Cheating is one of the worst blows anyone can suffer in a relationship. There are so many things that make this action hurtful. The fact that they were dishonest is a huge reason cheating hurts so much. The fact that they didn't do the honorable thing and break up with you first can be infuriating and crushing. Then there's the fact that there was someone out there who they chose over you. This can spark feelings of inferiority, jealousy, and anger. What does she have that you don't? Was there any reason, or was it just something that happened out of the blue?
In order to answer these questions, and learn more about what goes on inside a guy's mind when he cheats, it's interesting to look at some confessions from male cheaters on Reddit. But these cheaters all have one thing in common: They chose the mistress over their wife or girlfriend. How do they feel about their choice? Well, some regret it terribly. Some of them learned the hard way that mistresses don't actually make good long-term partners. But then there are those who admit that their lives actually got a lot better... Which is pretty heartbreaking, honestly.
15 15 Years Of Marriage Thrown Away
After 15 years of marriage, you would think that spouses are able to work their differences out. But in so many situations, partners are actually bottling up their emotions throughout all these years, and when they finally get to a point where they can't handle it anymore, bad things happen. In this case, someone told a story of a guy who chose the mistress...
"A buddy of mine felt that after 15+ years of marriage and kids, he didn't want any of it anymore. He said he felt trapped, that he'd never really lived. His mistress enchanted him, made him feel alive again he said. A year later he regretted the whole thing. He begged his wife to forgive him, to take him back. They're working on it last I heard. Unfortunately, he's now 100k in the hole after lavishing his mistress with gifts including a brand new car. Remember this, kids: The grass is not greener on the other side, the grass is greener where you water it."
14 Why Long Distance Relationships Never Work
Long distance relationships are hard to make work, and if you've ever tried a relationship like this, you know this to be a fact. Being away from each other for so long can present some very serious problems, and one of these problems is being tempted by other people. And as this guy admits, the temptation was too great, and he chose the girl he was cheating with...
"We were long distance, going to college on different sides of the country. I cheated on her with a girl who I went to school with. Just because she was there and my girlfriend wasn't. After she and I broke up, my relationship with the new girl lasted about 3 months until I had to break it off. For a while I tried to get my ex to forgive me, not to take me back, but it didn't seem to work. I still regret it even though I'm completely happy in a new relationship now. Cheating is never worth it."
13 He Cheated, Then She Turned Around And Cheated On Him
Sometimes, the universe can work in very mysterious ways. And sometimes, you really get the sense that justice is being served in some strange way. Some people call it Karma, others just see it as a coincidence, but there is always the feeling that bad people get what they deserve in the end. So when this guy chose his mistress, there was something bad in store for him. She ended up cheating on him, too!
"Not me, but my dad. Had a year-long affair when I was 12-13, it was not subtle and for a lot of that year, he'd spend many nights having screaming at my mum and storming out, leaving me to go an comfort her. When he came clean I basically exiled him from my life, seeing him every few months or so and feeling incredibly tense and hostile when doing so, until eventually, I didn't see him anymore. He married his mistress, had at least 1 kid with her (another was conceived during the affair but she was also cheating on someone). She cheated on him, huge surprise."
12 They Were Both Cheating On Their Partners
Sometimes, love is a pretty wild thing. Unpredictable things happen, and that's often the beauty of love. When you see someone you're crazy about, nothing else matters. Even the people you're currently dating. It sucks for the other people, but that's just how life works. You don't get to choose who you fall in love with. But one of the craziest stories comes from Reddit, where one guy admits that he cheated with a girl who was also cheating with her boyfriend...
"When I was 18 I cheated on my girlfriend after we both went to separate universities. The girl I cheated on her with was also cheating on her boyfriend with me, so we both broke up with them and started dating more seriously. I don't think people particularly approve of how we got together, and I'm not proud of it, but we've been with each other almost 7 years now, and it's going great."
11 His Life Completely Changed... For The Worse
Cheating can seem like a great idea at first, but more often than not it's a completely bad decision. This is especially true if a guy has a wife of many years and a few children. Just like that, one bad decision causes his life to change drastically. His entire life gets ripped out from underneath him, all because he was tempted by his mistress. No more spending time with his family, no more raising his kids... And this guy admits that his life has become a complete nightmare...
"My dad says the past decade has felt like a nightmare and he's waiting for the day where he "wakes" up in our old house from a bad dream. His new family is trash. In his defense, I don't think he ever wanted to leave and be with her, but when my mom found out about the affair, she kicked him out and said she would never trust him again. My parents are also still really good friends, so they see each other often. It might be different if they weren't still so close."
10 The One That Got Away Tempted Him
Everyone has that one person in their past that they sometimes think back on. You know the type. People often call them "the one that got away." They're that girl or guy from high school or your past that you always wanted to be with, but it never worked out. People's minds often wander back on these people, wondering "what if?" Well, this guy on Reddit actually reconnected with "the one that got away" on Facebook, and she became his mistress. But after a while, he realized that she "got away" for a reason...
"Ran into "the one that got away" on FB. Chatting led to flirting led to a tryst in a city between us. It was meant to be a once-and-done, to get it out of our system. What we didn't plan on was falling in love. Knowing I'd want to see her again, I confessed to my wife and moved out, ultimately divorcing. Over the next two years, I learned that 1) Long distance relationships don't work, and 2) The "one that got away" got away for a reason. It was all a big mistake, but none of it can be fixed. I date others, but miss my wife and marriage every day."
9 He Moved In With The Other Woman... It Didn't Work Out
Moving in with someone is one of the biggest and most important steps of having a great relationship. It means that you're completely committed to that one person, and you're willing to be with them as much as possible. But if you've been cheated on, seeing your ex move in with that "other woman" can be the ultimate slap in the face. But in the case of this guy on Reddit, his wife must have taken some joy in seeing that relationship fail after a few months...
"My wife's co-worker's husband was cheating on her for 2 or 3 years. When she found out, she instantly divorced him. He moved in with the other woman and planned to marry her, but I guess sneaking around is one thing, and living together is another. Their relationship ended after 4-6 months. She never remarried, their daughters were devastated that Dad would do this to their mom and to them, and they didn't speak with him for some time."
8 He Met Someone Online And Chose Her Instead
Online dating is getting pretty huge these days, and although it's an amazing way for busy and shy people to meet each other, it also has dangerous implications for cheating. Your spouse could be at work, yet still "cheating" by chatting with a romantic partner online. In the case of this Reddit guy, he admitted that he met a girl online, and within a year of chatting, he called his wife to let her know that he was leaving her for this online girl...
"I was in a bad marriage, wasn't abusive; but toxic and controlling. We didn't agree on a lot of things, no similar hobbies, I couldn't spend time with family or friends without him getting jealous. Not to justify what I did, but our marriage was dead. I met someone online through a gaming forum and we hit it off instantly. We became best friends and talked daily. After a year of chatting via Skype and text, I decided to go meet up with her. It was love at first sight, called my wife and told her I was leaving her, it happened that fast."
7 He Came Clean And Told Her That He Found Someone Better
Honesty and open communication are definitely some of the most important foundations for a good relationship. But ask yourself - would you want your partner to be honest with you, even if that message would really hurt your feelings? Would you want your man to tell you he's met someone better than you, someone, that he connected with on a deeper level? It's a tough call, but most people would want to know. Well, this guy on Reddit came clean to his girlfriend...
"A few months after I had begun dating him I met one of her friends and felt an instant connection, a kind of "Jesus, I've never felt like this before" connection. Put it to the back of my mind but had on/off discussions with this person over the following few years about how we felt (tuned out the connection was mutual). So I came clean and told my wife that I was unhappy because of these feelings that I couldn't overcome and I felt like staying in the marriage would be denying her the opportunity to find someone who is 100% devoted to her."
6 He Now Has To Shower His "Other Woman" With Gifts
Here's another confession from a female point of view, and you can tell that she's not too happy about the whole thing (who would be?). But she takes some solace in knowing through female intuition that his new mistress is just interested in his money. She knows that after a few years, he will go broke trying to shower her with presents, and then the relationship will fail...
"He's still with her. She is a lot younger so I think he feels like he has to give her a luxurious life for her to stay with him. He sure buys her more stuff than he ever did my mother. I am looking forward to seeing what happens when he is older and sicker and not able to give her as much money. I am secretly hoping she will leave him for the next wallet that walks her way since she will be young enough to do so. And he will wither away alone in some retirement house and finally regret what he did."
5 He's Now Happier Than Ever
It's often a hard pill to swallow, but having a guy leave you for someone else can sometimes be a good thing. If he has eyes for other women, that means he's never going to be right for you. Ending the relationship can give you an opportunity to find someone new, someone, better. And yes, it's obviously better for the guy as well. This Reddit user admits that after choosing the mistress, his life couldn't be better:
"I was married to my wife for 21 years and had two wonderful daughters. I was seriously unhappy for the last 11 or 12 years of the marriage and she never saw it, everyone else did but not her. It came to a head when my mother asked me one day when I was going to leave her because I was way too young to be unhappy for the rest of my life. I had a friendship with another lady that was much more compatible with me and once I was separated we began a romantic relationship. I have been married to the new lady for just over a year now and I am happier than I have ever been. "
4 He Knew There Was Nothing Left In The Relationship
Sometimes, it's clear that the relationship is not a good one. But for some reason, many partners seem to be content to live in a world of denial, telling themselves and each other that the relationship is fine when it's clearly not. This is the prime environment for cheating to happen. And when it does, it can sometimes be a blessing in disguise. Sometimes both partners are just looking for an excuse to end the relationship...
"I was married for a couple of years when I left my wife. The relationship I had with my wife was that of a friendship. There was no chemistry and no physical intimacy. The woman that I left her for had her own complications. So how did this work out? I will answer that in two ways. First, it sped up a divorce that was going to happen regardless. Because our decision to separate was quick, there was no time for us to make the poor decision to have kids at that time. She and I are still friendly when we see each other. It was a great decision, No matter the circumstance. Second, the relationship I left for has had many ups and downs."
3 He Should Have Been More Honest About Their Failing Relationship
Everyone knows that if there's a problem in the relationship, then the most important thing is to talk about it. If not, that problem will just keep getting worse until it becomes a major wall between you two. In this case, a guy on Reddit admitted to cheating and choosing to leave with the mistress. His one big regret was not being more upfront about his relationship concerns.
"Marriage was already over, just not officially separated and out of the house. She was a friend I was fooling around with, and when I moved out, it didn't stop. It developed a relationship a few months later and here we are a year and a half later. She's moved in and we're quite happy. I guess I made the right choice. Regrets and lessons to be learned: Be more upfront about wanting to leave and make it clear there's nothing to be saved in the marriage."
2 He Thought He Could Do Better
Some guys are almost too honest. We all know that tons of guys are pretty full of themselves, but this is kind of pushing it. This guy on Reddit boasts that he knew he could do a lot better than the girl he was with... Not the most gentlemanly thing to say... And tops this off by saying that his only regret was that he didn't leave her sooner. Wow. All I can say is that this guy is either a complete jerk, or he actually had one of the worst wives in history...
"I left my wife because I realized I could do better, a LOT better, she was overly jealous, insecure and always angry, when not angry she was depressed. It was one of the best decisions of my life, my only regret is not leaving her sooner."
1 Bonus: Confession From The Other Woman
We often hear stories from the male perspective, but what about the point of view of the mistress? These women almost always get looked down upon by people, although they're often pretty innocent. Many times, they don't even know that the man they're dating actually has a girlfriend or a wife. And in many ways, they're just as much of a victim as the girl being cheated on. In the end, this mistress realized that even though the man chose her instead of his ex, she knew that he could never be trusted:
"I was the mistress. His long-distance relationship was already not great, and I was right there all the time. We started officially dating shortly after they broke up. I was getting ready to move away for school and quickly came to my senses and realized that I couldn't trust him if we were long distance. He cheated on his girlfriend with me, so what makes me think he won't cheat on me?"