Break-ups are never fun or a good time, but they tend to fall somewhere on the scale from annoying to heartbreakingly tragic. You get that they happen and that not everyone ends up together, and that as they say, love definitely doesn't conquer all. Sure, that's pretty miserable and depressing, so that's why you keep getting back out there and trying to find love again. If you thought about break-ups all the time and how much they suck, well, you might never date again, and that would be pretty horrible. It's hard to imagine that there's anyone out there who actually enjoys the break-up process, whether you're being dumped or you're the one doing the dumping. There are always feelings involved, and sometimes avoiding feelings is the whole reason that people try to get out of or avoid relationships. But sometimes you can be super grateful for the very break-up that is making you cry buckets (and eat buckets of ice cream). Here are 15 reasons why breakups are good for you.
15 You Get Rid Of A Guy You Don't Need
Whether you're doing the dumping or getting dumped, if you're going through a break-up you're getting rid of someone that you just don't need in your life. If you feel like leaving someone there's usually a reason for it, and it doesn't mean that you might not still be totally in love with love or wish that it could work out. If it isn't working out right now, then it just isn't working out. Moving on is always going to be better than being miserable with the wrong person. On the flip side, if you're getting dumped then you most certainly are getting rid of someone that you don't need in your life. Yeah, rejection sucks and sometimes it's literally heartbreaking, but if someone doesn't want to be with you, then you deserve better, no matter how awesome he was. It's really hard to remember this when you're literally in pain over a heartbreak situation, but it's a fact. If he doesn't think you're the greatest girl in the world, then good thing he's gone because someone else will.
14 You Learn What Not To Do Next
It's impossible to go through a break-up without thinking about what you could or should have done differently in the relationship. So no matter what happened, it's still a learning experience, and that's a really good thing. Of course, that's only as long as you're paying attention and being honest with yourself. Turning a blind eye and staying stubborn isn't necessarily going to set you on the path to emotional growth. Sometimes we have a hard time admitting that we're at fault or that we aren't perfect, which can get a little complicated when we just got dumped. You want to be angry at the guy and you're hurt and feel like the victim, but come on, there are definitely reasons why the relationship ended in the first place and you need to figure out what they are. You should remember that there's nothing wrong with not being perfect, or needing time to grow, or going through breakups. This is just life and everything that happens just helps us move on to the next thing, no matter how sad we might be in the moment.
13 You Regain Control Of Your Bed
Sure, when you go through a break-up you might lose the hot body who was sleeping next to you, but you also regain control of your bed. This is honestly something to be pretty excited about. You can say goodbye to fighting over the covers, snoring, and any distractions from getting the deep restorative sleep that you deserve. Well, besides your racing thoughts and stress from going through a break-up, but let's pretend that doesn't exist. Of course, you won't want to sleep alone for the rest of your life, but it's definitely easier to sleep next to some people than others, so perhaps the next guy who comes along will be a better sleep partner for you. In the meantime, you get to do whatever you want in the safe haven we call bed. You can eat in bed while you Netflix, you can sprawl out like you're about three times the size that you actually are, and you can hog all the blankets and build a fort out of the pillows to make sure that no monsters can reach your toes. You can do whatever you want, and you totally should... before another guy comes along and overheats you.
12 You Want A Revenge Body
Not everyone slacks off on working out or eating healthy when they're in a relationship, but some people do. Sometimes you might look back and wonder WTF you've been doing and how you got so off-track. You used to work out everyday and eat salads for dinner but it seems you got influenced by your boyfriend's pizza and donut eating habits. Which is fine, of course, but maybe now that the relationship is over you're ready to make a change. Or maybe you want to keep yourself busy so you're not thinking about the guy and so you start to laser focus in on the gym time. Or maybe you're just pissed about the break-up and want to show him what he's missing out on and think that one of the best ways to do that is to get an amazing revenge body. Who knows if it actually matters to him or not that you're looking extra hot, but if it makes you feel better, then isn't that all that matters? Maybe you'll even meet a new guy at the gym.
11 You Get More Girl Time
Relationships are definitely a time commitment, and usually, that means spending a lot of that time with your boyfriend. But sometimes that also means that you spend less time with other people in your life, which is totally normal. But when a relationship ends, you might be able to put some extra time in with the people that you've probably been missing a little. Whether you're feeling down about a break-up or are pretty stoked to get out and about again as a single woman, hanging with the girls is the perfect option. When you're bummed out, they will always be able to give you the perspective that you need to realize that the break-up wasn't the end of the world, and when you're ready to just forget about it and move on, they are the perfect distraction. Hanging out with your girlfriends is the perfect way to improve your mood either way because they're more likely to see the humor in a situation before you're quite at that point... which can be exactly what you need to get to that point.
10 You Feel More Compassionate
If you've never had your heart broken, it can be really hard to imagine that kind of pain. And if you've never broken anyone else's heart, it's hard to imagine how much that hurts you as well. When you go through a break-up, you have the opportunity to feel that pain on one or both sides, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. Feeling your emotions and acknowledging the pain that a situation caused can really make you a more compassionate person, which can make you a better person in general. Once you've been dumped in a crazy sad way, you might be aware that you should be more gentle the next time you dump someone else. Perhaps you never even realized the pain that can be involved since you were always the one leaving and moving on to bigger and better things. You never looked back. Or maybe now that you've gone through the experience of totally crushing someone, you can release some of the anger you have toward an ex. They were trying their best to do the break-up the right way, and now you totally see that in a whole new perspective.
9 You've Got Cute Exes
You should never be dating specifically to grow your roster of exes, of course, but there's nothing wrong with taking a moment here and there to appreciate who you've been with. Especially if you actually liked the people (which you hopefully did). The truth is that if you're ultimately looking for The One, then most of the people that you date definitely won't be the one. That's just some simple math. Who knows where he is or why he isn't in your life right now, but there's only so much you can do about that. You wouldn't want to force the wrong person into being The One because you might be blocking yourself from actually meeting someone who is an even better match for you. So when you can get to a state where you actually appreciate the exes in your life for what they are (exes), you should definitely remind yourself of how totally awesome you are. That guy was hot, so good for you for being able to land him at all. Just imagine how much hotter the next guy might be!
8 You Can Get More Confident
If you don't let a break-up break you, it can actually help you increase your sense of worth. So basically, you can become so much more confident, which is always an awesome thing. Maybe you didn't want out of the relationship but then once you left, you realized that you were always working around his schedule and forgot your own in the process. It might have been subtle enough at the time that you didn't even realize it, but now you have a much clearer perspective and you know this isn't a mistake that you ever want to make again. You don't want a repeat story because you know that you deserve better. You deserve to be more accountable to yourself so that you can make decisions that work better for you in the moment. Maybe you always thought that at some point he would start being flexible to your schedule but he didn't. Now you know for sure that's not good enough for yo. It doesn't matter why it ended or how sad you are, because you know now that you deserve better.
7 You Get To Be Single Again
Hello, who ever said that there's anything wrong with being single? There's a ton of responsibility involved in being in a relationship and at certain points you don't even need it. Maybe your break-up was the world's way of telling you that it's time to do some casual dating for a while if the option even arises at all. Maybe you need to spend some time alone. Maybe when you do start dating again you'll meet a guy who will have a business contact for you that will open up a whole new world in your career. Who knows. Don't think of being single again as a totally negative thing because it's not. Pretend that it's an awesome thing and maybe it will start to be an awesome thing. The more happy and productive and stable we can be, the more likely we are to meet someone who can help us grow. When we're in weird phases of life, sometimes we attract weird relationships, so it can be a really cool thing to be on your own for a bit.
6 You Can Change Your Type
It didn't work out with that guy, so maybe it's time to redefine the type of guy that you actually want in your life. Lucky you, because this is the fun part. Right after a break-up, it can be hard to feel excited about moving on, but you'll heal. It might take a while and involve some random tears that fall at inopportune times like while you're trying to check out at the grocery store, but eventually, you will heal. While you're going through that process, it's awesome to start sorting through the good stuff from the bad stuff, because your ex couldn't have been all good for you. Maybe he had all the same values you have and seemed like he would make the best father in the world, but he also didn't seem to want to give up the party life anytime soon. Good to know. There are other guys out there who also will share your values and make a good dad someday that also love to sit at home and read like you do.
5 You Can Try New Things
Sometimes relationships fall into a type of routine, and there's definitely nothing wrong with that. But as soon as you go through a break-up, there is usually nothing that you would rather do less than stick to that routine since it's going to remind you of him all day everyday. This might mean switching restaurants, changing up your work-out routine, going to a different bar, car wash, literally anything. While it can be a bit of a bummer to feel like avoiding some place that you love simply because it's now saturated with memories of a failed love, the upside is that you get to find some new places to create new memories at. If you have a backlist of restaurants that you've been wanting to try, now is the time. Maybe you loved your gym but you don't want to run into your ex so you sign up for ClassPass or something and start working out at a ton of different gyms. That could not only introduce you to a lot of new people, but it could change your body and your mindset as well. Remember that change can be really good even if it's forced change.
4 You Get More Responsible
If you were in a relationship where the other person handled anything, even if it was just small things, now you're in a position where you have to take on a little more responsibly in your life. That's a good thing. Some people have a hard time being alone in general or doing anything alone, but that doesn't need to be you. You are a capable adult of making responsible decisions in the world and owning that gives you the personal power that you need to move on from failed relationships, and kill it at work, and make time for the right people while saying no when you need to. In a lot of relationships, the guy takes on some of the financial burden, even if that is just buying your dinner. That was very generous of him, but don't mourn the loss of free steak for too long. You can buy your own steak, and if you can't, then now is the perfect opportunity to figure out where you can make some budget cuts or work harder or work smarter so that you can afford to buy your own steak.
3 You Realize You're Strong
Damn girl, look at you bounce back. So vivacious and wonderful just weeks after that break-up. That's because you're a resilient person that can handle anything that comes their way, because you're awesome and that's just how life usually works. Of course shitty things happen and sometime people literally die, but a breakup probably isn't going to be the thing that kills you. The chances of your survival following a breakup are actually quite high, so that's good to know. And you wouldn't necessarily know that if you had never gone through heartbreak before, and you certainly wouldn't always know it in the midst of heartbreak where you literally feel like you're breaking and could die from the emotional pain. But it's always such a fun thing when you don't, and you start to see those feelings slip away. Sometimes it happens in waves, some days are great and others aren't. Sometimes it slips away so slowly that you don't even notice until you look back. And sometimes it's gone in an instant like the moment the nausea ceases at the end of a bout of food poisoning.
2 You Can Get Inspired
You probably don't want to create drama and sadness in your life just for the creative inspiration that it can bring, but if it's there anyway, you might as well make something out of it. Pretty much every song, film, book, anything involves something romantically related no matter what the overall theme is. And a lot of the time this has to do with heartbreak, longing, missing people, being super f-ing sad, etc. Because when you're going through something like that, your emotions are totally highlighted. We prefer to be happy and without problems but when we are we might not be experiencing the depths of our soul. There's nothing like a breakup to show you what's really happening at your depths, and you might even be surprised to find that you were ignoring some things that actually needed to be dealt with. A breakup might stir them up. So might not be a musician that's inspired by your breakup to pen a hit song, but do try to appreciate the emotions even when they hurt in the sense that they're reminding you that you're very much alive.
1 You Realize It's Exciting
Besides the pain and crappy parts, going through a break-up is also sort of exciting. It's like an adventure to the max. Everyone deals with pain and heartache, so you can get rid of the part where any of it feels personal. Not that you don't have growing to do because you probably do, but that's the part that should be exciting. Life has made some sort of decision for you, and you might not know exactly where it is that you're heading but you do know that it can be in a way better direction if you pay attention to the lessons along the way. If you believe that you have the power to shape your life, now is the perfect time to spend some time doing it. There's no one around to cloud your ideas or judgments about what works for you because for the moment you're on your own. Use the time to set your intentions, and figure out what else you need to get rid up to increase the flow of the good stuff, and take care of yourself so that the world will take care of you right back.