When you initially saw this headline, ladies, the first thing you thought or said was probably — "OMG! Haha." Now, let's analyze this laughter. You LOL'd for either one of two reasons: 1) The headline just shocked you and your natural reaction was laughter, or 2) You busted a gut because, in fact, YOU are one of the ladies this headline is referring to! Indeed, there are tons and tons of women around the globe that sincerely hate going 'downtown'. Seriously — they rather go to the dentist and in one session get 2 root canals done, plus, all of their wisdom teeth pulled...without novocaine, than to give he@d!
"Wow Willie, for real? It's not even that bad bro." Well fellas, that's easy for you to say; for you're not the one with caveman crotch in your mouths! When it comes to kissin' the snake, women have it a lot more rough than we could of ever expected. After this article, ladies, don't be surprised if you receive an unannounced gift box and a "You're The Best" balloon on top your nightstand from your male counterpart. All in all, here are the 15 Reasons Why Women Hate Going Downtown.
15 "I Feel Like An Object."
No one, likes to feel used. One reason many women don't enjoy going 'down below' is because when it's all said n' done, they feel somewhat exploited. Now, the men reading this may say, "Come on Willie, it's not that serious bro. It's just a BJ..." Well, actually fellas, yes, it is that serious.
After the 'cow has been milked', there are some women that feel like a piece of meat or a used toy even. The woman feels as if her good nature's been taken advantage of and she was simply utilized for the male's filthy personal gain; it's like you took her out of the box for a second, played with her with your grubby little hands, and after you're pleasingly drained you go and put her right back in the box 'til the next play date. No, sir buddy...don't think so.
14 "It's Degrading."
Here's what degrading means: (adjective) used of conduct, characterized by dishonor; harmful to the mind or morals. Yes, there are women that feel 'blessing the D' brings shame upon themselves; they feel disgraceful and that they lack honor or/and integrity, which is indeed damaging to their morals and minds. "SAY WHAT!?", our male audience just shouted — but yeah guys, it's true.
Even Sophie (a woman that wrote to a magazine about this very subject) stated, “My boyfriend often insists that I head south of his belt, so sometimes I’ll force myself because I know he likes it but I feel like an object and I find that degrading and not very romantic.” Wowsers. But eh, you have to respect a person's feelings.
13 "It Looks Weird."
An anonymous female wrote into GirlsAskGuys: "I'm straight, and I love having d*** in me, don't get me wrong. But it just hit me yesterday that d***s looks kind of funny! Who else feels this way?" Haha, well she shouldn't feel alone; for lots of women think the male genitalia looks weird.
Regarding 'members', other women online have said stuff like: "I’m fairly convinced I’m attracted to male bodied people in spite of their genitalia. Pen**es kind of weird me out (sorry, dudes). Mind you, the first time I saw a pen**, it took getting used to since I thought it was ugly. But now, I got used to how the pen** looks. From a purely aesthetic standpoint? No, not really. They’re kind of unattractive." Hmm, well, what can you do...The girl's entitled to her opinion!
12 "I Don't Know How To Please It."
One woman stated, "I have literally zero clue what to do about your b*lls. Like, do you want them included in this situation? Should I touch them? Putting my mouth near them seems...gross. But please. Tell me. I have no idea." Bwahaha. FYI (whoever the lady is): throughout, you massage them gently and delicately tug the sack a bit.
Another reason though why some ladies opt not to 'slob the knob', is because they are self-conscious about their oral skills. Perhaps, in regards to her 'performance', the young lady has received a 1 out of 5 stars rating from her critic(s) before. Or maybe, she has yet to receive any feedback from the guy(s) she's 'blessed'; no moans, groans or verbatim...just a blank stare back like ? Brutal.
11 "I Just Don't Want Your Smickler In My Mouth, Alright?"
"I'll give you a bl*w j*b when I want to, and only when I want to." The myth that women either hate or love doing this is wrong. I mean, obviously, some women like it, some women hate it, and for most women, it just depends on the partner and the vibe. "Know that when I do it, it's because I want to. And when I don't, that's the end of the conversation", one woman stated online.
Well, whoever the lady is that said that, she couldn't of made it any clearer! Basically when a woman doesn't want your smickler in her mouth — she means, wholeheartedly, that she does not want your damn smickler in her mouth. No if's, and's, but's, please's, doesn't matter! You're simply just going to have to wait until she's in a smickler-friendly mood.
10 "The Taste Of Sweat Is Icky."
We can dig that, sweat does taste pretty icky; it's salty and just like, gross. Now...picture instead, slurping salty sweat off of a schlong dong — uh, yuckster! “I hate it because I have a very weak gag reflex. Sem*n in my mouth grosses me out. The taste of sweat grosses me out. Hair in my mouth grosses me out. I’ve never had a partner who understood this.", says an unnamed woman. Well the way she puts it, we'd be surprised if any male gets his pole smoked again after this article goes out! LMAO
Unless the male is fresh out of the shower, a woman is bound to taste a little perspiration on the gentleman's shaft (especially on his nuggets). Therefore fellas, #lifehack: keep some baby wipes accessible to wipe off your privates prior to her giving scully.
9 "The Hair Down There, Don't Care, It Doesn't Work For Me."
"Your partner's pubic hair. It's in your teeth, on your tongue, and in your throat. It wants to take over your body and assimilate you. It's like Contagion but you are doing it to yourself! The struggle is real", says an online woman. That surely paints a vivid picture! Men are burly, rugged, hairy creatures; it's just how they're built. Therefore, in hindsight, the fact that their carpet is in the way and a nuisance to the female never really crosses their mind.
Another lady spoke, "I hate getting hair in my mouth. Even a strand hair irks me out and I must stop whatever I'm doing until I fish it out." Basically, fellas, trim...trim, trim, and TRIM. We're not saying to go completely bald down there though; just trim the hedges at least.
8 "I'm Just Not In The Mood."
"Sometimes, I'm in the mood for this [sucking], and other times I'm not. Women are nuanced beings. We can have different opinions on different days. Don't assume that just because I did something, I'll do it every single time", says one woman. All we can say to that is, at least she's keeping it ?. She is, however, totally on cue. Women have estrogen flowing and a lot of things going on biologically, therefore are subject to sharply varying moods (especially around that 'time of the month').
Men, are ALWAYS in the freakin' mood; thereby, it's tough for them to relate to a woman when she says she is not in the mood. There's really no rocket science behind it or anything; it's simple...when she's in the mood, she's in the mood and when she's not, she's not. Point blank period.
7 "Two Sugars, Hold The Cream."
Potentially, this could be the deciding factor as to why lots of women hate going downtown — the 'cream'! No, we're not talking about coffee cream or C.R.E.A.M. (Cash Rules Everything Around Me); we mean male fluid. Yes — baby batter, jizz, nut butter, pole milk; that thick white fluid that debuts at the end. Many, many ladies have complained about the taste and texture of throat cream. One woman spoke, “Swallowing is just the worst. I can’t stop visualizing it as a pen** sneezing in my mouth. I am not really that keen on tasting other people’s body fluids.” OMFG LOL.
Another lady said, “He finishes. (Which is just a nice way of saying that he explodes 1 billion little wriggly sp*rm into your mouth, which immediately begin gasping for air & racing towards an egg they’ll never find). Grouped together, it doesn’t matter whether you spit or swallow; some of them will definitely end up wedged in sad little sperm graveyards between your teeth.” Now, ain't that something?
6 "It Feels Awkward."
"When it comes to giving him head, I feel really silly. I've become very aware of what I'm doing while I'm doing it and, I begin to feel awkward and self conscious about how I'm doing it", a woman denoted. When we think about it, 'pecking wood' could be a bit awkward. Like, when the man looks at you while you're doing it...what's that all about?! One lady commented on the subject, "Yeah. I feel weird about staring into someone's eyes under normal circumstances, let alone when I have a guy's junk in my mouth!" Haha, that we can dig.
Another woman said it's so awkward, that it actually stops time! —"When my face is that up-close to your d***, time moves at least 4 times slower than normal. Maybe this is because gravity's pull is stronger on objects that are closer to the ground, or, maybe it's because pen**es actually bend time to make it pass more slowly. Who knows. All I know is that time comes to a standstill down there." ROFL!
5 "It's Too Physically Demanding."
Hey, they don't call it a JOB for nothing! 'Going Downtown' is not equivalent to going on a shopping spree downtown; there's more work than leisure in it.
One woman puts it, "To any men reading this, I invite you to take a banana, and leaving the skin on it, stick it into your mouth. Make sure your lips are covering your teeth, and keep them wet enough to slide down the surface of the banana easily. Shove it as far into your mouth as you possibly can without gagging. Now, shove it in farther. Kind of hard to breathe, right? Now start sucking. I promise if you continue for a few minutes, you’ll be in some serious jaw pain. That is what taking a giggle stick to the mouth feels like—except imagine it with someone’s hand on your head and the pressure to make sexy eyes. It’s not pleasant." Yikes, that is no joke.
4 "It Makes Me Wanna Yack."
Several factors, when it comes to 'blowing the love whistle', make ladies want to yack — smells, hairs, fluids, etc. Probably the main aspect of 'licking the lollipop' that brings women to the brink of barfing, however, is gagging...or as we like to call it, ? stuck in the tailpipe! "I hate blowjobs…it’s not the act exactly, it’s just that I can’t do the deep throat thing and I always end up gagging and ruining the moment", one woman says. Men could only imagine; I mean hey, I gag when I'm brushing my tongue and the brush goes a lil too far back, let alone!
Another woman spoke, "Whenever I go too deep, I gag. If I gag more than 3 times in a row (I've tested this theory), I will throw up. I would love to be able to deep throat him to the high heavens, but I can't even give him a BJ to completion because I fear puking on him." Gee whiz.
3 "It Takes Too Long."
“Even when it doesn’t take forever, it still feels like it’s taking forever. How long have I been doing this for? Forty minutes? No? It’s only been 10? Well, in BJ minutes, that’s like an hour and a half, so I stand by my original point”, a woman commented online. One major concern women have with 'gumming the root' is the long time it takes the male to reach his climax. This is the one scenario, where it is okay to be a 2-minute man! The longer it takes the man to 'release his unborn kids', the harder it is on the female bestower.
One lady victim described it, "I recently gave my boyfriend head. But it took so long, my neck and jaw were killing me." Yes, the longer she 'gives Big Jim and the Twins a bath', the more strain the woman puts on the back of her neck and her jaw muscles. So, fellas, do the ladies a favor — push that 'man chowder' out as soon as possible, 'kay? Thanks.
2 "Bad Hygiene Is Never Okay."
You probably figured this reason would be on the list...it was just a matter of what number it came in at. Conceivably, when it comes to putting a dingis in her mouth, bad hygiene would turn ANY woman off. Many women despise 'sword swallowing' because on several occasions in their lives, when they went down, they got a wiff smack up their nostrils of some stank a$s b@lls!
"The very first thought that goes through my head is, 'Do I know when the last time this dude showered was?' Some Ds smell foul, and almost always, those pen**es have not been washed recently. Especially in the summer, when all the little nicks and crannies of our bodies are filled with tiny pools of sweat, showering before is a nice courtesy", says an online woman. We totally, totally, totally feel you on that one, Miss. For the rest of you women that have endured such stickler-funk injustices, we send our dearest apologies and deepest condolences.
1 "I Have A Headache."
"I have a headache", is the #1 excuse for getting out of 'fluting' duties. Man: "Hey baby girl...it's my birthday, so, uh, you gonna 'unwrap this gift' for me?" Woman: "Sorry, I have a headache. Tomorrow, maybe. Happy birthday though bae!" Damn, my man can't even get some sloppy toppy on his b-day! Here's the thing though: "I have a headache", may actually be more than just an excuse. Science has proven that women really do suffer from more headaches than men.
Many studies have been conducted that suggest women are more prone to migraines, but they’re actually more prone to other types of general headaches as well. One of the biggest reasons why women get more headaches is hormone fluctuations. Estrogen is a hormone that has been closely linked to headaches, and this hormone is much more prevalent in women. There’s also a phenomenon called cortical spreading depression (CSD) that is believed to cause headaches, and females may have a lower threshold for CSD compared to males. Researchers have too found that women tend to experience stronger episodes of chronic pain that lasts longer than their male counterparts.
So, the next time she says she has a headache...fellas, don't press her; or, you could end up with a serious 'head'ache yourself!⤵
Sources: Thought Catalog, Cosmopolitan, Vanquish