There have been some wack-a-doodle conspiracy theories that have floated around in the past, mainly because some people just can’t accept the fact that when something goes horribly wrong, more often than not it’s usually the simplest answer that is the correct one. These people reach for the moon and put together some crazy butt factoids that swirl around in oblivion. Like those people who seriously believe that Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer or that Khloe Kardashian is the illegitimate daughter of O.J. Simpson. However, this particular conspiracy theory takes the cake. Back in 1996, a little child beauty pageant queen by the name of JonBenet Ramsey was found strangled to death in the basement of her house. Her death was ruled as a homicide and the killer still has yet to be found. Fast forward years later: some dummy with too much time on their hands thought out loud that “hey, it’s sorta weird that this one famous person looks a little similar to this dead person”, and thus the whole JonBenet Ramsy IS Katy Perry theory came limping into this world. Yeah, sure – we’ll bite.
15 Perry’s Parents and JonBenet’s Parents Look Way Too Much Alike
Born a full six years before JonBenet Ramsey, it’s clear to see that Katy Perry shares some facial features with the slain pageant kid. The theory started circulating when some flat-earth believer nut job named Dave Johnson claimed that he had evidence that the pop singer is most definitely Ramsey. Johnson claims that he believes this to be true because Ramsey’s parents (Patsy and John Ramsey) are in fact Katy’s parents (Keith Hudson and Mary Perry) , even though Patsy Ramsey died in 2006. He claims that Patsy simply lost weight while John shaved his head in order to become Perry’s pastor father. While I see somewhat of a slight resemblance, I’m not off my rocker in thinking they’re all the same people. It would appear as if Johnson was dropped on his head one too many times in the past.
14 That “Faked Her Death Story” So She Could Become Famous Works So Well
Okay, little JonBenet was already on her way to fame if her family had their way. She was a stunning little girl who was pushed into beauty pageants by her fame-hungry parents. Now, considering all the evidence that piled up against her own family (including both parents and her then nine-year old brother Burke), I’d believe her family was responsible for her death over Ramsey actually becoming someone else completely in order to hit fame. Ramsey was murdered at the delicate age of six, before she even had the opportunity to strike gold in the fame category. If her parents did in fact fake her death in order to skyrocket her status in the music and movie industry, why would they do it at six? Why not wait until she was older? Theorists believe this is because the world would be more shocked by the death of a child rather than a teenager. But it STILL doesn’t make sense to me or other sane thinking individuals.
13 Their Wardrobes Are Way Too Similar (Checkered Themes, Anyone?)
Let’s stick a pin in the fact that checkered and polka dot patterns have been floating in and out of fashion for decades now and just look at Johnson’s claim here: you see pictures of the young beauty queen donning checkered themed clothes and you see pictures of Perry’s kooky style and you automatically think HOLY CRAP, THEY’RE THE SAME PERSON? Goodness, what on earth are you smoking? When you see JonBenet’s photos, it’s very clear that her parents and stylists were responsible for dressing the child, just as Perry’s stylists are responsible for her style. Just because two people happen to sport the same patterns decades apart doesn’t mean they’re the same individual. If that was the case, I can put on knee highs and claim to be the ghost of Alicia Silverstone’s dead movie career.
12 Similar Facial Features
Yeah, I’m pretty sure I could look like Jonathan Taylor Thomas or freaking even Katy Perry herself with the help of some video editing software too. Johnson claims that both Perry and JonBenet have very similar facial features – but Perry actually looks like a crap load of other people too. Um, ever notice that she shares similar features with, say, Zooey Deschanel, Emily Blunt, Katie Featherston, Mia Krishner, and Siwan Morris but you don’t hear about any of THEM being Ramsey? Hell, I’m pretty sure all these people are the same woman. And while we’re at it, I’m pretty sure Matt Bomer, Finn Wittrock, Max Greenfield, Wes Bentley, and Cheyenne Jackson are the same person and hell, might be JonBenet too. Why don’t we ask Johnson about them? Wait… .what if all those actors were actually Katy Perry???? Mind. Blown.
11 That Whole “God Bless America” Coincidence?
This is my absolute favorite theory of the bunch: Both Ramsey and Perry know the lyrics to “God Bless America” so they HAVE to be the same person! Back in 2009, Perry once tweeted out the lyrics to this “unknown” song: “GOD BLESS AMERICA! LAND THAT I LOVE, STAND BESIDE HER AND GUIDE HER! I am so happy I could cry. A WHOLE 6 days to sleep w/ KITTY PURRY!!!” Did you know that “God Bless America” was THE song that Ramsey would sing at her pageants?? You didn’t?! Well, now you know. Technically, Ramsey only sang the song once as far as we know because there was only video evidence of one time. Johnson and his sheep want you to take this into consideration that they’re one in the same. Because he believes that they’re the only two people on the face of the planet who know these lyrics.
10 LOOK AT THEIR EYE BROWS
Yeah? What about them? Let’s be ridiculously honest here: who the hell wears their eyebrows the same way they did when they were even kids? Mine have gone from stick-thin to curiously thick over the span of two years, so why are we even bringing up eyebrows in general? According to Johnson, the singer’s eyebrows are a dead giveaway, claiming that “the eyebrows don’t change much on a person,”. Uh, hi – ARE YOU EVEN LIVING IN THIS TIME PERIOD, BRO? We literally have EYEBROW CONTOURING KITS and can easily change the natural arc of our brows with the help of some pluckers and/or a razor (though that’s never a good idea, especially if you have a natural arc). This seems like grasping at straws from Johnson’s end and he needs to take a gander at the beauty industry these days. Brows change daily, bro.
9 Katy Tried Too Hard To Make Us Think She Wasn’t A Stage Kid (Right)
Katy Perry, born Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson, not JonBenet Ramsey, was a former choir girl who signed with Red Hill Records back in 2001 after releasing a gospel album under her given name. Yes, you read that right: she was a choir girl, not a mini beauty pageant winner. Johnson (and his followers) believe that Perry was trying too hard to convince her fans that she was NOT a stage child growing up like her slain doppelgänger. What I find more amusing is the fact that a girl who sang and preached about God’s love while growing up would rise to fame with hit singles titled “I Kissed a Girl” and “Hot n Cold”. Johnson believes Perry tried too hard to shed her good girl image in order to distance herself from her life as Ramsey. Another believer claims that Perry even admitted it in her own memoir with the line: “Not that I was one of those stage kids. There was no JonBenet Ramsey inside of me waiting to burst out.” Again, I want whatever these guys are clearly smoking.
8 Jawlines (because those… well… don’t change during puberty?)
Many people are flocking to this conspiracy theory because of notable similar facial features like the eyebrows and the jawline of both females. I, personally, don’t see the similarities when it comes to the line of the jaw. Yet, I also understand that while a jawline doesn’t change that much over time, it can sharpen or soften when you hit puberty. Hell, my own facial structure has changed dramatically over the years thanks to, well, you know – the natural aging process. But those who believe that Perry is JonBenet often highlight the structure of both jaws, claiming they’re one in the same without even so much as taking weight loss or gain into consideration. Dude, my face has changed over the course of the years. IT’S CALLED ATKINS, PEOPLE. One year my face is round, the next it isn’t. Saying they’re the same person because they have a similar jawline is like saying they’re the same person because they happen to both have noses.
7 NWO Is Totally That Powerful
Whenever something can’t be explained by rational thought, someone always points blame at the infamous Illuminati group. For those of you who don’t know the Illuminati, it’s a not-at-all fabricated secret society composed of very famous, elite individuals and politicians who have main control of the media and have been using it in order to invoke a New World Order. Conspiracy theorists have accused so many celebrities of being a part of the Illuminati, including Beyonce and husband Jay Z, the idiot Kardashians, and even Perry herself. According to these same theorists, the Illuminati was responsible for almost every major event that has happened in the past, including the Battle of Waterloo and the assassination of President John F. Kennedy so surely they were responsible for Katy Perry’s rise to fame as she rose from the ashes of a deceased beauty queen.
6 Those Cartoon Anime Eyes Don’t Lie
I swear, Katy Perry looks like a Japanese anime cartoon come to life. She is literally what foreigners think that all Americans look like, and judging by her multiple doppelgängers, they wouldn’t be too far off the mark. But another reason why Johnson so adamantly believes his own tall tales is because of those very eyes. Sure, we’ll ignore the fact that everyone in Hollywood has those particular massive eyes (which always brings me back to thinking that Wes Bentley and Perry are the same person too – I mean, have we EVER seen them in the same place? Time to start my own conspiracy theory YouTube video), and just look at the two subjects. Yes, their eyes are considerably wide and cartoon-like, but what child’s eyes AREN’T? Their heads are still small so of course kids have those big eyes. But Perry’s eyes look much larger than Ramsey’s ever were, so I assume the singer looked a little like Puss-in-Boots from those Shrek movies rather than a blond pageant darling.
5 Like Katy Actually Looks Like She’s In Her 30’s (Pfft)
Another thing that people like to point out is the age difference between the singer and the little girl: Perry was actually around 12-years old at the time of Ramsey’s death, or so the police want us to believe. Johnson and his followers believe that Perry is actually lying about her age and is younger than she really is. Right, like I’ll believe someone in Hollywood is pretending to be OLDER than they say. It’s not uncommon for actresses these days to look much younger than their given age. Hi, it’s called Botox and can be found on every corner of Los Angeles. You can pretty much get a face lift while sitting in the drive thru at Starbucks in California, so Perry’s youthful face shouldn’t be evidence in this case.
4 People REEEAAAALLLLLY Wants You To Believe This Theory
Why is that so many people have jumped aboard this crazy train? Is because the fact that still to this day (even with the magic of DNA), Ramsey’s killer STILL has yet to be found? Cops have investigated this case to death and have looked into every single theory possible. So why shouldn’t it shock the public that people are looking to other explanations? More warped explanations? Because that’s all they can do at this particular junction. Johnson and his followers are dead set on proving this theory true, even if Katy Perry herself shoots down the allegations. The woman doesn’t have time to prove this claim dead false! She’s busy touring the world, people, not shooting down weird theories that she isn’t who she says she is. This Johnson guy really wants us to believe though, so maybe he should get Perry to guest star in his crackpot YouTube videos and then maybe we’ll give the dude a chance.
3 Uh, Cause Twitter Says It’s True, Duh
If we learned anything from Fox News during this new presidential administration is that some people will believe anything and everything they hear and read. While President Donald Trump is busy telling his followers that everything they see and hear him do is just a big fat lie orchestrated by the liberal media, Johnson and his followers were doing the exact same thing via the internet. Damn stupid liberals and their ability to see and hear true stuff. Much like Trump, Johnson has taken to Twitter in order to prove his theory correct and much like Trump, not everyone is buying into the bullsh** storm that he’s spewing. But those egg avatars and Bot thingies all want you to believe and buy what Johnson is selling when it comes to Perry and Ramsey.
2 Uh, Cause YOUTUBE Says It’s True, Even More Duh
This Johnson video, along with a few others, have been floating around YouTube for a couple years now, and the hype gets more bizarre with each passing day. Just because some nut job made a video with ominous speaking over random photographs of the fatal little girl and a superstar singer, people will believe it’s true. YouTube is the same channel that features parents punking their kids with practical jokes and teenagers kicking other teenagers in the crown jewels and laughing about it. Hey guys! Let’s make a video composed of photos of Ted Cruz’s dad next to photos of Lee Harvey Oswald and say they’re the exact same person! We all know someone out there will bite the bullet and believe all the crazy! Dude, YouTube made people like Justin Bieber famous and I will forever hate that site for crap like that. It gives weirdos and idiots a platform to say some pretty dumb stuff.
1 Because People Might Be THAT Dumb
Yes, there are people who believe this sort of thing in real life. Yes, generally, their IQs are no higher than their own shoe size. They’re the ones who are sprouting about how the moon landing was fake. They’re the ones who believe that Nicki Minaj is actually Jay Z in disguise (wait, what?) or that I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll that one fatal day in Dallas back in 1963 – just because I now live in Dallas and ignore the fact that I wasn’t born until the 80s . Just because a young pop star has the similar facial features of a dead girl doesn’t mean the Illuminati is trying to get you to believe she MUST BE that said girl. If that’s the case, we should really start checking the DNA of Zooey Deschanel or Emily Blunt just to be on the safe side since one of them could actually be JonBenet and Perry has just been wrongly accused.