Cheating isn’t always physical infidelity and there are seemingly innocent behaviors that happen before what most people would consider a real affair actually begins. The fact is, being unfaithful to your partner comes in many different forms. But the one thing it always has in common is someone is going to wind up hurt. It doesn’t matter what the intentions were. What may have started out completely innocent can escalate to a point you never thought it would. Mistakes happen. But no one slips and falls in bed with someone who isn’t your partner by accident. That’s a choice, not a mistake. It’s a choice that can’t be taken back. Once it happens everything changes. But the thing is cheating doesn’t always involve intimacy, actually most of the time it has nothing to do with it.
You could be cheating without even realizing it. Is betrayal happening in your relationship? Here are the signs you need to know:
15 Confiding In Someone Who’s Not Your Significant Other
Once you’ve begun turning to someone other than your partner to discuss your problems, you’re no longer just heading into dangerous territory. You’ve already entered into dangerous territory. You’re probably wondering what the big deal is because you’re just talking. And this is exactly why it’s a problem. It seems so innocent right? Until you stop to really think about it. When you are confiding in someone else you're seeking comfort in the wrong places. This isn’t fair to your partner because the person you're “just talking to” may view it as an opening to get close to you on an intimate level. It’s easier than you may think to get sucked into something you never planned for. If you need to vent and your significant other is nowhere to be found, turn to a trusted family member or friend. But this doesn’t mean to exclude your spouse, you should always discuss it with them when you’re able to. They care about you and letting them know things that are bothering you will prevent you from resenting them later. Once you’ve confided in someone else once, it will get easier each time until you stop turning to your partner completely.
14 Going Out With Someone Else
You may think there’s nothing wrong with going to a casual lunch or catching a flick at the movies with that cutie from work you consider a friend. And in a group setting this would probably be fine. But if you find yourself ditching your guy to go hang out alone with someone else, it then becomes similar to a date, even if you are paying your own way. As much as you may not like hearing this, it’s just not appropriate and if you are being secretive about those you are spending time with then there’s a sign it’s time to reevaluate your relationship with both parties. Imagine finding out that your guy had been spending some quality time with a lady that wasn’t you. Even though he says they’re nothing more than friends you are still going to feel a sense of deception. Anytime you are doing something that you wouldn’t want your partner doing, it’s a dead giveaway that you need to put a stop to.
Flirting seems harmless enough but it sends the signal that you’re available when you’re obviously not. I get it, it’s nice to feel attractive and it gives you a confidence boost when you get some attention from the opposite sex. In all honesty, engaging in some light flirtation with that hot bar tender most likely won’t lead to anything and for most people they don’t even realize they’re doing it. Besides flirting is sort of fun, isn’t it? So it’s ok not to stress too much about it. But when flirting is no longer quite so innocent and occurs with the same person repeatedly, one that you may have developed a slight crush on, then you’ve crossed a line. Crushes happen and you may be sure that you would never cheat. But once you’ve started going out of your way to “run into” that guy who gives you that rush of endorphins, you need to start avoiding him at all costs or at the very least knock off the flirting.
12 Bad Mouthing Your Partner
Putting your partner down while talking to anyone is never ok. This is extremely true when the person you’re talking to could perceive what you’re saying as a hint that you’re in a troubled relationship and would be open to someone new. Who knows what the future holds. Your current partner may be the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. Nobody is perfect and just because you are irritated with them at the moment, that doesn’t mean the rest of the world needs to hear about how terrible they are or about all of their annoying habits. Cut them some slack and try to work through your problems instead of turning to someone else to complain to. You never know who else that person might talk to and what secrets they might reveal.
11 Having Intimate Chats With Someone Else
Here’s the thing, discussing private details should to be kept between you and your partner. Some things just shouldn’t happen and talking about intimate subjects with someone who you aren’t romantically involved with is definitely one of them. This could be the beginning of you essentially “feeling out” what another relationship might be like. Chatting about what you’re thinking about having for lunch is totally harmless. Talking about anything intimate or emotional, not so harmless. Well, you get the picture. A good rule of thumb is that anything you wouldn’t openly share with a casual friend you shouldn’t be sharing with your “friend.” Taking the time to get to know someone on such an intimate level takes time, it’s not something that happens overnight. It involves emotions. Emotions you shouldn’t be giving away freely.
10 Withholding Intimacy
You may be fulfilling your emotional needs with your new friend but that doesn’t make it ok to ignore the needs of your partner. They want to feel a connection with you as well. Emotions can get messy. You love the person you’re with but you can’t help but feel pulled towards someone else. You have to remember that all relationships have their ups and downs and the attention you're receiving from this new person makes you feel good in a way that you haven’t felt in your current relationship for a while. Relationships take a lot of work. You’re either in it or you’re not. There’s really no in between. Eventually, you get sucked into your day to day routine and intimacy with your partner goes out the window. If you can’t bring yourself to even try to meet his needs and try to make it work, you need to take some time to figure out if saving the relationship is worth it for you. If the answer is no, it’s time to end the relationship so that you can both move on and find someone else.
9 Daydreaming about someone else
Now under most circumstances, daydreaming is usually completely harmless and is actually normal. We all do it on occasion. And while fantasies may be completely normal they shouldn’t interfere with you interacting with your partner and they shouldn’t be happening all the time. But when you’re having a conversation and the daydreams start getting in the way by causing your mind to trail off in dreamland and you're thinking about someone else. It’s going to be obvious and when you snap back to reality and join the real world again it’s going to be slightly awkward while you’re coming up with an excuse as to why you weren’t paying any attention to what was being said. You also have to remember that daydreams do not equate to reality. Your “friend” may be perfect in all of your fantasies but in reality, they are most likely not going to meet those expectations and you may wind up letting go of a good thing simply because you imagined an incredible life with someone else.
8 Hiding Texts And Emails
If you are hiding your text messages, have them saved under another name or deleting all their emails you’re definitely cheating. There’s no way around it. If you find yourself feeling like you have to hide anything you are breaking your partner's trust even if they don’t know about it yet. Because that’s sort of the thing, no matter how careful you think you’re being they know something is up. They’re going to notice how you refuse to leave your phone laying on the table, especially if you were careless with it before. And they are going to notice how it now takes you forever to unlock your phone because you upped your privacy by adding a complicated unlock sequence. Trust us, they aren’t going to believe that your friend had a pattern lock sequence and you thought it looked like fun. When you get that text you’ve been waiting for and you get that giant smile on your face, it’s going to make them feel like they got sucker punched in the gut. Let’s be totally honest here, you may be able to convince yourself that it’s totally harmless but if nothing was going on there would be no need to be sneaky.
7 Dressing Up For Someone Other Than Your SO
We all love to look good and let’s face it, it’s fun to dress up from time to time. But when you’re getting dressed in the morning and start taking into account what you think your work friend (crush) will find most attractive, you need to examine whether or not you’re getting a little too attached to them. You shouldn’t be spending more time putting effort into looking good for someone else than you would for your partner. It’s not fair to them that you're focusing your attention on someone outside of the relationship. You can also bet they are going to notice that you’re putting more emphasis on looks. People are more perceptive than they often get credit for. And since your partner probably sees you often they know how much effort you normally put into looking good. Suspicions are going to arise and it’s not going to end well for anyone.
6 Investing Time
If you find yourself blowing off your partner to spend a little extra time with your friend you need to stop. Of course, in order to build a friendship, you have to hang out a little and get to know the person. But you need to stop and ask yourself why you want to get to know this person. Would your partner be comfortable knowing you were investing time in the person? If the answer is no, then you’ve crossed boundaries and need to reassess the situation fast. Are you devoting time to this person when you should be focusing on improving the relationship you already have? Remember: It’s perfectly fine to have a friendship with the opposite sex, you just have to make sure that you aren’t crossing the line or becoming more than just friends.
5 Hiding A “Friendship”
So your partner has a general idea of who this person is but you feel the need to downplay it so much that there doesn’t seem to be much of a friendship with them. You avoid the topic of them as much as possible and if you accidently slip up with something about them you are quick to cover your tracks. You say things that you think will make them not suspect anything because you don’t want them getting the wrong idea. And this may work for a while. But if you were really just friends. You wouldn’t have an issue talking about that person to your partner. You would feel comfortable telling them that funny thing your friend at did work. Your partner most likely has work relationships as well. People they talk to and have become friends with. It would be outrageous to think otherwise. But you wouldn’t be happy if you found out that they had been hiding a particular person they worked with from you or when you weren’t around they acted completely different with them.
4 Ignoring Your Partner
Your phone lights up and starts ringing, you see it’s your partner and ignore it. You just received a text and read it but don’t respond. Maybe you’ll get around to it later, maybe not. Either way, one thing is for sure and it's that you’re not making your partner feel like a priority. Of course, this may not seem like cheating, but if they aren’t a priority to you, who is? You start giving the silent treatment and don’t allow your partner to know how you’re feeling about anything. The only reason you’re in a relationship in the first place is to have someone you can rely on. Someone who’s got your back. Someone you can talk to. But when you feel the person you love pulling away from you and growing distant it hurts. If you loved them wouldn’t you want to know if they needed you because they were going through something? If you’ve been ignoring them, you may have made what was a vulnerable moment for them way worse.
There is no reason you should have to lie to them. Even if what you are lying about seems insignificant it’s only going to get easier until your lying about huge things. Being fluent in the art of lying is not something you should pride yourself on. If they ask you a question because they heard or saw something, why are you lying? I mean seriously, like what’s the point? They already know you did it or else they wouldn’t be bringing it up. Lying about it is only going to make them see you as a deceitful person and they are going to feel wronged by the one person they should be able to trust. If you can’t own up to doing something, then you shouldn’t be doing it. The only reason you’re having to lie in the first place is because you know what you did was wrong and you're trying to get out of it. You may try to justify that you’re doing it for them. After all, you don’t want to hurt them. But by lying to them, you’re doing just that.
2 Empty Promises
You make plans just to cancel them at the last minute with some lame excuse. When you actually take the time to have a conversation with them without ignoring them by texting someone you’d much rather be talking to, you make a bunch of empty promises about the future or even what you’ll do together next week. You know you have absolutely no intentions of actually doing them but figure it’s just easier to smile and agree or add to the conversation. You aren’t really concerned about how they are feeling or that they clearly have plans to be with you for the long haul because you just aren’t that invested in the relationship. You just don’t want throw in the towel yet. Maybe they help you pass the time. Maybe you only keep them around so you don’t have to do things alone. But your reasons don’t matter. The point is giving them hope with empty promises is just plain wrong on so many levels.
1 Instead Of Just Breaking Up Your Waiting Until You Find Another Person To Date First
This one is hands down the cruelest on the list. While they are focusing on building a future with you, you are focusing on finding someone better. The only reason you're sticking around is because you don’t want to be alone but you don’t really want to be with them either. They are essentially your placeholder. Saving the relationship slot for someone you would prefer to be there. You know once you’ve secured someone else you’re kicking them to the curb and continuing on with someone new. It’s elfish. Don’t try to rationalize it. You can’t. It’s the worst thing for the person you love to know that while they thought things were going well and perhaps even improving, you were planning your out and to make matters worse you wasted no time in dating. They obviously never meant anything to you because if they had you wouldn’t be able to bring yourself to do something so low to them. If you know you’re ready to call it quits, stop pretending like everything is great with them and just end it already. You’ll be free to find what you’re looking for while you’re single and it will provide a small buffer period so they can bounce back from the break up before they find out you’ve already moved on.