Dating someone who is insecure is hard work. Not only are you dealing with how their insecurity manifests, but you also have to admit that you’re dating someone who doesn’t think they are worthy of love and happiness. For a lot of guys, this is too much to handle. They know that insecurity in a relationship can be toxic. Insecurity grosses them out and turns them off.
Relationships need to be built on trust. If you can’t trust your man, you have no business being in a relationship with him. If you’re insecure in your relationship, you need to ask yourself if this is a problem within yourself or a problem with your current boo. Are you always feeling insecure in relationships? Then the problem might be with you. There’s nothing he’s going to be able to do to make you feel 100% secure. You need to work on that yourself, and with his support if he’s willing to stick around. But if you’re usually secure in relationships except for this time, it might be your man who is causing you to feel this way. Ask your friends for their opinion. If they agree that your guy is shady, it’s time to get out.
Are you insecure? Read on to see if any of these common signs of insecurity sound like you.
15. Check His Phone/Laptop/iPad
A major sign of insecurity is needing to constantly check your man’s phone, laptop or iPad. You don’t trust him and you’re snooping to see if you can find dirt to back up your beliefs. You ask him for his password or demand that he leave everything open without passwords. You pick up his phone when he goes to the bathroom for a second. And you always walk behind him when he’s on his computer, just to see what he is up to. These are unhealthy behaviors. You shouldn’t be this distrustful of your man if you are in a good relationship. You should be totally confident that he can text, type, and chat without doing anything shady behind your back. And you better believe this insecure habit is turning him off. Your guy just wants to be able to play Candy Crush in peace!
14. Trash Talk Other Women
This is one of those insecure habits that definitely grosses your guy out. He hates when you trash talk other women. If your guy is going to cheat on you, no amount of you saying, “But her forehead is huge!” or “Seriously? She wore that top?” is going to stop him. And you’re never going to feel better about yourself by putting down other women. So you just need to stop. All he’s hearing is your venom and seeing an ugly side of you, not the woman you’re trash talking. Your guy wants to know that you are secure in your looks and comfortable around other women. If you can’t walk past an attractive woman without saying something rude under your breath, you have a problem. Your confidence needs to come from within, not by knowing that your purse is nicer than hers or you have a better shade of lipstick on.
13. Accuse Him Of Straying
At the core of every insecure girl is someone terrified that their not good enough and that their partner is going to leave them. Because you don’t want to admit you’re afraid, you’ll pick a fight and blame everything on him. If you see him talking to a girl at work, you’ll accuse him of having an affair and spending time with her at the office. If your waitress smiles at him, you’ll get mad at your boyfriend for checking her out. Every female in his life is someone he could potentially be cheating on you with. And you have no problem calling him out for it. Can you see how exhausting this is? No guy wants to constantly defend himself against cheating allegations. It’s insulting to keep telling your man that he is a cheater if he has been nothing but faithful and honest.
12. Blame His Friends
Do you know what guys hate more than you trash talking other women? You trash talking his friends. No one wants to date a girl who hates his bros. Those are his buddies! He loves hanging out with them and they are a major part of his life. Don’t let your insecurity turn you into an evil friend-hating monster. If you find out one of his friends cheated on his girlfriend, you’ll immediately start thinking all of his friends are cheaters just waiting to influence your guy. If your man stays out late and his phone dies, you’ll blame his friends for keeping him away from you. Don’t drive a wedge between your boo and his boys. Sure, he might pick you over them. But all that is going to do is make him resent you in the long run.
11. Interrogate Him
Remember, you are the girlfriend, not the FBI. When your guy walks in the front door two minutes later than usual, you should not start screaming at him asking, “Where have you been? Who did you see? Why are you late? What’s going on?” Maybe he hit an extra red light or two on the way home. Maybe there was construction. Maybe he had to pee before he left the office. You need to chill! Your guy doesn’t deserve the third degree anytime he’s a little late or goes out of the house without you. It’s one thing to ask how his day went and quite another to demand to know where he was for every minute of the day. And if you start asking for proof, that’s even worse. Of course a guy is going to be turned off if he tells you he stopped to get a coffee and you demand to see the receipt. No one wants to feel like they’re dating a detective.
10. Jealous Of Women He Could Never Get
Jealousy is an ugly trait no matter who is displaying it or when it comes out. It’s called the Ugly Green Monster for a reason. But it’s one thing to be jealous about your guy’s close friendship with his female colleague or ex-girlfriend who won’t leave him alone. It’s a totally different thing to be jealous of a woman your guy could never get. If your man says he loves watching movies with Emma Stone in them, there is absolutely no reason for your to be jealous of Emma Stone. Could your man get with Emma? Of course not! He doesn’t know her. And even if he did, Emma Stone is not going to be going after your man (no offense, I’m sure he’s a catch). Same goes for models that your guy might notice in your magazines or on billboards. You don’t have to be jealous of Gigi Hadid (even if she is perfect) because she is not a threat to you. If it’s a woman your man doesn’t even know, you need to let it go. Let him watch Easy A in peace!
9. Force Him To Babysit You
A trademark sign of insecurity is being clingy AF. You cannot leave your man alone and worse, you can’t be left alone without him. Essentially, you force your boyfriend to become your babysitter. If you two are out, you demand that he be by your side 24/7. Even if he goes to the bathroom, you start to panic. What is taking him so long? Chill, there was a long line! When you’re out with a group, you can’t stand it if your man gets up to talk to someone else or even diverts his attention away from you. If he insists on leaving your side for a second, you’re going to sulk and passive aggressively text him until he comes back. Honey, this is the ultimate insecure behavior. You need to be secure enough in your relationship and in yourself to be alone for a few minutes. Or even to strike up a conversation with someone else in the group. Just because your guy went to the bar (probably to get you a drink!) doesn’t mean he is leaving you forever.
8. Start Drama
You know who always says, “Oh my god, I hate drama so much. Everyone in my life is so dramatic, but not me. I just hate drama.”? People who are starting drama in the first place. If you and your life are truly drama free, then you don’t even need to bring it up. But if you find yourself constantly telling friends the latest dramatic gossip or protesting how much you hate all the fireworks, you might be the problem. People who are insecure thrive off of drama. They love it because it gives them attention and validation. Sorry, I know that’s harsh, but it’s true. Drama means you get your time in the spotlight, even if it’s not the most flattering lighting. And insecure people crave that center stage moment. Starting drama means starting fights over absolutely nothing or getting upset for no good reason. If you don’t feel complete unless you’ve had a screaming match with your man that week, you might have a problem.
7. Accuse Him Of Just Using You
Another trademark sign of insecurity is accusing your man of just using you. Now of course, the caveat here is that it’s only insecure if you accuse your man of this, even though you know it’s not true. You just say it because you’re lashing out and you want to make him feel bad. You know this will trigger him and you’re hoping it’ll make him change his behavior. But of course, it won’t. Accusing him of using you is just going to make your man want to head for the hills and get as far away from you as possible. If he says he has to work late and you accuse him of just using you for intimate moments, even though he’s never pressured you to do so before, you know that’s just your insecurity talking. If you pick up the bill for lunch and accuse him of just using you for money, even though he usually pays, that’s your insecurity chiming in.
6. Not Being Direct
Insecure women have a really hard time being direct. Because if you had to be direct, then you would have to admit that your insecurity has everything to do with you and nothing to do with your relationship. You’d have to confront your own demons instead of pushing all of your problems onto your man. But insecure people usually aren’t ready to deal with that. So they’re vague and indirect. If your guy forgot to take out the garbage like he said he would, you wouldn’t bring it up that night when he got home from work. You wouldn’t casually say, “Oh, honey? You forgot to take the garbage out this morning. It’s not a big deal. Do you mind doing it after dinner?” Nope, you’re not going to have that rational of a conversation. You’re going to drop hints. You might push the bag of garbage towards his shoes or casually mention how bad it smells. You’ll also assume the worst – like he probably forgot to take out the garbage because he was too busy texting his mistress. And you’ll totally expect your man to read your mind and know why you’re upset all night long. Of course, he can’t read your mind and you’ll be even more upset when he doesn’t pick up on your hints.
5. Super Demanding
If you’re feeling insecure in your relationship, you’re going to do whatever you can to get that secure feeling you crave. One of the ways you might do this is by being super demanding and keeping a tight ship. You want everything to be under your control – including your man. So when you text him at 10:00am asking how his day is going, you expect a response by 10:05am. What could he possibly be doing besides sitting at work and anxiously awaiting your text? If you tell your man that you’re craving sushi for lunch, you expect him to stop whatever he is doing to run out and grab you a tuna roll and order of tempura. Everything you want has to come first. You’re super demanding of his time, his money, and his attention. You just want him to do everything for you. In your mind, that’s him proving his love. But in his mind, that’s you being a diva and him packing his bags.
4. Check On Him
This insecure habit is one step worse than snooping. If you’re already going through his phone and checking his email, you’re on a slippery slope towards checking up on him. If your insecurity has gone this far, you have a serious problem. Checking in on your man is you showing up at his work for a “surprise” lunch because you heard the new hire in accounting is a former Miss Teen USA. It’s you crashing happy hour, just because your guy didn’t return a text right away and you were worried he was somewhere else. It’s you popping in on guy’s night at his friend Scott’s house to be sure there are no other women in attendance. It’s you seeing him talking to a bartender and jumping into the conversation just to make sure he wasn’t flirting with her. Can you see how these things make you seem a little crazy? And can you see how this might turn him off? He wants a girlfriend, not an inspector.
3. Need Validation
Insecure women need validation in order to survive. They are far too uncomfortable in their own skin and require outside validation for everything. This is you if you’re always saying to your boyfriend, “Do you think I’m pretty? Do you love me? Do I look good in this? Do you think I’m smart? Do you think I’m a good cook? Are you sure you love me?” You may think it’s cute to constantly be checking in with your boyfriend, but he just finds this annoying. He’s wondering why you can’t be confident enough in yourself to not need to ask him his opinion everytime. Yes, your man still loves you even though he hasn’t said so in the last ten minutes. If you are constantly soliciting compliments, you’re falling into this trap of needing validation. You don’t want to guilt your guy into giving you compliments, right? Wouldn’t it be way better if he just said those things on his own without you nagging him first?
2. Fight Dirty
This goes back to your need to start drama. You already know that insecure girls thrive on drama because it means more attention for them. One way to guarantee lots of drama and attention is to fight dirty. If your boyfriend forgets his wallet when you’re out for dinner and you bring up the fact that he forgot it three months ago and two months before that, that’s fighting dirty. You’re keeping a laundry list of all the times he messed up so you can pull it out anytime he messes up again. You love to bring up his past and drag him through the mud for things you two have already fought about. He thinks you’re over the argument but really, you’re just waiting to bring it up again when he least expects it. You also love to bring up irrelevant facts, like that time he followed his ex on Instagram, even though that was six months ago and has nothing to do with your current conversation. And you pull ultimatums. It’s you or his precious X-box. And of course, if he tries to fight back you’ll refuse to listen, break down in tears or just storm out.
1. Bully & Belittle Him
One of the ugliest habits of insecure women is bullying and belittling their men. In their own twisted way, they think the best way to build themselves up is by tearing him down. Of course, that’s not going to help at all. You’re not going to feel any better about yourself by making your man feel worse. If your goal is to make him feel small and hurt his self-esteem, that’s a problem. If he feels like he can’t ever do anything right, that’s not a relationship he’s going to want to stay in for very long. The core of the problem is you feel bad about yourself and misery loves company. You figure that if you feel so lousy and insecure, he should too. So you cut him down whenever you can and make him feel awful about himself. This isn’t healthy for you and it certainly isn’t healthy for him. You both need to get out now and work on your own self-esteems.
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