Do you have trouble telling the three Kardashian sisters apart? Yeah, you wouldn't be the only one. They definitely do look pretty much exactly the same, but they're not triplets -- they're each totally unique individuals who have their own thoughts, feelings, opinions and life experiences. We have to admit that we really think that Kourtney is the funniest Kardashian that there is. After reading through this list, you will 100 percent share our opinion. There's just no way that you wouldn't. While Kourtney is definitely a committed mom and an amazing one at that, she's also got a zest for life as they say and come up with some pretty hilarious and amazingly entertaining statements. We wish she was our BFF because we would never stop laughing and asking her for advice, too, because we jus know that she would say the best and most amazing things. Here are 15 of Kourtney Kardashian's best quotes. Pull up a chair, grab a coffee and get ready to laugh.
15 "Enough about my weight. Let's go eat some dinner."
This is such an amazing quote, isn't it? Don't you wish you could shut someone up like this The next time that your mom bugs you about those five pounds you put on recently (hey, you pretty much live for chips and guac and you don't care, because life without chips and guac is just not worth living), you should just say this. You can quote Kourtney exactly and you'll probably get a smirk or weird looks but it will probably be super effective because let's face it, those Kardashian women tend to get what they want. You can also use this strategy when someone is annoying you and talking about something that you really don't want to talk about. So you can say "Enough about..." and fill in whatever you want the person to shut up about and then you're guaranteed to stop being annoyed.
14 "You just can't mess with a woman's intuition. There's just nothing like it."
Yes. We are totally into this idea because we completely agree. Admit it, you know that you have more feelings and listen to your gut a lot more than your dad, brother, boyfriend or male best friend. You just do. Hey, we're not being sexist here! It's just a fact of life. They do it call it women's intuition, after all -- it's not like the phrase is men's intuition. Nope. This is a thing and it really does exist. So we give Kourtney major props for telling it like it is and admitting what all us females know is completely true. The next time someone tells you you're being paranoid or freaking about something, then just go ahead and repeat this awesome quote. It really will work because no one can argue with this statement. They just can't. Well, if they know what's good for them, that is.
13 "I start laughing at Kim when she's crying, cause I just can't help it. She has this ugly crying face."
OMG is this hilarious. We're laughing because, well, we laugh at Kim's crying face too. Her crying face has become a gif or meme or whatever you want to call it (and however you want to pronounce it, of course -- the jury is still out on how the heck you say 'gif'). It's pretty impossible not to think that Kim's sobbing face is not completely ridiculous and over the top. It's like she's just begging for attention and like she's a little kid crying and screaming because they just face-planted onto their driveway or something. Really, you have to laugh or even smile. You can't just act normal. We love that Kourtney is so normal and real and just admits that, yeah, Kim may be part of her family but she's not going to lie, she has to laugh at her crying face. No two ways about it.
12 "I can't spend time with dumb people like that anymore."
Kourtney Kardashian is at it again, telling it exactly like it is. She deserves a medal for this quote, as far as we're concerned. Who doesn't know some super stupid people? Even if you're the nicest person on the planet and never like to say anything negative (and if you are that person, congrats you're the best person ever, but you're not being super honest with yourself or super realistic), you have to admit that you don't know only smart people. No one does. So take a page from Kourtney's book and stop spending time with stupid people. You pretty much owe it to yourself. After all, you shouldn't be so annoyed all the time, and you can't exactly laugh out loud right in their face, so really, what are you going to do, stand there totally silent and try not to laugh hysterically? That's so much easier said than done.
11 "I'll sit here and cry, while watching Titanic wishing I had a little romance in my life."
Whoa. Is Kourtney K our soul sister or something? Because this is pretty much our life/what we think and feel on a totally regular basis. We love watching Titanic and of course, we cry while watching it, too. Who doesn't? We're not monsters. We pretty much sob while watching anything even remotely sad, though, so this definitely includes any Nicholas Sparks movie (duh) or Grey's Anatomy. Sometimes even Friends. Hey, that Ross/Rachel breakup/so-called break was really rough on all of us and we still feel that pretty intensely, all these years later. We would totally be friends with any Kardashian, let's just be real here for a second, but we especially want to hang out with Kourtney. If only so we can cry together while watching super sad movies. Sounds like a dream hang-out to us.
10 "Okay, your conversations are too long bye."
Don't you wish you could say this, oh, about a billion times a day? You would love to say it to your boss, that co-worker that won't stop bragging about all the cool stuff she did this weekend, your boyfriend when he talks about sports, or your relatives bugging you about still being single. You might not want to channel Kourtney on this one though because you might not have a relationship/friends/family left. Just the truth. People don't like when you straight-up tell them they're being annoying or talking too much, even if it's the truth. We know, that's a crazy concept. But would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? That's a pretty classic, old-school rule for being married. So we think it applies to other kinds of relationships too.
9 "Kim, there's people that are dying."
This is a pretty classic Kim/Kourtney moment, and Kourtney said this gem of a quote when Kim went swimming and was freaking out about her jewelry. Kourtney brought her right back down to earth and mentioned what's really important in life -- you know, the fact that they have food and water and shelter and money, and oh yeah, money for diamonds in the first place. We have no idea how effective this statement/advice really was because, well, it's Kim. But we applaud Kourtney and think it's pretty amazing that she had the guts to go there, because a lot of people wouldn't really have that kind of bravery and courage and would have just kept their mouth shut... while silently thinking the exact same thing. Yup.
8 "I'm gonna be professional when I really just want to sock her in the face."
Yup, we really do love Kourtney. Isn't she pretty much the greatest person in the world? She really tells it like she sees it, right? There are a few female celebs who are super honest and real and say whatever they want, and the truth is, it doesn't usually work out too well for them. They get into fights with whoever is interviewing them, they start Twitter feuds with other celebrities, and it just really wrecks their life and career and reputation. But Kourtney manages to say crazy, outrageous stuff... and it makes her seem super endearing, hilarious and charming. It's a talent, we swear. We love this quote so much, we can't even tell you. Who hasn't thought this very thing at least once in their lives? Aren't there tons of people that are just that annoying? Yeah, we can totally relate.
7 "I just hate confrontation."
This one is pretty hilarious... mostly because we don't believe it, not even for a single second. The thing is that Kourtney is always totally and utterly willing to tell someone how she really feels, like when she's telling off her sisters or being super, super honest (even to the point of being a bit rude/mean at times). So yeah, we're not so sure that she hates confrontation, and that's exactly why we adore this quote so much. We can't tell if she's being ironic or trying to be funny but either way, it is a pretty funny quote. If you really do loathe confrontation, well, you can't exactly be on a reality series because those shows are all about fights and tough conversations.
6 "You can't plan your life out."
Did you want to get your life advice from a reality TV star? Well, now you're going to because this is honestly really amazing life advice. It seriously is. How many times have you had a plan, whether it's for something small that doesn't matter that much to something much more important, and it didn't work out at all like that? But what ended up happening was probably a million times better, right? It's kind of a cliche at this point and sure, it sounds pretty cheesy, but this definitely happens to all of us. Plus planning for the future is a bit boring, let's just be real here. It's so much more fun to live in the moment and trust in the magic of the universe and realize that you're going to be okay. Thanks, Kourtney, we love you! You give the best advice ever.
5 "I love just throwing my hair in a little bun and having no makeup on, that's how I feel my best."
Again, sorry Kourtney, we love you, we really do, but we're not sure this is the complete and honest truth. It's so rare to see you Kardashian girls without makeup. You're always dressed to the nines, looking beautiful and totally fabulous, and you're always perfectly made up. Seriously, you make the rest of us look like total slobs. But we like that you think that you like this. It makes you seem more real and more relatable, and that's always a good thing... considering how completely wealthy and famous you are. You need all the normal qualities that you can possibly get. We are pretty sure, though, that you look absolutely gorgeous and flawless with a messy bun and no makeup like you described, so yeah, we're pretty jealous. Oh well.
4 "Honey, I could care less."
When did Kourtney say this? On an episode of the show when Scott and Kim were going to be seen in public together and he was saying, well, people might get the wrong idea. Her response was "Honey, I could care less." We totally believe her... but we also don't, at the same time. We can't imagine how it must feel to have your personal lives on camera, but also talked about by so many people, whether it's the media or random fans on social media. It must be pretty crazy and pretty weird, and sometimes just plain awful. Actually, she really did care because later on she pretty much freaked out about Scott going out and having a crazy, wild and good time. So yeah, just another reason not to always believe her.
3 "I feel in the toilet, like my butt literally got wet."
This one honestly is amazing and hilarious and ridiculous, all at once. First of all, if you fall in the toilet, um, yeah, you're going to pretty much fall on your butt. Or your butt is going to fall in. However you want to explain that. But also, well, how do you even fall in a toilet? Isn't it pretty small? Isn't it specifically designed so this doesn't happen? It's not like you hear about people falling in toilets on a regular basis... or ever. You pretty much never hear about this happening. But of course, if it was going to happen, it would happen to a Kardashian. Makes perfect sense to us. We love how Kourtney feels the need to totally explain exactly what happened, in case we didn't know, because yeah, we figured your butt would get pretty wet if this scenario happened.
2 "I'm gracing you with my presence."
This one's pretty awesome, too, because again, Kourtney is just super honest and says what she feels and thinks, and we really commend that. It's definitely not easy being in the public eye and not being able to have any privacy at all, and while of course she and her fam are super privileged and have tons of money and all that, it has to be a bit stressful living your life in the spotlight. So, of course, she gets annoyed and stressed out -- wouldn't you? In this moment, she's just saying what she thinks, and you definitely have wanted to say this same thing a ton of different times, whether you're going to meet with your boss when you had too much work to do or making up with a friend who has seriously annoyed you for a while now.
1 "You're acting like drunk slob-kabobs."
This is our number one, hands down favorite Kourtney Kardashian quote, no ifs ands or buts about it. She is the best because she has pretty much invented her own language, and who does that? People you totally respect and are in total awe of, that's who. Seriously, where does she come up with this stuff? We don't want to know, but we do know that we love it. This is our new favorite phrase and we're totally going to say it to our BFFs on our next girls night out or the next party that we head to, because it's too good not to say pretty much any chance that we get. We might even start saying it to people who aren't drunk at all. You know, just because it's so amazing. So are you totally convinced that Kourtney is the most hilarious Kardashian yet or what?
