It would be awesome if every first date was magical and romantic and nothing weird ever happened. That's unfortunately not the case... and it's not even close to what actually happens. The real story is that first dates are awkward and strange and sometimes even truly baffling. That's why we spend so much time talking to our best friends about the dates that we go on and all the confusing and complicated things that happen... and that's also why we keep going on first date after first date if we're single. We just want to find love, even if it seems hard and even impossible. So we keep trying.
While we women definitely love to talk about the red flags that we watch out for when we go on a date, and we all have some common ones that we would agree upon, the truth is that men do the same thing. It makes sense that red flags go both ways. While we don't want to meet guys who are living at home and not working or who complain all the time, guys have some dealbreakers that they think about as well. Check out confessions from 15 real men who got honest and detailed about their first date red flags. Thanks to Reddit, we know now how guys really think about first dates, and their answers are really eye-opening!
15 "It only happened once but this girl was talking like we were getting married after the first date. It was the biggest red flag ever."
Oh man. We definitely never want to freak a guy out by talking about commitment too early... and mentioning a wedding on the first date is definitely too early.
It's hard to believe that some girls actually do this, but according to this guy, they really do. As he says, it only happened to him once, so maybe it's rare, but it still sounds like it sucks. We're sure that we would hate if a guy did the same thing to us. A first date is simply the first time that we're hanging out with someone and getting to know them a bit better. That's really it. Everything else will happen in time if things go well. There's no reason to rush things at all.
14 "a woman that is excessively texting. Not only do I feel that she isn't interested in me enough to not text for a couple hours, but I also find it extremely rude."
It's crazy to think that just a few years ago, no one was texting or on their phones as much as we all are now. Even if we know that it's super rude and insulting to the people that we're spending time with, it's still tough to break the habit.
This guy confessed that he hates when girls text way too much during the first date. Now that we know that's how guys feel, let's agree to never do this, okay? Okay. Cool. We should definitely put ourselves in our date's shoes and realize that we would hate if he was texting his friend the entire time that we were sitting across from him. The point of a first date is to chat and get to know each other, and texting ruins that experience.
13 "Being rude to strangers for no reason (esp folks at work doing their job)... that shows a lot about someone's character."
We definitely hate to think that there are people out there who would be mean to a waitress or waiter or anyone else who's simply doing the job that they're being paid to do. We wouldn't want to date someone like this and this would absolutely be a first date red flag. It's safe to say that there wouldn't be a second date.
We get why this guy thinks that this is a terrible thing. We've probably all been out with at least one person who was really rude and we didn't want to see them again, so we get that both men and women can do this. Most people would think that this was a turn-off (unless they were really rude themselves, of course, and then they wouldn't even notice).
12 "When all I hear is 'me, me, me.' How great and smart she is, everyone loves her, she's always right, etc."
First dates can be tough since there's a fine line between talking about ourselves to share things and allow our dates to get to know us... and being straight-up conceited.
This guy is talking about the latter, and he's absolutely on the right track when he says that a girl talking way too much about herself is a first date red flag. Most of us would probably get really bored if we were just talking about ourselves since a conversation should be a two-way street and if we're on a first date at all, we probably want to get to know our date. If we don't find out anything about him because we're too busy chattering away, that seems like a wasted opportunity for a love story.
11 "Immediate dealbreakers: rude to waiters, bad mouthing someone for shallow reasons, bragging about cheating someone or slacking at work, judging me, any racist, sexist, nationalistic, classist or xenophobic serious comment."
These things all sound totally horrible, and it's easy to see why this guy thinks that these things are red flags when he's on a first date.
No one wants to date someone who is mean to anyone, let alone waiters, since it would definitely mean dealing with that every single time that we went out for brunch on a Sunday or for dinner on a random Wednesday evening. That doesn't sound like much fun. It's also pretty awful to imagine dating someone who has no work ethic or who will stop at nothing to get what they want. And, of course, being sexist and all the rest is never going to be attractive. He's basically describing the worst person ever, and we agree that we should all steer clear of anyone who fits this description.
10 "You have no idea how much I'm willing to forgive if you're really really hot."
This confession's a little bit different from the rest. This guy says that nothing would be a red flag or dealbreaker for him if he was on a first date with a girl that he found "really really hot."
Yeah, this sounds a bit sexist, because, well, it kind of is. Would guys want us to talk about them that way? Well, maybe some of them would since they might be flattered, but for the most part, we wouldn't find this that flattering. We want guys to like us for more than our physical appearance. As in a lot more. So this wouldn't fly for most of us. It's also kind of confusing that a guy would honestly date someone that weirded him out because of her good looks. Eventually, we're sure that relationship would fail.
9 "Being a crazed Feminist. Like the fanatical kind."
This is also a bit sexist, but we do get where this guy is coming from, right?
When this guy posted this confession in a Reddit AskMen thread, he got some answers from a few others and one guy said that "being a crazed anything" was a big turn-off. While it might sound sexist on the surface, a few guys explained that they meant that they don't appreciate when someone acts like they're horrible just because they're male. And, well, it's hard not to agree with that. Of course, everyone should be a feminist, including men, but lecturing a guy that you're on a first date with about how much men suck is not the best way to forge a lasting connection... or even make it to the second date.
8 "I've found that sheltered middle-class girls, whose dad paid for everything, thus she doesn't understand the value of money, are not compatible with me. That's a red flag."
While this confession is mildly insulting because maybe those girls are actually good people even though they happened to grow up in a wealthy household, we do understand where this guy is coming from. It's not fun to date anyone who is so rich that they don't get that not everyone has the same financial means that they do. That's just ignorant and unfair.
This confession also proves that you do meet people of all kinds and from all walks of life when you're playing the dating game. Even if you have a very specific idea of the kind of person that you want to be with, you're still going to meet other people, and you'll definitely come across people that you don't jive with. It's just part of the whole deal.
7 "Bitten nails = nervy disposition, best avoided."
Hmmm. Do we agree that a girl who bites her nails is "nervy" and "best avoided"? Does this ring true or is this oversimplifying a bit?
The truth is that a lot of us bite our nails or at least we used to. It's one of those bad habits that is really hard to break, but hopefully, we've grown out of it. Sure, we probably all have moments when we bite our nails without even realizing it, and then we're kind of grossed out because, well, let's face it, it's not the best thing to do. We zone out and do it and don't think twice. Does that make us nervous or anxious? Not necessarily. But if this is a red flag for this guy on a first date, that's his opinion, and it seems like it's something that really matters to him.
6 "Unexplainable mood swings."
No one likes someone who's always in a bad mood. That goes for anyone that we come in contact with on a regular basis, from a sibling or more distant relative or even a coworker. It's just not a good time.
We would definitely never want to date a guy who was moody for no reason at all. It sounds like he would basically be the least fun person ever and he would be the opposite of boyfriend material. It's easy to see why this guy considers "unexplainable mood swings" to be a red flag if he's on a first date. This should be on everyone's first date red flag list for sure. It would save so much time and ensure that we knew what we were getting ourselves into.
5 "Going to the washroom as the bill is coming."
Wow. Do women actually do this?! Talk about horrible. It's tough not to agree that this is absolutely a first date red flag.
The question of who pays for dates is so tricky and gets so complicated. Should the guy pay every first date that he goes on? Does that insult the woman because she's got her own money and of course she can afford a few drinks? Or would it be more insulting and awful if the guy didn't offer to pay? Who knows?! This is such a subjective, personal thing, and it sounds like it depends on who you ask. One thing's for sure, though: if anyone goes to the washroom to escape paying the bill entirely, that's just super uncool. There should never be a second date in this scenario.
4 "Look for signs of a lack of empathy with others."
It's fair to say that we all look for a similar quality in the guys that we're dating, and that's someone who is a good, decent person. That always means that they're someone who has a lot of empathy for other people, which would mean that they're caring and compassionate. It also proves that they can understand someone else's POV.
If that's not the case, we would think that the guy was a total jerk and wouldn't want to date him, so it's easy to see why a guy wouldn't want to date a girl who had no empathy for other people. Honesty, that person kind of sounds like a monster, and they're definitely not going to be getting any second dates with that kind of bad attitude.
3 "I deal with this in two ways, depends on where my head is at the moment. Am I looking just to get some action, or am I maybe looking for a gf? If the former, she could say just about anything and I wouldn't care."
We've probably all wondered if guys think about girls differently depending on whether they want something casual (aka they just want to hook up) or if they want a serious relationship. Thanks to this guy's confession, we know that's really the case.
This guy is okay with red flags if he wants to hook up because, well, that's what he's thinking about. It's easy to see that this is true for a lot of guys. It sounds kind of icky for sure but, hey, that's what happens sometimes. Guys who want to have a girlfriend think a lot more seriously about red flags, which makes sense since we do the same thing when we're looking for a real partner. It's not like we want to date just anyone. We want to make sure that they're cool, decent people.
2 "The only red flag I see is her unwillingness to pay for dates. I'll see if she'll pay on the third before bailing."
This guy answered someone's post in a Reddit thread about being unsure if a girl was girlfriend material or if everything that she did was a red flag. It does suck to hear that there are people who never want to pay for dates and who never even offer. Who honestly believes that's okay?!
Sure, we might think that it's sweet and romantic when a guy pays on the first date... and maybe he'll even pay on the second and third, too. But honestly, we should always offer, and we should always say thank you and be polite and appreciative of the whole thing. Otherwise, we look like spoiled brats who expect everyone to always pay for us, and that's not attractive at all and not a way to get a second date.
1 "I know it's a bit judgmental but I don't like smoking and if she smokes regularly there's a good chance it won't work out."
Most of us would agree that this statement isn't judgmental at all. If you think that smoking is gross and that's a turn-off for you, that's the way that you feel and there's nothing wrong with that. You have a right to your opinion and your feelings, especially about something that is such a big part of someone's life.
If someone smokes and you date them, you're of course going to be kissing them, so... it makes sense that this guy wouldn't want to date a girl who smokes. That's just common sense. Sure, of course, someone might quit smoking if they fall for someone who considers smoking to be a red flag or dealbreaker, but that might be wishful thinking in some cases. Otherwise, it's fair to look for a non-smoker for sure.