It’s undeniable that pregnancy is one of the most beautiful experiences any woman will ever encounter. Sorry, guys. Fatherhood is great and all, but men never get to experience the wonders of carrying a child in their womb. They don’t get to develop a relationship with the baby before they are born. They don’t feel that immense life coursing through their veins. It’s just different for women. We become one with that baby from the point of conception.
Thus, it’s not a surprise that women want to celebrate this event in their lives in as many ways as they can. They are thrilled to announce the news to family and friends. They can’t wait for the gender reveal party. They want nothing more than a beautiful birth experience that they’ll remember forever and recount to their mommy friends in future years.
One of the most popular ways women celebrate their pregnancies is with photography. They want keepsakes that they can cherish forever which showcase the curves their bodies took on to support that life. They want to remember that bump and all of its splendor. Unfortunately, not every photographer is created equally. Some of them have zero business capturing moms-to-be on film. These are just a few of the worst pregnancy photo shoots we have ever seen.
15 Daddy Bares All
As beautiful as the scenery is, and as serene as proud papa’s expression is, is anyone going to tell him he isn’t the one carrying the baby? Even though the experience isn’t exactly the same for Dad, sometimes they can experience the same things Mom experiences during pregnancy, like a beautiful photo shoot in the park by the canal!
Some dads take sharing the burden quite literally, and if he is a stand-in for Mama, kudos to this couple! Mom is probably home, working on carving a wooden pack ‘n play with her bare hands and firing up the barbecue after this photo shoot. The tube top does look a bit too restricting, so thanks to Dad for going au natural and taking one for the family. This photo shoot is definitely going in the baby shower slide show.
14 Cats In The Cradle
This couple is going to be really disappointed when a human baby comes out and not a litter of kittens. I hope the vet tells them right meow, before they are too invested in the idea. One positive thing about these two human-cats becoming parents? They’re going to save a lot of money on diapers because litter boxes are way less expensive.
As long as Dad or Mom stays loyal and isn’t a cheetah they should have a long and happy life together and be one great big happy cat family. One day, when they’re perusing their baby books, they’ll see this picture and remember all over again what a great mistake they made. But who are we to judge? What if this is from a production of Cats? Either way, this photo is literal proof that humans need a permit to procreate.
13 Pregnancy Is Not A Beach And This Is Not The Boardwalk
This photo is just too dorky to be anything at all, and only raises more questions. Is this a beach themed shoot? Is that carpet supposed to be sand? Is that a bathing suit? Why is dad topless? Is this Gillian Andersen doing a promotional shoot for The Monopoly Movie? Do not pass go; do not pass Boardwalk or Park Place, or anything.
Just don’t go anywhere for a minute. Is this a circus themed picture with the strongman and the pregnant mermaid? It’s difficult to say, but we do know one thing. When the baby goes to the beach with Dom and Dad, he will be stopped by a lot of people because everyone will think Dana Scully is his mother. Hopefully, this photo will be chucked along with the X-Files — never to be seen again.
12 Saddle Up, Cowgirl
We’re not so sure of the theme here. We are sure whatever was attempted in this photo shoot is absolutely terrible. At first glance, this photo looks like it’s cowboy themed. Upon closer examination, Dad is wearing camouflage shorts or underwear, and a fedora.
Then, Mom is wearing what some may call, a summer straw Vaudeville hat, and black bottoms of sorts. The belly shirt — well, it’s not cowboy themed. That’s for sure. We are positive about a couple things though.
Dad is an oiled-up stripper and Mom’s seems like she is smoking a cigar. Even if she isn’t smoking a cigar and it’s just a prop, she should be convicted of having terrible taste. This photo has been known to cause physical pain in anyone looking at it. So, try not to stare for too long.
11 Channeling Scott Peterson
When some dads find out they’re going to have a girl, they take protecting their baby girl’s chastity very seriously. Once that pee-stick shows the two very clear pink lines, and the ultra sounds shows the very clear three lines that are telltale of a girl, Dad heads to the gun show and stock piles on baby girl’s deflowering defense hardware.
Sympathy pregnancy to this dad means if she is carrying a baby, he should be carrying something, too — weapons. Both should need permits to have any more children after this picture was taken. Where is the mother’s father in all of this? Is that her father?
There are so many unanswered questions with this photograph. Nothing attests to a new father’s dedication to protecting his family and home as much as this photograph, taken by a hostage negotiator on the SWAT Team. Just Kidding, folks! Maybe...
10 Some Dads Take Catching The Baby Seriously
Competitive jock Dad is going to be disappointed when he finds out the baby just doesn’t shoot across the room. Also, from the size of her belly, the baby is going to be bigger than a baseball. When playing baseball, it’s probably best to wear clothes and the proper gear. We’re not quite sure if he is preparing for her to give birth on the field or just really wants to catch the baby.
Daddy’s not going to be too much of a team player when Mommy doesn’t want to hit home runs every night after the baby is born, though. Likewise, we have no idea how he got her to be on board with this photo shoot. When it comes to safety — or good taste — these two parents are striking out. Okay, enough with the baseball analogies, but they started it.
9 I'll Be Your Honey Bee
Honey, please hurry, take the picture, there’s a bee on me. As natural and beautiful as pregnancy is, and as natural and important as pollination is, they don’t necessarily have to go together. If she survived, (we don’t actually know) we would probably chalk this one up to, “What was I thinking?” when she shows the grown child in her belly the photo — or maybe even right after the photo itself was taken, or during the trip to the hospital in the ambulance.
Pregnancy can be uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t sting. At least, not like this. We all want our babies to come out sweet and all natural, but this mom is going the extra mile for organic. Hey, we can appreciate that. Does anyone else hear that buzzing sound?
8 Keepin It Just A Little Too Real
The reason for pregnancy photos is so we can show our little ones what it was like before they were born. What was Mom was thinking, eating and doing before their lives were changed forever? The arrival of their new bundle of joy for sure will change it for the better. But writing down what life was like the year they were born can be fun.
For example, what was the going rate for the world’s ugliest tattoo on his mother? Was it more than the cost of tattoo removal she will want when she is off the pain meds and realizes what a giant mistake it was? This particular photograph, however, captures the memory of just how stupid she was before their baby was born. If this is a picture of a baby coming out of a vagina on her stomach, we’d hate to see what is on her vagina if she has a C-Section.
7 Stunt Double Daddy
One important thing we want to teach our children is to love their bodies. And to love their body so much, that they Photoshop their father’s head onto it for the maternity photo shoot. She has her mother’s legs, and her father’s… beard?
This is another way Dad can equally carry the burden of pregnancy — by believing he is pregnant through photography. Who knows, maybe it isn’t Dad’s head superimposed onto Mom’s body. Maybe it’s Mom after a terrible hormonal overdose of sorts and she just sprouted a few chin hairs, and an Adam’s apple. We aren’t really supposed to judge, but can you not?
From the looks of it, this couple likely has a sense of humor. We love that in parents. They’ll need it. Soon, their entire lives will be consumed with baby vomit, poop and 2AM feedings. But seriously, this isn’t funny now. Here’s to hoping it is in twenty years.
6 Mommy Wears Granny's Panties
The real purpose of granny panties is an emergency shelter for a party of four to six people — and of course, comfort. Someone forgot to tell this lady that she isn’t a marsupial. Possibly, she wanted support, or to hide her stretch marks and also record how large her belly was getting with the baby inside it.
All of which is not too bad. She is someone’s mother and it was beautiful how she wanted to record it, despite her underwear reaching her chin. Maybe she is hiding veins or fat or whatever other silly things some people don’t deem as beautiful.
But, hopefully after this picture was taken, she gave birth because those undies look a little maxed out and ready to be retired into the garbage — or to help a soldier in need of a parachute.
5 Welcome, Baby Wookie
There is no caption or explanation for this. This is not a wolf boy of Mexico, or a wolf mother or Chewbacca’s mother. We are not actually sure what is happening here, but we hope she is still able to breathe and that while she is in the hospital after the baby is born, she gets it taken care of.
No one talked about this in any child birthing class. Is this some fancy new trend? Does it help with Hypnobirthing? Can you get gas and air through that mask? Will they make you remove it along with your jewelry for a C-section?
It’s possible this mom wanted to hide her identity because she is in a cult and running away in the witness protection program. Maybe it’s some mom’s idea of a joke, but still, it’s alarming and way too furry. To think some women worry about shaving for labor!
4 Wednesday Addams - As A Mother
There are hobbies, and then there are lifestyles. Although these are a little dark, it seems as though Mom and Dad aren’t aware that baby is probably going to come out pink, healthy and beautiful, sans eyeliner and armor.
Mom and Dad intend on having their baby on The Wall because Daddy went and joined the Nights Watch without consulting mommy. Even though the Renaissance Fair is over, this couple is more than likely having their baby in a hospital, just in case Mom’s ye olde water breaks.
We’re wondering if Uncle Fester could serve as a doula on the side. Do you think Grandma Morticia and Grandpa Gomez will come see the new mom and baby during visiting hours, or is daylight just too harsh for the Addams folk? Hot Topic has a really good maternity leave program, so this mom should be fine.
3 When Mommy Really Likes That Band
Mommy liked the band so much, she forgot which one of the members is the baby daddy. Which one of the members of Insane Clown Posse is the baby’s father? Fortunately, someone took an account of his face on her belly. Unfortunately again, they were still wearing a mask in the sketch.
Forget the gender reveal party. How about a father reveal party? Mom’s going to need some prenatal vitamins and a healthy transformation before this baby is born. Maybe the picture will help her on her way. But please, no yo mama wears combat boots jokes or she’s likely to lose her shit — and not just during labor.
Hey, for all we know, she was on her way to an ICP concert and wanted to get dolled up for the occasion. Whatever floats your boat. After all, her baby dad is a Juggalo.
2 Bey - Queen? Or Crazy?
Even queens can have an off-color day. We know Beyoncé is beautiful and seemingly perfect, and a good mom to boot, but this photograph is probably one of those instances that makes her human. And it’s caught in a picture! That’s because perfect Beyoncé made a huge mistake by taking this photo!
She is still beautiful, but what is she laying on? A cake? What’s that about? A perfect person made a mistake? We can all breathe a sigh of relief because we know she isn’t free of flaws. The color coordination is painful, and makes us cringe.
She’s uncomfortable and her body is kind of bent, and that should make us all a little happy. Not sure if we are going for a Baroque Classical feel, or the Michael’s Craft store phony floral arrangement clearance aisle. Damn, though. This imperfection makes her perfect again.
1 Tired Little Pumpkin
Having one child is tough, but having two is a game changer. Nothing says I’m going to be a big brother, more than a doped-up kid on Benadryl in a pumpkin patch. Big brother isn’t really feeling the new addition to the family, but from the looks of it, he isn’t really feeling much of anything. Where is this pumpkin patch? In the middle of a poppy field in the land of Oz?
Could he possibly be sad that his mom appears to be the Headless Horseman? Even mythical Halloween ghosts need maternity photo shoots. Curse or not, Mom is going to need her head if she plans on raising two of these little pumpkins. So, she better pick one quickly. It won’t be long before little Ichabod falls asleep, though. So, time is of the essence.