When you go from just casually dating a guy to actually being his girlfriend, it's a big move. It's a huge transition. It is life changing! And it takes a lot of guts for a guy to put himself out there and ask you to make things official. He has to really put his heart on the line. For some guys, it seems like they can't wait to lock it down. But for many guys, they really have to weigh the pros and cons before they decide to give up bachelorhood and give monogamy a try. What's there to weigh? A lot.
As amazing as you are, your guy is probably still going to need some time to make up his mind. But remember that there's a difference between thoughtfully considering a life choice and putting it off entirely. If you've gone on enough dates with this guy and he's still stringing you along, move on. You don't need to waste your time on someone who isn't ready to commit if that's what you're looking for. But if you have been on a few dates and you're wondering what's going on, here are 15 questions your guy is running through his head before he officially asks you to be his girlfriend.
15 "Do I See A Future With Her?"
We like to think that guys aren't able to look to the future or be sentimental. But it's not true. A guy who wants to make you his girlfriend is looking forward to doing boyfriend/girlfriend things with you. He wants to open presents with you on Christmas morning. He wants to go on a trip to Mexico with you. He wants to introduce you to the rest of his family. He's excited about those things! He might not be picking out baby names or planning your wedding, but he is looking forward to the future. And when he thinks about his future, are you in it? He's not going to waste his time making something official with you if he can't see you in his future, at least for the next little while.
14 "What's Going To Change?"
One fear guys have when they ask the girl they're dating to be their girlfriend is how that will change their relationship. Are you suddenly going to start checking in on him and demanding he spend time with only you? Are you going to force him to stop talking to other women? Are you going to stop shaving your legs or wearing a bra? Men are scared of change. Some guys have to go through the worst case scenario in their mind. They've seen their buddies go from fun and outgoing bachelors to totally whipped boyfriends and they don't want to be next. If you think your guy is struggling with this, assure him that there won't be any huge chances. And all of the little changes will be for the better. He'll still get to be his independent self, just with you by his side.
13 "Do I Have The Time To Invest In A Relationship Right Now?"
Does your guy have the time to be your boyfriend? Is he able to commit to texting all day long, phone calls every night and dates every other night? It's a big commitment! All that girlfriend/boyfriend stuff takes a lot of time, energy and money. Playing the field might take more work up front but you can slack off for a few weeks and it doesn't matter at all. When you're single, you don't have to worry about texting someone, calling them, going on dates, remembering their birthdays, buying gifts or anything like that. You just do you. But being in a relationship does take time. If he likes you enough, he'll make the time for you, even if he's super busy with work or other things. If he says he's too busy, he's not worth it.
12 "Have We Shared Something Personal?"
Your guy is going to feel a lot more bonded to you if the two of you share something personal. Maybe he told you about his dad who passed away and you two hugged while he cried a little bit. Manly tears, of course. Or maybe you really opened up to each other about your dreams of starting your own business, even though you've never shared that with anyone. Those personal connections mean something to your guy, just like they mean something to you too. Sure, you two can be really physically attracted to one another and share lots of laughs on your date. But if you don't have a serious connection, there's no point. He's not just looking for someone to date anymore, he's looking for a girlfriend. Are you someone who is going to support him and have his back?
11 "Is This Moving Too Fast?"
The commitment-phobe in every man is going to trigger this question. Is your relationship moving too fast? Is it way too soon for these boyfriend and girlfriend labels? Maybe it is. Maybe you're reading this list on your way home from you first date. In that case, we invite you to take the above GIF to heart. But maybe it's not. Maybe you two have been going on dates for a couple of months now and you still have no clue whether or not you're officially an exclusive couple. It's driving you crazy! You're not sure whether you should still be on Tinder. You're not sure if you should ask him to come over for the holidays. You have no idea what to call him when you run into someone you know on the street. So you stammer and say, "This is my, uh, well, this is my...Joshua." Nice try.
10 "What Don't I Know About Her?"
Your guy wants to make sure he knows all of the important things about you before he locks it down. It would be awful to ask you to be his girlfriend and then find out something deal-breaking - like the fact that you're planning to move across the country next summer. Of course, he'll learn lots about you once you are his girlfriend. But he wants to know the big things beforehand. That's the whole point of the dating stage of the relationship - it's where you learn all about each other. So by now he should know some of the essentials like where you work, what you do for fun and your last name. But he might be scared that you have something hiding in the closet. Do you? Disclose it now before things go too far!
9 "If I Don't, Will Someone Else?"
If he doesn't lock it down and make it exclusive, will some other guy come along and steal you? It's sad to think this way but yes, scarcity is as real in our dating lives as it is in economics. If your guy knows he can take his time being casual with you because there's no one else in the picture, then he might just do that. But if he knows you're seeing other guys, swiping away on Tinder and getting hit on at the bar, he's going to step up his game. He'll know he needs to act fast to seal the deal with you before someone else can beat him to it. We're not saying you should play mind games here, but it definitely doesn't hurt to let your guy know that you are a hot commodity. He shouldn't expect you to just sit around and wait for him.
8 "Does She Fit In With My Friends?"
Unlike with his family, he doesn't need his friends to absolutely love you. But he does need to make sure that you can fit in well with them. Basically, he wants to still be able to hang out with his friends so he's hoping he can still do that with you. No one wants to date someone who makes them give up all of their friends. We hate that person who gets a new partner and goes AWOL on the social group. So your guy wants to make sure that doesn't happen. Will you let him go out to the bar with his buddies every now and then? And more importantly, will you be down to go too? He wants to make sure you can fit in with his crew, even if they are belching, fist bumping and trying to flirt with the hot bartender.
7 "Am I Ready To Be Exclusive?"
Is he ready to give up dating other people? Making you his girlfriend means not making any other girl his girlfriend. So if he has some prospects in mind, he might not be ready to be exclusive. If your guy is still dating other people or swiping away on Tinder, that means he's still interested in what else is out there. Early in your dating life, this is totally fine. But if he wants to make things official with you and only you, he should be ready to put everyone else aside. So before he makes you his girlfriend, he needs to make sure he can be exclusive to just you. He needs to break things off with anyone else he is seeing. He needs to delete his Tinder profile. And he needs to envision his life with only you in it from here on out.
6 "Will My Mom Like Her?"
Even the most macho man cares what his mom thinks. And if he wants you in his life as a serious girlfriend, he's going to want his mom to like you. If he's close with his mom, this is a necessity. But even if he only sees his mom for the holidays, he still cares about her opinion. Moms are important. They hold a lot of power in a man's life. Those sheets you sleep on when you stay over at his house? Yeah, his mom probably bought those for him. The fact that he's able to do a load of laundry - you can thank his mom! So your guy is going to want to make sure that you get the mom stamp of approval. If he's confident he could bring you home and you'd make a good impression, that's another point in your box for becoming a girlfriend.
5 "Does She Like Me Enough?"
Guys are terrified of rejection. So before he asks you to be his girlfriend, he definitely wants to make sure you're going to say yes. He'll be crushed if he works up the courage to ask and you turn him down. He's not going into this thing until he knows you are 100% for sure, no doubt about it, absolutely saying yes to being his girlfriend. He may wait until you've gone on so many dates you just assume that you're officially boyfriend and girlfriend. If you think your guy is wrestling with this question, let him know how you feel. Tell him that you really like him. Make it obvious that you are interested in a relationship. Assure him that there is no one else in the picture. And if you're feeling up to it, ask him to be your boyfriend. There's no rule that you have to wait.
4 "Am I Over My Ex?"
Not every man is going to be introspective enough to check in and make sure that he's emotionally over his ex-girlfriend and ready to move on. But if he's always thinking about his ex, bringing her up or trying to run into her, he'll probably figure out that he's not over her yet. Sadly, this question doesn't have anything to do with you. So there's nothing you can do or say that will make him get over his ex if he's still got lingering feelings. It's all about the timing. If he's fresh out of a break up and you can tell he's still pining after her, that's not someone you want to be with anyway. You don't want to be worried about him going back to her. Move on!
3 "Is She Attractive Enough?"
Obviously if this guy is seeing you, he thinks you're attractive. But when he's sitting back on the couch and trying to decide if he wants to be exclusive with you, he's going to be considering your looks. Yes, it's superficial. But it happens. That's just how the male brain works. He's going to have a think back and really assess your physical attributes. When he closes his eyes maybe he's remembering your smile, your soft hair or that tiny dimple you have when you laugh. And of course he's thinking about how awesome you looked in your tight black jeans on your first date. This is one of those questions that should be easy for your guy to answer. If he's not attracted to you physically, we doubt he'd have let it get this far.
2 "Am I Over Being Single?"
A lot changes when he goes from a single guy to a boyfriend. Is he ready for that? Giving up his bachelor status is a big thing your guy has to think about. A lot of guys really find their identity in being single. They lean into bachelorhood and would have a hard time giving it all up. Maybe the bros always hang out at his place. Or maybe it's a running joke that he only wears sweatpants and flip flops when he goes out. That's all going to change if he has a girlfriend. He won't be the single guy anymore. Is he ready to give that up? Maybe he likes being the bachelor and doing things all by himself. Is he ready for someone else in his life?
1 "Do I Have To?"
For some guys, they're not going to do anything until they absolutely have to. So he's not going to ask you to be his girlfriend and put a label on your relationship unless he has to. Are you making him? Are you telling him it's time to DTR? Is it girlfriend or you're gone? Good for you! If you're sick of waiting around, you should give him an ultimatum. Of course, if this is after the first date, you're probably asking for too much. But if it's time that you two figure out what's happening, it's totally fair for you to ask. If your guy isn't sure he wants to be with you, hear him out. But also, be ready to cut him loose. You don't want to be with a guy who isn't sure about you, right?