Apparently, some family was extra busy earlier this year: as we all know now, a few of the Kardashian ladies “announced” that they were expecting. That’s right, it’s a straight apocalyptic nightmare because Kim is expecting her third child (via a surrogate due to her health issues), Khloe her first, and Kylie her first as well. While we’re used to seeing Kim parade around her and Kanye’s kids, it’ll be new and entertaining to watch both Khloe and the youngest Jenner tackle first-time motherhood. We all know Khloe has what it takes, but when it comes to Kylie, we’re not sure she’s up to the lifelong task of being a full-time mom. Some of her past actions have brought that into question lately and show that perhaps, Kylie is going to be one crappy guardian. Here are 15 reasons why we believe Kylie is going to fall flat on her face when it comes to raising a child.
15 First of All – Grandma Kris
Okay, so is it fair for us to use Momager and patriarch of the family Kris AGAINST Kylie when it comes to being a mother? Of course – both are fair game. Kris built the Kardashian empire on the back of her own daughter’s very private film with then-boyfriend Ray J, so fans have the right to criticize the family. But is she the best role model for her grandchildren? Sure, she’s ambitious as all heck, but even Khloe has called out Kris around a billion times over for being the absolute worst type of role model because all she does is follow the money (yes, she tends to favor the one child who makes her the most cash which is usually Kim). Kris is going to be all over this kid when it comes to the little guy/girl bringing in their share of the Kardashian fortune. Such a grandma thing to do.
14 Me, Me, Me, Look At Me
Of course, all the Kardashians have a vanity issue and are all raging narcissists, but Kylie takes it one step too far. And I didn’t think I’d be saying that about a member of the family that ISN’T Kim, who Kris had to famously shut down with “Kim, stop taking pictures of yourself – your sister is going to jail” during one particular famous car ride. But Kylie? Head over to her Instagram and literally almost every other picture is a selfie to show off her fake, make-up heavy, lips and eyes or her newest outfit. And why does she pose like she’s always looking for something she dropped on the floor? So how is she going to feel when the spotlight suddenly shifts to the baby over her? Sure, Kim still finds a way to pivot the attention from her own kids back to herself, so Kylie has her to turn to if the baby is attempting to steal her attention.
13 She’ll Probably Give The Kid Lip Fillers At Five Months Old
Everyone has insecurities. But Kylie? Growing up in the Kardashian/Jenner house? She had so many that it literally altered her entire body via a Beverly Hills doctor. She was constantly teased in the household when it came to her looks – she was called the “ugly one” by her own family members, for Pete's sake. So, of course, Kylie had a complex and went to “right” her face to keep up with her family’s looks standards – which apparently means being the spitting image of Kim. What happens if her child isn’t as “pretty” as the rest of the family? Are they going to bully her/him into going the cosmetic procedure route like Kylie had done to her? It’s a great possibility, which is sad. They’ll never feel completely comfortable in their own skin.
12 She’s Just a Baby Herself
Two years ago, Kylie Jenner literally became an adult. We seem to forget that since she seems like she tried to grow up too fast years ago: She dated a man way older than her when she was a minor herself, she jump-started her own businesses (well, her people did), she paid doctors to make her look much older when she was just a teen and much more. Fact of the matter is, Kylie is only 20-years old, but whenever you listen to her on Keeping Up with the Kardashians or that one failed spin-off she has (is that still on?), she still sounds like an idiot teenager. And how is THAT supposed to reflect on an actual baby? How does that help? Maybe it will shove her into adulthood at a fast rate (keep your fingers crossed on that one). Here’s hoping.
11 She’ll Be Too Busy Focusing On Her Weird Relationship With Kendall
Okay, what on earth is going on with these two? I mean, seriously? Why do they seem like something straight out of a weird Greek tragedy? If you’ve seen any of their Snapchat videos, you know that Kylie and Kendall Jenner have a very… bizarre?... relationship. They can often be seen rubbing up on each other, kissing, touching, giving each other lap dances, and even sticking hands down each other’s pants. They depend way too heavily on each other to the point of rabid dysfunction. It’s seriously a weird thing between those two. So much so that Kylie may choose her own older sister over her baby. It’s a long shot, but I really wouldn’t be surprised. And yes, we all will be grossed out if this actually happens.
10 Don’t Even Think She Can Take Care of a Pet Much Less a Kid
Okay, does anyone else notice the rotating door that IS the Kardashian pets? I mean, seriously – why do they go through them as much as they go through different Snapchat filters? The turnover rate for Kardashian pets is extremely high, which is pretty dang sick, in my opinion. It seems like we only see pets (really, any sort of pet: dog, cat, bird, probably a turtle thrown in here or there) for a specific photo opportunity. Apparently, they more often than not give away the animals after they serve their public obligation by posing with one of the Kardashian kids, or grandchildren, in an Instagram post. Kylie herself has been through a few. If she can’t handle a simple pet, how does she think she can manage a kid? ESPECIALLY IF THE KID ISN’T PHOTOGENIC?
9 Chances Are The Kid Will Mix Up Her And Kim
I brought this up briefly before: Notice that the older Kylie gets, the more and more she starts to look like her older sister Kim? That’s not by accident. This is all thanks to their doctors. If you look at young Kylie, she literally looks nothing like sis Kim (maybe other than her dark hair), but the more she went under the knife thanks to the bullying from her family, the more she became the spitting image of Kim. Where the heck is the originality? Now that entire family is just starting to look like a bunch of clones. I wouldn’t be surprised if the baby confuses Kim for Kylie up until the kid is around 10-years old. Hopefully, the baby will be brighter than that, but Kylie is two procedures away from being Kim’s mirror image.
8 Can a Lamborghini Even Fit a Car Seat?
We all remember that particular Snapchat/Instagram story when Kylie and Kendall went shopping for matching Lamborghinis. It made us all cringe and vomit in our mouths a little bit. We even remember when Tyga got her one for her 18th birthday (now that I think about it, how many of those freaking cars do they own? I’m assuming one for each house all of them own). But now, there’s going to be a little baby in the house, and that sort of expensive type of car just won’t hold all the expected baby vomit that’s about to be spilled into the universe. I’m hoping Kylie understands that on a basic level and upgrades to a practical mini va… nope, I couldn’t even get through writing that entire sentence without breaking out into fits of laughter.
7 Her Baby Will Have Its Own Snapchat
OH, DEAR GOD, YOU KNOW THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN, YOU CAN’T DENY IT. These days, everything – from animals to inanimate objects – seem to have their own Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter accounts. It’s frankly sad (unless, of course, they’re hilarious accounts that are in no way parody accounts). However, you know as a fact that Kylie is the type of person who would make a new account for her kid because she’ll think it’s “so cute” that her baby will have more followers than even Ryan Reynolds, probably (though, that dude is hilarious so it’s a toss-up). It, again, will be another publicity stunt where Kylie can profit from her own seed. And yes, it will be so annoying that they’ll turn it into a Keeping Up with the Kardashian episode where Kylie is trying to make up the perfect Snap handle for her kid.
6 Her Decision Making Skills Lack
Man does this woman make some pretty crappy decisions when it comes to her business. Sure, her make-up stuff sells like hotcakes (you’re paying for the Kylie name, by the way), but when it comes to her clothing line, you kinda wonder if her companies even bother hiring lawyers to go over some of her ideas. Remember that entire tee-shirt debacle? Months ago, Kendall and Kylie gave their approval to sell tee-shirts of famous artists with their selfies OVER the artists’ faces. I mean, seriously – who on earth thought it was a grand idea to put Kylie’s face over Tupac Shakur’s face? It’s downright insulting and looked ridiculous. Thanks to her decision-making skills, PR has been an utter nightmare and a lot of people have backed out of working with her and her company. So what does that mean when it comes to making important decisions in her child’s life? Disastrous, that’s what it means.
5 She’ll Prob Use The Baby For Profit
PLOT TWIST: Wouldn’t it be something else altogether if Kylie ended up stealing the patriarch title from mama Kris and actually starts using her OWN children for profit? We all know that Kris is an evil genius – like I said before, Khloe likes to throw it in her face every chance she gets (yes, it’s obvious who my favorite Kardashian is). Kris gets 10 percent of her children’s earnings since she’s their manager, and she also tends to favor who is bringing in the most cash. Right now, everything is tied between Kylie and Kim (Kim was always the breadwinner. Heck, they wouldn’t be famous without her). But when Kylie has her spawn, no one will be surprised if she turns into the new Kris and begins to use her own kid to turn a profit.
4 Taste In Men? Blach!
So, thankfully, her taste in partners isn’t as bad as brother Rob’s, but it ranks up there. Sure, Scott Disick, set the bar pretty low (oh, Kourtney), but at least he had some decent one-liners and was constantly making fun of the other siblings. Kylie’s taste in men seems more off. Take Tyga, for instance. He seemed like he was only using her for his own career. And, what was worse and what we all remember, is that they started dating when Kylie was a mere waif of 16 and Tyga was around 24. Uh, I hate to break it to everyone but THAT’S ILLEGAL. Of course, they never really “announced” it until Kylie turned 18, but her family would defend it with their own “I was dating much older at that age”. I mean, WHAT? Take about setting an example for your own child.
3 Her Spending Habits
Okay, we get that ALL the Kardashian have a bit of a spending issue. They take “vacations” every six hours and jet set all over the world (they claim it’s for work, but is it really?), however, it seems like Kylie has an extremely luxurious taste and likes to flaunt it all over social media. When she was younger, she seemed to be one of the more practical Kardashian/Jenners and down to earth. And then her mother, fame, and money got into her head, so she throws around money with ease. Just take a gander at her houses (yes, houses, as in plural). Kylie owns FOUR freaking houses. That’s right: four. All high end and located throughout upscale Southern California communities. She had what she referred to as a “starter home” even. Who says stuff like that? Sure, her baby will profit from her spending habits by becoming materialistic, but what does that teach it? How to be a spoiled douche-weasel, that’s what.
2 She Doesn’t Know When She’s Being Discriminating
Now, this was a massive tool move. Remember when she was featured on the cover of Interview magazine a couple years back…. IN A FREAKING WHEELCHAIR. For those of you not in the know – Kylie is not handicapped. Yet, she saw absolutely nothing wrong with looking like a soulless mannequin doll in a wheelchair. I mean, it’s one thing to not want to mess with the photographer’s “vision”, but you’ve got to question it when he attempts to pose you in a wheelchair – common sense should kick in. And, what’s scary as all heck is that Kylie doesn’t seem to have any common sense. So how is she supposed to raise a child? Sure, she has all the money in the world so she can hire a whole plethora of caregivers to help her out, but it’s still a scary thought to think of.
1 However, Life With Her Would Never Be Boring
Sure, they may be all slightly idiotic, no one thinks they have any useful skills other than perfecting duck-lips, overpay getting work done, are so filled with botox they might as well be fembots, but one thing the Kardashian/Jenner family is not? They’re never boring. This kid will always be on edge of the future when it comes to being born into this family, will never have to want for anything (unless it’s attention because the world is busy bestowing all that upon their famous older relatives – until they turn at least 50-years old). And chances are, we’ll get to witness this kid grow up like the other Kardashian babies – even if we don’t want to. So I want to be the first to wish this new baby… the best of freaking luck with your future chaotic life, kid.