The woman that a man cheats with, commonly referred to as the other woman, often receives more backlash than the unfaithful man himself. Whether you agree with this or not, you would probably assume that the woman having the affair or the one night stand with a taken man would end up feeling guilty at some point. After all, she is taking part in something that’s going to break somebody’s heart, even if she doesn’t know them.
Shockingly, a number of women have confessed to getting it on with married men or men in relationships, and claim that they aren’t sorry at all. They have no regrets and no guilt.
Their reasons vary—some make them seem selfish beyond belief, while others might actually be thought-provoking. Read on to hear why these 15 other women aren’t sorry that they got involved with men, knowing that they had wives and girlfriends at home.
15 Not Her Problem
According to one woman who published an open letter on Thought Catalogue about why she’s not sorry, you can’t feel guilty if it’s not your problem. “Most of the time I didn’t know the girlfriend, so I didn’t care,” she wrote, explaining that she didn’t know the other person in the equation getting hurt personally, so she couldn’t bring herself to feel bad about it.
In her letter, she pointed out that the other woman gets all of the blame when in reality, it should be the man who is looked down upon. “Most of the time, it is not the other woman’s fault. She is not the one in the relationship. She knows where she stands. She wants to experience someone and doesn’t stop even though she knows there’s a possibility she’ll receive some spiteful calls from a crazy girlfriend the next morning,” she said, stating that at the end of the day, she didn’t care because, “…well, it wasn’t my problem.”
14 It’s All About Power
Another woman who anonymously admitted to getting involved with a married man spoke about her experience online. And for her, it’s all about the power and thrill that comes with being the other woman. “I’m a mistress. I love having that power over him and knowing that he prefers me to what he’s got at home.”
Sure, in some cases a man might prefer his mistress to his wife. In others, he might just be in a sad marriage and looking to take whatever he can get—that might not have anything to do with the allure of the mistress. You might have thought that most certainly, everyone involved in an affair feels bad at some point. But as you can see, that isn’t true! This woman, in particular, isn’t at all concerned with the hurt that the man’s wife would likely be going through—just the excitement of being wanted by him in the first place.
13 It’s The Wife’s Fault
Believe it or not, some mistresses actually believe that they are in the right and the person to blame is the wife of the man they’re sleeping with. “I’m the other woman and no I am not ruining the relationship…” confessed one unidentified woman. “The wife did that herself.” Yikes, that’s definitely quite a big statement to make!
Of course, the victim of cheating isn’t always entirely innocent. Maybe they’ve abused their spouse in some other way, or maybe they’ve cheated themselves. That doesn’t mean that cheating on them back is the right thing to do on the husband’s part, and it doesn’t miraculously make someone who’s cheating with a married man into a saint. If the marriage is breaking down on its own, which it very well might be, there are other options to consider besides affairs—counselling, time apart or divorce for example. Infidelity just causes more pain and tension for the family than there was before.
12 It Doesn’t Hurt
One woman who opened up about her life as a mistress online stated that she doesn’t regret her lifestyle because she actually prefers it to being somebody’s legitimate partner. She’d rather do what she’s doing because girlfriends and wives fall in love with their significant others and end up getting hurt, whereas as the mistress, she never does. “Sometimes I like being the other woman because I don’t have to worry about getting hurt or having feelings,” she said.
Not wanting to get into a relationship because you’re afraid of being hurt is understandable, considering the pain some people have been through. But in that case, why not just find someone else who wants the same thing and isn’t already tied down to someone else, so your actions don’t contribute to the pain of another? And being a mistress doesn’t automatically mean you don’t have feelings for who you’re involved with…
11 She Knew Him First
Sometimes, the other woman knows that she’s hurting his partner, but she loves him so much herself that she doesn’t care. “I loved him before you knew him,” confessed one mistress in an open letter to his girlfriend. “I loved him when there was another you, and when there was a different other you before that. I’ve been in relationships and I’ve been in love with others, yet still loved him. I’ve been the other girl long before you if I can even be called that.”
This confession goes to show that people are willing to get involved with those who are in relationships for all sorts of reasons, and some of them are sad. Watching someone who’s the love of your life be with someone else is heartbreaking, to say the least. At this point it comes down to a matter of morals: does your need for this particular person overrule your compassion for others? And if he is the love of your life, are you really his if he can’t commit to you after all this time?
10 It’s the Husband’s Fault
Sometimes the other woman does feel guilty, but she’s still not sorry because she keeps doing what she’s doing. One such woman admitted that she does feel bad for the wife, but at the end of the day, she’s not making things any worse than they already are. “I’m the mistress. She doesn’t deserve it. But I tell myself if it wasn’t me it would be someone else,” she confessed.
It’s very true that if a person wants to cheat, they will find a way to. Rarely an affair is about the love/lust for a specific person; most of the time, there are problems in the marriage or with the person doing the cheating, and they’ll do it with anyone. That said, it still takes a certain type of person to be able to sleep after they’ve knowingly involved themselves in a married or taken person’s infidelity. There’s always going to be theft, for example; it doesn’t absolve you of having stolen.
9 Anything for Love
The need for love is part of the human condition and something that in one way or another, we can all relate to. For some, this natural desire is stronger than other human traits, including consideration for others. One unnamed woman said online, “People would call me [out] for being a married man’s mistress. But he shows me more love and respect than my family ever has. Everyone needs love from somewhere.”
Each person’s definition of love is different, and some would argue that a man who really loved you would want to be with you in front of the world, rather than keep you hidden. You might also argue that if he loved you, he wouldn’t want anyone else but you. Unfortunately, some people don’t get the love they deserve from family members, so they feel like they have no choice but to seek it out elsewhere.
8 It’s Okay When It’s a Secret
For some women, it really is about the novelty of getting to be a mistress—getting all the perks without any strings attached. “Being the other woman is hot. I get treated better than his wife and there are no feelings involved,” stated one online. “Win-win, everyone.”
From confessions like this, it’s clear that not only is the idea of being a mistress like a fantasy for some, but not all mistresses are able to expand their minds and see the bigger picture. While it might be a win-win for her and the man she’s sleeping with, since they have fun together and aren’t emotionally attached, it’s not really a win-win for his wife. Or his children, if they exist. We totally get the want to have a carefree union with someone that doesn’t involve commitment or emotions, but there are plenty of unattached people to do that with. Does it have to be a married man?
7 The Wife’s Reaction Is Mean
Other people who have gotten involved with married men don’t feel too bad about the whole thing because they believe the angry reaction of the wife is unfair. Since she reacts in an aggressive way when she finds out that her husband has had an affair, the other woman sometimes takes this to mean that what she did was okay.
In one confession, the other woman revealed that the wife of the guy she slept with was hostile, which she thought was uncalled for. “You will always hate me,” she admitted. “You will always curse my name, you always see me in public and giggle with your friends, and I will always hold my head high.”
It’s obviously not nice when anybody is mad at you and giggling with their friends about you, but can it be warranted? Sometimes the other woman believes that this behavior is punishment enough and clears her of any wrongdoing. What do you think?
6 “He’s Mine Too”
Society tends to see couples as belonging to each other—he’s your man and you’re his woman. But some women who cheat with married or taken men don’t see it this way at all. They don’t believe that being in an official and sometimes legally binding relationship with someone gives you any more right to them than anybody else. One woman got real about how she feels like the guy she cheated with is as much hers as he is his girlfriend’s.
“I feel bad for you. I mean, he's yours, but he's mine too, and you have no idea,” she said. “I do care about him. We have fun together. We're really honest with each other, and we talk about everything. He can be your future husband, but he'd never be more than just a good time and conversation for me.” Just in case you were wondering if her feeling bad equates to her being sorry, it doesn’t; she finishes her confession with, “Sorry, not sorry.”
5 It’s Society’s Fault
While the majority of us believe that a monogamous relationship is the way to go, some can’t get their head around settling down with one partner for a lifetime. Some believe that this is a disaster waiting to happen since it’s part of human nature to want to sleep with as many people as possible. And it’s this way of thinking which has led to a number of other women not to regret their decisions at all. “I’m the girl who slept with your husband,” wrote one such woman online. “…and I’m not sorry.”
She went on to let the man’s wife know that it wasn’t her fault or his fault, but society’s fault. “I wasn’t cheating on you, I was cheating on a system which is fake and outdated. I was cheating on a society which glorifies monogamy as the main acceptable life model, even though the reasons for this (monogamy was the only way to determinate paternity and inheritance) have been outdated for decades.”
4 It’s His Decision to Cheat
One of the biggest arguments that people who get involved with cheaters make is that they’re not the ones who are responsible; the married or taken person is. If the other woman isn’t in a relationship herself, she’s not technically cheating on anyone. She’s not breaking the heart of the person she loves. “I have no loyalties to women I don't know,” admitted one other woman. “If someone's going to cheat, they're going to cheat. That's just how it is. I'm not doing the cheating for them. I'm not making them do anything they weren't already going to do.”
When you look at it from that point of view, the cheating individual does seem like the evilest person in the equation, for hurting their loved ones. The other woman is right in saying that she doesn’t have any loyalties to the wife or girlfriend, but you might argue that she doesn’t have any compassion either, since she’s taking part in something she knows will hurt a stranger, and she doesn’t care.
3 Nothing but a Fantasy
It’s as simple as a fantasy coming to life for some people who get involved with cheaters. The thought of actually being the other woman comes with a certain degree of excitement since the relationship is forbidden and secret from the beginning. It’s almost like something out of a movie for some women. “I am the other woman,” admitted one mistress. “It upset me at first. Now it turns me on.”
Fantasies are all well and good when they’re restricted to the bedroom, but it’s a different story when you’re turning them into a reality. The actual time this woman has with the man she’s involved with might be exciting in the moment, but it definitely brings about some repercussions that she’s not thinking about. What’s your opinion? Do the exciting aspects of a forbidden relationship outweigh the consequences of taking part in the destruction of another relationship?
2 When You’ve Got Nothing Else…
One of the saddest reasons that people choose to get involved with someone who’s married or taken, and not regret it later, is because they don’t believe they can get anything better. “I am the other woman. I know I deserve so much more, but I can’t help feeling that I’d rather have this than nothing at all,” admitted one anonymous woman online.
Unfortunately, it’s not just mistresses who take on this way of thinking. Many people accept things that they know they don’t want and don’t deserve just because they think it’s better than nothing—this is the very reason why so many settle into relationships they know aren’t right. The truth is that if you know you deserve better, you should wait until something better comes along. It requires an element of faith and patience, but it’s a much better option than saddling yourself with something that isn’t good for you.
1 The Heart Wants What It Wants
Many people believe that mistresses and people who get involved with cheaters just do so because they’re horrible people who don’t mind hurting perfect strangers. As you can see from some of these confessions, that’s true some of the time. Other confessions, like this next one, shed light on the fact that although they’re acting selfishly, some other women just do it to fulfill their basic human needs: “I wish people would understand that being the other woman doesn’t always mean you are a home-wrecking wh*!e. Sometimes it just means you fell in love.”
It’s tough when the person you love is in a relationship with someone else. If that’s the case, you have to ask yourself whether you really want to do something that’s going to hurt someone else, even if you don’t know them. Could you do that to a stranger? And you might also want to ask yourself how much this person can possibly love you back if they’re choosing to stay married or tied to someone else.
Sources: thoughtcatalog.com, www.theodysseyonline.com, www.puckermob.com