We like to think that Tinder is a landscape that just belongs to attractive people under the age of 35. The few that we see amongst the countless profiles that we swipe through daily belong to those who haven't gotten their lives together. The losers. The desperate. The completely and totally gross. But that's just our perception. It's not accurate. There are a ton of normal older people, including moms, searching for love and fun on Tinder. They have respectable profile pictures as well as the all-important bio. But these AREN'T the people we're spending time with in this article. Oh no. We found some of the most shocking, savage, noteworthy, and downright strange Tinder profiles belonging to moms of all ages, shapes, and sizes. So, without further ado, here are 15 insane mom bios on Tinder that you need to see
15 Some Kitties Like Being A Cougar... Especially When They Have Cubs
Moms who embrace the fact that their cougars are more than likely to have far more fun than those who don't. The ones who skulk around pretending to be only into men their own age aren't fooling anyone. So, at least Laura is being honest. However, it's pretty savage for her to mention her boys in the same sentence as her thirsty requests. At the very least, it gives us some insight into why her boys live with her ex.
14 Since This Momma Can't Stop Having Children... Perhaps It's Time To Get Off Tinder
Any guy who comes across this mama's Tinder bio should be running the other way unless he's willing to pay for a few college tuitions. Three kids is a lot to take on, especially when the mom is only 25-years-old. After all, we're not living in the 12th Century when having three children by the age of 25 was considered low. Oh, and also we'd be remised if we didn't mention the piercing comment in her bio... What exactly is she trying to accomplish here?
13 A Mom Who Has No Problem Using Her Famous Kids To Snatch A Date Or Two
Look, there's a strong possibility that this absolutely fantastic Tinder profile does indeed belong to Jonah Hill's mom. But we should say that not all the facts support it. One thing is for sure, the photo is 100% authentic and portrays both Jonah and his mama. If this is his mom, she's definitely using her famous children to get some action. For that, we actually applaud her. Why should they be the ones having all the fun?
12 Sometimes Honesty Isn't The Prefered Road To Go Down
With social media practically running our lives, it's nice to meet people who are actually honest about what they feel and aren't just looking to be loved. Having said that, would it have hurt Kristin to lie just a little? Seriously, is there any person who'd want to go out with this savage monster after reading her totally detached Tinder bio? If so, they deserve each other.
11 Say What You Want, At Least This Woman Knows Who She Is
Self-awareness isn't a common trait nowadays. However, you could argue that Veronica is taking a bit far. Sure, we all want to know what we're getting into, but we also don't want to be turned off completely. If the "three daughters" didn't do that for you, the "over-reacting" and the "hard to love" thing almost certainly did.
10 This One Is Far More Commitment Than A Typical Swiper Bargains For
It's smart when Tinder moms include their child in their first picture. At least, it allows the majority of us to quickly swipe left as we in no way want to deal with that amount of commitment; that is if the swiper has taken his eyes off that sultry dress of hers. Those who think they can handle a young one may be inspired to read... Too bad for them that it appears as though Lea has double the commitment on the way. She's right, this isn't typical. But hey, at least she's up front about things.
9 Sometimes Mommies Are Avid Swingers... Apparently
Here's a tiny bit of unsolicited advise: maybe don't include a picture of your child if you're whole MO is to swing or get into a number of somewhat risky adult escapades with complete strangers. Seriously, it just makes you look like a bit of a creep or, at the very least, an irresponsible parent. Sarah may mean well as well as be a fun partner for her husband, but this profile should be on the cluttered desk of a Child Services agent.
8 A Tinder Bio Isn't Strong Unless You Mention Your Priorities... AKA Burritos
We're only given so much space for our bios on Tinder. So, it's vital that you get to the point. Some people, like Margaret here, make a list of their priorities or the things that make them who they are. The fact that she mentions her love for burritos before her partner is pretty telling. But hey, she's open ladies, so don't be afraid to dive right into that one.
7 We All Have Our Own Tactics To Make The World A Better Place... Some Are Just More Effective Than Others...
How ironic that someone who wants to bring the world together opens her second line with such a specific caveat. Hard to make legitimate changes with that kind of attitude. Additionally, her method of ending an age-old problem is pretty lame, if you ask us. Having said that, we bet her babies would be very cute. We feel bad for them though, as they without a doubt have a mom who's a handful.
6 Some Aspire To Be The Best They Can Be, Others Just Want To Look Good At An Advanced Age
Those who have their Tinder settings open to women know just how often the whole "MILF" thing comes up. Only, most of the time it's preceded by the word "aspiring". This should be a sign to swipe left, but in the case of Chanel, she may be using it legitimately. One, it sounds like she has a kid or two. Secondly, she definitely looks young for her age. However, we doubt her kids would enjoy reading her Tinder bio, not to mention her husband...
5 Being "Mommy" To Real Kids Clearly Wasn't Enough For This One...
There's nothing wrong with a little roleplaying, but equating how you discipline your kids to what you'd do to a man who swore is a bit over the line. Just think about what her kids would think if they saw this. It's unlikely that they'd ever be able to look into her eyes again without imagining an au-naturel Mr. Jenkins from down the street having a time-out for saying the word, "bumhead".
4 Go Ahead, Tell Us Your Entire Life Story Why Don't Ya
Okay, Lashele. Nobody wants your life story. And they certainly don't want to read it on Tinder. Nobody cares how much you love your children or what activities you and your church get up to. In fact, it's unlikely that you'll get one swipe because of this epically boring self-dissection. Also, what kind of name is Lashele?
3 Not All Kids Have Two Legs Or Have Sane Moms, For That Matter
Janine definitely seems like the type who would actually have real children but only acknowledged her Highland Terrier, Jethro. After all, Jethro is the only "child" that doesn't look at her like she's completely unhinged. Not to mention, he's the only one willing to do that trick with that opened jar of chunky peanut butter.
2 Now This Is An Unorthodox Couple...
Um, yeah, definitely have a picture of your partner if you're a "fun couple" looking to get some action with a bunch of strangers. And under no circumstance should you have an image of your baby instead of your husband. Seriously, this takes the "ick-factor" up to the highest notch as not everybody will figure out who exactly you're referring to...
1 A Little Too Much Confidence There, Mama?
We all love someone with confidence, but the line, "if you can't laugh at yourself, I will" always stinks of someone with a bit too much of it. Sure, the message is important, but it sounds like Ashley will be a harsh critic for her potential dates. Then again, maybe her bite isn't as bad as her bark. After all, she calls herself a "selfie queen" and still managed to cut off the top half of her head.