Before you scream at me that I have no idea what I’m saying and that I obviously have never had the unfortunate experience of being ghosted, let me tell you something. I have had more guys disappear from my life without a peep than guys who have stuck around and explained themselves.
I have a white sweater I like to wear that has the slogan ‘I DON’T MAKE MISTAKES,’ slapped across the front, while on the back it says, ‘I DATE THEM.’ It makes me laugh, it makes my friends laugh, but it’s also the cold hard truth. My dating history up to now has been a messy string of almost relationships, and clearly signposted mistakes.
I am a pro at getting over the guy who ghosts you, merely because it has happened to me more times than I like to remember. In an attempt to protect my heart, and keep me from going loopy, I had to search for the silver lining. And you’re in luck because I found a bundle of reasons why him ghosting you was a favor, dressed as a poo emoji in disguise.
15 You’re better off being single than dating an a-hole
No really, you are. And dating someone who doesn't treat you right will make you realize this. Once he has disappeared, and you're left on your own with nothing but plenty of thinking time, you'll see. You will see just how awesome, and beautiful, and magnificent you truly are. You will learn to value being single, learning to enjoy your own company, and getting rid of the feeling that you need a man in order to be happy. Because let's be honest here - that is total bull.
Being ghosted will teach you that being single is nothing to be afraid of - in fact, it's something to be enjoyed and appreciated while you're lucky enough to have it. Before you know it, you'll have found the man of your dreams, be settled, and maybe you'll have kids. You won't ever get a day off, and there's no going back to the single life.
14 He’s a coward, not a man
Anyone who does not have the audacity to tell you to your face, or at the very least text you to say they don't want to carry on dating, is spineless. It pains me to think about how common this behavior is amongst guys today. Notice I said 'guys', because let's face it, they are no way near being classed as men.
You don't want to end up dating someone long term who lacks the ability to do the right thing, despite it being uncomfortable or difficult for him. A man will do what he knows is right regardless of whether it's something he will enjoy doing. A grown-a$$ woman will do the same.
Think about the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with, the kind of man you want to help raise your children. You definitely don't want someone who thinks it's okay to ghost.
13 You didn’t waste any more of your time on him
At the time, a guy you were crushing on, disappearing on you without a peep, is going to SUCK. I won't pretend it's going to feel great, and that you won't feel hurt and rejected. Because the truth is, you probably will. I know I have every time it's happened to me, and like I said before, it has happened an awful lot.
But look at it this way: it's far better to learn what he's really like now when the two of you are just getting to know each other. You don't want to find yourself in a relationship with this guy a year later and find out the hard way that he's really just an a-hole.
Your time is so very precious, so don't give it away to just anyone. Be thankful for all the time, in theory, you're taking back! And he didn't get to see how amazing you really are because he didn't stick around, so the joke is firmly on him.
12 You’re one step closer to Mr. Right
It's true what they say - you have to kiss a lot of slimy frogs before you find your prince. Okay, this isn't true for a very small minority of lucky people out there who end up marrying their childhood sweetheart. But on the whole, this reigns true.
Think of it like you're crossing off guys on a chalk board - 52 down, 5million+ left to go. Because the more people you date, the more you learn about yourself. And the more you learn about what you're looking for in a man, as well as what you're definitely NOT looking for. Which, in theory, should mean that dating gets easier the older you get, and the closer you will be to finding your forever person.
I don't know about you, but for me, this played out. One day I woke up and realized that I needed to make a change. So I stopped trying to meet guys on drunken Saturday nights in clubs, and I started talking to and meeting guys in the DAY. Everyone is a lot more sober and less likely to tell great big LIES. And this worked wonders for me.
11 You learned that you can’t trust everybody
Life has a funny way of teaching us exactly what we need to know at the right time. People will walk in and out of your life, and you'll be faced with so many situations and tests where you have to make difficult choices. Someone wise once told me that everyone you meet will either be a blessing, or a lesson. The dirt bag who ghosted you? He's definitely lesson.
I'm often guilty of being far too trusting of everybody, even total strangers. In one way, it's positive because it shows that I look for the good in people, and am able to be vulnerable. But this also means that a large number of people end up letting me down.
You will learn that it pays to be a little more careful with your heart, and that not everyone will be able to meet your high standards. But never lower them. Wait for the man who will walk into your life and strive to meet them.
10 That you can and you will get over him
You might feel close to heart broken, rejected, and all kinds of fragile right now, but believe me when I tell you this feeling will pass. You have done it before, and you can do it again.
The thing about feeling rejected is that you are in control of it. You can choose to see him disappearing as rejection, or you can choose to see that he was never right for you at the beginning. I suggest the latter.
Life is 90% about how you look at what happens to you rather than what actually happens to you.
You will learn that you are far stronger than this situation and that you have the power to either dwell on what life throws at you, or take it, learn from it, and battle on through. Once you adopt this mental attitude, no a-hole will be able to steal your sunshine ever again.
9 It shows you who he really is
Chances are he was all kinds of charming and lovely when you first met him. He was dead keen, the compliments were in constant flow, and he probably promised you the world. Sound familiar? Yeah, guys have managed to convince me of their dreaminess, only to reveal their true a-aholic colors just weeks later.
If he can't even be bothered to shoot you a quick meaningless text letting you know he doesn't want to continue with whatever this is, it tells you he is a total tool. You can warn your fellow sisters around town. You can make sure you never make the mistake of contacting him again, hoping he's simply lost his phone or gotten into some kind of terrible accident, when in your heart of hearts you know he got your original message. And you can even feel sorry for him, because at the end of the day, he is the one who doesn't know how to treat people with kindness and respect.
8 It makes you think twice about ghosting someone
The inconsiderate actions of someone you barely knew had a really big impact on you. The worst thing about being ghosted is that you never get any closure. You don't know his reasons for ceasing contact with you, and you make your head spin thinking of all the possibilities why.
You are fully aware of what it feels like to have someone treat you like you don't matter, and hopefully, this has taught you the importance of not inflicting the same pain onto anybody else.
Even though it's not a nice task having to tell someone that you don't see a future with them, for whatever reason, you realize that plucking up the courage and putting your mind over the matter is the right choice.
Doing the right thing never promises to be easy, but remember that you are the only one who has to live a lifetime with the choices you make.
7 Your heart had a lucky escape
Think of it this way – isn’t it better for him to disappear and you find out that he's pond scum early on, instead of months down the line? Your heart has had a lucky escape. You never reached the point where the L word was thrown around. It won’t be long before you're onto the next one, and that loser will be yesterday's news.
Having said that, I have heard stories of guys who have been in really serious relationships with girls - I’m talking as long as a YEAR - and have still disappeared without a glance back. No explanation, no apology, nothing. If you're reading this and that happened to you, I am so incredibly sorry that someone treated you that way. And I apologize on behalf of the male species, because they probably won't, and truth be told, there are some really great ones out there.
Don't lose hope just yet.
6 It will make you appreciate a nice guy
Maybe you’re the kind of girl who just can’t help but find bad boys attractive. Or maybe, whatever you do, you seem to attract the bad eggs, when all you’ve ever been looking for is a kind and honest man, who lights up your world.
The thing about dating a-holes, and being treated poorly is that there’s only so long you can do it for. There’s only so many times you can be ghosted before you begin to notice a pattern in the kind of guys you’re meeting and choosing to date.
Our hearts are fragile muscles. They swell, and shrink, and swell, and break with each new man who enters your life. There’s only so much mistreatment and heartache you can handle. You’ll reach a point where enough is enough. And the next time a man walks into your life who is nice and doesn’t treat you mean to keep you keen – you’re so much more likely to appreciate his goodness, and actually find it attractive.
Bad boy behavior is not sexy in the slightest. Once you see this, your dating life will begin to blossom.
5 You’ll know better for next time
Some guys are more deceiving than others. It really depends on how calculated he is. He might have always had the intention of sleeping with you and then cutting off contact, or maybe he started out with good intentions but ended up getting confused or scared with how quickly things were moving. Either way, there are usually signs that you can spot, and behavioral patterns that will become obvious.
In the past, I used to give a-holes way too many chances and make excuses for their poor behavior. Even worse, I used to naively believe I was the girl who would be able to change him. And the truth is that none of us can change anyone – they have to want to change for themselves.
Next time, if he takes hours to reply to your texts, he only wants to see you when he’s drunk at 3am, or he’s inviting you to Netflix & chill at his place – RUN.
4 He has made it clear he’s not interested
Maybe it’s not clear to you because you didn’t get any kind of an explanation, and I completely understand where you’re coming from. In your head, it’s not crystal clear that he doesn’t want you, so you might cling onto the hope of him coming back into your life, and you might continue to chase him. But that is the worst thing you could do.
He has not bothered to send you a ten second text back to explain that he’s busy/sick/insert excuse here. He has disappeared off the face of the earth. He has left you hanging. Think about when you go to high five someone, and they don’t go for it. You feel deflated and rejected, don’t you? Well, someone ghosting you is that feeling magnified by one hundred.
Even though you don’t believe he has made his feelings clear – he has. Realize that, and move on.
3 You’ll teach the men in your life the importance of being honest
You might have brothers, or close male friends or colleagues, and no doubt the topic of girls and dating will come up in conversation with them often. Maybe you find their stories and escapades entertaining. Maybe you can’t help but laugh when one of them has a new girl every time you see him. Maybe you never used to care about the men in your life treating other girls poorly. Maybe you always took their side, out of loyalty, even when you didn’t agree with their actions.
But that won’t teach them anything. It’s your responsibility as a fellow female, to ensure that you speak out when you see or hear of behavior that you disagree with. If you wouldn’t want someone to do it to you, then don’t stand by and not say anything when it’s being done to another girl.
Being ghosted will mean that you teach the men in your life to treat every girl they meet with respect. And if every girl did this, I think our collective dating experience would significantly improve.
2 You learned that you deserve better
The thing about talking to or dating someone who treats you like they don’t give a s*!t is that you’ll reach a point where you realize that behavior is not acceptable. My mom always says, when someone acts like they don’t care about you, believe them. And that always holds true.
When he ghosted you, you probably felt awful. Maybe you felt like you did something wrong. Or maybe you wondered, like Swifty, why you can’t make anyone stay. But somewhere along the line, you’ll realize that their actions are nothing to do with you. Regardless of whether they were into you or not, there is no excuse for disappearing without giving someone an explanation.
You will eventually learn that you deserve a million times better than someone who is so careless with your feelings. You deserve a man who will treat you like you are a Princess, and that’s how every single girl deserves to be treated.
1 Things can only get better after this
So someone made your heart skip and then decided to trample all over it. It’s a horrible feeling, and I wouldn’t wish it upon anybody – not even my worst enemy. But as they say – onwards and upwards ladies!
In life, you will always meet people that aren’t very nice, who don’t care about you; people who are selfish and only out to get what they want without thinking about anybody else. People like that will never cease to exist. What’s important is that you continue to treat others the way you’d hope to be treated. And that you don’t allow bad past experiences to jade you. Don’t stop trusting in men. Be careful with your heart, but don’t stop yourself from being vulnerable.
It’s much better to have someone exit your life than to have them stick around when ultimately they’re not going to be a positive light in your life. Let go of all the pain from the guys who have disappeared, and look forward to meeting someone who will cherish your kind heart.