The universal question that all women have asked at one point or another is “Why isn’t he calling me back?” Unfortunately, since each guy is different, you might not ever find out the real answer unless you just ask (and get an honest reply!). But because men aren’t overly complicated creatures, there are quite a few common reasons that most probably provide the answers you’re looking for!
Sometimes, the truthful answer as to why he isn’t calling you back isn’t what you want to hear. The world of dating is pretty ruthless, after all! And other times, the reason he isn’t calling isn’t so bad. It might even make you smile! Of course, life also has a habit of getting in the way, and every now and then, the answer you’re looking for is so simple that you won’t believe you worked yourself up over it!
So what’s really going on in his head? It’s time to investigate!
15. Someone Else Is Taking Up His Time
This isn’t what you want to hear if you really like someone, but we’re not here to dip things in sugar for you! One of the most common reasons that a guy isn’t calling you back after one, or even a few dates, is because he’s got someone else. Especially if you haven’t had the discussion where you promise to keep your dating exclusive, you shouldn’t assume or expect that he’s not seeing other people to keep his options open while he’s still working out how he feels about you. In this case, if that phone just isn’t ringing, it could be because he’s busy ringing other people in whom he’s also interested. It definitely wouldn’t be the first time! In the early days, this is pretty normal, so don’t feel bad about it. But if it’s been a while and you want to be the only person he’s seeing, it’s better to let him know so you’re on the same page.
14. Something Else Is Taking Up His Time
Another very common reason that he’s not calling you back is simply because he’s busy. We know that you’ve seen He’s Just Not That into You which reinforces the fact that guys are natural pursuers and are never too busy for the person they’re interested in. That’s true to an extent, and if he likes you, he will make an effort eventually. But aside from being natural aggressive pursuers, men are also regular humans who have sh*t to do. You know? They have jobs, families, friends, and other interests just like you do, and sometimes, there really aren’t enough hours in a day. If he has time for everything but you, that’s not a good sign. But if you can see that he’s really trying hard to juggle everything and he does eventually call back or make some kind of effort, you’ll know that he’s just a busy guy!
13. He’s Only Looking for a Fling
Most guys won’t spend a lot of time on a girl that’s just a fling. If you’re someone for him to have fun with and he enjoys your company, but he’s not interested in settling down with you, you probably won’t be getting a call back. Or if you do get one, it might be at three in the morning when he’s looking for some booty. It can be tricky to work out whether he just sees you as a fling or whether he really is busy, but you just have to pay attention, and eventually, it will become clear. Is he always hanging out with his friends or snapchatting from home on the couch or out at social events, yet he doesn’t call you back or make time to see you? If so, you’re probably a fling. Clues that a guy might actually genuinely be busy could be his friends mentioning that he’s hard to get a hold of, snapchats from the office, and details of his hectic life when he does finally see you again.
12. He’s Just Not into You
Ouch. Yes, this one sure hurts, but it’s better you know the truth than stay in the dark! The other major reason that a guy isn’t calling you back is because he’s realized he’s not feeling you. We know, it sucks. But try not to worry too much about it—this often has nothing to do with you. Even if you’re smart, funny, gorgeous, and perfect on paper, if there’s no attraction between you then there’s no attraction between you. That’s the kind of thing that nobody can force. He might really like you as a friend, but if he doesn’t have those kinds of feelings for you, he won’t call back because he doesn’t want to lead you on. And though it’s not ideal, you can’t blame him for that. He probably feels bad, just like you do when you’re not interested in someone pursuing you, but it’s just life. The best thing is to let it go and move on.
11. You Scared Him
Even if he is into you, there are still a couple of reasons why he won’t call back. One of them could be that you scared him off a bit on the first date. Even if you like someone, a little bit of attraction is not going to make you drastically change your whole life, and it’s the same for him. If you’re open about how you want to settle down right away, be married within the year and pregnant within two, and he hasn’t even begun to think about all that stuff yet, there’s a good chance that he’s running for the hills even though he has feelings for you. That’s the standard way girls tend to scare guys off, but it could happen in other ways too! You might delve into your plans to travel the world and manage your own company, which might make him uneasy if his future goals look completely different.
10. He’s Afraid of Rejection
Yes, guys have a natural tendency to chase what they want, and society often tells us that they don’t have feelings the way we do. In reality, everybody has feelings, everybody is afraid of something, and it’s totally possible that he’s not calling you back because he’s afraid of being rejected. He could be a really nervous person who doesn’t want to mess things up with you, and is treading more carefully than if he were walking into a room carpeted with jagged shards of glass. Also, you might have unknowingly given him the impression that you’re not interested in him, and he wants to spare his ego by just avoiding you altogether. This tends to be less common than him just not being into you, or being busy doing other things, but it does happen. Guys get scared too! Don’t be afraid to let him know that you’re interested if you think he’s unsure.
9. He’s Not Sure What He Wants
Just because a guy likes you, doesn’t mean he’s ready to be in a relationship with you. A lot of the time, guys aren’t ready for relationships until they meet and fall for a particular girl, and if that happens, it could take him a little while to adjust to his new desires. He might have been planning to book a Contiki and live it up in southeast Asia for a month, or move away to look for work in another city, but now that he’s met you, he’s not so sure. He’s also not sure that he doesn’t want to do those things, and whether he is even ready to go down the relationship road with you. Some guys they follow their impulses and make these decisions quickly. Other fellas move at a slower pace. And if he is taking his time to figure out exactly what he wants, he might avoid calling you for a while.
8. You Did Something to Piss Him Off
If you do something to annoy him on the first date, and it’s bad enough that he doesn’t want to speak to you, chances are you aren’t getting a call back. Ever. The relationship needs to grow to a point where you have enough good to cancel out the bad, in order for it to withstand stuff like that! But if you have been dating a while and then you find that he’s suddenly not calling you or returning your calls, which is really out of character, it could be that you’ve done something to aggravate him. Few people are so clueless that they really have no idea when they’ve annoyed someone that much, but in case you are, just think back over things to see if you’re guilty of something. Simply asking if you’ve done something wrong invites him to tell you exactly what’s going on, but be careful: you don’t want to send a message asking what you’ve done wrong every time he takes a while to call you!
7. He’s Not a Planner
This seems simple, and it would never work in a romantic movie, but maybe he’s not ringing you because he doesn’t believe in planning things? Rather than ringing you to schedule a second date on Saturday night, perhaps he’s the spontaneous type that wants to randomly ring your doorbell and see if you’re free. For many of us who need a day to shave, tan, flatiron our hair, and plan an outfit, this is a nightmare. But there are people out there who think like that! He could see a bit of spontaneity as romantic? There’s also the possibility that he’s just lazy, and is really meaning to call you and organize a date but never gets around to it. That explains a lack of calls in the early days, but eventually, he will start prioritizing you and getting excited about seeing you if he likes you.
6. He Doesn’t Do Phone Calls
This would never have been a reason not to call back fifteen or twenty years ago, but today, it’s a very real excuse. You might be dating a guy who’s not a fan of talking on the phone. Think about how little we talk on the phone now compared to how often other generations did: we order our food online, we book appointments online, we book transport through an app, we text when we arrive somewhere, we talk to colleagues via email, we talk to family over Facebook… after all that, the concept of chatting with someone over the phone can be intimidating! He might even have a bit of social anxiety and be nervous enough about talking to you, let alone doing it over the phone. If he doesn’t like using the phone but he likes you, you’ll know because instead you’ll get texts, snapchats, direct messages, and comments on your Instagram.
5. He Can’t Afford To
Another reason why he’s not calling you back is simply because he can’t afford to. Or he thinks he can’t afford to. On the first date, you might have given him the impression that you’re pretty high maintenance, and you want someone who’s going to take you to fancy places and buy you expensive gifts. So even though he might like you, something like that could turn him off, especially if he works hard for his money and can’t afford to have a partner like that. Even if you’ve given him no reason to think that you’re high maintenance, he might really not be able to afford taking you out on another date because he’s broke. Or maybe the place that you went on the first date was super expensive and he offered to pay, and you made the comment that you like it when guys pay, and now he’s freaking out.
4. He Wants to Work on Himself
This is unlikely, but it does happen. Like we said, everyone is different! It could be that he doesn’t want to ring you back because even though he is interested in you, he wants to work on himself before he keeps dating. You know how in Sweet Alabama, after Melanie divorced Jake he never went after her because he wanted to “conquer the world first”? He might not be trying to conquer the world to prove he’s good enough for you, but he might be waiting until he lands a steady job, or deals with some other issue he’s been working on, whether it’s losing weight or addressing another health problem. Life isn’t a romantic comedy starring Reese Witherspoon, so it’s far more likely that he’s just genuinely not interested in you, but you never know. Life is full of possibilities!
3. Others Are Influencing Him
You might think that if a man really likes someone, nobody will get in his way when it comes to dating her. In fact, popular culture leads us to believe that such attitudes actually increase his attraction to a girl, since she’s almost “forbidden” if his friends and family don’t approve. That might be the case some of the time, but the opinions of others can also lead a guy to make decisions he doesn’t really believe in. For example, if you’ve been on a few dates and he’s told his mom about you but she doesn’t like what she’s been hearing, she might tell him to forget about the whole thing. Certain guys will take their mother’s advice religiously like that. Others won’t want to call you back if their friends tell them not to, either because their friends don’t like you, don’t want them to start a relationship, or want to improve their chances by advising them to play hard to get…
2. He’s Playing Hard to Get
Stereotypically, playing hard to get is more of a woman’s move than a man’s. Society tells us that women are to be won over while men are to chase, but we know that isn’t always how it goes! It’s very possible that he’s not calling you back because he’s waiting for you to call him. He doesn’t want to seem too interested or uncool. He wants you think he has other options open and he’s not checking his screen frantically every two minutes to see if you’ve called, even though he is. Again, this isn’t as common as some of the other reasons, but it definitely happens. Playing hard to get does work to an extent—someone who is clingy and looks like nobody else is interested in them might be unattractive. But neither party should be impossible to get. Dating is hard enough without the mind games!
1. He Lost Your Number
This excuse sounds like the oldest in the book, but it can actually be a legitimate reason as to why he’s not ringing you back. It’s even less likely these days because we usually put numbers in our phones where they can’t just get lost, but still, it is possible for him to want to ring you and not be able to! Maybe his phone is smashed and he needs to get it fixed but can’t get to the Apple store until next week, or maybe he’s got more than one of your name in his contact list and doesn’t know which one to call, or maybe he really did jot down your number on some paper and now he can’t find it. None of those are very common, but they do happen. Life happens! There’s not a lot you can do in these circumstances, except trust that if it’s meant to be, it will be.
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