The two most terrifying words in the English language must be the words “first date.” If you’re shaking just thinking about it, you’re definitely not alone there. A first date can be a magical experience that marks the beginning of an amazing love story, but more often than not, it’s more horror movie than rom-com. Unfortunately, you have to go on dates if you want any hope of having a relationship. It would be awesome if you could snap your fingers and have the perfect boyfriend magically appear but of course that’s not happening anytime soon. Sometimes, when you’ve gone on enough awful dates, you just can’t take it anymore and you would die than continue sitting in the restaurant or bar. Unfortunately, you need a good excuse to leave – you can’t exactly just run away screaming (even if you want to). Here are 15 of the best lies to get out of a bad date.
15 Your Roomie Is Sick
Yeah right. Your roommate is one of those perfect fitness buffs who eats a vegan diet, drinks green smoothies like it’s her job and never seems to get even the shortest cold. But your date doesn’t have to know that. Let him think she just texted you that she’s basically dying of the flu. It’s not your fault, you really wanted to stay for another drink, but you have to rush home and make her veggie soup from scratch. Yes, you know that you’re such a good roommate. In reality, you and her never even talk and are basically just two ships passing in the night.
14 Your Boss Just Promoted You
Yup, right this second. She just texted and said you have to come into the office ASAP because there’s an impromptu party for you so all your coworkers can celebrate with champagne and cake. Your date will be scratching his head, asking you why you didn’t know about this sooner – wouldn’t this kind of thing take a lot of advance planning? You shrug and look totally innocent and tell him that yeah, it might not make a ton of sense but we can never plan the things that happen to us in life. You just have to go with the flow.
13 You’re Not Done Making A Murderer
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Or whatever Netflix show you (and the entire world) are currently obsessing over. You know that you’re totally lying because, duh, you finished the show the day after Netflix added it. You’re always completely on top of your pop culture. But he doesn’t have to know that. Let him think that you’re so addicted to this show that you’d love to stay and chat, you really would, but you just can’t stop thinking about what’s going to happen in the next episode. You smile at your date and ask for a rain check but that’s just another lie, too.
12 You Forgot Your Sister Is Visiting
Like right now. She’s literally waiting for you at the airport, completely pissed off that you forgot you had to pick her up. When your date seems totally puzzled that you didn’t remember your sister was visiting, you can just tell him that you’ve had a really crazy week at work and can’t be expected to remember anything because your brain has turned to mush. You can follow that up with a sob story about your difficult childhood and how you were always compared to your perfect older sister and how much it means to you to have a good bond with her now. He’ll get the picture.
11 Your Ex Just Proposed
This is an awesome lie because it’s so over-the-top and melodramatic, so you should save this one for when you’re truly bored and need to inject some life into the dull evening. You can tell your date that it’s crazy, you can’t believe it, your ex-boyfriend just left you a message on your iPhone saying he wants to get married. You guys broke up five years ago and have been on-again, off-again for ages, and he really is the one that got away. You can apologize to your date and say you’re really sorry that things worked out this way but he understands, right? Love waits for no man or woman. You have to leave ASAP.
10 You Have Food Poisoning
When you have to lie to get out of a date, it’s sometimes best to use a totally gross excuse. Your date will always believe you because he won’t think that someone would make up something so disgusting (but you’ll know better, of course). If you just ate dinner, you can escape to the bathroom and come back immediately, and it’ll be super believable. If you just had a glass of wine and no food, though, that’s still okay – you can just claim that you ate some bad sushi at lunch. He won’t want any details and you’ll be free to go.
9 You’re Going On Vacation Tomorrow
Therefore, you have to wake up at 3 a.m. Maybe even 2 a.m. So you should probably rush home right now and start packing. When your date starts acting confused about why you didn’t pack ahead of time and are just telling him this now, you can shrug and say you’re a pretty disorganized person. Sure, you might be throwing yourself under the bus and making yourself look bad, but you don’t really care, do you? You just want to get out of here. When your date asks where you’re going, pretend you can’t even remember and then throw out a bunch of random, super far away places.
8 You’re Leaving The Country
This is a pretty extreme lie but, again, desperate times call for pretty desperate measures. You can tell your date that you wanted to meet him before you left the country for good. Each time he asks where you’re moving, tell him a different place: start with Europe, then Africa, then the States. After a few minutes of this charade, he’ll get bored and annoyed and it’ll be the perfect moment for you to make your escape. You can slap a few bills down on the table, smile through your teeth and head home, thrilled that you never have to see him ever again.
7 You’re Off To A T-Swift Concert
This is the most fun lie you could possibly tell, especially because you can kind of pretend that you really are about to see your all-time favorite singer. It’ll put you in a good mood, which is what you desperately need right now since you’re basically having the worst evening ever. When your date says he didn’t think that Taylor Swift was in town that night, you can laugh and say it’s a secret show. Like super secret. Like so secret you shouldn’t even be telling him and he should swear on his life that he won’t tell anyone.
6 You’re Famous
This is the lie to bring out when your date is really stiff, academic, and incredibly boring. You have to start the whole thing by looking around the bar or restaurant and seeming totally freaked out. When he asks what’s wrong, you lean in close and whisper that you’re actually a celebrity from another country (Europe, probably – it sounds so mysterious and fabulous) and there are paparazzi here. You’re sorry, they just follow you everywhere, you’re so beloved. When he’s frowning, you can stand up and say you have to get out of there before it becomes a news story.
5 You Have Other Plans
This is an oldie but a goodie – it may not be the most creative excuse in the world but it works like a charm every single time. Just casually glance at your iPhone and then start totally hyperventilating. Say you’re so sorry, you really are, but you have to leave immediately to meet your best friend for a movie. You would cancel but you already rescheduled about twenty times recently and she’s about ready to kill you. Friends come first, doesn’t he get it? He’ll get defensive and throw up his hands, and that’s your cue to leave.
4 You Have To Work
For some reason, some guys can be pretty intimidated when they meet an intelligent woman who is all about her career. It’s annoying but it happens, even though it’s 2016 and should definitely be a thing of the past. If you want to not only get out of your really bad date but annoy your date too, you should say you have to get home and work. You have a report due first thing tomorrow morning and on top of that, you have to get up pretty early. Say all of this while staring at your iPhone like your life depends on it, and he’ll get your drift.
3 You Have A Rare Disease
When your date says he thinks you look completely healthy to him, you can smile and thank him, and explain that you have a super rare disease that only about 1 percent of the population has. It means that you randomly have to head home when you’re not feeling well and it can come on strongly at any moment. It’s annoying, sure, but you didn’t ask for it and you’ve had it your entire life. Your doctor says there’s no cure so you have to live with it. If you can look pretty sad, your date will probably just shrug and not ask any hard questions.
2 You Have Another Date
This is kind of a rude lie but sometimes getting what you want means being incredibly dramatic. Just tell your date that you double-booked tonight and have another date lined up in half an hour, so you better rush if you’re going to make it. This lie works especially well if you and your date met online since he’ll realize how easy it is to line up online dates these days. He’ll figure out pretty quickly that the two of you aren’t connecting at all since you’re so eager to leave, so this is an effective excuse. You won’t hear from him ever again.
1 It's That Time Of The Month
Enough said, right? If there’s one word that totally freaks the opposite sex out, it would be “period.” You won’t really have to explain much – you can just utter this simple phrase and your date will be out the door so fast, you won’t have to worry anymore. This is the kind of lie that you can use when you are truly and utterly desperate – when your date won’t stop talking (without letting you get a word in edgewise, of course), when he’s ranting, when he’s rude to the server and everyone else. The period lie is essentially your get-of-jail-free card so use it wisely. Hopefully your next date will go so well you won’t have to lie at all – you’ll just want to stay put.
sources: buzzfeed.com, bustle.com
