She blew in like a hurricane and destroyed the charts with her debut album Taylor Swift back in 2006 (even though people didn’t notice it until 2008) and hasn’t slowed down since. Well, somewhat. When it comes to country, pop, (whatever-the-heck-genre) singer Taylor Swift, you’re one of two people who fall into these categories: you either love her, or you despise her annoying existence with every fiber of your being. There’s no in between… well, despite that tiny grey area for those of us in the latter category when Kanye West actually made us sympathize with her a little bit, the jerk. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know all about Taylor’s love life and the fact that she seems to go through dudes like a drunk goes through a case of bourbon. But is all that stuff real? Or is her entire dating life just one big publicity stunt? We explore 15 reasons why we believe this very thing to be true and how she profits off of it.
15. Uh… Because Boyfriends Say “It’s Not A Publicity Stunt”
Much like when the President is constantly yelling “FAKE NEWS” when he’s caught in a lie, Taylor Swift’s boy-toys always claim that their (*cough, cough*) “love” isn’t a publicity stunt. Most recently, it was actor Tom Hiddleston who yelled this from the mountain tops when he was in the middle of his fleeting relationship with the singer. After the ding-bat walked around in public wearing an “I heart T.S.” tank top (seriously, what the eff, bro?) when he was out vacationing with her. After this, Hiddleston went on the rebound after everyone and their dog was saying that the relationship wasn’t even real. “Of course it was real,” the actor said during an interview. “Taylor is an amazing woman. She’s generous and kind and lovely, and we had the best time.” Sure thing, bud. Sounds like you were reading rehearsed words written on your sweat-stained hand.
14. Time To Go Platinum!
Let’s see here – how many of Swifty’s love-hate albums about her former (and sometimes current) relationships have gone platinum? LITERALLY ALL OF THEM. By way of her music and her love life, Swift has an undeniable ability to play both the victim and the villain – one minute you’re blaming someone like Harry Styles for seemingly shattering Taylor’s heart, the next you’re blaming Taylor for letting the cat out of the bag. Either way, you’re listening to her music and helping boost not only her star but also her screaming platform. She seems to be a little chart darling thanks to her complex lyrics and catchy cords, so it wouldn’t (and shouldn’t) surprise you to learn that all these so-called “relationships” are for career purposes only. After all, she’s built her entire career on the backs and tears of past so-called boyfriends.
13. No One Dates A Kennedy Randomly
I’m beginning to think that the only reason to date a Kennedy is to actually say “Hey, I dated a Kennedy once” so people can be like “who the heck hasn’t?” People who actually knew Taylor and her habits knew that she was actually a bit of a Kennedy stalker. Meaning, she was massively obsessed with the family. People said she was trying to get too serious too fast with Ethel and the late Robert Kennedy’s grandson, Conor. The young grandson/grand-nephew of Kennedy royalty is actually four years younger than Swift and he was spooked away like a baby deer after Swift came on too strong, too soon. At the time, he was 18 and she was 22. “She was more obsessed with the idea of dating a Kennedy, than the actual Kennedy she was dating,” an unnamed source told the Daily Mail. She wanted the name, not the boy, so clearly she has no issue with doing something for publicity purposes.
12. Did Drew Really Exist?
Even I, a self-proclaimed hater of all things country music, can admit I know the song Teardrops On My Guitar. It was one of her very first singles from her debut album, Taylor Swift, back in 2007 and re-released on her second studio album Fearless. The song was apparently inspired by some classmate dude of Taylor’s named Drew Hardwick whom she had a heavy stalker-like crush on. The backstory is apparently when the two went to school together; they sat beside each other in class and went on to become close friends even though Taylor had an unrequited crush on him. He would often come to her for advice when he had crushes on other girls and she would shovel out the advice instead of telling him of her feelings. Years after the song was released, Taylor came out to say that Drew actually showed up to ask her out and she rejected him saying “you’re late”. Now this story sounds WAAYYY to fantasy-like to be true. Though it’s a refreshing little story.
11. Taylor Squared
Oh, good gracious – THIS story was exhausting. If it seems too good to be true, chances are it is. When Taylor Swift met Twilight pretty boy Taylor Lautner back in 2009 on the set of some forgotten romantic comedy, the world went nuts because OMG, TWO STEAMY HOT TAYLORS ARE TOTALLY DATING EACH OTHER, BLAH! Of course, like all of Swift’s relationships, this one had an expiration date, and the world felt let down. So when the song “Back to December” came out, everyone knew exactly that it was about Lautner and freaked the heck out. Lautner actually didn’t really address the song until he was on the press tour promoting his work on the TV series Scream Queens where he referred to Taylor Swift as “the nicest”. Vomit, gag, and vomit again.
10. She Complains During The Talk Show Rounds
Hey, everyone remembers when Joe Jonas up and broke up with her via a phone call instead of in person? Of COURSE you do! And why is that? Because Taylor would tell anyone who would listen that he up and did this very middle school thing to her after a supposedly meaningful relationship. She went on the talk show circuit and told everyone, including Ellen DeGeneres, of what the Jonas brother did to her and to promote the album that, hark, surprisingly! Came out after the break up itself. The songs Last Kiss and Forever & Always are actually about Joe and she claimed the latter of the two songs was written at the last minute and added to the album after the break up took place. How so very convenient.
9. She Brings Boyfriends’ Exes Into The Picture
Talk about being the stereotypical witchy and bitter ex-girlfriend. When a guy usually dumps a girl in favor of another girl, us regular, non-famous people mope around for a while before getting over it. Nope, not Taylor, the woman actually sets fire to the earth by writing a song about the other woman for attention. The other woman in question is Camilla Belle, who dated Joe Jonas right after he dumped Swifty. The actress/model happens to be the subject of the song “Better Than Revenge” and some of the lyrics are pretty harsh: “She’s not a saint/ And she’s not what you think/ She’s an actress, whoa/ She’s better known/ For the things that she does/ On the mattress, whoa” DANG. Talk about girls ganging up on other girls. She was accused of “sl** shaming”, which brought on more publicity.
8. Didn’t She Date Jake Gyllenhaal For, Like, Two Seconds?
Okay, why is there like 800 songs by Taylor about actor Jake Gyllenhall when they only dated each other for a heartbeat? Literally, there’s one where the lyrics expressed that she left her scarf at his sister’s house (actress Maggie Gyllenhaal who has famously said “uh, what scarf?”. She seriously doesn’t know what people are talking about when they ask her about that lyric. It’s stupidly hilarious). I just want to know why there were so many songs about him if they only dated for a couple months. Oh, right – it was because the entire relationship was just one massive publicity stunt. Jake FINALLY addressed that break up (a little) this year when he was out promoting his new film Stronger, which revolves around Boston Marathon bombing survivor Jeff Bauman. It was Bauman himself who started asking questions about Swift and Gyllenhaal couldn’t help but answer, but it was nothing more than him telling Bauman that Swift “sort of moved more into pop now” from country music.
7. She Was Stupid Enough To Date John Mayer
I mean, really – who in Hollywood or the music industry HASN’T dated and been dumped by singer John Mayer? What is it about him? The puppy dog eyes? The dumb acoustic guitar? He’s like that one dude at the party who breaks out his guitar in order to make the girls swoon while the other dudes just roll their eyes. He has a face that you’d like to drunkenly punch before last call at a pub. So the fact that Swift fell for him at the age of 19 is a mistake of her own making. At the time, he was much older than her (12 years older) and should have known better, but his track record proves otherwise. I mean, this was the guy who famously called Jessica Simpson “sexual napalm” for the love of crap. You don’t jump into bed with Mayer and expect the relationship to last, you jump into bed with him so you can get a couple angry songs out of it.
6. Not Being Able To Hold Down A Guy Is Her Calling Card
My question for people is why do you feel sorry for this girl because she can’t find her soul mate? It’s her stinking calling card. Like I said before, she’s built a ladder out of the heads of her ex-boyfriends in order to make her way to the top of the music industry, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Heck, it makes her all the more powerful. While some of us see a sad little girl, she’s actually pretty much of a man-eater and unapologetic for her ways. Yet, men continue to fall for her knowing very well that they could be her next “hate/revenge song”. They have no problem with it, even if it defames them somewhat (I don’t see Tom ever escaping that dang “I heart T.S.” shirt, quite frankly), so all the more power to her.
5. She Begins Dating Right Before New Releases
There’s no time to discuss this like the present. And why is that? Because she’s about ready to drop her latest album Reputation this November. And who does she happen to be seeing right now? British actor Joe Alwyn (snooooooze fest right there – the kid has the face of a 12-year old gymnast). She had already dropped the single “Look What You Made Me Do” a couple months back (which was about Kanye West or some crap like that) so when she dropped “Call It What You Want” the other night, everyone was reportedly bored with it. “My baby’s fly like a jet stream/ High above the whole scene” she coos about his forgettable face. Chances are if the album flops, she’s going to move right on with a more famous face.
4. … Or Breaks Up Before New Releases
What can we say? Taylor happens to be way more interesting when she’s all huffy and puffy after she’s just been dumped (or is the dumper, which was the case with Taylor Lautner). So when she famously breaks up with some dude on the hook, we know the world is about to be blessed (or cursed) with another epic Swifty heart-break ballad. “Forever and Always” is an example here, which was written “quickly” after Joe Jonas dumped her before the release of her 2008 album Fearless. “Was I out of line?/ Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide/ Like a scared little boy/ I looked into your eyes/ Thought I knew you for a minute, now I’m not sure.” She then went on a promotion tour for the album and whined about the breakup. And OF COURSE the album went platinum.
3. Her Diary Made Her Famous
Artists usually use their own personal experiences and pain for their art. Novelists have done it, screenwriters, producers, painters have done it. And of course songwriters have done it – they’ve used their artwork as a substitution for a literal diary. A normal human being would write about “how deeply in love with Drew” they are in the pages of a journal, but not Swift. Nope, she lets the world on her secrets and she’s adored for it, so why would she stop? Being open about her relationship woes and heartaches that a normal girl would only discuss with her girlfriends in a bar setting is something Swift does extremely well. These men know this going into a relationship with her, so they’re practically signing away the rights to their relationship intimacies in order to be with her. The girl is not shy about it, either.
2. The Media Eats It Up
The media and the paparazzi LIVE for info regarding the young singer and follow her every move when it comes to men. Heck, they even follow her around like hungry stray cats when she’s not in a relationship, hoping that they’ll be able to pinpoint the exact moment she falls for another poor idiot. She has a love/hate with the media too – it’s not just men she spars with. She made this point when she released the music video for “…Ready for It?” (another single from her Reputation album) which is about how the media has attempted to crush Swift’s soul but that she’s always been stronger than them and that they’re not her enemy – she is THEIR enemy (this reminds me a little of “I’m the one who knocks. I’m the danger” line in the series Breaking Bad).
1. One Word: Money
Of COURSE everything is one giant publicity stunt and it’s not all about attempting to find “the perfect soul mate” – all these relationships highs and lows have racked in so much stinking cash that the girl could never write another song in her existence and still can buy a couple different islands. Okay… maybe just one island. Swift’s net worth back in August of 2017 (before the drop of her newest album) was estimated at $280 million according to Forbes. And she still isn’t done yet. You know she’s never going to quit using men in order to eventually completely own the music industry, and she will constantly be loved for it, no matter if Kanye and Kim Kardashian attempt to try to run her out of town again. She’ll only use it to fuel her fire.
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