There are questions that straight girls have from time to time while wondering how it would feel to be with a woman whether physically or emotionally. But where do you start and how do you ask a lesbian a question without being invasive? Let's just throw all of them on the table and I will attempt to answer, as an out bi woman. While I go through these, try to flip the script and pretend a lesbian is asking you any of the following questions. Here are 15 questions people may have for lesbians but are too scared to ask.
15 Can You Only Do Tribadism?
Lesbian women don't practice tribadism (scissor) in the bedroom, but there's certainly no one way to do something either. This is an imaginary sex position that a heteronormative society created out of sheer ignorance, and while in heterosexual adult films, they will try to tell you this is for sure how lesbians get down, you're wrong my friend, but you can probably use your imagination to figure it out.
14 Are You Hitting On Me?
You may be the hot straight friend - ok. But this doesn't mean that your lesbian friend wants to take you back to her place and do a little more than a friendly slumber party. Just like straight people, every lesbian has a type. You've got the ones looking for long hair, a master's degree, into BDSM, into commitment, you name it.
13 Do You Go To Church?
While most lesbians may cringe with disappointment at this question, the truth is, every lesbian is entitled to their religious beliefs and spirituality the same way straight people are. Now, do they go to church... isn't that a personal preference regardless of your sexuality?
12 Was It Hard To Come Out?
Coming out is really not as smooth as straight people may think. It's usually clumsy and ends terribly, but sometimes in the rare occasion that you're surrounded by non-dismissive or negative people, the experience is exhilarating and has helped so many people clear their conscience and find a supportive community.
11 Are You Into Polyamory?
Unless the lesbian you plan on asking has openly told you she's down for polyamory or just a good time, I would refrain from asking this. This is important - while many lesbians face criticism that their love or attraction for women is deviant and freaky, they are people and very in touch with their preference, right to consent and emotions. Don't reduce your lesbian experience to sex. Lesbians have much more to offer.
10 Do You Think You're Going Through A Phase?
Many people within the LGBT community have heard their family and friends call it a phase when they initially come out, but when you're able to see lesbian love and attraction as a legitimate and real thing that has been with her since she could open her eyes, you have to ask yourself, would you like someone to ask you if your attraction for men is "just a phase?" Probably not, right? Think about it.
9 Who's The Bottom And Who's The Top?
Call it wild, but many lesbians believe in sharing roles and, hold on to your seat, being both the top and the bottom. It's really up to the person and you will probably also see both parties wearing pants one day and maybe a dress the next. You just never know. Living in a patriarchal society, it's difficult for people to operate without having the ability to categorize, and when we see lesbians, many people will assume there must be a "boy" and a "girl." This is false.
8 Do You Shave Your Armpits?
Lesbians will groom as they please, just like straight people will. Every woman has had a time or two where they just said to hell with everything and gone a few days - heck, maybe a week or more. It's up to the person. A woman is perfectly entitled to not shave their underarms if it's empowering or if they simply don't feel like it.
7 Can I Watch?
No. Boys are notorious for this line. It goes from "Hi, whats your name?" to "Can I watch?" in 10 seconds flat once you say you're a lesbian. You don't realize how creepy and disturbed you sound asking this question. That's as if I call my friend up and say "hey, about tonight...can I sit on your sofa and watch you and your boyfriend get it on? I think it's entertaining." Stop reducing the attraction for the same sex to intercourse or oral. This question gets very old and it's important to acknowledge when you're being invasive.
6 Have You Always Been A Lesbian?
I feel like this question is acceptable to a degree, but really though, it probably happened around the time you were crushing on the idiot kid that summer on the playground. It's really the same attraction just with the same sex.
5 Do You Still Want A Family?
I've always wanted a family for myself and this is highly likely to happen if I ever find Mrs. Right. Thankfully there are a variety of options like adoption and insemination that give happy, and I mean sincerely happy lesbian couples the family they have always or maybe even just recently wanted. Cheers to that.
4 Do You Find Men Attractive?
Absolutely! Lesbians can acknowledge the fact that a man is physically attractive (cough Ryan Gosling) but that doesn't mean you'd want to try the being straight thing for a man when you know in your heart you're into women. There are many many qualities a woman brings to a relationship that a man will never be able to bring. That's okay because it can be vice versa. No hard feelings, guys.
3 Why Are You So Feminine?
I'm personally not a huge fan of pink but I know lesbians who are huge fans and don nothing but. You are going to meet lesbians in dresses, cargos, basketball shorts, leggings and even in office wear. You will even meet lesbians who never skip their manicure. EVery lesbian is a little different from the next and just like straight women, there's a spectrum of masculine and feminine traits.
2 How Do You Have Real Intercourse?
Sex has always been defined differently depending on who you're asking. It doesn’t take a male unit and penetration to make sex what it is. In fact, think about the last time you’ve genuinely reached a climax via penetration versus stimulation. According to Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First, 80% of women cannot orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. Let that be some food for thought. With lesbian sex, the sky's the limit.Do You Think This Is Happening Because The Right Man Hasn't Come Along?
1 Is It Because You Haven't Found The Right Guy?
The answer to this question is no. You can be confident in knowing that we will never ask you if you're sure you're straight because the right woman hasn't come along. When you know you know, and chances are the attraction goes wayyyyy back. Lesbians are perfectly satisfied with meeting the right woman and building an awesome family if they choose.