Attention all Walmart shoppers! …wait, are we at the right store? This isn’t Walmart, is it? Where are we…wait, Target???
That’s right – People of Walmart, meet People of Target, who can sometimes be just as crazy as their blue compatriots.
Target works very hard on its branding. If you’ve seen any Target commercial, you know what we’re getting at. The commercials always feature very trendy, albeit generic, people living a happy lifestyle filled with things that you can easily buy in an afternoon if left to your own devices. The people are always happy to be wearing Target brands in an aesthetically pleasing fashion paired with happy smiles and upbeat music that makes you say “I want to be a part of this, too!”
Unfortunately, not everyone gets the memo sometimes. If you go into a Walmart wearing pajama pants and yesterday’s makeup, nobody will bat an eye. But Target? You gotta try a little bit. Seriously – if women could sneak a glass of wine in with their carts and kids in tow, they would. It’s not just a store, it’s almost a lifestyle. An obsession. An identifier of someone’s personality.
So it’s easy to think that Target and Walmart are completely different beasts, but wouldn’t you know it? Walmart shoppers: they’re just like us! Or Target shoppers are just like them? However you want to say it, say it surrounded by classless shoppers with red carts. Because even though both stores have great sales, neither of them appear to sell taste, style, grace, and class. Here’s 15 people who could certainly benefit from these qualities, though!
15. Larry Potter and the Hat From Clearance
We actually kind of like this one. For one thing, he’s got spunk. Like we immediately thought Harry Potter when we saw this just because of the hat, but obviously there’s so much more to this than first meets the eye. For one thing, the hat matches the tank top. We repeat: The hat matches the tank top. This wonderful person coordinated their bizarre hat to their ill-fitting tank top. Like they put careful thought into this outfit.
We’re also just kidding about liking this. Really, it’s horrendous and we wouldn’t be seen with this on at any point in our lives. But we love the thought that was put into it because this outfit, we can guarantee, was 100% coordinated. Why this was thought to be a good idea is still a mystery, but it’s the thought that counts.
14. Clean Up Your Kid On Aisle 3
As much as we want to cut this one some slack, we kind of can’t. For one thing, it’s a kid, so it’s not that they really know any better, right? But that’s why parents exist – they’re supposed to teach their kids how to behave and what to do in social situations.
So even though the parent isn’t the one rolling around on the floor or on the bottom of the cart, it reflects poorly on them. Why can’t they teach their kids how not to be sub-human? Like we can hear the tantrums through the monitor. It’s annoying.
We’re sympathetic to mothers everywhere, but we promise there are well-behaved children in the world. They do exist. This is simply not one of them, and maybe they should learn some manners before joining society. It’s the right thing to do.
13. Heart Hurr, Don’t Curr
We’re not hair stylists. We don’t know how much work goes into hairdos and things like this. One thing we do know, however, is drawing attention to ourselves in the correct way. This woman is definitely experimenting with bold hair styles, but she looks more like a Who down in Whoville and less like a runway model. Like what made her think this would be a great idea? Even on Valentine’s Day this would be inappropriate.
We’re also a bit perplexed over the Cheerios jacket. Breakfast cereals are tasty, sure, but who loves them this much except Jerry Seinfeld? And even then, there are better cereals to love…Cheerios are just so bland. Maybe that hair is expressing her love for Cheerios and not Target? Ahh, we’ve overthought this one. But there’s just so much going on here that it’s easy to do!
12. No Shirt, No Problem?
Most stores have a policy that states “no shoes, no shirt, no service”. Apparently Target isn’t so strict on this rule because this cavorting grandma and grandpa are quite underdressed. Sure, maybe they’re on vacation and they’re just running in to get sunscreen so they can get right back out to the pool. But seriously – you can’t put on a tee shirt? No? Not even just a hoodie? Too much?
There are people that complain about Target allowing breast-feeding in the stores, right? Wonder if they’ll complain about grandpa’s man-boobs hanging out for all to see. It’s just…so…who shops like this? Shirts are usually fairly cheap at Target. It wasn’t possible for him to buy one while he was picking up his grocery items? Why does grandma watch silently and not say anything? There’s just so many questions here!
11. Pattern Palooza
Hey, we get it. Target has a lot of pretty, albeit useless, crap that we just feel like we have to buy. Those impulses are really hard to ignore. So it’s only natural that people want to load up when they see something they like. But to match the very items that you’re purchasing? Wow, talk about tacky.
Okay, so maybe she’s not a perfect match, but if she put all her things down and walked away from the cart, someone would be able to track her down and accurately match her chosen items to her based off her outfit alone. Like that’s just above and beyond what’s normal.
We’ve heard of sleeping on the job before, but sleeping on the…shop? Say what? But that’s exactly what this shopper is doing. And rude – he didn’t even take off his shoes! His shoes have been who knows where; walking around dog poop, in a dirty bathroom, or at a zoo…who knows! But it’s certainly unsanitary and now his sandals are up on a pillow that is supposed to be for someone’s head and shoulders. That’s totally gross.
Also, why isn’t this kid getting adequate sleep outside of daily things like shopping? What is this? If the child is this tired, he needs to be sleeping more at night! And in his own bed, not in the pillow and home goods aisle! Like this is just gross. Kind of makes us worry about any pillows we’ve purchased now that we’ve seen this.
9. Real Men Wear Pink…Slippers.
You know that saying? The one that goes “real men wear pink”? Yeah well…this guy took it too far. Like hats off to him though, because he matched his pink shirt to those…things. And it’s not like those slippers are all that bad, it’s just that they’re not real shoes. They’d probably get dirty super quick too – like one step in a puddle and they’re totally ruined. Also…are those poodles? Pink poodles? For real?
Hats off to this guy, because that’s confidence right there. He color coordinated this pink mess and went out in public like it was nothing. We can’t really fault him for that. Oh wait, yes we can. Like what was he thinking? And has anyone said anything to him? Any remarks? No? Just secretly taking photos? Hmph. Shame. Someone’s gotta tell him that this just ain’t right!
8. When Ya Hair Matches Ya Store
Yikes. There’s just so much going on here. This isn’t a hairstyle that just happened, right? Like it required a lot of work. So she knew what she was doing and still went out in public. What’s with the forehead coloration? Like there’s one red line streaking across her forehead in between the weird yellowish/blonde color. Then the red continues to the back where it flows down her shoulders. Which is just so…weird.
And then that shirt. Like…we get it, you smoke weed. Your hair style told us that something was up, but your shirt just overwhelmingly confirmed it. Both your hair and your shirt really need to calm down and go back to Walmart where you won’t stand out. Although that hair does match the store’s branding, so perhaps you’re in the right place after all. Who knows these things.
7. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle (Just Not Like This)
So we have no idea what’s going on here, and this is by far the weirdest entry on the list. Too bad photos rarely give any sort of backstory, and this one really, really, REALLY needed one.
Was there a contest of some sort to make fashion items out of shopping bags? Maybe the winner won a $20 Target gift card? And by the disappointed look on his face, he probably lost. And who knows what the woman he’s talking to looks like, but we can guess she’s pretty disappointed too.
Or maybe he’s legitimately crazy and he’s asking her for some change to buy a decorative pillow or something. Or maybe this is how Target takes care of their shoplifters – by putting them in Target bag straightjackets.
6. Too Bad Class Isn’t On Sale
Ladies and gentlemen, meet Courtney Stodden. We don’t want to fuel this fire too much, so we’ll leave it there, but this is basically her uniform. Extremely high heels and slinky, body-con dresses with a bland, older man in tow. Miss Stodden doesn’t look it, but she’s something of a Z-List celebrity for basically this reason. Which makes her terrible.
Another reason why she’s terrible? She wears this sort of thing in public. And in Target. Now as much as we ride Walmart shoppers and the few Target shoppers that make the list, she really takes the cake. On the surface, she appears beautiful, but beauty and class are two separate things. A classy woman doesn’t dress like this. Amal Clooney? Nope. Michelle Obama? Nuh-uh. Even Melania Trump doesn’t dress this way, and she’s not considered the epitome of classy either.
5. The King Has Returns
You can’t help but smile when you see this one. He’s just so put together. From his oversized crown to his oversized shoes, this guy is the king of fly…and he has some returns to make, it seems!
One thing we could have done without is the morph suit. In the event that you’re not in the know about these items of clothing, morph suits are bodycon suits that can be worn from neck to toe or even head to toe. In this case, he scrubbed the face covering and went for the neck to toe option, but that doesn’t make it less terrible. Okay maybe a little less terrible, but still pretty terrible. Like we’re not interested in what the front looks like…you know, being bodycon and all.
4. Like Daughter, Like Father?
Is this Courtney Stodden’s dad or something? Because they have similar taste in footwear.
It’s funny because there’s a few things to consider here. From the ankle up, this is like your average, mild-mannered suburban dad. He’s probably very calm and subdued, like an accountant or sales manager somewhere. But from the ankle down, he’s thrilling. Exotic. Wild. Exciting. Like he’s just living the dream as a sexy, six inches taller man who don’t need no…man. Or something.
But think about it – any woman wearing these has to be confident to rock them, but a guy? He’s gotta have nerves of steel. Because you know he’s gotta catch flak…on websites. Like this one. In this article. Yet he still does his thing. He dances like no one’s watching and wears heels like no one’s judging. And we totally respect that. Even if it’s weird.
3. We’re Suddenly Craving Ramen Noodles…
We’re torn here. On the one hand, we’re a little jealous of the hair. Not the look of it or anything, because yikes, but the length. That length is basically princess hair, and we all wanted hair that long as kids. Or we wanted it yesterday. Whatever. The point is, it’s kind of miraculous that hair can even get that long, and we wish we could have that for ourselves.
But on the other hand, the hair is also kind of gross. Her hair may be long, but it looks more like ramen noodles and less like hair. We all made fun of Justin Timberlake for his ramen noodle hair days, but at least his hair was short and could have been shaved immediately. With this lady it’s like…you don’t want to lose that length, but that look has def gotta go.
2. How Does That Noise Not Bother Her?!
You know those carts with wheels that old ladies like to drag around? The ones that are made of plastic and looks like…well, look like what this woman has? Well what she’s dragging around isn’t that. It’s the basket holder that keeps the baskets in a convenient place, and she has not one, but two baskets she’s inadvertently dragging around because she has no idea what she’s doing.
It doesn’t even have wheels! That’s the crazy part in all this. It doesn’t have wheels. It’s not made for the purpose she’s using it for. So if it doesn’t have wheels, it must be making a terrible noise. But she’s just like doing it anyway. That’s so crazy. She must be deaf or have ears of steel. Also why hasn’t anyone told her that she shouldn’t use it for that? Just…wow.
1. Amendment 2 Meets Aisle 2
This guy is certainly making a statement, and it isn’t about his fashion sense. We’re hoping people stayed away from him during the Black Friday sales and let him have his freakin’ Hatchimals, because who knows what he would have done if he didn’t get his way.
It’s pretty crazy that someone would think it’s okay to carry a gun in a crowded area like that. Even if it isn’t loaded, it’s still psychologically terrifying. One can only assume they’re just carrying these to express their love of the second amendment, but with all the mass shooters that you read about in the media, it’s not even funny anymore. There’s no problem with concealed weapons since those are easy to keep in a purse or pocket, but this can provide mental trauma to the person that has had to deal with gun violence in their past. Like we get it, you’re compensating. Oi.
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