It can sometimes seem like celebrities live the most charmed lives ever. What is there not to envy? They get to wear gorgeous dresses, go to amazing events, and date the Jonas Brothers. I’m pretty sure we’d all be down for all of that.
Yes, the sparkle of celebrity life can seduce us normal people, but it’s not exactly as glamorous as it all seems. Case in point: Britney Spears in 2007. Britney’s breakdown is exactly what can happen when the stress of celebrity really gets to someone. I mean, just imagine the immense pressure of your every single move being watched. Your every single move, every single pound, every single flaw, all talked about. Yeah, now all the glam elements of celebrity seem less glam, right?
I’m here to tell you that being a celebrity may actually suck. In fact, being a celebrity may suck so much that even being Amish is better than being a celebrity. I know you think I’m crazy, because being Amish is… Well, being Amish is a whole thing. It seems like it would difficult, to say the least, to live without the luxuries of the modern world. No Uber. No GrubHub. No Snapchat. No iPhone, you guys!
Do I really think being Amish is better than being a celebrity? Yes, and you will too. Below are 16 legit reasons being Amish is SO MUCH BETTER than being a celebrity. So stop envying Kylie Jenner’s life and start envying the Amish way of life. It’s pretty awesome.
15. No Rumors About Your Personal Life
One of the most annoying parts about being a celebrity has to be the never-ending rumors about your personal life, right? If two attractive, young, single stars film a movie together, they will, no doubt, be rumored to be dating. That’s just how it works, folks.
It actually doesn’t matter if the stars are single. Remember all those Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence rumors while the pair filmed Passengers? It’s even been theorized that these Pratt/Lawrence affairs rumors created by the media may have strained Chris Pratt’s marriage to Anna Faris, which resulted in their divorce (and my broken heart) this year. Though, that nugget is yet another relationship rumor. Truth be told, we have no idea what happened in Anna Faris and Chris Pratt’s marriage.
Not being a celebrity would save you from all of those sorted relationship rumors, which tend to ruin celebrity relationships. And bonus points for being Amish, as it’s really unlikely they even talk about each other’s relationships. I just can’t see the Amish gossiping like that.
14. The Media Won’t Talk About What You Weigh
Since we’re talking about the relationship between celebrities and the media, how about all those weight articles? They are never ending and not exactly healthy for the celebrity subjects or the normal person readers, aka us.
You know the articles I’m talking about. There’s the weight gain articles, weight loss articles, pregnancy articles. There are articles about how a star specifically got into great shape for that one certain role or how a star lost all her baby weight 4 hours after giving birth. It’s a whole thing and, quite frankly, I’m sure these stars would rather their weight not be written about in such a specific manner. I mean, us normal people have eyes. We know which stars are in shape (Gigi Hadid) and which stars are more like us (Mindy Kaling).
That said, living that Amish life would leave your weight a complete and total mystery. You’ve seen the clothing Amish women wear. It’s pretty much like wearing a potato sack every day of your life. You’d be able to eat all you want and hide those jiggly parts under your potato sack of a dress. Nachos for breakfast, ladies!
13. No Rude Troll Comments About You Online
It’s not just the media that’s cruel to celebrities. Sometimes, the online comments about celebrities are ROUGH. If you take a scroll through a celebrity’s Instagram comments or Twitter mentions, it’s really, really, really ROUGH. The reason these extremely rude comments exist is because Internet trolls are an actual thing. Yep, those dreaded Internet trolls.
An “Internet troll” – for those of you who don’t know – is the appropriate name given to the type of people who insult celebrities (or normal people) from behind the comfort of their computer screen. The protection of Internet, which allows people to anonymously insult others, makes for some disrespectful comments. These comments are so mean that many of us may not even be able to mentally handle being a celebrity. I know I couldn’t. If my selfies doesn’t get enough likes, it breaks me.
Depending on the social media outlet, you may have even encountered a troll in your day. If you Instagram or Twitter is public, a stranger may have commented on something you posted. Oh, and Facebook is great. Facebook is the place where your actual friends become trolls. You know the deal, you share an article and then Peter from the fifth grade comments on the article telling you you’re wrong. Bye, Peter.
12. Never Having To Shave Your Legs Again
The clothing that Amish women wear is not the most fashionable. I won’t even try to make a case for that clothing being remotely fashionable. If you’re unfamiliar with Amish clothing, it looks a lot like the outfits the women wear on The Handmaid’s Tale. Amish women wear long dresses with long sleeves. Sometimes, they wear an apron on top of their dress or a bonnet on their heads.
I know what you’re thinking about Amish clothing and you’re right – it’s not cute. The perk, though, is that you’d never have to shave. Just imagine a world of never shaving. NEVER. SHAVING. It would feel like winter, but all year long. Also, if you’re rocking a bonnet, why wash your hair? Basically, Amish clothing means you can skip all of the most annoying grooming routines.
Sure, the dresses celebrities wear to red carpet events are gorgeous, but not shaving your legs is a gorgeous thing too.
11. No Dating At All, So No F-Boys At All
To be clear, the Amish do date, but it’s not at all like how we date.
With the Amish, there’s no Netflix and chill, but that’s mostly because the Amish don’t do Netflix. I’ll admit the lack of Netflix is one MAJOR downfall with Amish way of life. The Amish should honestly think of making an exception for Netflix, as they’ve made an exception for using electric refrigerators.
Alright, but back to dating in the Amish dating. There’s no Tinder. There’s no texts that read, “U up?” (Really charming, guys.) There’s no sending of nude Snapchats. Courtship in the Amish community is free of the messy things with which us millennials deal. In the Amish community, dating goes mostly like this: you see someone you like, date them for a bit, and get married. It’s a simpler way of settling down, mostly because the Amish world is much smaller than ours.
How would an Amish guy be a f-boy? I don’t know, maybe by kicking your cow or something. Honestly though, there’s less opportunity for guys to act like complete jerks during courtship in the Amish community, which is a thing of beauty.
10. You’d Never Spend Six Hours Of Life Facebook Stalking Someone
THINK OF ALL THE FREE TIME!
Ladies, we all stalk so many people on social media. It’s a common thing you do. Maybe it’s that your ex-boyfriend just became Facebook official with someone else. Suddenly, you’re deep into the new girlfriend’s page, looking at the Hollister top she wore to a party in high school. Maybe it’s a lifestyle blogger, who seems like the most perfect angel of a woman ever. You scroll through this stranger’s page for hours, while comparing yourself to her lattes and her YSL bag. Generally speaking, stalking someone on social media – whether you know them or not – is not good for anyone’s mental health. You end up comparing yourself to whoever you’re stalking.
Oh, it’s even worse if you’re a celebrity because you might be stalking yourself. That’s right, if you Google yourself as a celebrity, you may end up spending 10 hours reading articles about your weight gain or supposed affair with a co-star. There’s so many traps on the Internet.
9. You’d Never Have A Jennifer Lawrence-Style iCloud Hack
Hey, remember the iCloud leak of 2014? Well, even if you’ve forgotten about it, you can be rest assured that Jennifer Lawrence still remembers this incident.
Back in 2014, a slew of private photos were leaked from celebrities’ personal iCloud. So, basically nothing is safe if you’re a celebrity, especially not your iCloud. Jennifer Lawrence was one of the bigger names who had completely nude photos released. Kate Upton, Kaley Cuoco, Ariana Grande, and even the underage McKayla Maroney were among the victims of the iCloud leak. Though, every site had to remove the McKayla Maroney photos because she was, in fact, underage. Y’know child pornography laws and everything.
Of course, one could argue that the only foolproof way of keeping yourself safe from your nudies being releases is to simply not take them. I mean, you – yes, you! – could take a batch of nudes today, and who knows where you’ll be 10 years from now? Those nudes could turn into a very big deal.
Still, it can be hard not to take some steamy pictures for a guy you’re into. He wants them, you want to give him them, and we all know what happens. That said, if you’re Amish this isn’t even an issue. No guy will expect nudes and you won’t even have a cell phone to take them. BAM, win-win for you, baby.
8. No Need To Hire A Driver When You’ve Got A Buggy And Horse-Carriage At Your Disposal
Uber and Lyft are definitely cool apps. I mean, you open your phone and just like that, you get a pay-per-ride chauffeur, who may or may not talk to you during the whole ride. That last part is definitely a toss up.
In fact, cars generally are pretty cool. Only 100-ish years ago, people didn’t have the luxury of turning a key and driving to wherever they wanted at 60mph. Though, what people used to have was pretty cool in and of itself: a horse and buggy.
A horse and buggy is such a cooler ride than a car. Of course, these nifty little contraptions won’t get you to another state in under two hours, but they do make you feel like Cinderella. Also, riding in a horse and buggy is environmentally friends. So really, you’re helping out the environment AND you feel like a Disney Princess.
Basically, being Amish means you’re Cinderella, except you won’t know you’re Cinderella because you’ll never watch that movie.
7. Also, Just Think Of All The Money You’d Save On Makeup
If you can walk in and out of a Sephora without dropping $100, you deserve an award of some kind. Actually, shopping at Sephora should be an Olympic sport, because that’s how difficult it can be to not drop some serious cash at this store. And sure, you could buy makeup from a drugstore, but that still costs a pretty penny. Overall, it costs a lot of money to be a girl – the makeup, the hair appointments, the waxes, the facials, the eyelashes extensions, the yoga classes, even the tampons! Just think of all the things you do to keep up.
Sure, if you’re a celebrity, some of these things will be given to you, like dresses for awards shows and goodie bags full of makeup. However, you’ll also be spending on higher quality products more often. The regular girl may have a facial, like, twice a year, but a celebrity will have to get them weekly. It’s all about keeping up, honey.
Well, the Amish life is not about vanity. In fact, many times they won’t have any mirrors in their homes in order to keep them from worrying about what they look like. Imagine a world without mirrors. You’d be free from that Sephora debt. What would you even do with all that extra money?
6. You Wouldn’t Constantly Feel Watched By Everyone
While celebrities can expect to be on for red carpet events and press interviews, they are also human beings. They cannot be on at all times, but that doesn’t stop us except us from expecting celebrities to be on at all times ever.
Depending on how famous a celebrity is, they may not be able to get coffee, go food shopping, or walk down the street without being noticed. Sure, it’s great to be on magazine covers looking like an actual flawless goddess. That’s a nice perk of celebrity. But it’s also great to go to a public restroom without people snapping photos of you. That’s one of the obviously cons of celebrity. Unfortunately, this means celebrities have to be friendly and scripted, even when peeing. Even when peeing, guys. Being a celebrity may sometimes feel like being in a zoo, except the zoo is the whole world.
If you’re Amish, the only reason someone would notice you is for being Amish. And if you weren’t nice to that person, it wouldn’t matter. What a luxury.
5. You Wouldn’t Have To Hire Security Guards To Protect You
Speaking of the whole living in a zoo thing, if you’re a mega famous celebrity, you’ll have to hire security personnel to protect you from fans. Jay-Z and Beyonce cannot even go out to eat without an army of security. And look at Kim Kardashian, who didn’t have security at the right moment and ended up robbed in Paris.
Celebrities are also in constant danger of stalkers. Taylor Swift’s stalker even allegedly tried to break into her New York apartment, which is horrifying. Being the object of unhealthy obsession is something celebrities are constantly at risk of. We all want to be adored by millions, because that would be awesome, but there’s also the risk of this turning into something very dark.
Amish people… well, they are without adoring fans and stalkers. There’s really no need for security personnel to escort you to the bathroom or to a restaurant. Though, Amish people also don’t really go out to eat, so there’s that too.
4. 1000% Less Anxiety
Anxiety is a very common issue, which is, no doubt, linked to the Internet’s affect on our lives. Every single day is a lot to handle. First, there’s keeping up with your Instagram feed, which now has stories. Um, slow down, Instagram! Scrolling one way was enough. Now, we have to scroll through two ways?! Then, you have to keep up with Snapchat and Facebook, because heaven forbid you miss your friend’s funny Snap or wishing them a happy birthday on their wall. On top of that, the 24-hour news cycle is very, very negative. Basically, every single day the world is about to end.
So yes, we may have more information than ever at our fingertips, but we are also very anxious because of it. You can multiply that anxiety by 1,000 for celebrities, who have to fear the 24-hour news cycle will report about them on any given day. Say the wrong thing in an interview and you’re the subject of the unflattering news cycle for a day.
The Amish are free from all this Internet anxiety. They don’t have to worry about keeping up with the filters, and the birthday wishes, and the news cycle. They don’t have the scroll through all the tweets about bad things happening in the world. It’s a life free from the stresses of our modern world and that’s AH-MAZING. Like, I might go be Amish right now.
3. The Paparazzi Would Never Capture You At Your Worst
The paparazzi are notorious for capturing celebrities at their worst angles and during their worst moments. It’s pretty much in the job description for paparazzi, as they make more money if the photos they capture have some shock value. Oh, and not only will the paparazzi stalk celebrities in public, but they will also go to insane lengths to take photos of celebrities in private. In fact, Jennifer Aniston won a lawsuit against a paparazzi, who took photos of Aniston sunbathing topless in her backyard.
Yes, if you’re a celebrity, you can’t even do something in your backyard without those paparazzi catching you.
If you’re Amish, this isn’t even an issue. Who is going to take a photo of you? None of your neighbors have cameras, because that’s a device the Amish don’t use. And what if some stranger snapped a weird photo of you while you were out in public and it was trending on Reddit? Well, you’d never know because you wouldn’t have Internet. So, you could pretty much do whatever you want in public and not deal with it.
2. You’d Never Deal With Nightmare Red Carpet Situations
In theory, the red carpet seems like a glamorous affair. The dresses! The other celebrities! The dresses!
In reality, red carpets are probably a dumpster fire of awkward social situations. First of all, Hollywood is like high school, in that there are cliques and everyone hooks up with each other. Seeing your ex walking down the hallway in high school may suck, but bumping into him on the red carpet is the worst thing ever. Sure, you could avoid the events your ex will be attending, but that my effect your celebrity status. It’s a whole thing. So, you just have to go to red carpet events and see all the other celebrities with whom you have beef.
There’s also the red carpet interviews. Because, how many times can you excitedly say who makes your dress? If you add in the risk of falling or a wardrobe malfunction, the red carpet seems like the worst thing ever, even if you get to wear a pretty dress.
If you’re Amish, you may not even know what a red carpet is. You may just think it’s, uh, carpeting.
1. Um, Overall Privacy And Freedom! (Duh)
The #1 reason it’s better to be Amish rather than be a celebrity is simply having the freedom to life your life.
Yes, the Amish community have a lot of rules and standards. You could get shunned for using a cell phone, watching TV, or wearing the wrong clothes. However, being a celebrity comes with its own set of rules and standards that are certainly not for the faint of heart. In Hollywood, have to remain a certain weight, look a certain way, and always be happy. You have to be even more perfect than Barbie. It’s A LOT of pressure. When it comes to privacy and the freedom to live your life, it would honestly be better to either be Amish or just a regular person, rather than a celebrity.
Yes, we may all envy the seemingly fabulous lives of our favorite celebrities. When you’re starting to get really jealous of Kylie Jenner, just remember that she will forever be missing the one thing you have: a normal life.
Normalcy and privacy are always better than celebrity.
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