from the past. This is something that he needs to battle on his own. When he finally finds the strength to get over his last relationship, he will probably drop you, as well.
11 He Might Get Back With the Ex
It doesn’t matter how many times he tells you he’s completely over his ex. He’s just trying to spare your feelings by hiding the truth from you. Let’s face it, exes get back together all the time, leaving their rebound relationships in the dust. After a breakup, people start to ignore the negative parts of the relationship, and they solely focus on all of the happy times they spent together. These cloudy memories are more than enough to help exes rekindle the flame and give their relationship another shot. If your new guy is just fresh out of a relationship, consider this your warning. He could be seeing you while he’s still sorting out his feelings for his ex. And as soon as his ex-girlfriend gives him the green light on reconciliation, guess who will be sitting at home crying while watching chick flicks and inhaling a pint of ice cream? That would be you.
10 You May Never Trust Him
Being the rebound girl comes with a bunch of insecurities. You will constantly wonder what he’s thinking, how he’s feeling, and you’ll no doubt be worried that he will get back together with his ex. So what will you do? You will dissect every thing he says, you will watch his every move, and you may even get your snoop on a bit. You’ll make sure he doesn’t like any of her status updates on Facebook, you’ll go through his text messages to see if they’re still communicating, and when he says he’s going out with the boys, you’ll convince yourself that he’s meeting up with her. You may never be able to trust him, because in the back of your mind, you know what kind of situation you’re in. You’re the rebound girl, and your time in his life most likely has an expiration date. You can ride it out until the wheels fall off, or bid your guy adieu until you’re sure you can really trust him.
9 He's Emotionally Unavailable
It has been proven that guys take breakups harder than girls do. So although he may play it cool and act like he’s completely over her, chances are it’s just a front. Guys hold on to the good and bad memories that linger on after the end of a relationship, and those feelings can sometimes be carried on for years. You know the guy who broke up with his ex three years ago, but he still gets red in the face when he talks about how she cheated on him? Well, a guy who just ended a relationship a month ago will feel those same feelings to the tenth power. All of his emotions will be reserved for dealing with the breakup, and there’s no way he will be able to give you what you need emotionally. It’s time to back away and let him handle the breakup on his own. It may be awhile before he’s able to really be the man you need.
8 He Will Compare You to His Ex
One of the worst things about being in a rebound relationship is when you’re constantly being compared to his ex. His past relationship is still fresh in his mind, so everything you do and say will remind you of his ex-girlfriend. Perhaps she was a great cook and you, on the other hand, can barely boil an egg without burning the house down. Or perhaps his ex-girlfriend was really into sports, so he gets frustrated when you’re not interested in engaging in a conversation with him about his favorite team. His ex looked amazing in a bathing suit, but you’re still working on shedding those 10 pounds you packed on during the holidays. He may not come right out and tell you he’s comparing you, but you’ll definitely feel that he’s sizing you up. You’ll never be able to live up to his standards if he’s comparing you to someone else, and this can definitely cause you to feel inadequate and insecure with your relationship.
7 You'll Compare Yourself to His Ex
While he’s comparing you to his ex, you’ll be comparing yourself to her, too! If the two of them share mutual friends, you’ll probably run into her at some point. Or, if you’re feeling really insecure, you’ll be checking out every single photo she posts on social media. You’ll be judging her, comparing yourself to her, and trying to figure out what the heck he saw in her in the first place. You may even get jealous just thinking about the time the two of them shared together, and the feelings that they still feel. But acting out and showing your insecurity will only make things worse. He’s probably already thinking about all the good times with his ex, so by bringing her up in conversation, you’re likely to stir up even more good memories. He might slowly make his way back to her, and you’ll be left all alone. This is the life of the rebound girl.
6 Your Position is Temporary
As his rebound girl, you’re basically a placeholder until he can get over the damage that his last relationship caused. He’s still vulnerable, and he needs time to heal, but your presence is there to fill the emotional void that his ex-girlfriend left behind. You may think things are going great between the two of you, but even he knows that your position in his life is only temporary. You’re there to help him get over the pain, provide him with the intimate contact he craves, and he likes spending time with you, of course. But his last relationship is still weighing heavy on his heart. You deserve to be in a solid partnership with someone who sees a future with you. Don’t settle for anything less, girlfriend! You’ll be selling yourself short and missing out on a loving and fulfilling relationship with a man who is capable of getting emotionally invested.
5 He'll Lie
We’ve already discussed the reasons why he’s still holding on to thoughts of his ex, but don’t expect him to come clean about what’s on his mind. When you’re in a rebound relationship, you have to face the fact that you’re not number one in his heart nor his mind. Those positions are still reserved for his ex-girlfriend no matter how their relationship ended. When you call him out on his feelings for her, he’ll definitely lie to protect you. I mean, he really does like you, but he’s probably still in love with his ex. Instead of potentially losing you and having to deal with his feelings on his own, he will shield you from the truth while he silently battles the inner turmoil. As the lies continue to mount, your trust in him will dwindle. That’s why these types of rebound relationships always come to an end.
4 He's Still in a Haze
He just got dumped less than a month ago, and you already expect for him to give you his all in a new relationship? Think again, sister. He is still in an emotional haze and he’s definitely not thinking or seeing clearly. Have you ever glanced over at him and he’s staring longingly into his cell phone screen? Yeah, he’s probably gazing at his ex-girlfriend’s newly updated Facebook profile picture. Or perhaps you ask him a question and he ignores you completely because he’s too busy being deep in his own thoughts. He’s probably thinking about the time he planned a romantic beachside picnic for his ex. The truth is, he is still battling with his old relationship coming to an end, and you’re only there getting in his way. Until the smoke clears, and the fog dissipates, do yourself a favor and avoid this rebound relationship at all costs.
3 You're His Pawn
As awful as it is to come to terms with, when you agree to be the rebound girl, you’re essentially designating yourself as a pawn. If your guy’s ex-girlfriend dumped him, he will definitely use you to make her jealous. “See, you didn’t want me, but someone else does! Nananabooboo!” will be his mind frame. The truth is, he’s afraid of being alone, but he’s even more afraid of his ex-girlfriend knowing he hasn’t moved on. That’s where the pawn comes into play. As the pawn, you’re a body to keep the other side of the bed warm, you’re someone he can make his #WCW on Instagram, and you’re the girl who he hopes will ultimately make his ex-girlfriend jealous. His real goal is to have his ex realize she made a mistake and come running back to him. In short, don’t be anyone’s pawn. You deserve to be with someone who is with you without any ulterior motives.
2 He Might Be Settling
We’ve already discussed the real reason why your guy is in a rebound relationship with you, it’s because he’s afraid of being alone. And the thought of him being alone pushes him to settle for any girl who will give him the time of day. You’re pretty decent to look at, you’re personality is chill, and you sort of like the same things as him. He definitely doesn’t feel butterflies in his stomach, but you’ll do for now. I think we have all settled at some point, and it ends up causing some unnecessary drama and pain when it all comes to an end. You may think your rebound relationship will stand the test of time, but your guy has other plans. As soon as he gets tired of being in a lackluster relationship, his emotional wounds from his ex will be healed, and he’ll be ready to give 100% to his new girlfriend…too bad it won’t be you.
1 He Needs Time to Heal
As we get older, relationships become more serious, and more emotionally draining. It’s not as easy to breakup and move on to someone new when you just spent the last X amount of time investing everything into a situation you hoped would last forever. This is why it is important that your guy takes some time to really heal from the past. No matter how many times he tells you he’s ready to be in a relationship with you, if any of the words in this article struck a chord with you, it’s likely that you’re in a rebound relationship that will end in doom. If you’re guy is still talking to his ex, is still bitter about the relationship ending, and can’t seem to get his ex-girlfriend off his mind, do yourself a favor and end things right away. He’s just not ready to give you the kind of relationship you deserve. If you decide to give him a chance with hopes that your relationship will stand the test of time, I promise not to say “I told you so” when things crash and burn.