Dating is one of those things that sound amazing until you actually do it. Sometimes you find yourself sitting in a dimly lit restaurant table across from the worst person on planet earth and you wonder why you even bothered putting on mascara. Some dates are so bad that you drown out his exasperating story about his model airplane collection with your own thoughts of how you plan to escape. Some dates leave you feeling like you’d be better off joining the circus or taking a vow of celibacy. If a date has you feeling like you would rather jump into a lake filled with piranhas than endure anymore of it then you’re going to want get out of there fast! You’re thinking of anything to say so that you can leave immediately. You’re contemplating making a trip to the ladies room and leaving out the back door. You should never have to suffer through another bad date, follow your heart and get out of there fast. If you can’t take anymore of a really bad date don’t worry we’ve got you covered with some of the best excuses ever used to ditch a date:
15 I left the oven on
Rushing home to turn your oven off is a good reason to dismiss yourself from a date. Yea if you’re on a dinner date it may seem a little odd that you were baking something before you left to go eat but whatever. For all he knows you’re one of those super fit chicks that meal preps for the week and you had to make sure your chicken breasts were extra juicy. He can’t argue with you when you tell him you have to make a mad dash home to prevent your apartment from bursting into flames. It may come as a surprise to any other human being with common sense that you’ve just remembered something so simple yet so life threatening but it’s a good reason for them to never want to invite you out for a date again. You’ve gotten out of their quickly and given him every reason to think you’re irresponsible and unworthy of a second date, mission accomplished.
14 My best friend’s boyfriend broke up with her
Using someone else’s tragedy is always a good way out of a bad date. When it’s about another person you can make a quick exit with out having to divulge too much information. Playing with your phone periodically makes this excuse seem more believable. You’ll then explain that your dearest friend is in hysterics because her boyfriend dropped her like a bad habit and you have to do your duty as a friend and stop by her place with wine, ice cream or whatever cliché snacks to make her feel better. Breakups can happen at any time of the night or day so it shouldn’t come as a surprise to your really bad date when you have to leave immediately to be by your friend’s side during their time of grief and turmoil. He’ll understand that you’d rather listen to your friend cry all night and replay every fight of her now past relationship than continue to endure a date with him.
13 It’s past my bedtime
Telling you’re bad date that it’s past your bedtime is a good excuse because this excuse is broad, you can use it for different reasons other than the fact that you have the same sleep schedule as your grandma. An early workday is a believable excuse to have to hit the hay at an early hour. Tell him you have to get home because you have a work emergency in the morning and you desperately need to get some sleep before you embark on a grueling day tomorrow. Or you could just hit him with a couple yawns and tell your date that you’re really tired and leave it at that. Or you could tell him that his boring conversation is making you really sleepy and you have to go. Whichever way you spin it your date will definitely get the idea that you’re not feeling it and you can get out of there as quickly as possible.
12 My friend is in town and I have to let her in my apartment
This is a totally believable excuse. If you want to play it safe and spare your dates feelings this excuse is your best bet. Friends from out of town are always a good reason to get out of any situation because you can’t leave people from out of town hanging out to dry. Sure he may give you a side ways look for not planning ahead and scheduling your date the same night that your supposed friend lands but that’s none of his business. However, if you really want to take the excuse further you can explain to him that your “friends” flight was delayed and you weren’t certain on when she or he would arrive...blah blah blah, you get the idea. Give him the whole spiel after you’ve been fiddling with your phone a bit so it appears as though you just got the “I’m outside of your apartment” text and then get out of there fast.
11 I remembered I needed to deep condition my hair
For all the curly girls this is a completely feasible excuse to leave a date and honestly this is a reasonable excuse for anyone to leave a date because healthy hair is one of the keys to happiness, right? Even if you’re one of those hot Sinead o’Connor chicks rocking a buzz cut you still need to give your head some moisture. Let your date know you completely forgot that tonight is the night you lather your luscious locks in creamy goodness and bask in your own glorious lusciousness. Your date may respond with a look of confusion, anger or shock but you have to explain to him that a girl has to do what a girl has to do. If he hasn’t already he’ll start to understand that there are a million other things you’d rather be doing than sit across from him and listen to his awful stories about all the frat parties he got wasted at when he was in college.
10 I need to go grocery shopping
Sure, it might be midnight but when you plan a day to go grocery shopping you stick to it. All the while you may not be in need of any produce at the moment because you just devoured a meal from a fine dining restaurant, you have to break the news to your horrible date that your local Trader Joe’s is waiting for you even if they are closed. Let him know that all of the amazing food that you both just enjoyed reminded you that you need to restock your fridge and you need to do it now because you definitely don’t want to miss all the deals of the week. Your date will know you’re full of s**t but at least he’ll know never to call you ever again because you left in the middle of your date to go shopping for onion bagels and quinoa.
9 I cut my foot before and my shoe is filling up with blood
Do you remember the movie Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion? We’re taking this excuse straight from that amazing 90s film. This excuse is so ludicrous your date won’t have any other choice other than to believe you. He’ll be too confused and bewildered by the fact that those words have even left your mouth to even give you a proper response. By the time he wraps his head around what you’ve said you’ll be out of there already. Or he’ll totally believe you because it makes perfect sense, you’re wearing death-defying high heels and he doesn’t know about that life so he can’t even begin to understand what you’re going through. Just get up from wherever you’re sitting and slowly walk away from your bad date. Or you can go all out like Romy and put an exaggerated limp in your walk.
8 Our zodiac signs aren’t compatible
Comparing zodiac signs is a pretty typical first date conversation so it shouldn’t come as a surprise if you leave a bad date because he’s a Sagittarius. He’s just going to have to understand that you are a firm believer in astrological love and serenity and his sign and your sign doesn’t make a happy relationship. You have to let him know that you’d rather not waste any time and that you should just end it now. Whether he believes in astrology or not he’s going to have to respect your beliefs even if you’re feeding him a bunch of bullsh*t to get out of there and by that time he’ll realize you’re just trying to make a mad dash for the nearest exit. Let him know that he’s a fire sign and you’re a water sign and everyone knows water and fire doesn’t go together so you’ve got to go.
7 I need to charge my phone
You know that feeling when you’re phone is on 10% battery, it almost feels like you’re slowly running out of air. Getting to a charger is detrimental because once your battery percentage hits single digits you might as well hop on a time machine and go back to the 80’s. If you’re looking to ditch a bad date tell them that your phone is dying and you’ve got to get home to charge it. Your phone is basically like your lifeline and once it dies you feel like you die too and unless you’re on a date with a senior citizen they should understand the predicament that you are in. He’ll of course realize that you would rather revive the battery life of your phone than live through another moment on a date with him. You’d rather be scrolling through your Instagram timeline or reading memes on Twitter than suffer through another minute of his company.
6 I have a toothache
Having pain in your mouth is the worst when you’re trying to converse and getting to know someone. You may have recently had some dental work done or perhaps your wisdom teeth are growing in, either way a toothache is the perfect excuse to leave a terrible date. He can’t blame you for leaving due to a pain in your mouth. A toothache means you’re out of commission and any further conversation or any other extra curricular activities are going to be accompanied by discomfort. You’re basically letting your date know that his horrible conversation is physically causing you pain and you can’t even deal with him. You’re also inconspicuously telling him that he’s not going to get a goodnight kiss.
5 I have to sign for a package
If you’re like many of us you probably order a lot of crap online. It’s a thrill clicking through thousands of useless sh*t to buy online and once you purchase it you receive that sublime confirmation email and now all you have to do is wait. A lot of times waiting just a couple of days for your order to arrive feels like an eternity. Some packages require you to be home when it arrives so that you can sign off for it, hence what brings us to our next really great excuse to ditch a bad date. Tell your date that you have to get home to sign for a really important package. He’ll have to understand that you would rather rush home to unbox your new diffuser attachment for your blow dryer than unveil anymore layers of his personality. You would rather anxiously wait for the hard knock of your local deliveryman than listen to your date tell stories about that one hike he went on where he almost plummeted to his death (boring!).
4 I’m doing a cleanse
A cleanse can get you out of a bad date for many reasons. If you’re doing one of those tea cleanses you may need to rush home because you’ve got bubble guts and you need to sit on the toilet and let out some explosive diarrhea. Or if you’re doing one of those juice cleanses you may need to leave the date because well you’re not eating or drinking anything so it’s pointless for you to be out. If you are doing a cleanse the last thing you’re going to want to do is watch someone else devour deliciously greasy food. Let your date know that you’ve got to get home and juice some kale, when what you really mean is that you need to leave and go detox yourself from all the impurities you’ve been exposed to after being on a such vile date with him. He’s killing your vibes and you need to go cleanse your aurora.
3 I’m having really bad cramps
Blame it on your monthly menstrual cycle! This is a go to excuse for any woman and it works in almost any scenario. Men will never understand the agony and discomfort that comes along with your period. Let him know that its too much for you to bare and you need to lay in bed with a heating pad on your abdomen and suffer through it alone. Ward him off with really graphic details about the wonderment that is going on inside your uterus. Or tell him that you’re bleeding and you need to run to the drugstore for some feminine hygiene products. This is a full proof no questions asked excuse; he won’t probe you about your sudden desire to go home immediately because he hasn’t got a clue and if he has any decency he will send you off with a comforting hug.
2 I need to feed my cat
Forgetting to feed a pet is a popular excuse to get out of a terrible date. It’s quick, easy and painless. “OMG, I just remembered I forgot to feed my cat,” you’ll say and then you’re out of there. He’ll come to the realization that you’d rather open a can of tuna fish than be in the same room as him and if you two were ever in anything serious he would always come second to your pretty kitty. You’re basically telling him you’d rather go home and enjoy a tall glass of wine with your cat because your cat doesn’t speak. The only one that is sleeping in your bed tonight is your precious pet. This date is so bad it’s made you realize that only relationship you need to be in is the one with your cat. Spending a night at home with your cat triumphs over going on a bad date any day.
1 I’m late for my second date
Leave your horrible date and go on another one! This is a brutally honest excuse that definitely won’t land you a second bad date. Whether you’ve double booked or not you can always ditch your bad date for a new one. Meet up with your girls or hop on Tinder real quick, just get out of there because one bad date can really tarnish your vibe and your dating feng shui. Don’t let one awful date ruin the rest of your future dates. This excuse is at the top of the list because if you actually use it you’re a boss. This excuse is typically used for the most awful of awful dates; this is for the dates that are so horrendous that you don’t care to spare any of his feelings. You’re basically telling him that he’s a huge douchebag and you don’t want him to ever contact you ever again. You would rather be single for the rest of your life than date this d*ck.