Can’t figure out why you can’t get a date? Why don’t guys seems to like you? You can blame the reasons all on them or you can take a closer look at yourself and fix the situation.
There comes a time in everyone’s life when you need to stop everything and take a close look at yourself. There will be some great things about yourself and you should continue to improve your best qualities. There will also be some not so great things about yourself. Don’t ignore these flaws. Instead, address them directly, try to fix the problems, and, in the process, make yourself a whole better person.
There are numerous ways to change your behavior and negative thought patterns to make yourself more attractive to men. One of the simplest things to do is to just make a conscious effort to change. Reading self help books and attending seminars will also help you improve yourself. If you feel that it is necessary, try some therapy. There are all sorts of therapy programs you can use to make yourself a better person.
Finally, understand that what you are doing is mostly for yourself. While you of course want to be attractive to other people, you also want to learn to love and care for yourself better than you ever have before.
15 Too Much Whining
“Dammit. I didn’t want the green drink. I wanted the red one. Why does this always happen to me? Why can’t anyone ever serve me the right thing?” And on and on you go, whining about a drink when no one really cares.
What other things do you whine about? Are you always complaining about something or other or is this just a one time stress whine?
No one likes to be around a whiner. It is childish and annoying. If you find yourself whining or if other people have accused you of whining more than once, it's time to give your attitude a do-over.
Everything does not go right for us all the time. No one is that perfect. The best people accept change as it happens and learn to roll with the punches, as it were. If you are wondering why no guys are attracted to you, whining could be the big problem. Read some self help books and bring about a better change in your life.
14 All About Yourself
The first time I met someone who only talked about himself was back in summer camp. We were all in our preteens and this really cute boy started talking to me and my other girlfriend, but the only thing he would talk about was how he had this and how he did that. In spite of his cuteness, my friend and I ditched him and went to another camp activity just to get away from him.
What do you like to talk about? Don’t tell me that it is all about yourself, because that gets boring after the first three minutes and no one is going to find a braggart attractive.
People want to be involved in a conversation. You should be asking the other person questions and getting to know him better. If all you are going to do is talk about what you do and how awesome you are, you may as well go talk in front of a mirror because no one else wants to hear it.
It is not polite, but it has to be said. Many people are turned away from potential dates strictly because of poor hygiene. In other words, if your teeth are scuzzy, your breath smells sour, your nails are chipped and full of dirt, or if your B.O. burns off nose hairs, men are not going to be attracted to you.
Lucky for you, this is one of the easiest things to fix. Start brushing your teeth two to three times a day. Use breath mints or carry disposable toothbrushes for bad breath problems (and see your dentist to discover if there is any tooth decay causing the bad breath). Clean and cut your fingernails. Find a deodorant that works for your body chemistry.
You don’t have to go all out to fix a basic hygiene problem, although if you are having teeth problems (another major turnoff for some people), I really feel for you. I had problems with my own teeth after my last pregnancy and had to pick up extra work to come up with the money I needed to fix them. I experienced long months of low self esteem until I was able to come up with money for the dentist. Looking back, it was worth the longer hours and extra stress to get my teeth fixed and it made a difference in my social life.
12 You Still Talk About Your Ex
You are sitting alone at the bar and a seemingly nice guy comes over and sits down next to you. The two of you start to talk and you find yourself spilling out your past history with your ex. The guy is quiet while you talk, but as soon as you take a moment to catch your breath he finds a reason to excuse himself. You are back to sitting all alone at the bar again and after an hour of zero approaches you decide to leave. Maybe the guys weren’t good enough for you tonight or maybe, just maybe, the fact that you still talk about your ex scared them all away.
An ex is an ex, and in the dating game single people are automatically suspicious of anyone who is still yammering about an ex. It tells them that you are not ready for a new relationship and that they would probably be stepping into a drama mess.
11 Criticize Everything
When you head out with a friend, do you look around for something to bitch about? When you see another woman do you pick her apart, make fun of her clothing, and tear her down to nothing? Are you a mean girl?
Mean, criticizing people are never fun to be around and, honestly, they scare people away from them. They might think they are being funny or witty or even superior to others, but really they are just being a jerk.
There is only one solution to this and it is to stop. If you criticize everything and everybody, put a clamp on it. As the old saying goes, if you have nothing nice to say then don’t say anything at all.
Think before you speak. Would you want someone saying these same things about you? Probably not, so why on earth say them to or about another person? Stop being mean, learn to compliment other people, and maybe the guys will start coming around.
10 Looking Cheap
Take a good hard look in the mirror and look at how you are dressed. Check out your makeup and hair. How do you look? Do you look casual, fun, classy, or do you just look cheap?
Looking cheap can be a huge turn off for men. It tells them that you are probably a quick time Sally who doesn’t respect herself. Any guys that are attracted to women that look cheap probably aren’t looking for a serious relationship or they aren’t the type of guys you would want to get tangled up with.
Class yourself up before going out. This doesn’t mean that you have to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. Just make a few changes to your accessories. For example, keep the bling to a minimum. If your dress is loud, tone it down on the makeup. Think of it this way: one person can wear a little black dress and make it look classy and another woman can wear the same dress and make herself look like a $10 prostitute. It is all in how you accessorize and how you hold yourself in the clothing.
9 Clam Up And Don’t Talk
You are invited to a big get together with friends. There will be some new guys there and, secretly, you are hoping to meet your one and only. When you get there, you sit down with your group of friends, order a drink, and listen to them talk. In fact, you spend so much time listening that you realize that at the end of the night you never spoke unless it was to order a drink. You never made an effort to talk to any of the new guys and, in fact, you were pretty much invisible.
Welcome to the life of a wallflower. It is a safe place to be where you don’t have to face other people, hold a conversation, or face rejection. Of course, none of the guys are going to find you all that attractive either. In fact, they will probably think you are either not interested in dating or that you are stuck up.
Next time you go out, make an effort to talk to other people. Make eye contact and have fun.
8 No Smiling
Smiling is one of the many ways our bodies let other people know that we are friendly. When we smile, other people naturally want to be around us, knowing full well that happiness is contagious.
A constant frown or a stress face sends out the signal that you are not approachable. It may be the very reason why men are not taking an interest in you. Instead of frowning, you need to make a conscious effort to start smiling. Even if you aren’t feeling all happy at the moment, smack that smile on your face until you do feel it. Learn to smile with your eyes as well as your mouth.
To put yourself in a smiling mood, think of all the things that make you happy. Think about good times in the past. Daydream about a happy future. If it is not doing it for you, try setting small, daily goals for yourself – goals that you know you can achieve. After completing a daily goal, take the time to feel proud of yourself and happy, too. In other words, give yourself real reasons to be happy.
7 Looking For Reasons To Be Angry
Do you sit there with a scowl on your face? Are you always expecting to be disappointed or are you just waiting for someone to piss you off? It sounds like you may have a short fuse. Let me ask you this: Would you want to date someone who was almost always angry? Probably not, right?
If you are one of those women who is always on the lookout for an argument, it is time to take a step back and away from any possibility of a relationship. Instead, focus on working on yourself. Not only is carrying around all that anger or even stress bad for your health, but it also scares men away.
Seek out therapy and retrain your brain to relax, let go, and be happier. It can be done and there are numerous different techniques that can help you put yourself into a good mental space. After you have worked on yourself for awhile, then you will be ready to head out into the dating scene.
6 Come Off As Fake
Like, OMG. Are you trying to be someone you are not? Let’s say that you are normally a very “average” person. You like to wear jeans and a t-shirt. You like being comfortable and even mellow sometimes. But you want to change things up. You are going to a party tonight and there will be a new crowd of people there that you have never met before. You do up your hair in a totally different style and put on a little dress. You stand in front of the bathroom mirror and begin channeling another personality, maybe that of a character in a movie, that you think will attract the guys.
While you are at the party, people start to give you weird looks. Men pretty much run from you. Is it you? You betcha. Most people can spot a faker from yards away.
If you want to attract a man, be yourself. Don’t try to be someone you are not. Don’t act like a reality tv star – people watch them because they are a train wreck. Just be you and keep things real.
5 Talking Excessively Loud
Everything is going smooth at the hangout. People are standing around, talking, smiling, and having a relaxing time. Then another woman shows up, grabs a drink, and walks over to a small group of friends. She smiles at them, opens her mouth, and suddenly everyone goes quiet. The woman is LOUD. As in, you could probably hear her talking from outside, down the block, and across the street. She is so loud and obnoxious (she probably thinks she is being the life of the party) that everyone is starting to feel uncomfortable.
Don’t be the loud mouth at any party or social gathering. It is a huge automatic turnoff for the guys. You are not being outgoing, outspoken, or full of confidence. You are being rude and scary. People will move to get out of your way, not because you are special, but because they want nothing to do with you. If you want to attract a man, you will need to tone it down and soften up your approach.
I have seen it one too many times in social settings where there is this one particular type of woman who suddenly bursts out laughing and then smacks the leg of the guy she is sitting with. Then there is the angry girl who lashes out and smacks the arm of some guy who had upset her. Both of these types of hitters scream “crazy beeyatch.” Personally, I can’t stand anyone that hits another person and being involved in the local women’s crisis center, hitting is just one of those things that makes me see red.
If I man would suddenly smack a woman because he was laughing or angry, people would, I hope, say something or step in to diffuse the situation. Why shouldn’t it be any different when a woman whacks a guy? Not to mention that that type of behavior is rude and shows off poor social skills. If you are a smacker, then that is the reason why none of the guys are attracted to you. Change your ways.
3 Bad Habits
The two of you have been talking for the past 20 minutes and you both seem to be hitting it off great. You grab your purse beside you and stand. “Would you like to join me for a cigarette?” you ask. “Um,” he says, “I am going to get going. It was nice meeting you, though.” He shakes your hand and turns to leave. What just happened, you wonder to yourself. Well, you do know that smoking cigarettes is just not cool with a lot of people these days. In fact, there are many former cigarette smokers who have either switched to vaping (less stinky) or who have just upped and quit smoking altogether.
If you are wondering why the guys aren’t digging you, examine your bad habits. Do you burp out loud after eating a meal? That would gross a lot of people out, including guys. Do you drive people nuts by twirling your hair? Do you spit, chew your nails, or suck your teeth? It could be that you are sending people the wrong signal about yourself.
2 Express Clear Trust Issues
Have you been hurt so hard in the past that you are scared to trust another person? Have you ever been cheated on or lied to by the person you loved? Almost everyone has been there and honestly it does take some time to heal, but you can learn to love and trust again. The first step after a bad relationship is to take a time out for yourself. Work on your self esteem and maybe pick up some new communication skills. When you feel in your heart and your gut that you are ready to meet someone new, head out to the meeting places. Smile and be open with the people you talk to. Avoid talking about your trust issues because that will send off warning signals to the guys. Men want to be trusted just as much as we do, and they are not going to be attracted to someone who won’t be able to fully accept and trust them.
1 You Trash Talk Yourself
How do you talk about yourself? Do you outwardly show yourself love and respect or do you put yourself down constantly? If someone compliments you, do you instinctively point out your flaws or do you graciously thank the other person for her or his kind words? If you are one of those people who tells people that you are way too fat, that your butt is too wide, and that you aren’t smart enough for such and such, then you are the reason why you aren’t attracting men. You are pointing out your flaws, whether real or totally imagined, and it makes you look like you have no self esteem. Instead of being a Debbie Downer on yourself, learn to accept compliments. Stop putting yourself down and learn to talk nicely about yourself. You don’t have to brag, but you can point out your best qualities so that others will see them, too.