Ever wish you could post something online without people knowing that it came from you? The Whisper app allows people to make anonymous confessions, and, perhaps more importantly, anonymous connections.
Behind the mask of the internet, strangers talk to each other in a way much differently than they would face-to-face. This can lead to moments of honesty, anonymous advice, or newfound friendship. Not to mention more-than-friendships -- did you know 40% of Americans have tried some form of online dating?
But we're not here for fluffy shenanigans today.
Whisper combines the anonymity of online dating with the casual entertainment use of more popular social media sites like Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. This encourages people to put themselves out there, but in a setting where they're not seeking to begin or maintain any relationship besides one in the comments section.
On the wild world of Whisper, it doesn't matter what the original poster wanted to know -- they're never going to get it. From sarcastic snaps to oddly sincere non-sequitur digressions, there are some hidden laughs worth digging for on this app.
These 15 clever, goofy, and all-together hilarious responses are sure to give you a laugh. What would you have said to these original whispers, and what do you think of the replies?
15 A Worthy Alternative To Sleeping On The Job
Some jobs allow their employees to dress "hot," while others discourage it. However, every employee deserves a Toasty Thursday in a full fleece pajama set under their formal workwear. You heard it here first: pants are out, and pajamas are IN. This season on the runway, let's just really, really hope for more onesies, nighties, and fluffy pants than ripped jeans and angel-wing lingerie.
We can all dream.
In the meantime, let's take back the office by slipping in small hints of pajamas to our daily workwear. Fuzzy socks are a gateway to fleece-lined leggings. Next, just start bringing tiny blankets and passing them off as scarves. Soon you'll be at this Whisperer's level.
And if you work from home, you're already 10 steps ahead!
14 You Can't Wash Your Hands Of Grandma's Death
Looks like someone took shop 'til you drop a little too seriously, but in the words of the poster, "Ain't that life?"
It's easy to forget things at the store -- we've all done it! This is why shopping lists come in handy. Or, if for some reason that's too much for you, try pictures of things you need. Perhaps even scribble down the name of an elderly relative whose life is in your incapable hands onto the back of one of your said incapable hands.
It is easy to get distracted by bargains, but, receipt or no receipt, you can't return your dear old Grandma for a new one!
Even if it's a little too dark for you, you have to admit: this reply really killed.
13 Talent Show Flashbacks, Anyone?
A shy beatboxer is a sneaky curse that haunts exactly one person in the entire world -- this rapper.
It seems safe to say that there's a 99% chance this happened at a talent show, and a 100% chance that this is the most specific anger-provoking incident of our generation.
Also, it's not every day that you see someone fill up the whole box. Hopefully this inspires another rap. Hopefully one with more consistent beatboxers.
You have to admit that this is honestly one of the funnier things someone could be angry about. They must be a really competitive person if this got them upset! It kind of puts a smile on your face, though.
This one wins the award for being the most weirdly descriptive while leaving the most unsaid.
12 Alternative Dating Sites
Sure, Tinder has its risks, but it's full of normal people willing to meet in public places where they can't kill you (without witnesses). However, if the original poster is looking for any leads for love on Whisper, they need to run for the hills. Everybody knows that the only place worse to find a date is Craigslist.
But really, there is an alarming number of people seeking love and/or physical relationships on Whisper, which seems like the craziest idea considering it's a site where anonymity is their thing! At least there are other options -- literally anything would be better. If you're looking for ideas, ask anyone. Or just Google it. You're sure to find something fun and get less murdered. And maybe you'll find love somewhere fun and hip. Like FarmersOnly.com.
11 That Must've Been Quite The Ride
The course of true love never did run smooth. Unless it was a sick ride in a sports car.
Clearly, we need more details. Was it in the car? Was this part of the commercial? How did the original poster meet said actor, become a fan, etc.?
And what if it is a real celebrity? Perhaps even a car-tangential celebrity. Or an animated car.
We have so many questions, we almost find it a little cruel that this person would leave the entire Internet guessing who this said actor is. I mean, since they don't have their personal details disclosed on the site, maybe they could have shared who this actor was, we doubt the said actor would remember anyway (no offense). Remember, everything you read online is a lie. Unless it's not -- maybe this wild Whisperer got to take a ride inside Herbie.
10 Flushing Hygiene Down The Toilet
There are just so many questions left unanswered.
First of all, was this some kind of weird multitasking situation? It is hard to get up early and get ready in the mornings, but brushing only takes two minutes. Could it not have waited until after using the bathroom?
Even then, a drop in the toilet is excusable under special circumstances, but a flush seems like this Whisperer's luck was really going down the drain.
Also, buying a new toothbrush isn't exactly a pipe dream. They're dirt cheap -- and that's when they're not covered in it. Seems like this person was just having a rough day to begin with and needed to share it with the world. Definitely not a confession that is so terrible that it needs to be shared on an anonymous site!
9 Double Dipping
Aside from the obvious, there's really nothing crummy about a bag of Doritos as a mate. But depending on what you're into, nothing is kinkier than Ruffles chips. Plus, they're sure to help you attract a SO who shares your love for them.
Three's a crowd, and no matter your thoughts on a ménage à trois, you've got to at least consider adding guacamole to the mix.
Whether you're single or in a relationship, it's time to taco 'bout the options. And if you are alone, at least the Doritos give you someone else to be salty with. We have to admit though, this person's response is quite magical and doesn't sound like a bad idea! Who's to say that a hot date including some chips isn't sexy?
8 Never Change
It's hard to say who is the winner and who is the loser, but it seems like a bit of both for the original Whisperer in this scenario. And the towing company.
And, by the way, $200 in pennies is 20,000 pennies. And whether this is a true post or not, Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington did the exact same thing back in 2014. It seems that certain types of people never change (okay, maybe this pun was intended).
This pun, however, is one to take to the bank. One could even say it's right on the money (okay okay we will try to contain ourselves). But seriously, how did this person even carry 20,000 pennies? Doesn't that seem a little heavy? This is wild.
7 Literally So Hot
Okay, first of all, ouch! Food splatters! Grease is hot! Who is this all for?
When spicing things up in your life, remember to keep the kitchen and the bedroom separate. Unless you live in a studio apartment. In that case, you're out of luck.
But, if you insist upon cooking dinner in lingerie, try a leathery material that would at least hold a nice soup, or perhaps invest in a pot with some flirtatious flair. Apparently stainless steel cookware likes it quite hot! ;)
And shout out to the replier for picking a photo that looks like the original lingerie after it soaked in a steak marinade overnight. We also have to give them props for calling out this person and how anyone reading can think just like the responder! We definitely got a laugh out of this one.
6 Sweet Baby Gains
If you're hungry after reading this, you're not alone. It's hard these days with unicorn-themed foods everywhere -- Dawn is such an appealing bright blue addition to any dish!
The picture of pasta is worrisome because it makes the whole "sauce" idea a little too real. Is it some kind of special sauce that's delicious on noodles and laundry alike?
Who knows what's next? Maybe we'll call toilet cleaner blue bowl soup, or perhaps rename Clorox "All-Purpose House Seasoning."
The Tides seem to be turning.
We have to admit we did enjoy the responder on this one. We wonder how long it took them to come up with an alternate name for dish soap that was equally clever (if not more so) than the original post!
5 Crowdsourcing Names? Maybe Not...
Don't worry about being bad at names. If you are smart enough to name your dog anything besides "Dog," you're doing just fine for yourself.
This response just begs one question -- what would they name a pair of human twins? Girl? Boy? One "human" and the other "baby?" We really do love their response, though, because its pretty genius to name two dogs of a certain breed its actual name! This kind of gives us an idea for our own pet names! After all, the person did seek the Internet for some help and this person gave them something to work with!
Maybe there is a reason those baby name books exist. And maybe what the world needs is the pet owner equivalent. After all, there really are too many hamsters named Hammie.
4 What Are You Giving Up For Lint?
They are pretty tasty with that laundry sauce, after all.
Also, notice that the girl in the picture doesn't have any socks on. Coincidence? No way.
These kinds of inspirational posts run rampant on other social media platforms, so to see one of the few on Whisper shut down is a breath of fresh air. We have to admit, whenever the laundry is ready to be put away, you feel kind of happy when all your socks seem to match up, and when they don't, well it's really a hard moment to recover from. I sure hope the original poster at least enjoyed the moment while it lasted...and hopefully salvaged some of her socks from the hungry dryer. Gotta love some things you discover online!
3 Spooning In Public Would Be Better...
Have you ever been so mad you forgot how to cuss? It's fuckinf awful.
This fork thing completely justifies this kind of response. It is the easiest way to make a first date a last date while making a whole restaurant uneasy. For able adults, it becomes almost impossible to believe that there are people out there who enjoy being fed in public! Honestly, unless you just want to try something from your partner's plate, doing so might seem okay, but even at that, use your own fork.
Couples, remember: feed your kids, not each other. Please. And while you're at it, stop calling your SO your "Sugar Daddy." It's just so uncomfortable that the fork thing almost seems okay now.
2 How To Get A Date: No Ifs, Ands or Butts
There are some pick up lines that one says, and some that must remain inside. Just kidding. Don't use them ever. Please. But you have to admit this one is pretty funny, in pathetic sort of way.
Pick up lines are good for almost any scenario other than finding a partner. Try telling them at a party. Or to a friend who needs to know what not to say to a date. Just don't say them to a person you want to date. Who even uses them nowadays anyway? This person asking must not be a millennial!
Even if this didn't work for this guy, he probably had fun being cheeky. But even if that a$$ calls back to him, he may still be Number 2.
1 Physical Comedy For A Target Audience
Well, it'd sure be hard to find a better punch line than this!
But first of all, who can it be? And where is the YouTube video?
Obviously the cashier couldn't have deserved it, but you've got to wonder what happened. Maybe it was a particularly bad pun, or maybe it was part of a reality show. Probably both.
There are just so many "famous comedians" these days. Odds are it was part of a new Netflix special. Now that they're releasing them weekly (excessive, right?), they must be running out of ideas.
These are so random that it had to happen, because how could you make this stuff up?
Or perhaps these are all fake. Oh well! Either way, the app is always there for our entertainment, imagination, and undying enjoyment. Fake news or not, it's fun to think what is possible with so many zany people on the internet.