Everyone has heard of the horror stories and ridiculousness that can be found on Craigslist. From personal ads to belly button lint sales, one can waste hours sifting through the bizarre hilarity of it all. And because there are more and more strange ads, services and rants being posted, it’s beginning to get hard trying to figure out which are sincere and which are being done for entertainment purposes only.
It’s actually quite amazing what one can find on Craigslist. Pets or a “butt” pumpkin, both ends of the spectrum are represented on the ad-ridden site. But it’s also a spot to find services one may be looking for. Maids, a ride to work, lawn care or even a handy-man to fix a broken washer or dryer, it’s sometimes easier than Googling companies in a local area. But, sifting through one could find some downright weird services; and here are 14 of the weirdest.
14 Eye Candy Lawn Care
All of those moms out there, CraigsList has found “Eye Candy Lawn Services.” They are here to assist all the lovely, lonely mamas with any special lawn needs. The ad reads, “Why settle for boring white-bread lawn service when you can get a real piece of Eye Candy to take care of it for you? Don’t miss your opportunity for quality lawn service done by quality ethnically ambiguous male models!”
They offer different services but be aware of the “Basic,” in which no costume is included. And what’s an Eye Candy Service with no costume?
13 I Will Help You Teach Your Cat to Walk On A Leash
Is anyone in need of teaching their cat to walk on a leash? This person just may be able to help.
"Well, there are no guarantees, but it can be done. I am a dog person by nature, but have slowly taught my cats to walk on a leash outdoors. So many people have stopped and said, "'I've always wanted to do that, how did you you do it?" that I figured I might try to pass on some knowledge for a minimal fee."
This person is charging $50 for the service, but remember, nothing is guaranteed.
12 Best. Roomate. Ever
Usually, one reads ads on Craigslist to find a roommate, with "seeking roommate" being one of the most popular, posted titles. But this guy is making it seem that because he's just so darn awesome, that he's providing a service to anyone willing to take him up on the offer. And that service is being the most kick-ass roommate ever. Here's a snippet:
"Am I interested in your pad? You can bet my nomadic ass I am! I only require 4 walls, a ceiling and a floor to shelter me from the elements. Other than that, anything else will be considered a convenient plus. I'm taking being a roommate to the next level..."
11 Furniture Fellow
"Ever imagined having an attractive man kneel chivalrously on the floor while you comfortably rest your favorite heels on him like a footstool? Perhaps decadently flicking through a copy of Vogue magazine as you do so?"
With Furniture Fellow these fantasies can become a reality and all one has to do is get in touch and have a gent "who just happens to enjoy being used as furniture by ladies," come over to experience this "daring, new experience."
10 Summertime Romance
If anyone is looking for a summertime romance, this guy is providing that service ... for free! He's sick of the playboy lifestyle and is ready to make some lucky lady happy, all summer long.
"I mean, I'm not ready for anything super long term, but my man pool is definitely open for business up until the end of August, maybe September, and I'd like a 100% woman who wants to take a love dip during those hot summer nights. It's not that I'm afraid of commitment, I'm still married by the law to Ann, but she's old news in the Snooze section."
9 Are You Gay and Need A Wife?
Coming out of the closet can be hard and if one is not ready to do it and this could be a temporary solution. From pacifying family to becoming an American citizen, there's a lady really wanting to help some lucky, gay man (as long as they meet her requirements, of course) and will sign on for temporary or even more permanent positions. Just pay her to be your wife!
"In live-in situations, I also offer my cleaning and cooking services for an additional charge; however, please note that I don’t clean bathrooms, they disgust me."
8 Litter Box Cleaning For Pancakes
This is more of a trade rather than a service, but anyone who takes on the task will be provided with pancakes. Hankerings happen and if there's someone out there with a strong desire for pancakes, just clean this gal's litter box!
"My litter box is dirty and smells horrible and I don't want to clean it. I am amazing at making pancakes however. I will trade my pancake skills for a clean litter box. Serious inquires only."
7 Foot Licker
There's a man providing a free service for jocks only. And it's for foot-licking. More importantly, if the vibe is right he'll worship more than just the feet. Here's a bit of what he'll do for one lucky jock:
"Have this guy suck your toes, kiss your feet, rub your feet in my face. Looking for the Jock that knows how to use a footstool and knows that his feet deserved to be worshipped."
6 Need Comfort *** Due To Michael Jackson’s Death?
Poetic and clever, this may be one of the more uncomfortable services of the bunch as it pertains to one, specific event. If one is in need of comfort - in the form sexual favors - because of sadness over Michael Jackson's death, there's someone waiting to provide just that.
"Please be serious, as I am too. I don't want to have to sit at home tonight and "beat it."
5 Flute Player
Look no further than this quick-to-learn musician if there's a need for a flute player - or a piccolo player as long as she has enough time to practice! Ann has amateur talents abound and wants to utilize them. Important side note: She's also the 5th great niece to Robert E Lee.
"Please give me a call on your next musical project that needs a flute, or even a piccalo- ( I can learn that instrument very quickly as well)."
4 Seeking Medical Marijuana Patients
In need of a friendly, Rhode Island botanist? Here's one that's offering services to anyone wanting some medical marijuana to decrease their pain. Although this doesn't seem like the strangest of the strange, it's quite bizarre to post such an ad on Craigslist.
"Skilled botanist seeks medical marijuana patients. I am a botanist, skilled in organic methods, with an interest in entering the field of caregivers. If you are suffering from any condition that causes chronic pain or wasting syndrome, including but not limited to cancer, Hepatitis C, AIDS (or HIV positive)..."
3 Sex Instruction
Learn how to understand a lover's fantasies and more intimate desires. With the help of a private, in-home teaching service, one can get their sex life right out of its rut.
"Don't let sex destroy all you have built. We offer private, in home sex instruction and guidance. We focus on exploring, open mindedness, and honesty.... Oh ya, and sex;) we show you how to perform techniques, initiate intimacy, and how to ask for what makes you feel good, without feeling embarrassed."
2 Gay Car Pool
Gay Car Pool is ready to help the gay community meet, mingle and get to where they need to go. And it's available in Brooklyn!
"Take advantage of all that time in traffic to meet other singles. Gay car pool now available in Brooklyn! Looking to drive entertaining blokes to their day and have a laugh in all that gridlock.
I'll provide an old saab, we'll leave from park slope-ish."
Here's another way to snag a wife, but this time it's not for gay men only. Rent-A-Wife are for those who want to test out marriage before taking the actual plunge. Here's just a small blurb of the services provided, for a small fee, of course:
"Do you wish to be an experienced husband before actually finding the right woman? Then I'm the wife for you!
Services offered for a basic fee:
I will cook those wonderful homemade meals for you and have them ready when you arrive home from work.
I will pick your socks and underwear up off the floor by the edge of the bed and have them nicely washed, folded and put away."